Tuesday, June 30, 2009

OMG Found this old photo Comparison shot

Me in 2006 OMG Me in 2009

Ok so I am uploading pics to snapfish in case my computer crashes and I saw this old photo. I remember taking this in 2006 thinking I look cute. This top is kinda sexy cut low and I really loved my lipstick. I thought I looked cute....I look inflated. ughhhhhhhhhhhh

My Birthday...DREADED CAKE

So it was my Bday on Sunday I turned the big 35. This is a big number for me because I started my weight loss journey so that when I got to 35-36 the age when most of my family and friends went downhill health wise (diabetes, cholesterol issues) and I didn't want that to happen to me.

I have a addiction that I have not conquered yet. I am addicted to food. I love it. I crave it. I need to eat it and it makes me feel better. I have not gotten to the point where I can turn away from food when I am upset, happy, whatever feeling. It is a illness I admit it and I am trying to change it.

Knowing this my when my husband asked me what kind of cake I wanted I said let's go for ice cream it will cost the same as a cake and it won't be sitting in the house and I won't have to worry about eating it. He said no a cake is a tradition. Well we see where that tradition has gotten us. Diabetes for him, severly obese for me, and 4 kids who can easily be both of what we have.

He left in the middle of the afternoon got my car detailed and brought home cake, flowers, and cards. I was upset inside telling myself you can do this just have your one piece and be done. Oh and he brought home ice cream 1/3 of the fat breyers cookies and cream and vanilla. After dinner (I was willing to eat a birthday dinner of my choice not dessert that would be in the house) of nachos with lean meat, tortilla chips and light sour cream and cheddar cheese the cake comes out! It was a huge double layer fudge cake with big pieces of chocolate cake on top. I have a picture in this post of one that is similar but mine was huge!

It was me, my husband, and 3 little girls eating this monstrous cake. We had a little over a 1/2 on Sunday. Monday I ate cake and ice cream for breakfast lunch and dinner. 3x cake and ice cream. I actually went and walked 5 miles last night came home watched the bachelorette and I told my husband when I was leaving please make the cake disappear. Please throw it out or you eat it so I don't see it when I get home. I went to get a drink the cake was in the fridge it was midnight I ate the last piece which was really the size of 2 pieces. No ice cream though! I am mad at myself but also feel like I NEED HELP! No he didn't put the cake in my mouth, no he didn't tell me eat this or I will leave you. He just did what most people do for birthdays and had cake for me. But why can't he see that things I shouldn't eat are like a alcoholic going to a bar for the peanuts. They know they shouldn't have a drink but they do and they just let it go and have as many as they want.

I am battling a addiction. I can't say no. I am fine when it isn't in the house. I don't go out to get ice cream or cake at a drive thru and not have it in the house I just don't eat it. I can't have it in my home. I really need to talk to him about this or even doing cupcakes so that way we each have a little piece and that is it they are gone.

I feel bad....the scale is up....I need to work out even harder to get this cake off my body and I need to move on. I need to talk to my husband and make sure that he is on the same page as me and know that I am serious about it. I might have him look at this post so he knows how I feel ughhhh why me???? Why can't I be the skinny girl who can eat whatever she wants but not gain weight!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Summer Vacation is bad for exercise

I have been doing so bad working out since school let out. My schedule is out of whack. I need to get back into the gym. I have not been in the gym in a week I am still working out at night walking 5 miles but I need the gym. I cleaned out the pool well the pond that we call our pool and I was squatting spic and spanning the thing. My legs are in so much pain but I still keep walking. The pool is finally clean kids are swimming and I need to get my water aerobics kit and do some in the pool at night too!

I weighed in at 247 today. Why when I reach a goal do I sabotage it and I gained weight? I actually lost this week the week before I was up 2.2 this week I am down 1.2. I am counting points still thank God or I would be in even worse shape.

On a lighter note I do fit into a size 16 at Cato and I wear a size 1 from Lane Bryant LOL! A size 1 why did they ever change that? But I do like saying I am a size 1 HAHA

My skin is getting really nasty. I know I shouldn't worry about it I should just worry about the fat coming off my body but OMG my arms are flabby, my legs when I put a leg up on the ottoman I see at the top of my leg all this excess skin. GROSS GROSS GROSS.

I am going to try to get my butt into gear and get into bed by 1030 pm at night so I can get up at 530 for the gym. I have been getting up at 8 and my kids go insane in the gym and I feel bad to keep them in the gym for almost 2 hours while I work out.

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Snakes vs Walking THEY WIN!

So we went to a favorite ice cream shop with our friends. I had a kids sherbert LOL. It is about 8 miles away so I said to my friends who are all dieting too let's walk home. We do 5 miles a night walking together on the track this could be fun. So only 1 said ok. I didn't even think about the route and my fears
1. no sidewalks we live in the country but are all from Long Island NY and NJ
2. critters aka SNAKES!!!!
3. dogs
4. creepy men driving by
5. dark streets and it was 730 when we started out

So we walk and the ice cream place is in farm country and the first house we see I know from driving by that they have pit bulls. I tell my friend yep that is a pit so make no eye contact let's keep walking. They must have had a electric fence cause he stayed in the yard. But as we walk by the house my friend starts screaming SNAKE SNAKE did I mention I am deathly afraid of snakes? In the 5th grade I opened a book to a picture of one and threw it across the room they called my mom in to see if I was ok. As a child I grew up in FL until I was 6 and my brothers would torture me with snakes I think and lizards as any reptile really scares the beejezzies out of me.
So we start running and the dog is barking and I am fearing that this damn snake is going to jump up and get either one of us and the dog is going to finish us off. My friend turns and says the dog is not coming and the snake is dead. But it is red. What the hell kind of snake is red? So we are walking in the middle of a road which by the way is a busy road 2 lanes and speed limit 55 and we come upon a recreational grass airport. I refuse to walk in the grass so I am in the road and we have a car that is turning out....well a van of men who start screaming and beeping at us.....Hello keep moving or get pulled into the van I am thinking. I was way to many CSI shows. So we are moving....I am keeping my eyes on the road and grass and see another freaking snake. It was black and greenish large and coiled up right on the side of the road in the grass. I scream to my friend, "Run it is a snake it is poised to attack!!!" I am in the middle of the road running in circles snake snake snake! She can't see it and is following me in circles. I scream give me your phone as she is pushing me out of the road to the other side of traffic so we can see cars coming cause I almost killed us in the road! I call my husband and tell him come get us! I am not walking home snakes are out to get us and we might just be moving if we have this many snakes here! So we are walking to this home community that is vacant no one is buying houses and what do we see another dead snake in the road in the subdivision!!!! So my husband got us he dropped us off at the track by our house and we walked 3 miles, we did at least a 1/2 mile on the snake infested road and a 1/2 mile walk back to my house to get home. So in all 4 miles at least for the day.

I got a pedometer at walmart 5.00 not to bad right! It tracks steps and miles so I started yesterday with it. I did over 12K steps and I walked 3+ miles. I didn't go work out yesterday got my period and really didn't feel like working out. I took the kids for a 1 1/2 mile walk on the track yesterday but that was it.

I go to get weighed in tomorrow my scale is up 2 lbs so I am probably going to be up but I am ok with it I was PMS'ing and didn't do so great these last 3 days.
Hoping the scale is moving in the right direction for you all!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I got my charm!!!!

LOL Finally after so many months I made it to 52 lbs down with WW and 67.6 lbs gone from my body since July 11, 2008. I am so excited and only 23 more to 75 ;-)

I lost 4.4 lbs this week just like 2 weeks ago. Guess that might be my magic number. I am going to keep working out like I have been and I lost a point with this loss since I am down to 245.8! So that will be fine. I have not weighed this since 2000. I met my husband around 210-220 range I believe. I will feel really good at that point and wonderful when I get to my goal weight of 135.

135 is a good point for me. The top for my height is 141 with WW. I would like to be 135 so I thnk that is a good weight for me. But I will have to get to that point. So I am at the oint of 110 lbs left! That sounds better vs needing to lose 170 lbs!

Thank you for sharing in my journey! I am going out for a MNO tonight with my girlfriends to celebrate. Applebee's where they have the WW Menu LOL!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Letter to me

I read a letter someone wrote to herself on bootcamp buddies and decided that is a fun activity and I am going to write myself a letter for 1 year from today.

June 8, 2010

Dear Michelle,

Funny as a kid 2010 sounded so far away and I thought we would be flying instead of driving cars on the streets. I imagined we would have robots for maids and live like the Jetsons. I never imagined myself at 313 lbs. But MAJOR KUDOS to you girl you got it off and you look amazing and probably feel pretty damn good.

I hope your 10th anniversary with Erik was amazing. That you got to wear the gown of your dreams. And who could not forget the amazing 2nd honeymoon you took with your husband. Not like your 1st honeymoon 7 months pregnant and in Atlantic City because you couldn't travel far due to being so pregnant....who would have wanted to anyway being that big.

How is it shopping in stores you dreamed of and out of the plus size departments? I bet your closet is full and your husband tells you to stop it with clothes. Oh and your bathing suit....I bet they don't have skirts anymore do they?

Most of all I want to say to you....YOU ROCKED IT. You took your own time doing this but you DID IT! You are a inspiration to your children, you have found the Skinny Under You Fat, and welcome to the life you always dreamed about. May you continue to do kart wheels with your daughters, and learn to play flag football with your son.

I love you. I love your determination. I love your dedication. I love your stretch marks they are your badges of honor for your 4 amazing kids. They are your proof of how far you came from and why you should never go back. Keep your head in the game don't give up because you will always have to work to keep your weight in check but you have proven beyond a doubt that YOU CAN DO IT!

Hugs and kisses and I am so proud of you!
Michelle who found the skinny under her fat!

The scale is going DOWN

I have been working out like a beast and it is paying off. I have been keeping track of my water intake, keeping on point and getting in 1000-1500 calories burned a day doing exercise. I am down since last Thursdays WI 5 lbs on my scale at home. I am always 1 lb heavier on my scale at home vs the WW one so I am down so far 6 lbs with WW.
I went to the store today to try on size 16's they still don't fit but the 18's are not giving me muffin tops anymore they fit just right...I was hoping the 16's would be really tight but I think I need to get down another 15-20 lbs to get into a 16. My top is a XL or LG depending on the top cut but gosh my butt is so big. My friend told me I will look like Kim Kardashian when I lose weight and get to goal....ughhh I hate her body. I hate that big butt. My butt and thighs are huge. My husband says he doesn't want me to get to thin he likes a girl with meat on her. OHHHH and yesterday I came back from a 5 mile walk I am laying on the couch and start doing leg lifts. I notice my outer and inner legs are so loose. I have so much loose skin already. I made him come over and check it out.....ewwwwwwwwwww. I met a lady at the track she lost 150+ lbs at the track just walking. She has so much excess skin the Dr said she has 25 lbs of excess skin. I don't want to be like that. I told my DH to start saving money because I am going to have the skin surgery and tummy tuck to get it all off when I get to goal. LOL
I am so excited to see what Thur brings. I am hoping I top my 6.6 biggest weight loss in one week. I am wishing for 7 lbs gone!
Thanks so much for sharing in my journey as you are on your own too! Hopefully we will all find the skinny under our fat!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Not a budge on the scale

Well after all the working out, tracking my food, and water I am exactly the same 250.2. I am sad that it didn't move but glad it didn't go up.

My leader was not at the meeting we had a sub and she was so boring so I breathed a sigh that ok I didn't get my 50 lb charm but I wanted to get it from Carolyn my leader anyway. So next week!

I am going back walking tonight to do 6 miles. I did one mile at the track this morning....my gym was closed. My gym is closing locations in the dead of night all over our state....I freaked when I went at 530 and they were closed this am. Well the guy overslept I stayed until 6 he arrived at 615. But hey tomorrow I will go in at 530am to work out.

Next week will be a big loss it has to be!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

6.6 miles and helpful calculator for points

Well today I walked 6.6 miles at the track. My scale is not moving. Not sure what that is about I am just going to wait to see what the WW scale says. I just need 1.8 to get my damn charm God I hope I get it this week. How frustrating is that just trying to get a little metal charm to put on a tarnished ring....BUT DAMN IT I WANT THAT CHARM!

When I started out walking my shins were killing me and I thought hell no this is not going to work tonight. But I walked away the pain and it felt fine. My walking buddies left and I walked alone for a mile. Nice to clear your mind and just walk at your own pace.

Well I was looking up how many calories I would have to eat vs burn to lose weight. My formula says if I eat 1500 calories a day burn 1500 calories and my base line burned for my height and weight was 1871 a day burned I would lose 3.74 lbs a week. I put in 2000 calories burned and still only 4.74 but really burning 2000 calories a day I would have to walk for about a hour and a half and do the gym for 2 hours. That is just to much for 1 lb a week and to much time away from my family.

So if you want to see your chart look at this page and have a pen paper and calculator handy.

Tomorrow my game plan is go to the gym at 530
Elliptical for 2o min 240 calories burned
Bike for 10 min 100 calories burned
Stairstepper for 20 min 200 calories burned
Treadmill 1 mile 15 min 160 calories burned
700 calories total

At night I am going to walk the track walk 5 miles for 800 calories so 1500 total burned for the day.

Thanks so much for your motivational posts! It really keeps me going and I love reading your blogs to see what you are doing and how I can incorporate some of that into my life too!
Sharing in this journey is the best!

Monday, June 1, 2009

5am Gym Days & trial 5K Run

I am in the gym looking around as people walk in. So many of them have garment bags with them and carrying some nice high heels or nice shoes. I tell ya I get up at 445am and head off to the gym. I can't imagine going to shower and to work for 8 hours after a 2 hour workout. My God these people make me tired thinking about it.

I sit here on my couch with my kids playing around me wanting to take a nap. I ate lunch had 4 points of cereal....had 3 points of waffles for breakfast. Tonight I am making some chicken but if I have enough points I might eat the tacos I make for the family tonight.

I went yesterday for a walk with my friend we tried to do the 5K that she signed up for next weekend. We got lost and made it 4 miles instead of 3.2 LOL. We took a bit longer then what we hoped....1 hour 20 minutes. We got lost and were asking for directions and walking with a map LOL But we walk at night too at the track and tonight I am going to walk 5 miles on the track.

My eyes are getting heavy and I am so sleepy. I am off to take a cat nap and dream of being skinny under my fat ;-)