Saturday, April 21, 2012

Surgery Prep I Hope!!!!!

So it is April 21, 2012 and I am on day 4 of my self impossed liquid diet. I am fearing that the GP won't approve me for the RNY this is my last appt I have and the insurance paper work can be submitted. April 27th they will submit the paperwork! You see month 1 I gained a lb on her diet. Month 2 I stayed the same but she saw changes in my body shape so she said do more cardio less weights. Month 3 I want to be down at least 10 lbs. Ugh I am trying. I am working out at the gym and following this liquid diet and I don't want to jinx it but my pants are feeling bigger and my tee shirt I am wearing at the moment doesn't require the good old pull it on and stretch it out around my belly today. LOL That is a plus and makes me hopeful I lost something. Hell with all the peeing I am doing I had to have lost something for the love of God!

My husband is off May 2-9 and my mom comes the 10-23 so we are hoping and praying my surgery will be in those dates. My patient rep said I could technically have surgery the last day of April if the paper work comes back. I have read the surgeon's paperwork and he doesn't seem to have a liquid diet before surgery just 1 day before clear liquids. But I am doing it anyway SHRINK LIVER SHRINK! I would be so mad if I had surgery and found out I had issues because of a swollen liver! My daughters have a dance recital on the 19-20 of the month so I really want to go to those. I am hoping I would have been out of the surgery by this point and at home and safely on the losers bench!

I have started a new cross addition but this one is fun. We don't have tons of excess money for a new wardrobe so I online shop well dream LOL. I have a closet full of 20-16 clothes so that should last me over the summer I would think and I will buy items at good will and on clearance for Fall and Winter. Plus I have some amazing weight loss friends who pass along clothes to me when they get to be to big so hopefully they will keep losing and I might get a few pieces from them or heck even be able to share while I shrink.  So what I do is I save the pics to my PC and I have my husband look at them and tell me if he likes them. I actually will be able to dress cute for my husband and hopefully get some compliments along the way. He doesn't say much so hopefully I will knock his socks off and he will tell me how damn good I look LMAO.....he better!

Working out scares me after surgery so I am trying to get as much working out in that I can to start off in a better negative. I thought I would be able to do the treadmill a lot but it seems that it is better to walk on a non moving surface. So pounding the pavement it will be but it gets so damn hot here in NC I am going to have to go at 6am when I get in from work before the sun comes all the way up. I really want to be able to do a marathon in January. I want to do the Disney 20th anniversary marathon. I ran a half at 250 I figure if I can get to the 180's I will be comfy enough to do it. I know I can do it.

Tomorrow I think that I am going to get some boxes and box up my clothes well throw out the winter ones into the goodwill pile we have going in our garage. It is a two car garage we are lucky we can fit my little car I do the papers in into the garage. No way would 2 cars ever fit in our garage. The garage needs a diet too! LOL

Slowly but surely I am finding the damn skinny goddess under my fat! She is coming out and the world better watch out. Click on this for your listening pleasure! LOL

I'm Coming Out all right....for your listening pleasure!

Thursday, March 22, 2012


I am trying to live by the lifestyle after RNY Weight Loss Surgery but little things keep creeping up and I am like HOLY CRAP I forgot about that.

I was very excited last night to tell my 2 x 1/2 marathon running friend Gina I will do the 1/2 at Virginia Beach it is the Rock and Roll Marathon Series. We so wanted to do one together but I posted on the WLS Support Board I am on and they were saying at 3 1/2 months out nutrition to live is key and that is going to be hard to get in enough at the beginning and train for a race. Plus the fluids as dehydration is common after surgery. So I am going to have to tell Gina I can't do this race with her but I can go and cheer her on and we can do the Princess Half in February at Disney together.

This support board has been critical in my decision to get the surgery. I have found out that I will wake up in all likelyhood and I shouldn't be so scared of dying. This surgery has no more risk vs. gall bladder removal and I lived to tell that tale.

The other change is Sugar/Carbs controlling those. Holy Cow to get those numbers right for the day is going to be a chore. The Nutritionist told me basically doing a modified Atkins diet that is what my life would be like after Gastric Bypass. I am excited to start that new life. I don't feel like a cheater or a quitter doing the surgery route. I know that I gave it my best in the exercise eating right area. I know that I could get the weight off too but I need that tool to curb my desires for the bad stuff. I am to scared to go against what my Dr tells me so this is what I needed.

So today I am going to start training for my half marathon which in all honesty I would love to by next February be able to say I am going to do the full Marathon (but the half gets a cuter medal LMAO and it is all about the medal ;-) I plan on doing a half, full, half iron man and doing a full ironman by the time I am 40. I have only 2 years and a few months left I gotta get moving. So today I am off to the gym when my daughter gets home. I am going to run a 5k and I am excited about that!

One day soon I will be peeling the fat and I will find the Skinny Under My Fat!
Dr. appt tomorrow to go over my Upper GI Test...who ever wants to have a scope down her throat ughhhh dreading it! But it is worth it for the end result!

Monday, March 19, 2012

A few things I am looking forward to...

It is funny I look at life in the future these days. My friend is getting a divorce and she said in January when it is final we are going to party!! I said oh good by January I will be skinny well not all the way skinny but small enough to wear a cute denim skirt high boots and a nice top LOL. She said you are crazy I said no that is what I do think of what phase I will hopefully be at when that time comes.

So a few of the things I can't wait to do or happen
-Dance Comps and Gymnastics Meets feel comfortable in my seat and not feel like I am taking up the person's next to me space
-Wearing a size Large and finally a Medium
-Being able to do a Zip Line
-Not having the seatbelt in our new car the base cuts into my thigh because my thigh goes over the small seat and rests on the seatbelt base it hurts like heck!
-Be able to see my toes just by looking down
-Able to sleep with my kids in the bunk beds we bought them and not fear they will come crashing down from my weight
-Sit with my legs crossed
-Sit at a table in a restaurant in a booth and not feel like I need to hold my breath to be able to fit
-Walking my girls into school the first day of school and see who notices how much weight I have lost
-Signing up for my first triathalon

I can't wait to start living my new life. I have started to follow my post bariatric surgery food guidelines like my Nutritionist said. I eat 1000 calories a day and have 100g of Protein and I have to say with all the water and protein I don't feel hungry. I have to keep my food planner near me at all times so I know what to eat and when. I am sure it will become a second habit soon enough. The only bad part is the constant having to pee from drinking so much. Ugh that is not fun but hey if I am peeing out fat that is great with me!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Control and why do I have none?

I am not scared of the surgery (well yet once it is booked I am sure I will be) but I am scared of food in my house after surgery. Look my kids aren't on this diet, my husband should be on a diet but it is his choice and he chooses not to be. But how can I control myself from eating the bad things in the house before surgery? I know after surgery I have a fear of my pouch like I fear God. I know if I eat the wrong thing I will get very sick and I could need surgery to fix what I messed up or worse yet die. I don't think I will have issues after surgery. I would never want to test my pouch with say a carbonated drink. What if mine is the one that explodes? Nope not worth it. I wouldn't want to eat a solid to soon because what if I tear a suture line? So not worth with it and I wouldn't know for awhile right I believe I could bleed out at least that is my fear and it is enough to make me not try it.

So this is why I am so upset. On Sunday we went to BJ's and we love that store for all the wrong reasons. Big Blueberry Bakery muffins, best appetizers in the frozen section, and hello the packages are so much larger making me eat more and still have some left over for the family I don't really realize how much I consumed!

I got on yesterday and started logging away.
1 Blue Berry Muffin at 5am when I got home from work 540 calories
1 Blue Berry Muffin after the kids left for school 540 calories
1 Reese's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream treat to scared to look at the calories
1 cup of mini pretzels 180 calories

I entered this into my fitness pal tracker and I was already over by 19 points on the sugar. I hadn't even had lunch yet! My calories left me with 220 for the day. So I threw in the towel made the tortellini we bought at BJ's that night and said tomorrow is a new day. Only thing is I have had a muffin, I had some cashews, and I had the tortellini for lunch. I am sure I am not over today but I just worry about the food in the house.

My kids eat pretty healthy for the most part. Portion control, protein, veggie and a starch at dinner. We don't really do desserts if we do it is sugar free ice pops or jello. But yes we bought the Reese's Cup ice cream dessert because it had a coupon and who doesn't love a PB Cup?????

I am going to clean out the pantry and fridge today. My husband told me to put the bad stuff at the top of the pantry out of sight out of mind....ummm I put the stuff away I will know it is up on the top self. But I am going to do it.

I have my EAS Shakes, Greek Yogurt, Chicken Breast and fruit all ready to go but keep skipping over it for other bad food choices. Lord please help me to get on track. I don't want to go back to my Dr and have another visit where I don't lose some serious weight.

Control I need to find it!!! Just as badly as I need to find the skinny under my fat!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

What if I die?

I have to admit I am going into this surgery knowing all the risks....well I say all but I am sure somei haven't heard about. But in my perfect surgery "dream" I will drift off asleep dreaming of my beautiful babies and husband waiting for me in the waiting room. I will be praying as much as I miss my grandma that I don't see her waiting for me. I just know when my time comes I will see her beautiful face welcoming me to heaven but my surgery day is NOT THAT DAY! In like 70 years ok but not my surgery day! I will wake up no tubes in me scared of that damn feeding tube and the nice nurse saying wake up Michelle you did great! I will feel around for a drain in my pain free body and ask her no drain? She will tell me no drain and I will feel great at the start of my new life.....AHHH THIS IS ALL A DREAM.

In reality I could very well die in the operating room. I know that my spirit will fight to come back i know I am a fighter. But at he end of the day I can't decide when is my time. I haven't really told many people about my surgery but I will prepare notes that I leave in a box under my bed for the what if's. I have certain people that I would like to step up and help with my kids. I also have special things I would like my children to know about as they grow up so I think a letter and journal are fitting for them. I also want my husband to know how mucho love him and to have that letter as a reminder for the rest of his life. Hopefully his long long life!

I am doing this surgery to be healthy. I know it is only a matter of time before my body starts to give out. No one can be as healthy as I have been at this weight forever. So I must do something to to dieting isn't working!

So if you are reading this and believe in the power of prayer please pray for me and all the hospital staff who work with me that God watches over us. I know I am in good hands with my surgeon.

I asked y husband is he worried he said no they have. One so far with this surgery I know you will be ok. I know in my heart I will be ok and no,after what happens to keep in mind why I did this. Pain may not last forever and I will be starting the life I always dreamed of.


Friday, February 24, 2012

Goal List and Stuff

So I have Sleep Apnea and that helps with getting the surgery approved. I snore....loud my kids say.....but hopefully I won't forever. I am at such peace with my decision to have this look forward to using this tool to help me keep my weight off and maintain it. Sure I know I can lose it but I can't maintain it I need some help!

I have found some great articles, blogs, and forums for weight loss surgery. They are so helpful in seeing the good, the bad, and truthfully the ugly. I have to clarify ugly being wound care, drains, things of that nature not really ugly but a fact of life with the surgery. I know I will have pain but I know it won't last forever I will feel better one day and I will be healthy. All worth the few days weeks if necessary to heal and get healthy! Someone remind me of that statement when I am whining about the pain. HAHA

My kids are hysterical I explained mommy is having surgery for weight loss....every time I go to a dr visit my youngest sees me and says mommy what happened your not skinny yet! I tell her it is a process.

I decided to make a Liston goals for after surgery....something I can check off and will surely check off each one.
Fit in a size 16 pants baggy
Fit Ina size 14 baggy
Fit Ina size 12 baggy
Fit in a size 10 baggy
Get into a size 8 and finally be a single digit!
Ride on a roller coaster with my daughter
Buys pair of tap shoes and dance with my daughter
Run a 5k with all of my kids
Run a sprint triathalon
Run a half marathon in under 3 hours
Run a marathon
Do a half desire to ever do a full but I want to do a half by the time I am 40
I want to own a little black dress
For my 15th anniversary I want to wear my dream wedding gown and renew my vows with my husband
Wear skinny jeans and a paid of high boots

I am sure I will think of more but I just have one final be in the normal range for BMI!!!!!!

I am so excited for the future I can't wait to start living my life to its fullest potential.

Here's to finding the skinny under my fat!

Friday, February 3, 2012

My journey so far ;-)

Hey I consider every day of my life a journey so here is what has been going on. I went and my with the nutritionist she was great and I feel so informed on what I should and should not be eating. I will not buy 100 calories packs or frozen diet meals again. I found this great blog Bariatric Foodie LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I am going away this weekend and I am working on my recipe binder. I will eat the same things as my family and they will eat healthy with me. My kids won't have to worry about facing major surgery like I am.
I have started to incorporate some eating practices for after surgery.
No chewing gum....psych dr said chew Altoids yay
No liquids with dinner stopping a half hour before and not drinking until a half hour later.
Chewing my food to a purée....I have to say the food really does taste better....I was eating so fast I don't think I actually tasted the food before.
I am back in the gym and I have a new found respect for my body. I know what I am capable of...GREATNESS LOL...but it is trapped in this shell. I can't wait to be free of this excess fat and get moving but until that times will keep moving forward with my working out change in diet and excited feeling for when I am on the other side. I never thought I would sayi want to be on the loser bench haha!
So I did 1 weight check of 4 months last one is April 27!!!!
I went to the psychiatrist that was fun haha
I met with the nutritionist and learned a ton.
Tuesday I go for my sleep study. I work in the middle of the night delivering papers I am looking forward to a full nights sleep.
Everyone so far has said they will recommend me for gastric bypass!!!!!!
All I have left are confirming my PCP sent over my last 2 years weights. Plus 3 more months of weight checks by my dr.
I love the support I have found online. Many people are not happy with my choice but I am!!!!
Here's to finding the Skinny Under My Fat!!!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Gastric Bypass....Oh My!

Ok so I have had enough! I have thought about this surgery for the past 10 years. I finally took the first step and I called a Dr that my friend used. I went to his seminar in September but put it on the back burner but recently I have felt down in the dumps and decided I needed to do something about my weight. So I contacted him and I have the following!
I saw the Dr yesterday Jan 25
Jan 26th met with the General Practitioner I have to see her 4x every 30 days she checks my weight and she gave me a guide of 2100 calories a day and work out 4-5 times a week no more.
Mon I go to the hospital for EKG, Upper GI, Xrays, Blood Work
Tues I go back to the hospital to meet with a nutritionist
Wed I go for my Psy evaluation
Feb 7th I go for my Sleep Study.

I saw my old Primary Care Dr this am about my past 2 years weights they need copies of his charts.

Here are my thoughts I will do all the testing and I have 4 months with the Dr and Dietician to lose weight. I am 285 and I figure in 4 months I should following the guidelines be able to lose 40 lbs in 4 months. 10 lbs a month the Dr said is good. So if I do lose the 40 lbs I will not do the surgery. I need to see the scale moving in the right direction and with the Drs help I think I can do it.

Worst case as the Dr said to me yesterday this is just a tool you need to do work for it too. He did tell me he thinks I should be able to get down to a size 5 in a year give or take! LOL he probably says that to all the girls!

I have started a youtube channel I am going to blog my journey and daily activities on youtube as well!

Here's to finding the skinny under my fat!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Just Zip My Mouth Shut!

Seriously I have some major issues. I don't feel like working out anymore. I am eating whatever I want. I got WW meals to eat for the week lunch and dinner.....guess what my 4 kids just ate 4 WW meals! I just dont know what is wrong with my mindset at the moment. I am going to the gym with my friend tomorrow she will hold me accountable. I need to do this with people I can't do this alone I know I can't.
I have a 115 appt on Wednesday with a gastric bypass dr. I can't believe I even made the appt. but I am going to see what options they have and maybe meet with a nutritionist to figure this weight loss out! Well not in my case weight loss but weight gain or weight staying the same.
I used to be so excited about this what is wrong with me??????

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Work out

I Did it I made it to the gym. I am going to admit I hate going to the gym alone. I like going w my workout buddy and she has been feeling under the weather. I thought ok just wait to go another day but my head was saying gogogogogogo so I went! It is insane how out of shape I am from where I was......not that I was a top notch athlete but burning 600 calories was a chore for me. So today she can't go again and I am fighting with myself again!!!!!! When will I learn get the balls to just go alone? It isn't like I don't know anyone else at the gym it is full of friends but she challenges me pushes me to work harder. She says I do the same for her but she lost 150 lbs and has kept it off I think she uses me as a chAllenge to not go back to wear she was more motivation!
So yesterday I did the elliptical for 20 minutes the bike for 6 miles and the arc trainer for 5 minutes I didn't feel comfortable on it. I felt like my arms and legs were not in sync.
I am going to go back today and try to start couch to 5 k. I am going to do this I know I can find the skinny under my fat!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

New Year New Me!

So my hubby got me a new ipad for the holidays. I plan on using this to update everyone with my meal plan and weightless.
Monday am I will post my weigh in
Daily updates on exercise and meals
I need to find the skinny under my fat! I hope you continue to share in my journey!