Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I am back....with a few changes

Well it has been a long time since I posted and I decided to come back and start blogging and sharing with everyone a bit more. We have hit some financial road blocks and I decided to not go to WW anymore. The 40.00 a month can go to a bill while I do this on my own with the help of some amazing friends. I am in the low 240's I almost got to 230's but I let my workouts go when I was on the phentermine because my heart rate was going so high. I got to 240 lbs AMAZED but I only lost 4.4 lbs on phentermine in over 2 months....that was not a big enough difference for me so I stopped taking it.

I have rededicated myself to this journey I have not come this far to only go back up the scales. Some big news for me is I am in a Large/XL top and I am in size 16 jeans....AMAZING from a 28 to 16 I am so happy and excited.

My children still remain a constant source of inspiration for this journey and I actually ran around a lake non stop with my two oldest daughters. It is about a quarter of a mile but still I ran the entire way. My daughters were cheering me on come on mommy you can do this...mommy don't stop you are going to win the race....and when I finished to get high 5's from my 7 and 9 year old daughters it meant more to me than they will ever know. I turned to my husband who was walking with our 4 year old and baby in the stoller I DID IT I ran around this lake non stop....who knew I could do it....I got tired walking around this lake before and I just ran it. I can't wait for the day that my daughters can teach me tap moves and I can take the adult tap class and perform on stage for the recital and see my girls smiling back at me. Or taking a adult gymnastics class and my little gymnast proud of me doing cart wheels across the floor.....or the day that they look at me and tell me I am skinny and I really believe them cuz they have started to tell me mommy you are skinny.

My husband and I are having some issues and I know part of it is with the weight loss. I feel like he should offer compliments but he doesn't. He is fearful I am going to leave him when I lose the weight....we are in counseling for all of this and I only hope it helps our marriage.

So I went to the gym and I worked out here is my new routine.
I go from 5am until 7am M-F and I got 3 nights a week from 9-10 I aim to burn 1250 calories a day. In the AM I do the 1000 and at night I just walk run on the treadmill for the other 250. I have incorporated weights into my routine as well working on my arms and legs so they can get skinny LOL and defined. On the weekend I go for 2 hours on Saturday to work out and Sunday I go until I burn the 1250 however long it takes.

I have also started to use Slimfast for a diet tool and I will report back how that is working. Today is my 1st day I am going to stick to it and not deviate from it.

My goal is to be down in the 220's as we celebrate New Years. My ultimate goal is to be a size 14 by Jan 1st and to be 220 lbs. I know that I can do it....I need to be dedicated and honest with my food choices and exercise.

It is great to be back again posting....I have missed it.
on a journey one step at a time to find the skinny under my fat....hello where are you skinny?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Down 3.8 lbs!!!!

I went to WW today and cried way to many times. Today was a crazy day of celebrations and hearing everyone talk about how far they came....I had waterfalls. LOL

I got to WW early and weighed in 2nd and so excited to see 241....I am so close to the 230's I have been trying to reach the 230's for awhile....let's hope the 230's don't hang around to long either!

So after WW I went to Kohl's to look for cute clothes. I found a denim skirt in a 16 that fit and I loved it but I find myself being careful what I buy because I don't think I will stay this size for long....wishful thinking.

I have been journaling and that is keeping me on track. I have been drinking so much water I think I might float away. I have no more hunger pangs and this makes me very happy! I showed my oldest daughter the old pic of me and the new one she said ewwww when she saw my old picture. They know how hard I am working on losing this weight and they too will know if you put your best effort that is all that matters and anything can be done!

So glad to see the number on the scale today...I can't wait until next week.....I am finding the skinny under my fat!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

September 2, 2009

Taken today 9-2-09
Take at the start of the journey 313 lbs

Today I started Phentermine. I am hoping that it will work. As far as side effects I have a bad taste in my mouth and I got a headache when I didn't eat. It really makes me not eat....I have no desire for food..........AMAZING!!!!

So today I am going to eat 1200 calories.

So far I have had 1 fiber 1 bar 140 calories

Cheese Sandwich on English Muffin 300 calories

I am going to take a body shot later when someone gets home and I will track my weight loss in photos weekly or maybe monthly will be better and hopefully I will find the skinny under my fat.

I realize that this drug is not for everyone and some might not think I should take it but I am going to give it a try. If I don't lose major amounts of weight I won't take it any longer. I mean I know how to do this on WW and I was doing it fine but I need a boost lately my numbers have been stalling. So I hope you all wish me luck and that you enjoy reading about my journey as I try to find the skinny under my fat.

The pictures are face shots from the beginning to a current shot of my face I took today....the difference is amazing. I can't even imagine what I will look like when I reach goal!

Monday, August 31, 2009

Had my physical!!!!

Well I went for a physical on Saturday and I got the bloodwork results back this morning...they are quick! Everything is fine THANK GOD! So the Dr. is going to get me the phentermine he will call in the prescription today. I am so excited I took Phen Fen in 97 and lost weight so this is going to just be a added boost....I hope. My Dr. said that he wants me to get to 140 so I am going to have him do a note for Weight Watchers because the WW scale is higher.

I am excited to say I have a NSV (non scale victory) to report back LOL I went shopping yesterday and I was in size 16 pants and a XL top I didn't try on Large but I bet Large would have fit too! I am so excited. I am down to 244 and my body is really changing shape.

The kids have started school I go to the gym at 5am every morning to work out before they wake up and on the weekends they come with me on Saturday and Sunday they stay home. Sunday I do crazy work out day and burn at least 1250 calories. It takes me almost 3 hours but I do it. I also have added weights to my daily routine. I do arms 1 day bottom the next. I think that is helping change the shape of my body even if the scale isn't coming down the inches are coming off!

Hope everyone is doing great!
Michelle....slowly but surely finding the skinny under my fat!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Whoa where have I been?

I have been around just not blogging much. I find myself in a rut at the moment I am maintaining not going up or down. I can't be sad I mean I am not going up right? But I am not at a point where I can maintain I need to keep going you know me I DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

I went to the dr. asked for Phentermine....not sure if I spelled it right. She said no way I have done so good on my own I don't need a thing and to keep up the good work and yes it is normal to slow like this after all this time doing it and losing this much weight.

So that wasn't the answer I wanted so...... I joined a gym with 2 of my friends. A new gym with more classes and a pool....the girl who hated gyms has currently 2 gym memberships (my mom would get a kick out of that LOL)

I get up at 5 am to get to the gym by 530 and I am working my butt off to get to 1000 calories in 2 hours. I also still walk at night 5 miles but less lately usually about 3-4 times a week because of conflicts with friends schedules....I should just walk alone....hubby is having knee surgery so he can't walk with me.

I got a job as a home daycare provider so working out during the day consists of videos and doing things on my own I try to do it while the kids nap. I am going to find a way to make this all work. I am going to find the skinny under my fat.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I don't think I will see a loss this week....

I got my period I is very light and not like this normally but heck if this is the new period I will get after losing this weight I will take it LOL.
But I have been walking, getting in my water, and at the gym. Yet the scale isn't really moving. Why is it that men can lose so much fast, they don't get periods, don't give birth, seriously something is wrong with that!
Maybe next week I will have a big loss. I really want to get comfortably into a size 16 pants. I have so many cute 16 jeans and capri's my mom bought me to wear in the fall....I BETTER BE IN THEM!
I have realized that this weight is going to get slower and slower coming off. I honestly wanted to lose 25 lbs this month....reality probably 7 lbs will come off this month. I could put 7 lbs on in a week so I can't complain. I still have my moments like this morning in the shower looking at my huge belly thinking heck maybe I should just go get the Gastric Bypass and get some help with this weightloss. But I will feel like a quitter that I have come this far. I only have 109 lbs left. That sounds a lot better coming from the will feel really good to say 99 lbs not in the hundreds anymore.
I honestly can't wait to say I am in onederland.....only 44 more lbs to go to that milestone.

Oh and I have a sad 10% keychain broke. I was running in the rain and had the baby in the carrier and the keys in my hand and I got inside the top was gone but I had the circle part that had my weights....THANK GOD! I am going to ask for another tomorrow when I go to the meeting.

You know how much those charms mean to me so I was so happy that I still had the weights!

I have been on point all week and have a new favorite thing to eat.

I take a flat out it is 1 point
1 cup brown rice 3 points
chicken breast smothered in cajun seasoning 3 points worth
1 cup veggie that we are having that night
7 point meal in a wrap it is SO GOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDD!
I cook the chicken on the stove with a tiny bit of oil so I get a oil LOL

I love hot foods so the cajun seasoning is so good on this. I made a small one yesterday with 1 point of chicken for dinner and it was enough and 1/2 cup of rice not a cup and still full. So I can make it smaller too which is great to know when I am running low on points at night.

I might make another one tonight....oh and I also started slimfast shakes this week....3 points for a caramel coffee one. It isn't that bad. But I can do a cheese sandwich for 3 points, a wheat english muffin and toping for 3 points...not so sure I will stick with the slimfast shakes we shall see. I had a coupon figured I would try it out.

I will post tomorrow and tell ya'll how I did. Wish me luck! Looking for my usual 1.2 again HAHA

Saturday, July 11, 2009

1 Year Ago.....

My son has gained 14 lbs in a year
I have lost 68 lbs in a year

Me at 313 the day after I gave birth to my son...well 6.6 lbs less since that is what he weighed LOL

1 year ago today I was 34w5d pregnant with my son. I weighed 313 lbs and I was planning on taking my kids to a movie at the park to see Alvin and the Chipmunks. It was hot and muggy and I really didn't want to go but went because it seemed like a fun outing with my girlfriends and all our kids. My husband was suppose to come but he got a call around 6pm. I ran to the dollar store to pick up some munchies for the movie and opened the garage door to find my husband in tears saying to me...."My grandmother died." My heart sank for him because my grandmother had passed just 10 months before. Both of us had grandmothers who helped raise us and we lived with them because our moms were divorced when we were young. I didn't want to go to the movies I wanted to stay with him but he didn't want the kids to see him upset and he said to go. We went and left him alone for a bit. While at the movies I felt fine but a little wet down below. I never had my water break before on its own. My water had to be broken while in labor with my girls. At the end of the movie the kids wanted to go to the bathroom and I said ok I will go too. I had blood on my panties and they were very wet. OMG what is going on I am to early I was thinking. I had lost a twin in this pregnancy what is happening? I got home called the Dr and said look my husbands Grandmother passed she is a 8 hour ride away should I go? She said if I am not leaking in the am it is ok. But if I am to not go and come in to be contractions nothing was going on. We told the girls what happened and went to bed. At 430am my neighbors car alarm went off and I jumped out of bed thinking it was our car alarm and whoosh my water broke as I stood up water came down my legs and I thought ON NO THIS IS IT! We called my girlfriend packed my bag cause it still was not packed and dropped the kids off. How is it that my son who while my grandmother was dieing I whispered in her ear "When you get to heaven can you ask God to send us a son?" and I got pregnant the next month. We had to use fertility treatments with our 1st 2 kids. The day my husbands grandmother dies is the day I start labor for our much awaited miracle son. I gave birth in such a cloud of emotion. My son was born and I looked to my husband and said as your Grandmother's sun set our Sons sun rose. The entire room of nurses and my Dr both were in tears knowing about how our son came to us and that my husband lost his grandmother the day before. I was happy yet sad my husband was leaving the next day to go to his grandmothers funeral and that my mom was coming in and she would take me home from the hospital and our son would come home to a house without his daddy. My husband tells me today that that weekend was a blurr to him and that he didn't know what way to feel happy sad each emotion brought him back to the other and he was confused. While alone with my baby boy at night I whispered in his ear "Thank God for you and Thank God that you will NEVER know me fat." I was on WW when I got pregnant with him and I started that first meal with the plan. I ate the hospital food doing the best I could at counting points. I had lost weight very fast in the beginning of this journey and I am sure it had to do with breastfeeding and following the plan. 1 year later and I am down 68 lbs. My son will never know me fat. I still have 114 lbs to lose to get to my goal of 130 lbs but I know that I can do it. I am well on my way to the Skinny Under My Fat.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy! You were a gift sent from heaven welcomed into our arms.

If you can handle 1 more miracle.....

When they came to do the photographer pictures at the hospital I asked for a album to look at the work. The 1st picture a baby girl was in the exact same outfit that my last daughter got to come home from the hospital in from my Grandmother. It was like my grandmother sent me yet again another sign she was with me.

I like to think our son was kissed in heaven on his way to our loving arms by both his grandmothers.
I know my grandmother would be so proud of me tackling this weight issue head on. She always battled with weight her entire life and she always said do it while you are young it gets harder as you get older.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Down 1.2 again 3 weeks in a row

Really is that my number? Ok so I have had issues with going to the gym, I have been at party after party. Have another one this weekend for my sons 1st bday. I need to get my head back in the game!!!!

I need to lose 1.2 more next week LOL that number AGAIN! I will get another 5 lb star for my bookmark. Little rewards mean so much to me on this journey how about you?

Someone asked me what my reward to myself will be when I get to 100 lbs. My friend is buying a coach bag, I read about ladies taking a spa day, or one lady got a diamond ring from her husband. Me I think I just want to celebrate staring at my certificate from WW maybe put it on the machine I am working on to keep me motivated. I think they get a certificate we have a member a guy who is down 90.4 lbs in our meeting we are anxious to see what our leader does for 100 lbs only 10 more lbs to go he will be down in 2 weeks I am sure. He loses so fast but men always do....big losers LOL

I was sitting by the pool yesterday and thinking about how big my swimsuit was on me. I am wearing on my size 16/18 frame a size 28 tankini, 30 skirt, and 28 bikini bottom. When I dive into the pool my bottoms come off and my top is a big fly away mess. I am not getting another bathing suit because I am tight with money and I refuse to waste money on a 16-18 suit when next year I WILL BE a size 8. I asked my girlfriend who is on this journey too if she kept her size 16 pants and jeans from last winter she said yea I can have them to wear before she gives them away she said sure. I am getting to slim pickings in my clothes and you gotta see my shirts. I am currently sitting in my work out pants and a 4x tee shirt to go walking....not a pretty sight. I laugh at the thought of me going into the gym in clothes that actually fit and the people thinking wow she really lost weight!

I am going to run literally. I am going to the gym to work off the drinks and food I had last night at MNO. Way to much fun with my girls making smores, drinking in the hot tub and me jumping in the pool to swim laps after a few drinks....not a good idea.

Have a great day everyone!
Michelle who is slowly but surely finding the skinny under my fat even if it is 1.2 lbs a week ;-)

Friday, July 3, 2009

Down 1.2 lbs this week...bday cake week AMAZING

So I was down this week. I thought for sure I would be up. But only 1.2 but hey it is down. I was sitting in my meeting thinking ok if I did 1.2 for the next 50 weeks I would be down 60 lbs in basically a year. Seriously??????????? I want more than 60 lbs. But this year I lost so far 68 lbs. I had a baby so 30 lbs of that was pregnancy weight. So realistically 60 lbs isn't anything to be ashamed with. Is it as fast as I would have wanted? ummmmmmmm NO I mean really I thought ok the weight is falling off and in my mind I thought I would be in the 130's at this point. I didn't take into account my months at plateau.

I am working at this it is a daily struggle. I walk and go to the gym. I am going to swim whenever I can and get as active as possible. I need this weight gone. A friend who was at 300 1 year ago and yes is down to 160's not quite sure how she did it LOL she works out and eats right and never cheats. But she told me the other day that just losing the weight didn't make her happy like she thought she would be. She said I still have the same problems and I still see myself fat. It got me thinking well I assume that my life will be perfect when I am a size 8. It won't be just because I am a size 8. I also know that life is short so I am starting to take the attitude you only live once and it isn't forever so seize the day. I have started telling people things that I normally wouldn't. Like when I think they are making a mistake I tell them. When they say something stupid or rude I tell them. When my kids ask me to have a sleepover on the hard floor I say yes. Doing a cannonball into a friends pool...I do it. Not worrying that people will be like that fat chick is doing what? The pool will be empty when she jumps in from all the water coming out.....instead I do it to see my children's faces and to laugh with them.

My kids come to WW with me. They play in the playroom next door and my oldest will sneak in and say mommy how many points did you lose? She doesn't understand pounds or points. She goes in and tells her 2 little sisters and they each come in 1 by 1 to congratulate me. It is so cute. They worked out with me the other day and walked the track about 2 miles they had fun. It was fun to them not working out!

I am glad that a pound and some change came off my body today....hoping for more next week.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

OMG Found this old photo Comparison shot

Me in 2006 OMG Me in 2009

Ok so I am uploading pics to snapfish in case my computer crashes and I saw this old photo. I remember taking this in 2006 thinking I look cute. This top is kinda sexy cut low and I really loved my lipstick. I thought I looked cute....I look inflated. ughhhhhhhhhhhh

My Birthday...DREADED CAKE

So it was my Bday on Sunday I turned the big 35. This is a big number for me because I started my weight loss journey so that when I got to 35-36 the age when most of my family and friends went downhill health wise (diabetes, cholesterol issues) and I didn't want that to happen to me.

I have a addiction that I have not conquered yet. I am addicted to food. I love it. I crave it. I need to eat it and it makes me feel better. I have not gotten to the point where I can turn away from food when I am upset, happy, whatever feeling. It is a illness I admit it and I am trying to change it.

Knowing this my when my husband asked me what kind of cake I wanted I said let's go for ice cream it will cost the same as a cake and it won't be sitting in the house and I won't have to worry about eating it. He said no a cake is a tradition. Well we see where that tradition has gotten us. Diabetes for him, severly obese for me, and 4 kids who can easily be both of what we have.

He left in the middle of the afternoon got my car detailed and brought home cake, flowers, and cards. I was upset inside telling myself you can do this just have your one piece and be done. Oh and he brought home ice cream 1/3 of the fat breyers cookies and cream and vanilla. After dinner (I was willing to eat a birthday dinner of my choice not dessert that would be in the house) of nachos with lean meat, tortilla chips and light sour cream and cheddar cheese the cake comes out! It was a huge double layer fudge cake with big pieces of chocolate cake on top. I have a picture in this post of one that is similar but mine was huge!

It was me, my husband, and 3 little girls eating this monstrous cake. We had a little over a 1/2 on Sunday. Monday I ate cake and ice cream for breakfast lunch and dinner. 3x cake and ice cream. I actually went and walked 5 miles last night came home watched the bachelorette and I told my husband when I was leaving please make the cake disappear. Please throw it out or you eat it so I don't see it when I get home. I went to get a drink the cake was in the fridge it was midnight I ate the last piece which was really the size of 2 pieces. No ice cream though! I am mad at myself but also feel like I NEED HELP! No he didn't put the cake in my mouth, no he didn't tell me eat this or I will leave you. He just did what most people do for birthdays and had cake for me. But why can't he see that things I shouldn't eat are like a alcoholic going to a bar for the peanuts. They know they shouldn't have a drink but they do and they just let it go and have as many as they want.

I am battling a addiction. I can't say no. I am fine when it isn't in the house. I don't go out to get ice cream or cake at a drive thru and not have it in the house I just don't eat it. I can't have it in my home. I really need to talk to him about this or even doing cupcakes so that way we each have a little piece and that is it they are gone.

I feel bad....the scale is up....I need to work out even harder to get this cake off my body and I need to move on. I need to talk to my husband and make sure that he is on the same page as me and know that I am serious about it. I might have him look at this post so he knows how I feel ughhhh why me???? Why can't I be the skinny girl who can eat whatever she wants but not gain weight!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Summer Vacation is bad for exercise

I have been doing so bad working out since school let out. My schedule is out of whack. I need to get back into the gym. I have not been in the gym in a week I am still working out at night walking 5 miles but I need the gym. I cleaned out the pool well the pond that we call our pool and I was squatting spic and spanning the thing. My legs are in so much pain but I still keep walking. The pool is finally clean kids are swimming and I need to get my water aerobics kit and do some in the pool at night too!

I weighed in at 247 today. Why when I reach a goal do I sabotage it and I gained weight? I actually lost this week the week before I was up 2.2 this week I am down 1.2. I am counting points still thank God or I would be in even worse shape.

On a lighter note I do fit into a size 16 at Cato and I wear a size 1 from Lane Bryant LOL! A size 1 why did they ever change that? But I do like saying I am a size 1 HAHA

My skin is getting really nasty. I know I shouldn't worry about it I should just worry about the fat coming off my body but OMG my arms are flabby, my legs when I put a leg up on the ottoman I see at the top of my leg all this excess skin. GROSS GROSS GROSS.

I am going to try to get my butt into gear and get into bed by 1030 pm at night so I can get up at 530 for the gym. I have been getting up at 8 and my kids go insane in the gym and I feel bad to keep them in the gym for almost 2 hours while I work out.

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Snakes vs Walking THEY WIN!

So we went to a favorite ice cream shop with our friends. I had a kids sherbert LOL. It is about 8 miles away so I said to my friends who are all dieting too let's walk home. We do 5 miles a night walking together on the track this could be fun. So only 1 said ok. I didn't even think about the route and my fears
1. no sidewalks we live in the country but are all from Long Island NY and NJ
2. critters aka SNAKES!!!!
3. dogs
4. creepy men driving by
5. dark streets and it was 730 when we started out

So we walk and the ice cream place is in farm country and the first house we see I know from driving by that they have pit bulls. I tell my friend yep that is a pit so make no eye contact let's keep walking. They must have had a electric fence cause he stayed in the yard. But as we walk by the house my friend starts screaming SNAKE SNAKE did I mention I am deathly afraid of snakes? In the 5th grade I opened a book to a picture of one and threw it across the room they called my mom in to see if I was ok. As a child I grew up in FL until I was 6 and my brothers would torture me with snakes I think and lizards as any reptile really scares the beejezzies out of me.
So we start running and the dog is barking and I am fearing that this damn snake is going to jump up and get either one of us and the dog is going to finish us off. My friend turns and says the dog is not coming and the snake is dead. But it is red. What the hell kind of snake is red? So we are walking in the middle of a road which by the way is a busy road 2 lanes and speed limit 55 and we come upon a recreational grass airport. I refuse to walk in the grass so I am in the road and we have a car that is turning out....well a van of men who start screaming and beeping at us.....Hello keep moving or get pulled into the van I am thinking. I was way to many CSI shows. So we are moving....I am keeping my eyes on the road and grass and see another freaking snake. It was black and greenish large and coiled up right on the side of the road in the grass. I scream to my friend, "Run it is a snake it is poised to attack!!!" I am in the middle of the road running in circles snake snake snake! She can't see it and is following me in circles. I scream give me your phone as she is pushing me out of the road to the other side of traffic so we can see cars coming cause I almost killed us in the road! I call my husband and tell him come get us! I am not walking home snakes are out to get us and we might just be moving if we have this many snakes here! So we are walking to this home community that is vacant no one is buying houses and what do we see another dead snake in the road in the subdivision!!!! So my husband got us he dropped us off at the track by our house and we walked 3 miles, we did at least a 1/2 mile on the snake infested road and a 1/2 mile walk back to my house to get home. So in all 4 miles at least for the day.

I got a pedometer at walmart 5.00 not to bad right! It tracks steps and miles so I started yesterday with it. I did over 12K steps and I walked 3+ miles. I didn't go work out yesterday got my period and really didn't feel like working out. I took the kids for a 1 1/2 mile walk on the track yesterday but that was it.

I go to get weighed in tomorrow my scale is up 2 lbs so I am probably going to be up but I am ok with it I was PMS'ing and didn't do so great these last 3 days.
Hoping the scale is moving in the right direction for you all!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I got my charm!!!!

LOL Finally after so many months I made it to 52 lbs down with WW and 67.6 lbs gone from my body since July 11, 2008. I am so excited and only 23 more to 75 ;-)

I lost 4.4 lbs this week just like 2 weeks ago. Guess that might be my magic number. I am going to keep working out like I have been and I lost a point with this loss since I am down to 245.8! So that will be fine. I have not weighed this since 2000. I met my husband around 210-220 range I believe. I will feel really good at that point and wonderful when I get to my goal weight of 135.

135 is a good point for me. The top for my height is 141 with WW. I would like to be 135 so I thnk that is a good weight for me. But I will have to get to that point. So I am at the oint of 110 lbs left! That sounds better vs needing to lose 170 lbs!

Thank you for sharing in my journey! I am going out for a MNO tonight with my girlfriends to celebrate. Applebee's where they have the WW Menu LOL!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Letter to me

I read a letter someone wrote to herself on bootcamp buddies and decided that is a fun activity and I am going to write myself a letter for 1 year from today.

June 8, 2010

Dear Michelle,

Funny as a kid 2010 sounded so far away and I thought we would be flying instead of driving cars on the streets. I imagined we would have robots for maids and live like the Jetsons. I never imagined myself at 313 lbs. But MAJOR KUDOS to you girl you got it off and you look amazing and probably feel pretty damn good.

I hope your 10th anniversary with Erik was amazing. That you got to wear the gown of your dreams. And who could not forget the amazing 2nd honeymoon you took with your husband. Not like your 1st honeymoon 7 months pregnant and in Atlantic City because you couldn't travel far due to being so pregnant....who would have wanted to anyway being that big.

How is it shopping in stores you dreamed of and out of the plus size departments? I bet your closet is full and your husband tells you to stop it with clothes. Oh and your bathing suit....I bet they don't have skirts anymore do they?

Most of all I want to say to you....YOU ROCKED IT. You took your own time doing this but you DID IT! You are a inspiration to your children, you have found the Skinny Under You Fat, and welcome to the life you always dreamed about. May you continue to do kart wheels with your daughters, and learn to play flag football with your son.

I love you. I love your determination. I love your dedication. I love your stretch marks they are your badges of honor for your 4 amazing kids. They are your proof of how far you came from and why you should never go back. Keep your head in the game don't give up because you will always have to work to keep your weight in check but you have proven beyond a doubt that YOU CAN DO IT!

Hugs and kisses and I am so proud of you!
Michelle who found the skinny under her fat!

The scale is going DOWN

I have been working out like a beast and it is paying off. I have been keeping track of my water intake, keeping on point and getting in 1000-1500 calories burned a day doing exercise. I am down since last Thursdays WI 5 lbs on my scale at home. I am always 1 lb heavier on my scale at home vs the WW one so I am down so far 6 lbs with WW.
I went to the store today to try on size 16's they still don't fit but the 18's are not giving me muffin tops anymore they fit just right...I was hoping the 16's would be really tight but I think I need to get down another 15-20 lbs to get into a 16. My top is a XL or LG depending on the top cut but gosh my butt is so big. My friend told me I will look like Kim Kardashian when I lose weight and get to goal....ughhh I hate her body. I hate that big butt. My butt and thighs are huge. My husband says he doesn't want me to get to thin he likes a girl with meat on her. OHHHH and yesterday I came back from a 5 mile walk I am laying on the couch and start doing leg lifts. I notice my outer and inner legs are so loose. I have so much loose skin already. I made him come over and check it out.....ewwwwwwwwwww. I met a lady at the track she lost 150+ lbs at the track just walking. She has so much excess skin the Dr said she has 25 lbs of excess skin. I don't want to be like that. I told my DH to start saving money because I am going to have the skin surgery and tummy tuck to get it all off when I get to goal. LOL
I am so excited to see what Thur brings. I am hoping I top my 6.6 biggest weight loss in one week. I am wishing for 7 lbs gone!
Thanks so much for sharing in my journey as you are on your own too! Hopefully we will all find the skinny under our fat!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Not a budge on the scale

Well after all the working out, tracking my food, and water I am exactly the same 250.2. I am sad that it didn't move but glad it didn't go up.

My leader was not at the meeting we had a sub and she was so boring so I breathed a sigh that ok I didn't get my 50 lb charm but I wanted to get it from Carolyn my leader anyway. So next week!

I am going back walking tonight to do 6 miles. I did one mile at the track this gym was closed. My gym is closing locations in the dead of night all over our state....I freaked when I went at 530 and they were closed this am. Well the guy overslept I stayed until 6 he arrived at 615. But hey tomorrow I will go in at 530am to work out.

Next week will be a big loss it has to be!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

6.6 miles and helpful calculator for points

Well today I walked 6.6 miles at the track. My scale is not moving. Not sure what that is about I am just going to wait to see what the WW scale says. I just need 1.8 to get my damn charm God I hope I get it this week. How frustrating is that just trying to get a little metal charm to put on a tarnished ring....BUT DAMN IT I WANT THAT CHARM!

When I started out walking my shins were killing me and I thought hell no this is not going to work tonight. But I walked away the pain and it felt fine. My walking buddies left and I walked alone for a mile. Nice to clear your mind and just walk at your own pace.

Well I was looking up how many calories I would have to eat vs burn to lose weight. My formula says if I eat 1500 calories a day burn 1500 calories and my base line burned for my height and weight was 1871 a day burned I would lose 3.74 lbs a week. I put in 2000 calories burned and still only 4.74 but really burning 2000 calories a day I would have to walk for about a hour and a half and do the gym for 2 hours. That is just to much for 1 lb a week and to much time away from my family.

So if you want to see your chart look at this page and have a pen paper and calculator handy.

Tomorrow my game plan is go to the gym at 530
Elliptical for 2o min 240 calories burned
Bike for 10 min 100 calories burned
Stairstepper for 20 min 200 calories burned
Treadmill 1 mile 15 min 160 calories burned
700 calories total

At night I am going to walk the track walk 5 miles for 800 calories so 1500 total burned for the day.

Thanks so much for your motivational posts! It really keeps me going and I love reading your blogs to see what you are doing and how I can incorporate some of that into my life too!
Sharing in this journey is the best!

Monday, June 1, 2009

5am Gym Days & trial 5K Run

I am in the gym looking around as people walk in. So many of them have garment bags with them and carrying some nice high heels or nice shoes. I tell ya I get up at 445am and head off to the gym. I can't imagine going to shower and to work for 8 hours after a 2 hour workout. My God these people make me tired thinking about it.

I sit here on my couch with my kids playing around me wanting to take a nap. I ate lunch had 4 points of cereal....had 3 points of waffles for breakfast. Tonight I am making some chicken but if I have enough points I might eat the tacos I make for the family tonight.

I went yesterday for a walk with my friend we tried to do the 5K that she signed up for next weekend. We got lost and made it 4 miles instead of 3.2 LOL. We took a bit longer then what we hoped....1 hour 20 minutes. We got lost and were asking for directions and walking with a map LOL But we walk at night too at the track and tonight I am going to walk 5 miles on the track.

My eyes are getting heavy and I am so sleepy. I am off to take a cat nap and dream of being skinny under my fat ;-)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Down 4.4 lbs this week 1.2 more to medal!

Well I did good...I should be happy but I so wanted that 50 lbs medal this week. Oh well next week for sure....God Willing!

I think my house scale is broke one second it says 247 the next 254 the next 250.4. My husband said Michelle it isn't going to change stop getting on it when I got on the 2nd time after weighing myself a few seconds before. He saw the number and said ok the thing is broke how is it giving you such random numbers. So I think it needs batteries so I will not be going by that scale. I am going to start using the one in the gym it is a Dr type scale and I have not been able to weigh myself without pushing over the 250 pt in forever!!!!

I am 250.2 according to WW so maybe in 2 days I will weigh again in the gym. I can't wait to be out of this decade I will be thrilled!

Thanks so much for the motivation to keep going on. It is a long road ahead but I know we can do it together!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Hi Ho Hi Ho its off to work out I go....

Wow last night I went walking with 2 of my girlfriends. I got to the track a little later and they had walked 1 mile already. I walked 4 miles with them. It started to rain we kept walking we were sweaty already ya know. So we were laughing so hard at the conversation it was a fun work out. I made a plan to work out at 530am the next morning with one of them and we went to the gym. I did over 500 calories in the morning. I did 225 on the stairstepper, 285 on the bike and I am going back tonight walking. I will do another 4 miles tonight. I put on my pants that my mom bought me....she got me every size jean at the start of summer in 18-16-15-14 and the 18's are a little loose in the waist the 16's are on and tight but hey they are on....not for public viewing the muffin top might scare people away LOL.

I go to get weighed in tomorrow at 930 am. Do you think it would be ok if I went to work out at 530 am or would that add weight to me? I want to be down enough to get my 50 lb charm at WW wish me luck! If not next week I will definetly get it. I needed to lose 6.2 lbs to get it so I am not counting on that much of a loss but hopefully 4 lbs.

I ate so far today:
Oatmeal 6 points I was starving after the gym
Cheese sandwich 4 points
For dinner I will have a grilled chicken wrap with brown rice and veggies.
Snacks yogurt, pretzels, graham crackers 6 points total
cookies 4 points

I am nervous about tomorrow but excited too!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Some exciting News!

Me this past weekend in my goal shirt I bought months ago for 3.99 on clearance LOL
Me in 16 work out clothes a bit tight but hey they are on!

Me in my goal top that was so tight before but I wore it out the 1st time and it was big falling off my shoulders!!!

Ok maybe not for you but for me this is huge! I have been trying to hard to get into the next decade and my scale reads 250.0 I need to lose a tad more and I will be in the next decade. To say I was 313 and say I am 240 something will be huge to me. In almost 11 months I so need to do this THIS week! If I get to 248 at WW I will get my 50lb WW charm!!!! I want that damn charm.

So this morning I went to the gym I did the stairstepper to burn 225 calories going up 44 flights of stairs. The bike I did 125 and rode 5.1 miles. I walked 1.60 and the baby was done and wanted out of the childcare area so I burned 193. I was close to 600 calories so tonight I am going back to the gym and will do the Elliptical and burn 200 calories and go to the treadmill to walk run 3 miles.

Here is some more good news!
My measurements
Sept 2008 May 2009 8 months later
59 waist 47 1/2 11 1/2 inches gone
20 calf 17 1/2 2 1/2 inches gone
14 arm 12 1/2 1 1/2 inches gone
48 bust 39 9 inches gone
TOTAL INCHES LOST 24 1/2 inches
Weight lost in 8 months 30 lbs
Lesson learned....the scale might not be moving like I want but my body is changing and that is a good thing.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Made it thru the weekend and I am proud

I was very scared about this weekend and the BBQ's. I was at pool parties for each so I knew I would be working off some calories.
Today I didn't count I know you only count on the days you want to lose weight.....
But I ate
3 pt waffles
cheeseburger with lil ketchup, mustard and pickles
Some scoopable chips with dip made with chili cheese and cream cheese....very very bad for me so I ate only 5 and didn't dip each one.
I had 3 wine coolers and those have empty calories :-(
I ate a WW cupcake I made that is only 2 pts
crackers 4 pts

Looking at this typed up I don't think I went over my 31 points and my activity points I earned because.................... I walked this morning for 2 hours with my girlfriends. We found a new walking trail they just did by our subdivision we got out of the house at 9 and didn't make it back until 11. I was sweating like a beast and ran some but not much. It was so hot outside.

Later that night when we were at the pool party everyone was leaving I told my friends lets go do the laps. I did laps up and down the pool using various methods, breaststroke, backstroke, anything I could think of. We got out the noodles and did some water aerobics. Stomach crunches, moving using only our arms sitting on the noodle, and spinning with the noodle holding us up with our arm. We worked out for about 40 minutes in the pool.

Tomorrow morning back into the gym where I will go for 2 hours in the am. I want to get to my 1000 calories for the day in the am. At night I will go again with my friend and we will do weight training.

I am so motivated and I realized maybe winter is not my time. Maybe that will always be my struggle. Maybe I need a bathing suit to motivate me. I feel like I have my butt in gear and I can do this. My girlfriend said I am so motivated and obsessed about this that this time it is going to work. Yea it is because if it doesn't I will die trying LOL. I will do whatever it takes!

Good night Talk to you later!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Nike Attitude....Just Do It......

I was at the gym today and I was on the treadmill a older lady maybe in her late 40's came next to me to do the treadmill. We are going about the same pace and we are working out side by side. I get off after a 1.5 walk run and go to the Elliptical she comes to the Elliptical near me and she says you have that Nike Attitude. I said really what is that? She says you just do it. Good for you and I want to tell you that you are doing great....keep it up! I was so happy.

You see I am a big girl in the gym I don't let it bother me. I run on the treadmill. I have sweat coming down my face, arms, legs, and my clothes are drenched when I leave. I often crack people up when trying out new machines with my laughter and asking questions from the guys who know what the hell they are doing. I love my gym!

Today I went to my friends for a party....she is on WW too down 85 lbs in 19 months. We decided to swim laps in her pool I did 50 laps before it started pouring and we had to go in. We are walk running a 5K tomorrow morning. I have been at the gym Fri, Sat, Sun for 2 hours at a time buring 1000 calories. I am so losing this week and if I don't hello ISSUES!!!!

She said I can come swim anytime in her pool and we are going to get water aerobics things for the pool. Hopefully the pool will do something for me.

Today I hate
wheat waffles 3 points
fiber 1 bar 2 points
2 graham crackers 2 points
key lime pie 3 points
pizza 6 points
ziti small little bit 3 points
garlic knots 4 points
crackers (way to many of these and the point value is way to high to ever eat these again) 8 points
Total 32 points not the most healthy day but it was a fun day.

Tomorrow is another BBQ day but at another pool so I will be doing laps again.
Happy Memorial Day!

Friday, May 22, 2009

I have a choice daily

I can go to the gym or stay home
I can stay on point or go over...or sometimes go under

This is all me. I was up .6 this week and I stayed under at 20 points this hard head had to see it on the scale to believe what everyone was telling me.

So today I went to the gym 2x already and it is only 1:13pm. I dropped the kids off at school at 9 and headed to the gym until 1020. The baby was crying and I was at 750 calories burned. I wanted to burn 1000 and do weights for 20 minutes. So I got the baby went home fed him and had breakfast myself. Some whole wheat waffles and sugar free syrup 3 points total. In addition to my fiber 1 bar this am which was 2 points I had 5 points so far. I got my little girl at preschool at noon and headed back to the gym with her. Hopefully her baby brother will be happier having his sister with him. It worked. I went back to the gym and got on the stairstepper did 35 flights of stairs and burned 200 calories and went to the elliptical where I did 1.5 miles and burned 202 calories so I met my 1000 calories today and actually did 1100!!!!

I got home and got out my flat out bread italian style and put some marinara in and 6 slices of pepperoni and not even 1/2 a cup of fat free cheese and made my own hot pocket for 7 points. I am at 12 points for the day.....1100 calories down and weight training down.

I had a choice to go to the gym or stay home. I had a choice in that meeting when I was told Good Job Michelle you went down 3.2 and I freaked out excited to hear another big loss.....only to have her say oh wait you went to a different center last week please get back on the scale and she says oh I am sorry honey you are up .6.....heart sinks rush out to the bathroom and want to scream and saying to myself all the while..........WHY AM I DOING THIS? Why don't I just get the damn gastric bypass surgery my dr. talked about? Why don't I just give up and live at 250ish pounds? Why don't I just quit and let whatever happens happens?

I made good choices so far today and let's hope that it keeps up. My game plan for the rest of today is this:
Dinner some chicken breast that I have been marinating in Italian Seasoning since yesterday a 1/2 cup of brown rice and a veggie mixture that I am going to try. Have I told you I hate Veggies? That would be a understatement but I have to try them. I need to eat more filling foods so I am going to try it.

I have popcorn for 1 point as a snack and while on carpool today I will have 7 wheat pretzels for 2 points. I will figure out the rest of my points for the day after I weigh my chicken tonight to see how many points I have. I am going to a carnival with the kids so hopefully I will have enough points left over for the day to have a treat but if not....I have a choice to make and I hopefully will make the right one.

Tomorrow I will get up and head to the gym after dropping my little girl off at gymnastics for 2 hours so hopefully I will be able to get those 1000 calories burned again and the 3 other kids will hang out in childcare and let mommy do her thing!

This week up .6 next week who knows. I got my period this week too so hopefully I will see a loss cause this momma needs it. I am sad....discouraged.....but trying to make the choice to stay the course. I know I can do this......I want this so bad!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

How much have you lost in a year?

Just curious what everyone has lost in a year. I am so trying to lose 100 lbs total by my year anniversary of WW which is August 12. My friend has lost over 125 lbs exercising and eating right in 10 months. She said I can do it the 100 lbs total I have 41 more to go if I am consistent in the exercise dept. AND eating right. But seriously I wonder what the heck she is eating. I am working out more than she was and still my weight is all over the place up down up down.

My husband told me today to not get on the scale at home anymore so I think it might end up in the garage sale. I have been thinking back on what happened in November when I stopped losing weight so fast.
A few things
1. mom came to visit and I felt like crap about myself so self sabotage
2. breastfeeding started to slow down eventually ending
3. got the scale
4. joined the town gym
5. started working out with a new friend

So my mom I need to stop letting her negativity control my weight loss or my self esteem. Breastfeeding well that isn't happening again LOL but I have to admit I did try to get my supply back and up he was not a willing participant so I stopped. He wasn't gaining weight with the weight I was losing he was not gaining and the dr. told me I had to do formula. I got that scale which I weigh myself at least every 2 hours....I am bad. I joined a small town gym with a neighbor. She is 160 and needs to lose about 30 lbs. She is a great walking partner if I want to walk and talk but she doesn't have the large amount I have to lose and she doesn't need to work out as hard as me. I need to push myself to not being able to speak where she doesn't. So when I was working out with her I didn't push myself.

So anyway back to the original topic....I tend to go off at times and skip topics. Can you share what you have lost in a year with your dieting and exercise plans?

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I lost 4 lbs!!!!

So this week was a bad week emotionally for me and I still lost...perhaps my mind won this battle and I turned more for the large jug of water I carry with me vs. the food. I did have on our 1st night in VA way to many slices of pizza and I said I don't care at that point and ate it. I felt sick afterwards. On our way home from VA I ate at Five Guys burger place and got the big burger......not a smart idea but still down 4 lbs. I weighed in and the lady said good job down 4 lbs and I was in shock! She said sometimes your body needs that it needs a jump start. So not bad down 6 lbs in 2 weeks...perhaps the plateau has been broken!

I am excited again about this journey hopeful that I will be able to get to my goal.

My mother in law was laid to rest on Thursday and it was so heartbreaking but I know that she is in heaven looking down on all of us. She is no longer in pain and that brings us all comfort. I regret she will never get to see me here on earth skinny. My husbands family who have not seen me in sometime were all wowed and said what have you been doing? I laughed because some of them the last time they saw me was at our wedding and I was the same weight. I guess my shape has changed since they last saw me but the numbers are still the same.

My 50 lb charm at WW is only 5.6 lbs away. Hopefully I can get it this May!!! I will officially be down 65 lbs when I get the charm.

Here's to another good week for us all!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

My MIL Died 5-8-09

My mother in law passed away on Friday. My husband and his family were all with her. He made the drive from NC to VA (4 hours but took 6 with a major accident) and she died within the hour of him getting to her hospital bed. He said her eyes were moving when he started to talk to her. I believe she was waiting for him. She couldn't speak to him or see him but she could hear him.

My heart is breaking for him and his family. So close to Mother's Day and he forgot today when he called me and I told him the kids wanted to call his mom today....they don't know yet we will tell them together when he comes home tomorrow. The funeral and services will be later in the week so he is coming to get me and we will go together back to VA.

Please keep them in your prayers.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Prayers Please-My MIL is sick

Ok so this isn't about weight but it is about my life. My MIL and I aren't really that close I always felt like I took her only son away. We lived in VA and moved to NC....we lived blocks away from her so it hurt I am sure. But we had to do what was best for our family. Anyway she was never in that great of health. Lupus, diabetes, and severe foot issues requiring surgery.

Well Saturday my husband gets a call that she was brought to the hospital. She was in severe pain. Seems she has been in pain for 2 weeks the Drs. were telling her to go to the hospital she said no. She went for a MRI the machine was broken they rescheduled for this week but by Saturday the pain got to be to bad and she told her husband let's go to the hospital. Well they found spots on her liver and kidneys. She had biopsies done on Tuesday and we are awaiting the results. She had a full body scan on Wednesday and we haven't heard the results yet.

I lost my grandmother 20 months ago. My mom was a single mother my grandmother helped raise me we lived with her and my gpa after my parents divorced when I was 6. It was as if I lost my mom and I am telling you I have no idea how to help my husband. I want to be with him, help hold him up while awaiting these test results. I remember laying on the floor crying awaiting the news she made it out of surgery alive. I will never forget sitting with her for 7 days in hospice and as she took her last breath. I don't want that to happen to my husband or anyone for that matter. His mom is only in her late 50's she is a wonderful woman and I am asking you to please pray for her. Pray for my husband. I am hoping that this is just some fluke thing and maybe a infection but they are telling us be prepared for the worse case.

We are heading up to VA this weekend. Please keep us in your prayers on our journey. Somehow todays WI doesn't seem so important afterall.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I got hurt

I was walking out the door to the gym and I didn't land right when I took the stop down from the door...I heard a pop and I couldn't put weight on my left ankle. That was 2 nights ago and I have gone to the gym and I have been working out on it but it is hurting really bad today. I even ran for 7 MINUTES STRAIGHT!!!! I think I have a bad sprain or something. I feel like it is rubbing or something when it hurts. It is at random times. If I am sitting for awhile and I go to get up it hurts. Or even walking if my foot turns a certain wait it hurts.

My husband said not to run anymore until I feel 100% and if not better by Friday to make a appt. for Friday with the Dr. I will see....speaking of my husband it is 9 years ago today that we got married. Who knew we would end up so far from where we lived when we met and in a new state with 4 amazing little ones. I am at the weight I was when we got married so that is pretty cool....but I was also 7 months pregnant LOL

My pants that I wore and they were so tight I have noticed are not so tight they are getting loose. I love that feeling. I really hope that my plateau is over tomorrow! I am going to WW in a pair of light cotton shorts and light cotton tee so that I will be light....I have to go to my daughters dress rehersal afterwards so I am bringing clothes I would let people see me in LOL to change into afterwards. We are going into the meeting before the actual center opens so we can get weighed in and say goodbye to our receptionist who is leaving....we love her!

I am so thrilled with the progress I have made with the treadmill. I really need to just keep going. While on it I said to myself over and over if you are not throwing up or dieing or passing out don't stop! I just kept making myself go. I was walking for 5 minutes at first to warm up and started to run. It felt great to know I could do it that long.

I am going to start weights this next week. I think my body is used to doing the same things and I need to add more weights into it. Also the gym has a large basketball court that some ladies go out and work out in privacy...I might do that too. I really want to try that balance thing it is like a ball on one side and flat on the other. I want to do that I hear it is to build your core strength. I also so a sit up machine I want to try.

Be on the lookout for tomorrows update....hopefully I am down at least 3-4 lbs!!! I hope so!

Sunday, May 3, 2009


Reading everyones blogs really puts into perspective how hard of a battle this is for everyone not just me. I find I beat myself up and do the wrong things like say ok well I am up 2 lbs let me just go and get a small fries to ease the pain....yea that small fry turns into a large fry, burger, and shake cause I am so upset. I need to be more like my blogging buddies and go to the gym when I get upset.

I love seeing everyones before and after pictures. Or reading about dropping sizes....who doesn't love that? Also reading about jiggle LOL as a future jiggler I will welcome the jiggle as long as the fat that was filling it out is all gone.

I am down again today and so excited. I have been making wise food choices and drinking lots and lots of water. My daughter weighed herself today she is 84 lbs. At her age I was 130 lbs at 8. She told me she wants to be 72 lbs. I told her whatever she wants she has to work for it. She said she would. Not that I would let her get to 72 lbs and I am not even sure where she pulled that number out of her head. I would like her to lose and get to 78 6 lbs gone on her won't be bad. She has a belly and I want to help her lose that. But she doesn't have to. Again wise food choices and bit more activity is all it will take with her.

Perhaps my dedication and weight loss will inspire those around me to do something about it. You have a choice stay fat or do something about it. I choose to do something about it.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Scale is moving down

Ok so the scale is moving in the right direction.
My home scale I weigh myself in the am I get up go and pee and get on the scale in only underwear LOL maybe a bit TMI.

So since last Sat
Sat 262.2
Sun 261.4
Mon 262.6
Tues 263.2
Wed 262.8
Thur 261.2
Fri 258.6
Sat 258.2

So that is down 4 lbs in a week on my home scale! YEA!!!! I am so excited. I really want to get this weight off. I realized with our anniversary coming up 9 years on Wednesday that I wanted to renew our vows in my dream gown. I hated my wedding gown and I want a do over. So my motivation is to be able to wear my dream gown next May. I have been sticking to my points and I have been at the gym. I realized also the water I have not been keeping up with the water. So I am drinking water so much I feel I am going to float away. The bathroom has become my best friend.

Let's hope that I can keep this loss going until Thur and hopefully be down 5-6 lbs at WW.

Friday, May 1, 2009

A brand new day

OK so I am not suppose to weigh myself daily my friends tell me but I am down 1.4 today from yesterday. I went out last night but before going out I went to the gym.

My workout was:
1 mile on the treadmill running walking
15 min on the elliptical
15 min on the stairstepper I went up 39 floors LOL
15 min on the bike
I burned over 600 calories.

I am feeling really good today and will go back to the gym tonight and do weights and I am only going to the treadmill and stairstepper tonight. I plan on doing 1/2 hour on treadmill and 1/2 hour on the stepper and 15 minutes working on the weight machines with my arms and legs.

Maybe I am in a funk or something as everyone around me gets smaller and smaller and I am still here struggling to get into the 240's. Seriously though I am struggling to get to the 240's from 313 10 months ago....I am amazed I can even say that. Some people don't lose what I have in these last 10 months in a year so I should be thankful that it has worked maybe not where I want to be but it has worked somewhat.

Ohhhhhh and I realized maybe I am not drinking enough cause yesterday I was drinking and drinking and I think that really does help. So today I got out my big 54 oz water jug and filled it up and drank it and in between running to the bathroom I got it filled again and I am 1/2 way done with it.....I will be in the bathroom all day and night LOL peeing away the pounds!


Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Damn Scale Hates Me

That or food LOVES me. Either way something has to give. I talked in my meeting today about my plateau and how the Wendie Plan just didn't work for me. My leader Carolyn told me you need the CP Plan the Carolyn Plan and that is Follow MOMENTUM nothing else.
She said that she wants me to email her what I am eating and working out and she will help me get back on track. I haven't really reached out to her the way I should have been. I am stuck.

I am up .4 this week. Heck it isn't even 1/2 a pound but COME ON MAN for the love of all good foods why can't I catch a break. Ok so the last 6 weeks
That is just freaking insane!!!! My butt is being worked out to the max in the gym. I am eating my points. What is going on....only thing I can figure is I am pregnant. This is what happened with my baby. I was going my weight was staying the same and I realized I was pregnant. I have gotten a period though just this past 17th so I am so confused. My mom said she got her period for 6 months while pregnant with me. I never got my period while pregnant with my 4 kids....I can't be pregnant but I think something else might be wrong so I am going for a physical. I am scheduling a appointment for me and my husband.

Yet again I will be doing better.
I am going to log what I eat here too.
Breakfast @ WW fiber 1 bar 2pts
Brownie bar at WW sample 1 pt
Pasta with marinara sauce 12 pts worth
I am going to Applebee's for dinner and will use up my 16 other points on dinner

I know I didn't have fruit or veggies added in so tomorrow I will do that....maybe not so much the veggies as I HATE Veggies.

The lady at our meeting who died we believe it was cancer. I heard that and my heart sank. So many cancers are caused my excess weight. How can I do this to me how can I do this to my family I need to get this weight off. I need to be healthy. I have 4 little kids looking up to me to be a good role model I NEED TO DO THIS FOR ME AND FOR THEM.

This is the start of a new week for me. A week that hopefully I will be down and not up or not even. I am heading to the gym this evening before going out so hopefully that will help me make good food choices. I am sure I will be using some of my 35 weekly points tonight!

Hugs and thanks for reading my blog.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Note to self....

As I watch the scale go back and forth back and forth it goes from 259.2 up to 267.4 yesterday I can't help but wonder. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON inside of me! Ok maybe I was never meant to be skinny but I surely to God was not meant to be this big. I have been at this point for the last 6 months. I am trying and it seems nothing is working. The Wendie plan I am holding out hope on Thursday at WW I will see a loss.

But at the same time I can't beat myself up. My hubby just came home for lunch and I said look I am doing the working out part of it maybe I need to mix up my food part as well. I eat WW frozen meals for lunch and dinner most days and do cereal or yogurt for breakfast. Snacks normally are pretzels, ww bars, ww muffins, popcorn, and sometimes fruit.

My daughter told me today I am getting fat again. Again didn't know I ever was skinny....this from a 4 year old. I don't want her to remember me fat. I want her to remember the fun mom who could do anything with her and not get tired. Which by the way can I mention today I ran on the treadmill at 4.6 mph for 5 minutes Yes Ladies and Gents 5 whole minutes. I wanted to quit after 1 min 30 seconds but said this isn't hurting I should just keep going and I went on and on and on. I loved it and it made a mile go so much faster. I was doing walk run intervals while on the treadmill.

I am going to try not to beat myself up to much over all of this I know one way or another I am going to get this weight off and be healthy for me and my family.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Wendie Plan info

Ok Thanks so much for telling me about this. I was just looking it up online and it makes sense for me. I have been for the last 6 months at the 31 pts body is used to that I need to mix it up. So below is some info on the plan from Stephanie B I copied her post. Thanks Steph and it has the weights points range as well if anyone else wants to try it with me this week!

Here is a link

I am going to work this points system for the week.
Monday 28 pts
Tuesday 33 pts
Wednesday 29 pts
Thursday 43 pts (WI day so I will cheat afterwards and eat more)
Friday 28 pts
Saturday 32 pts
Sunday 30 pts

So that totals up to 31 and some change a day on average and my average is 31 pts. So this doesn't have me using my activity points but that is ok I will try it hopefully it will break my plateau....oh and a lady lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks...hey a girl can dream right!

Anyone else want to try this with me?

Oh the pain of running

OK so my thighs are killing me today. My friend told me it is because of the stepped up running. Ouch!

As far as eating no I don't really track...I do it in my head....I know I need to use my 3 month tracker I purchased and not let it be a dust collector. I am going to check out the website that was mentioned in my comments below and break this plateau.

I am hitting the gym in the am and again at night if my friend wants to go. I am her work out partner but I am not waiting to go at night because I would rather go at 6am when my kids are asleep and at night well I can do that if my friend wants to go but I prefer the morning. My other friend told me she would show me some other equipment in the gym as the trainer told me I need to mix it up. OK mix it up I shall do.

Also the 5K I am doing me and my girlfriends that are doing it together are going to walk run it to test it out and see how we do. We are going to time ourselves and again in June when it happens and again next year and see our times increase everytime we should hope.

On another note I lost a WW friend today. Her name is Darla. If you go to WW meetings do you have someone that stands out? This girl did she had lost I think 24 lbs in 6 weeks and her mom and her went to the meetings. I looked for her this Thur and she wasn't at the meeting. I got the paper today and the obituary section was open and I looked (I always try to avoid it I hate seeing young people in the obits) and I saw her picture. I was shocked and emailed our leader. She said Darla's mom actually called her and told her. So if you pray can you say a prayer for Darla she was only in her 40's I don't know how she died all that I know is she leaves behind a family and friends who will miss her terribly. She was always so bubbly with her mom and they looked like they had a wonderful relationship.

I am off to bed 6am is going to get her soon. Good Night and please stay safe.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Just some stuff

Ok seriously what the hell is wrong with my body? How do I not lose weight? What can I do at the gym to mix it up? The only machine left that I don't do is the stairmaster which I will try to do tonight when I go back. I went this morning and did
Treadmill 30 minutes alternating running 2 min walking 2 min
Elliptical for 10 minutes
Bike for 20 minutes
I burned 500 calories according to the machines so tonight I am going to go back and do it all over again so I can burn 1000 calories a day that is my goal.

But ok add the stairmaster in. What will that do to mix it up? I do the weights during the week Mon, Wed, Fri and I do a leg machine well 2 leg machines, one for the butt, and 1 for the arms/upper body. I haven't started walking yet with weights in my hands maybe I should do that.

I am mixing up my food this week too. I really am getting fed up being in the same range for the last 6 months. I have been in the 250's to low 260's ENOUGH ALREADY!

Any ideas what else I can do? We are going to get the pool up and running hopefully this month so I will also do my water aerobics during the day and also swim some laps so maybe that will help. I just need something not sure what it is but this 250 weight range is for the birds!

HELP ME ANYONE LOL I am welcome to all suggestion.

So "IT" happened today

A mom in gymnastics said to me today....Michelle what are you doing are you walking these days? I said yea walking but hitting the gym too tons. She said well Girl I meant to tell you the other day when I saw you that you look great. I told her how I am down almost 65 lbs and she said that is amazing and to keep up the good job.

This is a mom who doesn't know about my journey she just noticed it. I am so excited. I have had people who know and I had it happen once before with someone that I know but this was a mom who just sees me at the gymnastics school.

It felt really good. I went home and asked my hubby is this a slimming outfit cause a mom said something to me and he said yea it is slimming but you are getting slimmer too LOL. It was a new top and a pair of pants that were so tight on me a few months ago and they were loose.

I am off to the gym again. I went yesterday at 6am to get my work out done because last night we had things to do. I am going to try to go 2x a day once at 6am and once again at night if I can get away from the kids for a hour. Not sure if hubby will like that but oh well.

Ok onto another topic excess skin. So it is really hot here I had on a pair of shorts pj's yesterday and I was on the couch with my daughter and she was telling me to do exercises with her and I raised my leg it looked like a upside down mushroom. It was smaller at the toe area and the excess went down to my thigh it looked so weird. The weight is readjusting itself. I just dread the excess skin. I really think I am going to start a savings account for surgery to get it removed. I told my family I would have surgery for a tummy tuck, excess skin on my arms and thighs if it is really bad only after 2 years of meeting and staying at goal. I have a friend who did gastric bypass had a full body lift and is back up 60+ lbs and regrets doing all those surgeries. So I want to be sure I can maintain my body before I do surgery.....oh and a boob lift LOL Can't forget that. But heck I needed that after breastfeeding 4 kids so that might come even if I can't maintain the weight loss.....but that isn't going to happen I will be able to maintain!

Alright I am off to the to to lose a few pounds!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Starting over

Ok so I told myself today going into my meeting I know I will be up and I was up 2 lbs but I pigged out last night as I was throwing out the junk from the parties this weekend (cakes, cookies, chips) I kept having one or two or ok three. But I told myself you will pay for this.

I walked into WW head held high, yep I ate that junk, yep I went overboard in Disney but is it the end of the world? Nope So the couch to 5 k thing is the same thing that they send me on the site. So I am going to do it. I am doing a 5K here in June and look forward to doing it with my friends.

11 lbs in 3 weeks that is what I am striving for. I had only water today I am cutting out the diet soda. Summer is almost here and I love water so that is what I am doing. I also decided to change up my diet I have been eating the same things for so long. Maybe my body needs a good old shake up. Be ready body because the shaking up has begun!!!!

I heard a little girl a friend of my daughters who here mom has dropped over 125 lbs in 10 months she started when I did a few weeks before and she is a working out machine anyway my daughter said your mom lost a lot of weight. She answered yea isn't it great? I thought I want a kid saying that to my girls.

I still love looking in the mirror at myself or when I catch my reflection because I see how far I have come but I need more. When people see me that haven't seen me in awhile I want them to say WOW. I want to wear my size 14 goal dress that I bought.

Thinking back on my starts and stops with WW I realized I was always a quitter. When I saw that the weight wasn't coming off right away I would stop. This time the weight flew off in the beginning and it has stalled. I will not be a quitter this time. It is science at this point that I am fighting with. I know if I eat less, work out more I WILL LOSE WEIGHT.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Got a Stomach Bug lost 12 lbs!!!!! YIPPEE

But 3 came back in 1 day LOL. OK so tomorrow is my 1st day back at WW since we got back from Disney. I am hoping to be down but ok with whatever the scale says. So this past week I had my family in from NJ for my kids baptisms and 1st Communion for my oldest DD.

It was a crazy week and I put on weight after the stomach bug went away. But I told myself today ok Michelle get back in the saddle realize how close you are to being at 65 lbs gone forever! So I have a goal for May of being at 247 so I can get my 50 lb weight charm at WW and before I joined I lost 15 lbs so I will be down 65 lbs. It has taken so much longer than I expected. I really thought I would be near my goal at this point. So 34 years it took to get this fat....if I can cut it down to say 3 years to get to my goal I will be sad but know in my mind that realistically losing 150+ lbs in 1 year 2 years is hard 3 years probably a more realistic goal. In my heart I am saying how did I ever get this way and why won't it come off as easy as it comes on?????

I am doing a 5K in June and I am starting to train for it doing the couch to 5K. It should be fun I am doing it with some girlfriends and we plan to walk run walk run and than run into my friends pool LOL.

Here is a pic of me and my family from this weekend. That is a size XL jacket from the regular side as well as 18 paints and XL top from the regular size as well.

Monday, April 13, 2009

I am crashed!

I am so sorry it has been so long. My computer crashed a few weeks ago and it has been in the shop. I went away to Disney this past week on vacation and I got a call while on the Pooh ride in Disney the computer was ready! I was so happy. I missed the biggest loser blog edition 3x so I am kicked out of the challenge but maybe next time. I need it anyway cause I gained 7 lbs at Disney in a week. 1 lb a week ughhh but that is ok I lived it up had a good time and I am over it.
I felt like crap all week long eating that junk food but I had fun. I went with two other WW buddies and we all knew we gained. I have to say I had fun, I knew what I was eating was not the right choices but I loved the food and I knew that the stomach rumbles I was having were from the bad choices. I made the decision to eat that stuff I paid for it.
I am off to the gym again tonight and again this week I will go 2x a day to get it down to where I was before I went! I MUST!
Glad to be back and I will be catching up with everyone over the next week!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

I got my MOJO BACK!!!!

I am not down much only .2 LOL but heck it is down.
My mom finally left on Tuesday and after hearing her tell me I am still fat and feeling sorry for myself I really realize it after months of saying it I finally think I GET IT. This is up to me. I can't worry what others think of me. I need to love myself for the hard work I put to get this far. I need to car about my body to make it last me as long as humanly possible.
I went to the gym today and worked out for 10 miles combined on the bike, treadmill, elliptical and burned 550 calories. I am going again tomorrow morning and again tomorrow afternoon. My plan is to burn 1000 calories a day. I am going to do all I can to get this weight off and look somewhat cute this summer LOL.

I also wanted to update you on something else wonderful in my life. My daughter the gymnast had her 3rd meet this past weekend. I am having a proud momma moment here. She came in 1st place on the bars and floor routine. She came in 2nd on the beam and 3rd on the vault. She was 2nd overall out of 62 kids and we are thrilled. The last 2 meets she has come in 2nd place and she made it to states. That is the 21st and she will be at her home gym so we hope it makes her more confident and she can break that 2nd place hurdle and come in 1st place....either way I am so proud of her for just getting up on that floor and doing her routines. All my kids make me so proud in various ways and I need to find the Skinny Under my Fat for them and me.

You will be seeing less of me in pictures I can promise you that! Oh and my mom and me have a bet. I made her sign up for WW and she and I said if we both don't lose 10 lbs by Disney on April 5 we will have to eat liver and onions....I HATE BOTH so does she so we are going to do this husband knows the bet so he will be enforcing it LOL.

Peace & Love my friends!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Up is all I can say.

I had a bad week I thought I would be able to get off the pasta I "Had" to have one day it was a huge bowl I made it for the family and didn't want it to go to waste. That junk turns to fat on my body and I ate it weighed myself the next day and I was up 4 lbs. The rest of the week I got up an additional 6 lbs. I worked my butt off and got down 3 lbs of the 6 by the time I got to WI at WW. So I am going to keep up with my exercise schedule. I haven't gone since my mom came but we are doing activity together.

On Thursday I went to WI and my mom came. She had gained 50 lbs in the last 2 years and it is really noticable and she isn't comfortable in her skin. So I said you are fat and old you need to lose weight....might sound harsh but she had been harsh with me. She said you may have lost all that weight but I just don't see it. I said WHAT????? She said I don't see it yet. Yea fun that is the way this vacation with her would be I thought? So I got her to sign up to WW. We have been tracking and I am hoping she loses weight. She needs to lose about 120 lbs and I want her to do it. I am 8 lbs more than my mom....I am going to pass her this month.

I had a talk with her and said I went from October up and down since she came. I said I was 268 and got to 253 since that point. I felt like her visit sabotaged me. She said ok this visit is a kick in the ass for you and that I need to lose weight again the way I was. I am going to try. I need to lose some more weight before Disney and get a spanx for my goal dress for Disney. It fits but it needs a little help hiding my belly LOL.

I am excited for this weeks WI and today we are cleaning all the cars as a family. That I have been told is a great workout. So I will do that and go to the gym once today vs two times.

I hope everyone had a great WI. I will not let this setback be a permanent situation. I can control this and I will lose the weight.
I am also realizing this is not a 1 year deal I will take longer to lose all the weight but that should help me be able to keep it off and maintain as I work on learning the proper way to eat.


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

NY & Co Clothing Store

Well I have always liked to LOOK at the clothes and thought man wouldn't it be nice to fit into them? I went to the mall last night with my girlfriends and I tried on a pair of pants a cute bow tank top that had a bow over the chest a bit and a sweater....THEY FIT! The pants were on clearnance for 7.99 they had tons of clearance if you want to shop at the store RUN TO YOUR NEAREST STORE and check out clearance. But they didn't have the pants in a 10-12-14 and that is all that I am willing to buy for next winter. These were a 18 and they fit but they hopefully won't fit next winter!

I am tired from the gym getting up at 530 am is not easy and working during the day, raising the kids, it is tiring and than going back at night OMG! I am burning 1000 calories a day and surely to God I better see some results that are big negatives in my WW book!

My mom is coming to visit she arrives tonight. When she came in October that is where my mojo went away and I had started my up and downs. I haven't been able to get out of this range of 260-250's since she came. Am I blaming her NO! But I am thinking that I might have issues that need to be resolved with my mom me and food. She is overweight and wants me to lose the weight so bad that she pays for WW for me to go. I pray that I don't have a gain for the week that she is here. I am planning on taking her to the track with me to walk the 3 miles a day in the morning and at night when I go to the gym she can relax with hubby and the kids.

Slowly but surely I am finding the skinny under my fat.
Peace & Love

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Went to the gym today and had to share

OK so I went today at 11 am with the 4 kids in childcare at the gym. I used the bike, treadmill, and elliptical right outside the glass windows so I could watch them.

Holy Cow I can't believe what I did.
I rode the bike for 20 miles.
I did the elliptical for 1.5 miles and did that in 15 minutes.
I rode the bike again for another 5 miles.
I got on the treadmill for 5 minutes and left cause the kids took the baby out of his carseat and I saw them hand him to another little girl...guess my time was up.
But I burned close to 600 calories and I feel really good.

I never rode for 25 miles on anything before just a car. I am so excited. I also saw a class going on that I am going to sign up for with the treadmill. They get your heartrate to a certain level and kick your butt with hand weights and going on the treadmill. I figure what is the worst that can happen I fall off the thing? So I am going to do it.

I am kicking it up a notch or two LOL. I called my nighttime workout partner and told her I am going in the am too if she wants to join me. I am so going to do this I am going to get down hopefully to the 230's even if it is 239 by April 5 for Disney. I gotta do it! Wish me luck!

Stayed the Same but ok with it

So I stayed the exact same as last week I am ok with that. I lost 5.2 lbs last week I can't expect to have a large loss after a loss like that. Did I want a loss yea....I was in the gym daily eating on point but adding weights back in so I am ok. But I have decided to kick it up a notch.

My trainer asked if I was paying attention to calories? I said no I do points never really looked at calories. So they have me burning 500 calories a session. So yesterday I ate 1460 in calories and I burned 500 so I ate 960. I talked to my husband and I am going to kick it up a notch for this month and see what happens.

I am going to the gym from 6-7am M-F I will walk/run on the treadmill for 1/2 hour. I will do the bike for 15 min and the elliptical for 15 minutes. I should burn about 300 calories.
I will go back at night for a hour and a half and I will do a circuit of
15 elliptical
15 treadmill
15 bike and repeat it all 1 more time. I am not going to use the weights for the next month and just work on getting the fat off.

My goal was to be 199 by Disney....that is out the window but I am going to work on getting into the low 130's by Disney (April 5-11).

So this way I will be burning about 800 calories a day and I will be eating around 1400. I will see how it goes. I figure if I am doing 2 1/2 hours total in the gym a day I should be seeing better results. I am going to try it and see what happens.

In the Rec Center before I joined the "real gym" I was fine running on the treadmill. In the real gym it has a row of treadmills and behind them is the ellipticals and I hate that people can see my butt jiggle while I run LOL so I have yet to run in the gym but I have decided I am going to do it. Hell I am trying to lose weight just like they did or are trying to do.

I am tracking with my tracker and I also purchased a clicker that WW started selling to put on my keyring so I can track my points when I am out and about if I eat and remember to put it in the journal. Today after the gym I am going to the food store to stock up for the week. I also am stopping with all the WW meals. I will use them for dinner only not lunch too. I will make a healthy lunch on my own.

Wish me luck ladies! I really need to kick this up and get more weight off this is taking me sometime and I really thought I would be further along at this point.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Pictures the way I was and today

With my 2 favorite guys
In the 250's

Me at 313 Jalen would be born 5 days later

Yea me blowing up my face like a beached whale....look at those thunder thighs that belly looks like it was quads not a 6 lb 6 oz baby in it....gosh these make me sick!

Going out for Valentine's this year....250's

The way I was and never will go back to!

I am finding ME...

I have been fat all my life. I was never the pretty skinny one in the crowd, never had the boys all trying to get to talk to me, never had the best outfit everyone wanted. I think that feeling like I was the fat one took a toll on me....well I don't think I KNOW it did. My mom told me once when she had those moments of telling me "Michelle I don't think you know how fat you really are." Yea nice right? Well she told me she thought I had the opposite of anorexia and that I see myself skinny. Ok so sometimes I would catch a glimse of myself and say WOW I am big. But I never realized it until I saw that damn scale go to 313 lbs. OMG I WAS HUGE I didn't want to gain another ounce. I was 9 months pregnant and I was miserable.

I gave birth and went on this weight loss journey with 3 other friends. I have always been a tell ya like it is kinda person....guess I got that from my mom (see above LOL). I am finding that I am no longer settling. If someone does something or gets on my nerves for something I am finding it easier to tell them about it. I did have some issues recently where my spirit was tested and I fell off track. I know I am a emotional eater but I had been doing so good with WW. I was losing and than this person I allowed to control my emotions and I got off track. I put on weight and I lost focus. I got so upset about it this week I called the person up and talked about it. Things will never be the same but we talked and I let it go....along with it I let go of 5.2 lbs this past week.

I know that this is a journey to find the skinny under my fat but at the same time I am finding the Michelle that has been buried inside of me. My mother also told me the world better watch out cause I was pretty bold already and with the weight coming off me I will only get bolder....her exact words after that were man you are really going to be a bitch. Well I won't get like that. I made my one really good girlfriend promise me she will tell me if I am changing in a bad way.

I am finding myself. I love who I am becoming on the outside and continue to love the inside of me and know that if I want to that I CAN DO THIS! It is in my power to either fail or succeed. I will not let failure be a option this time!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I came in 3rd this week!!!!

YEA I am so happy...but I want the top spot LOL. I want to be the Biggest Loser of the Blog Edition! I lost 2% of my body this past week how friggin awesome is that?

Well I had to share something a tad bit crazy. So my mom went shopping a long time ago and bought me jeans at a sale. She bought me 18-16-14-12 and junior 19/20 capri pants that are to cute and nothing fit when she came here in October. Well I am wearing the 18's which I have been wearing 18's in Avenue and Lane Bryant and Apt 8 clothes from Kohl's but not Route 66 from Walmart/Kmart but I wore them today to a party and they were even a bit big. I also put on the junior 19/20 thinking they were going to be to tight and they were perfect. It is going to start getting warmer here and I have a few Capri pants well about 5 pairs in 18 so that should get me thru the summer I am thinking. They will get bigger and bigger but I can wear a belt. I don't want to buy tons of sizes because I won't last long in the size god willing.

I have been back in the gym on a daily basis again and today I did 12 miles on the bike, 2 miles on the elliptical and 1 mile on the treadmill. I loved working out before but these days watching the other people in the gym motivates me.

I am tired tonight but I will type more tomorrow....I have some stuff to get off my chest.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I am feeling good!

Well the last few weeks I have been up up and away but finally I found the momentum again and I had a huge loss this week 5.2 lbs down...gone that you will never see back on me again. God Willing!

So I am less than I was 9 years ago....I find that hard to even imagine. I started back up at the gym daily and kicking it up a notch. I am still not going back to the trainer she is to good for my fat butt at this point. LOL She hurt me BAD! I do work on the at home stuff she showed me to my level of comfort and I have to say I believe it is working.

I am not sure how many of you are WW's but I wanted to chat a bit about meetings and if you are not a member and need a little extra support you might want to consider going to a meeting or two or three or four...until you find the right leader and right group to motivate you. Today we had a grandma in our meeting reach 50 lbs gone and she got her weight charm. She talked about her leg almost being taken before she lost the weight. It is crazy what weight can do to your body. It made me think why I started this journey. I am not doing this for me I am doing this for my children. In case you are new to my blog or in case I didn't tell you this before I can't remember at this point but my grandma and I are the same bodies same issues same surgeries etc. I watched her in 2007 die in hospice for a week I sat with her 24/7 only going home to shower maybe 4 times yea I must have been smelling really ripe LOL. But I watched her and thought I don't want to end up like this. I never want to do this to my children or my husband. She had 8 children and her husband and me by her when she passed. I know that one day I will die I know that but I know that by eating right and exercising I can prolong my life....well at least I can control that. I can't control getting hit by a drunk driver or getting killed by someone but I would hate for my kids and my husband to have to sit and watch me dieing from a illness brought on by my weight something I could control.

I look at the little baby boy jumping in his jumperoo next to me that I asked my grandmother to ask God when she got to heaven to send us a son and I know for him, Mikayla, Mya, Zoe and Erik and my mother too that I have to do this.

I weigh 254.6 lbs today. I have to get to delete 6.2 lbs from my body this week to get my 50 lb weight charm from WW. I am down total 58.8 lbs from the start of this journey. I have hit a few road bumps along the way but I am finding my way. I am finding the skinny under my fat....and when get to my ultimate destination I WILL NEVER GET LOST AGAIN!
Peace & Love my friends!