I am back....with a few changes

Well it has been a long time since I posted and I decided to come back and start blogging and sharing with everyone a bit more. We have hit some financial road blocks and I decided to not go to WW anymore. The 40.00 a month can go to a bill while I do this on my own with the help of some amazing friends. I am in the low 240's I almost got to 230's but I let my workouts go when I was on the phentermine because my heart rate was going so high. I got to 240 lbs AMAZED but I only lost 4.4 lbs on phentermine in over 2 months....that was not a big enough difference for me so I stopped taking it.

I have rededicated myself to this journey I have not come this far to only go back up the scales. Some big news for me is I am in a Large/XL top and I am in size 16 jeans....AMAZING from a 28 to 16 I am so happy and excited.

My children still remain a constant source of inspiration for this journey and I actually ran around a lake non stop with my two oldest daughters. It is about a quarter of a mile but still I ran the entire way. My daughters were cheering me on come on mommy you can do this...mommy don't stop you are going to win the race....and when I finished to get high 5's from my 7 and 9 year old daughters it meant more to me than they will ever know. I turned to my husband who was walking with our 4 year old and baby in the stoller I DID IT I ran around this lake non stop....who knew I could do it....I got tired walking around this lake before and I just ran it. I can't wait for the day that my daughters can teach me tap moves and I can take the adult tap class and perform on stage for the recital and see my girls smiling back at me. Or taking a adult gymnastics class and my little gymnast proud of me doing cart wheels across the floor.....or the day that they look at me and tell me I am skinny and I really believe them cuz they have started to tell me mommy you are skinny.

My husband and I are having some issues and I know part of it is with the weight loss. I feel like he should offer compliments but he doesn't. He is fearful I am going to leave him when I lose the weight....we are in counseling for all of this and I only hope it helps our marriage.

So I went to the gym and I worked out here is my new routine.
I go from 5am until 7am M-F and I got 3 nights a week from 9-10 I aim to burn 1250 calories a day. In the AM I do the 1000 and at night I just walk run on the treadmill for the other 250. I have incorporated weights into my routine as well working on my arms and legs so they can get skinny LOL and defined. On the weekend I go for 2 hours on Saturday to work out and Sunday I go until I burn the 1250 however long it takes.

I have also started to use Slimfast for a diet tool and I will report back how that is working. Today is my 1st day I am going to stick to it and not deviate from it.

My goal is to be down in the 220's as we celebrate New Years. My ultimate goal is to be a size 14 by Jan 1st and to be 220 lbs. I know that I can do it....I need to be dedicated and honest with my food choices and exercise.

It is great to be back again posting....I have missed it.
Michelle
on a journey one step at a time to find the skinny under my fat....hello where are you skinny?

Down 3.8 lbs!!!!

I went to WW today and cried way to many times. Today was a crazy day of celebrations and hearing everyone talk about how far they came....I had waterfalls. LOL

I got to WW early and weighed in 2nd and so excited to see 241....I am so close to the 230's I have been trying to reach the 230's for awhile....let's hope the 230's don't hang around to long either!

So after WW I went to Kohl's to look for cute clothes. I found a denim skirt in a 16 that fit and I loved it but I find myself being careful what I buy because I don't think I will stay this size for long....wishful thinking.

I have been journaling and that is keeping me on track. I have been drinking so much water I think I might float away. I have no more hunger pangs and this makes me very happy! I showed my oldest daughter the old pic of me and the new one she said ewwww when she saw my old picture. They know how hard I am working on losing this weight and they too will know if you put your best effort that is all that matters and anything can be done!

So glad to see the number on the scale today...I can't wait until next week.....I am finding the skinny under my fat!!!!!!!!!

September 2, 2009

Taken today 9-2-09

Take at the start of the journey 313 lbs

Today I started Phentermine. I am hoping that it will work. As far as side effects I have a bad taste in my mouth and I got a headache when I didn't eat. It really makes me not eat....I have no desire for food..........AMAZING!!!!

So today I am going to eat 1200 calories.

So far I have had 1 fiber 1 bar 140 calories

Cheese Sandwich on English Muffin 300 calories

I am going to take a body shot later when someone gets home and I will track my weight loss in photos weekly or maybe monthly will be better and hopefully I will find the skinny under my fat.

I realize that this drug is not for everyone and some might not think I should take it but I am going to give it a try. If I don't lose major amounts of weight I won't take it any longer. I mean I know how to do this on WW and I was doing it fine but I need a boost lately my numbers have been stalling. So I hope you all wish me luck and that you enjoy reading about my journey as I try to find the skinny under my fat.

The pictures are face shots from the beginning to a current shot of my face I took today....the difference is amazing. I can't even imagine what I will look like when I reach goal!

Had my physical!!!!

Well I went for a physical on Saturday and I got the bloodwork results back this morning...they are quick! Everything is fine THANK GOD! So the Dr. is going to get me the phentermine he will call in the prescription today. I am so excited I took Phen Fen in 97 and lost weight so this is going to just be a added boost....I hope. My Dr. said that he wants me to get to 140 so I am going to have him do a note for Weight Watchers because the WW scale is higher.

I am excited to say I have a NSV (non scale victory) to report back LOL I went shopping yesterday and I was in size 16 pants and a XL top I didn't try on Large but I bet Large would have fit too! I am so excited. I am down to 244 and my body is really changing shape.

The kids have started school I go to the gym at 5am every morning to work out before they wake up and on the weekends they come with me on Saturday and Sunday they stay home. Sunday I do crazy work out day and burn at least 1250 calories. It takes me almost 3 hours but I do it. I also have added weights to my daily routine. I do arms 1 day bottom the next. I think that is helping change the shape of my body even if the scale isn't coming down the inches are coming off!

Hope everyone is doing great!
Michelle....slowly but surely finding the skinny under my fat!

Whoa where have I been?

I have been around just not blogging much. I find myself in a rut at the moment I am maintaining not going up or down. I can't be sad I mean I am not going up right? But I am not at a point where I can maintain I need to keep going down....so you know me I DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

I went to the dr. asked for Phentermine....not sure if I spelled it right. She said no way I have done so good on my own I don't need a thing and to keep up the good work and yes it is normal to slow like this after all this time doing it and losing this much weight.

So that wasn't the answer I wanted so...... I joined a gym with 2 of my friends. A new gym with more classes and a pool....the girl who hated gyms has currently 2 gym memberships (my mom would get a kick out of that LOL)

I get up at 5 am to get to the gym by 530 and I am working my butt off to get to 1000 calories in 2 hours. I also still walk at night 5 miles but less lately usually about 3-4 times a week because of conflicts with friends schedules....I should just walk alone....hubby is having knee surgery so he can't walk with me.

I got a job as a home daycare provider so working out during the day consists of videos and doing things on my own I try to do it while the kids nap. I am going to find a way to make this all work. I am going to find the skinny under my fat.
Michelle

I don't think I will see a loss this week....

I got my period I think....it is very light and not like this normally but heck if this is the new period I will get after losing this weight I will take it LOL.
But I have been walking, getting in my water, and at the gym. Yet the scale isn't really moving. Why is it that men can lose so much fast, they don't get periods, don't give birth, seriously something is wrong with that!
Maybe next week I will have a big loss. I really want to get comfortably into a size 16 pants. I have so many cute 16 jeans and capri's my mom bought me to wear in the fall....I BETTER BE IN THEM!
I have realized that this weight is going to get slower and slower coming off. I honestly wanted to lose 25 lbs this month....reality probably 7 lbs will come off this month. I could put 7 lbs on in a week so I can't complain. I still have my moments like this morning in the shower looking at my huge belly thinking heck maybe I should just go get the Gastric Bypass and get some help with this weightloss. But I will feel like a quitter that I have come this far. I only have 109 lbs left. That sounds a lot better coming from the 178....it will feel really good to say 99 lbs not in the hundreds anymore.
I honestly can't wait to say I am in onederland.....only 44 more lbs to go to that milestone.

Oh and I have a sad announcement....my 10% keychain broke. I was running in the rain and had the baby in the carrier and the keys in my hand and I got inside the top was gone but I had the circle part that had my weights....THANK GOD! I am going to ask for another tomorrow when I go to the meeting.

You know how much those charms mean to me so I was so happy that I still had the weights!

I have been on point all week and have a new favorite thing to eat.

I take a flat out it is 1 point
1 cup brown rice 3 points
chicken breast smothered in cajun seasoning 3 points worth
1 cup veggie that we are having that night
7 point meal in a wrap it is SO GOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDD!
I cook the chicken on the stove with a tiny bit of oil so I get a oil LOL

I love hot foods so the cajun seasoning is so good on this. I made a small one yesterday with 1 point of chicken for dinner and it was enough and 1/2 cup of rice not a cup and still full. So I can make it smaller too which is great to know when I am running low on points at night.

I might make another one tonight....oh and I also started slimfast shakes this week....3 points for a caramel coffee one. It isn't that bad. But I can do a cheese sandwich for 3 points, a wheat english muffin and toping for 3 points...not so sure I will stick with the slimfast shakes we shall see. I had a coupon figured I would try it out.

I will post tomorrow and tell ya'll how I did. Wish me luck! Looking for my usual 1.2 again HAHA

1 Year Ago.....

My son has gained 14 lbs in a year

I have lost 68 lbs in a year

Me at 313 the day after I gave birth to my son...well 6.6 lbs less since that is what he weighed LOL

1 year ago today I was 34w5d pregnant with my son. I weighed 313 lbs and I was planning on taking my kids to a movie at the park to see Alvin and the Chipmunks. It was hot and muggy and I really didn't want to go but went because it seemed like a fun outing with my girlfriends and all our kids. My husband was suppose to come but he got a call around 6pm. I ran to the dollar store to pick up some munchies for the movie and opened the garage door to find my husband in tears saying to me...."My grandmother died." My heart sank for him because my grandmother had passed just 10 months before. Both of us had grandmothers who helped raise us and we lived with them because our moms were divorced when we were young. I didn't want to go to the movies I wanted to stay with him but he didn't want the kids to see him upset and he said to go. We went and left him alone for a bit. While at the movies I felt fine but a little wet down below. I never had my water break before on its own. My water had to be broken while in labor with my girls. At the end of the movie the kids wanted to go to the bathroom and I said ok I will go too. I had blood on my panties and they were very wet. OMG what is going on I am to early I was thinking. I had lost a twin in this pregnancy what is happening? I got home called the Dr and said look my husbands Grandmother passed she is a 8 hour ride away should I go? She said if I am not leaking in the am it is ok. But if I am to not go and come in to be checked....no contractions nothing was going on. We told the girls what happened and went to bed. At 430am my neighbors car alarm went off and I jumped out of bed thinking it was our car alarm and whoosh my water broke as I stood up water came down my legs and I thought ON NO THIS IS IT! We called my girlfriend packed my bag cause it still was not packed and dropped the kids off. How is it that my son who while my grandmother was dieing I whispered in her ear "When you get to heaven can you ask God to send us a son?" and I got pregnant the next month. We had to use fertility treatments with our 1st 2 kids. The day my husbands grandmother dies is the day I start labor for our much awaited miracle son. I gave birth in such a cloud of emotion. My son was born and I looked to my husband and said as your Grandmother's sun set our Sons sun rose. The entire room of nurses and my Dr both were in tears knowing about how our son came to us and that my husband lost his grandmother the day before. I was happy yet sad my husband was leaving the next day to go to his grandmothers funeral and that my mom was coming in and she would take me home from the hospital and our son would come home to a house without his daddy. My husband tells me today that that weekend was a blurr to him and that he didn't know what way to feel happy sad each emotion brought him back to the other and he was confused. While alone with my baby boy at night I whispered in his ear "Thank God for you and Thank God that you will NEVER know me fat." I was on WW when I got pregnant with him and I started that first meal with the plan. I ate the hospital food doing the best I could at counting points. I had lost weight very fast in the beginning of this journey and I am sure it had to do with breastfeeding and following the plan. 1 year later and I am down 68 lbs. My son will never know me fat. I still have 114 lbs to lose to get to my goal of 130 lbs but I know that I can do it. I am well on my way to the Skinny Under My Fat.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy! You were a gift sent from heaven welcomed into our arms.

If you can handle 1 more miracle.....

When they came to do the photographer pictures at the hospital I asked for a album to look at the work. The 1st picture a baby girl was in the exact same outfit that my last daughter got to come home from the hospital in from my Grandmother. It was like my grandmother sent me yet again another sign she was with me.

I like to think our son was kissed in heaven on his way to our loving arms by both his grandmothers.

I know my grandmother would be so proud of me tackling this weight issue head on. She always battled with weight her entire life and she always said do it while you are young it gets harder as you get older.

Down 1.2 again 3 weeks in a row

Really is that my number? Ok so I have had issues with going to the gym, I have been at party after party. Have another one this weekend for my sons 1st bday. I need to get my head back in the game!!!!

I need to lose 1.2 more next week LOL that number AGAIN! I will get another 5 lb star for my bookmark. Little rewards mean so much to me on this journey how about you?

Someone asked me what my reward to myself will be when I get to 100 lbs. My friend is buying a coach bag, I read about ladies taking a spa day, or one lady got a diamond ring from her husband. Me I think I just want to celebrate staring at my certificate from WW maybe put it on the machine I am working on to keep me motivated. I think they get a certificate we have a member a guy who is down 90.4 lbs in our meeting we are anxious to see what our leader does for 100 lbs only 10 more lbs to go he will be down in 2 weeks I am sure. He loses so fast but men always do....big losers LOL

I was sitting by the pool yesterday and thinking about how big my swimsuit was on me. I am wearing on my size 16/18 frame a size 28 tankini, 30 skirt, and 28 bikini bottom. When I dive into the pool my bottoms come off and my top is a big fly away mess. I am not getting another bathing suit because I am tight with money and I refuse to waste money on a 16-18 suit when next year I WILL BE a size 8. I asked my girlfriend who is on this journey too if she kept her size 16 pants and jeans from last winter she said yea I can have them to wear before she gives them away she said sure. I am getting to slim pickings in my clothes and you gotta see my shirts. I am currently sitting in my work out pants and a 4x tee shirt to go walking....not a pretty sight. I laugh at the thought of me going into the gym in clothes that actually fit and the people thinking wow she really lost weight!

I am going to run literally. I am going to the gym to work off the drinks and food I had last night at MNO. Way to much fun with my girls making smores, drinking in the hot tub and me jumping in the pool to swim laps after a few drinks....not a good idea.

Have a great day everyone!
Michelle who is slowly but surely finding the skinny under my fat even if it is 1.2 lbs a week ;-)

Down 1.2 lbs this week...bday cake week AMAZING

So I was down this week. I thought for sure I would be up. But only 1.2 but hey it is down. I was sitting in my meeting thinking ok if I did 1.2 for the next 50 weeks I would be down 60 lbs in basically a year. Seriously??????????? I want more than 60 lbs. But this year I lost so far 68 lbs. I had a baby so 30 lbs of that was pregnancy weight. So realistically 60 lbs isn't anything to be ashamed with. Is it as fast as I would have wanted? ummmmmmmm NO I mean really I thought ok the weight is falling off and in my mind I thought I would be in the 130's at this point. I didn't take into account my months at plateau.

I am working at this it is a daily struggle. I walk and go to the gym. I am going to swim whenever I can and get as active as possible. I need this weight gone. A friend who was at 300 1 year ago and yes is down to 160's not quite sure how she did it LOL she works out and eats right and never cheats. But she told me the other day that just losing the weight didn't make her happy like she thought she would be. She said I still have the same problems and I still see myself fat. It got me thinking well I assume that my life will be perfect when I am a size 8. It won't be just because I am a size 8. I also know that life is short so I am starting to take the attitude you only live once and it isn't forever so seize the day. I have started telling people things that I normally wouldn't. Like when I think they are making a mistake I tell them. When they say something stupid or rude I tell them. When my kids ask me to have a sleepover on the hard floor I say yes. Doing a cannonball into a friends pool...I do it. Not worrying that people will be like that fat chick is doing what? The pool will be empty when she jumps in from all the water coming out.....instead I do it to see my children's faces and to laugh with them.

My kids come to WW with me. They play in the playroom next door and my oldest will sneak in and say mommy how many points did you lose? She doesn't understand pounds or points. She goes in and tells her 2 little sisters and they each come in 1 by 1 to congratulate me. It is so cute. They worked out with me the other day and walked the track about 2 miles they had fun. It was fun to them not working out!

I am glad that a pound and some change came off my body today....hoping for more next week.
Michelle

OMG Found this old photo Comparison shot

Me in 2006 OMG Me in 2009

Ok so I am uploading pics to snapfish in case my computer crashes and I saw this old photo. I remember taking this in 2006 thinking I look cute. This top is kinda sexy cut low and I really loved my lipstick. I thought I looked cute....I look inflated. ughhhhhhhhhhhh

My Birthday...DREADED CAKE

So it was my Bday on Sunday I turned the big 35. This is a big number for me because I started my weight loss journey so that when I got to 35-36 the age when most of my family and friends went downhill health wise (diabetes, cholesterol issues) and I didn't want that to happen to me.

I have a addiction that I have not conquered yet. I am addicted to food. I love it. I crave it. I need to eat it and it makes me feel better. I have not gotten to the point where I can turn away from food when I am upset, happy, whatever feeling. It is a illness I admit it and I am trying to change it.

Knowing this my when my husband asked me what kind of cake I wanted I said let's go for ice cream it will cost the same as a cake and it won't be sitting in the house and I won't have to worry about eating it. He said no a cake is a tradition. Well we see where that tradition has gotten us. Diabetes for him, severly obese for me, and 4 kids who can easily be both of what we have.

He left in the middle of the afternoon got my car detailed and brought home cake, flowers, and cards. I was upset inside telling myself you can do this just have your one piece and be done. Oh and he brought home ice cream 1/3 of the fat breyers cookies and cream and vanilla. After dinner (I was willing to eat a birthday dinner of my choice not dessert that would be in the house) of nachos with lean meat, tortilla chips and light sour cream and cheddar cheese the cake comes out! It was a huge double layer fudge cake with big pieces of chocolate cake on top. I have a picture in this post of one that is similar but mine was huge!

It was me, my husband, and 3 little girls eating this monstrous cake. We had a little over a 1/2 on Sunday. Monday I ate cake and ice cream for breakfast lunch and dinner. 3x cake and ice cream. I actually went and walked 5 miles last night came home watched the bachelorette and I told my husband when I was leaving please make the cake disappear. Please throw it out or you eat it so I don't see it when I get home. I went to get a drink the cake was in the fridge it was midnight I ate the last piece which was really the size of 2 pieces. No ice cream though! I am mad at myself but also feel like I NEED HELP! No he didn't put the cake in my mouth, no he didn't tell me eat this or I will leave you. He just did what most people do for birthdays and had cake for me. But why can't he see that things I shouldn't eat are like a alcoholic going to a bar for the peanuts. They know they shouldn't have a drink but they do and they just let it go and have as many as they want.

I am battling a addiction. I can't say no. I am fine when it isn't in the house. I don't go out to get ice cream or cake at a drive thru and not have it in the house I just don't eat it. I can't have it in my home. I really need to talk to him about this or even doing cupcakes so that way we each have a little piece and that is it they are gone.

I feel bad....the scale is up....I need to work out even harder to get this cake off my body and I need to move on. I need to talk to my husband and make sure that he is on the same page as me and know that I am serious about it. I might have him look at this post so he knows how I feel ughhhh why me???? Why can't I be the skinny girl who can eat whatever she wants but not gain weight!
Michelle

Summer Vacation is bad for exercise

I have been doing so bad working out since school let out. My schedule is out of whack. I need to get back into the gym. I have not been in the gym in a week I am still working out at night walking 5 miles but I need the gym. I cleaned out the pool well the pond that we call our pool and I was squatting spic and spanning the thing. My legs are in so much pain but I still keep walking. The pool is finally clean kids are swimming and I need to get my water aerobics kit and do some in the pool at night too!

I weighed in at 247 today. Why when I reach a goal do I sabotage it and I gained weight? I actually lost this week the week before I was up 2.2 this week I am down 1.2. I am counting points still thank God or I would be in even worse shape.

On a lighter note I do fit into a size 16 at Cato and I wear a size 1 from Lane Bryant LOL! A size 1 why did they ever change that? But I do like saying I am a size 1 HAHA

My skin is getting really nasty. I know I shouldn't worry about it I should just worry about the fat coming off my body but OMG my arms are flabby, my legs when I put a leg up on the ottoman I see at the top of my leg all this excess skin. GROSS GROSS GROSS.

I am going to try to get my butt into gear and get into bed by 1030 pm at night so I can get up at 530 for the gym. I have been getting up at 8 and my kids go insane in the gym and I feel bad to keep them in the gym for almost 2 hours while I work out.

Wish me luck!
Michelle

Snakes vs Walking THEY WIN!

So we went to a favorite ice cream shop with our friends. I had a kids sherbert LOL. It is about 8 miles away so I said to my friends who are all dieting too let's walk home. We do 5 miles a night walking together on the track this could be fun. So only 1 said ok. I didn't even think about the route and my fears
1. no sidewalks we live in the country but are all from Long Island NY and NJ
2. critters aka SNAKES!!!!
3. dogs
4. creepy men driving by
5. dark streets and it was 730 when we started out

So we walk and the ice cream place is in farm country and the first house we see I know from driving by that they have pit bulls. I tell my friend yep that is a pit so make no eye contact let's keep walking. They must have had a electric fence cause he stayed in the yard. But as we walk by the house my friend starts screaming SNAKE SNAKE did I mention I am deathly afraid of snakes? In the 5th grade I opened a book to a picture of one and threw it across the room they called my mom in to see if I was ok. As a child I grew up in FL until I was 6 and my brothers would torture me with snakes I think and lizards as any reptile really scares the beejezzies out of me.
So we start running and the dog is barking and I am fearing that this damn snake is going to jump up and get either one of us and the dog is going to finish us off. My friend turns and says the dog is not coming and the snake is dead. But it is red. What the hell kind of snake is red? So we are walking in the middle of a road which by the way is a busy road 2 lanes and speed limit 55 and we come upon a recreational grass airport. I refuse to walk in the grass so I am in the road and we have a car that is turning out....well a van of men who start screaming and beeping at us.....Hello keep moving or get pulled into the van I am thinking. I was way to many CSI shows. So we are moving....I am keeping my eyes on the road and grass and see another freaking snake. It was black and greenish large and coiled up right on the side of the road in the grass. I scream to my friend, "Run it is a snake it is poised to attack!!!" I am in the middle of the road running in circles snake snake snake! She can't see it and is following me in circles. I scream give me your phone as she is pushing me out of the road to the other side of traffic so we can see cars coming cause I almost killed us in the road! I call my husband and tell him come get us! I am not walking home snakes are out to get us and we might just be moving if we have this many snakes here! So we are walking to this home community that is vacant no one is buying houses and what do we see another dead snake in the road in the subdivision!!!! So my husband got us he dropped us off at the track by our house and we walked 3 miles, we did at least a 1/2 mile on the snake infested road and a 1/2 mile walk back to my house to get home. So in all 4 miles at least for the day.

I got a pedometer at walmart 5.00 not to bad right! It tracks steps and miles so I started yesterday with it. I did over 12K steps and I walked 3+ miles. I didn't go work out yesterday got my period and really didn't feel like working out. I took the kids for a 1 1/2 mile walk on the track yesterday but that was it.

I go to get weighed in tomorrow my scale is up 2 lbs so I am probably going to be up but I am ok with it I was PMS'ing and didn't do so great these last 3 days.
Hoping the scale is moving in the right direction for you all!
Michelle

I got my charm!!!!

LOL Finally after so many months I made it to 52 lbs down with WW and 67.6 lbs gone from my body since July 11, 2008. I am so excited and only 23 more to 75 ;-)

I lost 4.4 lbs this week just like 2 weeks ago. Guess that might be my magic number. I am going to keep working out like I have been and I lost a point with this loss since I am down to 245.8! So that will be fine. I have not weighed this since 2000. I met my husband around 210-220 range I believe. I will feel really good at that point and wonderful when I get to my goal weight of 135.

135 is a good point for me. The top for my height is 141 with WW. I would like to be 135 so I thnk that is a good weight for me. But I will have to get to that point. So I am at the oint of 110 lbs left! That sounds better vs needing to lose 170 lbs!

Thank you for sharing in my journey! I am going out for a MNO tonight with my girlfriends to celebrate. Applebee's where they have the WW Menu LOL!
Michelle

Letter to me

I read a letter someone wrote to herself on bootcamp buddies and decided that is a fun activity and I am going to write myself a letter for 1 year from today.

June 8, 2010

Dear Michelle,

Funny as a kid 2010 sounded so far away and I thought we would be flying instead of driving cars on the streets. I imagined we would have robots for maids and live like the Jetsons. I never imagined myself at 313 lbs. But MAJOR KUDOS to you girl you got it off and you look amazing and probably feel pretty damn good.

I hope your 10th anniversary with Erik was amazing. That you got to wear the gown of your dreams. And who could not forget the amazing 2nd honeymoon you took with your husband. Not like your 1st honeymoon 7 months pregnant and in Atlantic City because you couldn't travel far due to being so pregnant....who would have wanted to anyway being that big.

How is it shopping in stores you dreamed of and out of the plus size departments? I bet your closet is full and your husband tells you to stop it with clothes. Oh and your bathing suit....I bet they don't have skirts anymore do they?

Most of all I want to say to you....YOU ROCKED IT. You took your own time doing this but you DID IT! You are a inspiration to your children, you have found the Skinny Under You Fat, and welcome to the life you always dreamed about. May you continue to do kart wheels with your daughters, and learn to play flag football with your son.

I love you. I love your determination. I love your dedication. I love your stretch marks they are your badges of honor for your 4 amazing kids. They are your proof of how far you came from and why you should never go back. Keep your head in the game don't give up because you will always have to work to keep your weight in check but you have proven beyond a doubt that YOU CAN DO IT!

Hugs and kisses and I am so proud of you!
Michelle who found the skinny under her fat!

The scale is going DOWN

I have been working out like a beast and it is paying off. I have been keeping track of my water intake, keeping on point and getting in 1000-1500 calories burned a day doing exercise. I am down since last Thursdays WI 5 lbs on my scale at home. I am always 1 lb heavier on my scale at home vs the WW one so I am down so far 6 lbs with WW.
I went to the store today to try on size 16's they still don't fit but the 18's are not giving me muffin tops anymore they fit just right...I was hoping the 16's would be really tight but I think I need to get down another 15-20 lbs to get into a 16. My top is a XL or LG depending on the top cut but gosh my butt is so big. My friend told me I will look like Kim Kardashian when I lose weight and get to goal....ughhh I hate her body. I hate that big butt. My butt and thighs are huge. My husband says he doesn't want me to get to thin he likes a girl with meat on her. OHHHH and yesterday I came back from a 5 mile walk I am laying on the couch and start doing leg lifts. I notice my outer and inner legs are so loose. I have so much loose skin already. I made him come over and check it out.....ewwwwwwwwwww. I met a lady at the track she lost 150+ lbs at the track just walking. She has so much excess skin the Dr said she has 25 lbs of excess skin. I don't want to be like that. I told my DH to start saving money because I am going to have the skin surgery and tummy tuck to get it all off when I get to goal. LOL
I am so excited to see what Thur brings. I am hoping I top my 6.6 biggest weight loss in one week. I am wishing for 7 lbs gone!
Thanks so much for sharing in my journey as you are on your own too! Hopefully we will all find the skinny under our fat!

Not a budge on the scale

Well after all the working out, tracking my food, and water I am exactly the same 250.2. I am sad that it didn't move but glad it didn't go up.

My leader was not at the meeting we had a sub and she was so boring so I breathed a sigh that ok I didn't get my 50 lb charm but I wanted to get it from Carolyn my leader anyway. So next week!

I am going back walking tonight to do 6 miles. I did one mile at the track this morning....my gym was closed. My gym is closing locations in the dead of night all over our state....I freaked when I went at 530 and they were closed this am. Well the guy overslept I stayed until 6 he arrived at 615. But hey tomorrow I will go in at 530am to work out.

Next week will be a big loss it has to be!
Michelle

6.6 miles and helpful calculator for points

Well today I walked 6.6 miles at the track. My scale is not moving. Not sure what that is about I am just going to wait to see what the WW scale says. I just need 1.8 to get my damn charm God I hope I get it this week. How frustrating is that just trying to get a little metal charm to put on a tarnished ring....BUT DAMN IT I WANT THAT CHARM!

When I started out walking my shins were killing me and I thought hell no this is not going to work tonight. But I walked away the pain and it felt fine. My walking buddies left and I walked alone for a mile. Nice to clear your mind and just walk at your own pace.

Well I was looking up how many calories I would have to eat vs burn to lose weight. My formula says if I eat 1500 calories a day burn 1500 calories and my base line burned for my height and weight was 1871 a day burned I would lose 3.74 lbs a week. I put in 2000 calories burned and still only 4.74 but really burning 2000 calories a day I would have to walk for about a hour and a half and do the gym for 2 hours. That is just to much for 1 lb a week and to much time away from my family.

So if you want to see your chart look at this page and have a pen paper and calculator handy.
http://www.ehow.com/how_2088168_lose-weight-counting-calories.html

Tomorrow my game plan is go to the gym at 530
Elliptical for 2o min 240 calories burned
Bike for 10 min 100 calories burned
Stairstepper for 20 min 200 calories burned
Treadmill 1 mile 15 min 160 calories burned
700 calories total

At night I am going to walk the track walk 5 miles for 800 calories so 1500 total burned for the day.

Thanks so much for your motivational posts! It really keeps me going and I love reading your blogs to see what you are doing and how I can incorporate some of that into my life too!
Sharing in this journey is the best!
Michelle

5am Gym Days & trial 5K Run

I am in the gym looking around as people walk in. So many of them have garment bags with them and carrying some nice high heels or nice shoes. I tell ya I get up at 445am and head off to the gym. I can't imagine going to shower and to work for 8 hours after a 2 hour workout. My God these people make me tired thinking about it.

I sit here on my couch with my kids playing around me wanting to take a nap. I ate lunch had 4 points of cereal....had 3 points of waffles for breakfast. Tonight I am making some chicken but if I have enough points I might eat the tacos I make for the family tonight.

I went yesterday for a walk with my friend we tried to do the 5K that she signed up for next weekend. We got lost and made it 4 miles instead of 3.2 LOL. We took a bit longer then what we hoped....1 hour 20 minutes. We got lost and were asking for directions and walking with a map LOL But we walk at night too at the track and tonight I am going to walk 5 miles on the track.

My eyes are getting heavy and I am so sleepy. I am off to take a cat nap and dream of being skinny under my fat ;-)

Down 4.4 lbs this week 1.2 more to medal!

Well I did good...I should be happy but I so wanted that 50 lbs medal this week. Oh well next week for sure....God Willing!

I think my house scale is broke one second it says 247 the next 254 the next 250.4. My husband said Michelle it isn't going to change stop getting on it when I got on the 2nd time after weighing myself a few seconds before. He saw the number and said ok the thing is broke how is it giving you such random numbers. So I think it needs batteries so I will not be going by that scale. I am going to start using the one in the gym it is a Dr type scale and I have not been able to weigh myself without pushing over the 250 pt in forever!!!!

I am 250.2 according to WW so maybe in 2 days I will weigh again in the gym. I can't wait to be out of this decade I will be thrilled!

Thanks so much for the motivation to keep going on. It is a long road ahead but I know we can do it together!
Hugs
Michelle

Hi Ho Hi Ho its off to work out I go....

Wow last night I went walking with 2 of my girlfriends. I got to the track a little later and they had walked 1 mile already. I walked 4 miles with them. It started to rain we kept walking we were sweaty already ya know. So we were laughing so hard at the conversation it was a fun work out. I made a plan to work out at 530am the next morning with one of them and we went to the gym. I did over 500 calories in the morning. I did 225 on the stairstepper, 285 on the bike and I am going back tonight walking. I will do another 4 miles tonight. I put on my pants that my mom bought me....she got me every size jean at the start of summer in 18-16-15-14 and the 18's are a little loose in the waist the 16's are on and tight but hey they are on....not for public viewing the muffin top might scare people away LOL.

I go to get weighed in tomorrow at 930 am. Do you think it would be ok if I went to work out at 530 am or would that add weight to me? I want to be down enough to get my 50 lb charm at WW wish me luck! If not next week I will definetly get it. I needed to lose 6.2 lbs to get it so I am not counting on that much of a loss but hopefully 4 lbs.

I ate so far today:
Oatmeal 6 points I was starving after the gym
Cheese sandwich 4 points
For dinner I will have a grilled chicken wrap with brown rice and veggies.
Snacks yogurt, pretzels, graham crackers 6 points total
cookies 4 points

I am nervous about tomorrow but excited too!
Michelle

Some exciting News!

Me this past weekend in my goal shirt I bought months ago for 3.99 on clearance LOL

Me in 16 work out clothes a bit tight but hey they are on!

Me in my goal top that was so tight before but I wore it out the 1st time and it was big falling off my shoulders!!!

Ok maybe not for you but for me this is huge! I have been trying to hard to get into the next decade and my scale reads 250.0 I need to lose a tad more and I will be in the next decade. To say I was 313 and say I am 240 something will be huge to me. In almost 11 months I so need to do this THIS week! If I get to 248 at WW I will get my 50lb WW charm!!!! I want that damn charm.

So this morning I went to the gym I did the stairstepper to burn 225 calories going up 44 flights of stairs. The bike I did 125 and rode 5.1 miles. I walked 1.60 and the baby was done and wanted out of the childcare area so I burned 193. I was close to 600 calories so tonight I am going back to the gym and will do the Elliptical and burn 200 calories and go to the treadmill to walk run 3 miles.

Here is some more good news!
My measurements
Sept 2008 May 2009 8 months later
59 waist 47 1/2 11 1/2 inches gone
20 calf 17 1/2 2 1/2 inches gone
14 arm 12 1/2 1 1/2 inches gone
48 bust 39 9 inches gone
TOTAL INCHES LOST 24 1/2 inches
Weight lost in 8 months 30 lbs
Lesson learned....the scale might not be moving like I want but my body is changing and that is a good thing.

Made it thru the weekend and I am proud

I was very scared about this weekend and the BBQ's. I was at pool parties for each so I knew I would be working off some calories.
Today I didn't count I know you only count on the days you want to lose weight.....
But I ate
3 pt waffles
cheeseburger with lil ketchup, mustard and pickles
Some scoopable chips with dip made with chili cheese and cream cheese....very very bad for me so I ate only 5 and didn't dip each one.
I had 3 wine coolers and those have empty calories :-(
I ate a WW cupcake I made that is only 2 pts
crackers 4 pts

Looking at this typed up I don't think I went over my 31 points and my activity points I earned because.................... I walked this morning for 2 hours with my girlfriends. We found a new walking trail they just did by our subdivision we got out of the house at 9 and didn't make it back until 11. I was sweating like a beast and ran some but not much. It was so hot outside.

Later that night when we were at the pool party everyone was leaving I told my friends lets go do the laps. I did laps up and down the pool using various methods, breaststroke, backstroke, anything I could think of. We got out the noodles and did some water aerobics. Stomach crunches, moving using only our arms sitting on the noodle, and spinning with the noodle holding us up with our arm. We worked out for about 40 minutes in the pool.

Tomorrow morning back into the gym where I will go for 2 hours in the am. I want to get to my 1000 calories for the day in the am. At night I will go again with my friend and we will do weight training.

I am so motivated and I realized maybe winter is not my time. Maybe that will always be my struggle. Maybe I need a bathing suit to motivate me. I feel like I have my butt in gear and I can do this. My girlfriend said I am so motivated and obsessed about this that this time it is going to work. Yea it is because if it doesn't I will die trying LOL. I will do whatever it takes!

Good night Talk to you later!
Michelle

Nike Attitude....Just Do It......

I was at the gym today and I was on the treadmill a older lady maybe in her late 40's came next to me to do the treadmill. We are going about the same pace and we are working out side by side. I get off after a 1.5 walk run and go to the Elliptical she comes to the Elliptical near me and she says you have that Nike Attitude. I said really what is that? She says you just do it. Good for you and I want to tell you that you are doing great....keep it up! I was so happy.

You see I am a big girl in the gym I don't let it bother me. I run on the treadmill. I have sweat coming down my face, arms, legs, and my clothes are drenched when I leave. I often crack people up when trying out new machines with my laughter and asking questions from the guys who know what the hell they are doing. I love my gym!

Today I went to my friends for a party....she is on WW too down 85 lbs in 19 months. We decided to swim laps in her pool I did 50 laps before it started pouring and we had to go in. We are walk running a 5K tomorrow morning. I have been at the gym Fri, Sat, Sun for 2 hours at a time buring 1000 calories. I am so losing this week and if I don't hello ISSUES!!!!

She said I can come swim anytime in her pool and we are going to get water aerobics things for the pool. Hopefully the pool will do something for me.

Today I hate
wheat waffles 3 points
fiber 1 bar 2 points
2 graham crackers 2 points
key lime pie 3 points
pizza 6 points
ziti small little bit 3 points
garlic knots 4 points
crackers (way to many of these and the point value is way to high to ever eat these again) 8 points
Total 32 points not the most healthy day but it was a fun day.

Tomorrow is another BBQ day but at another pool so I will be doing laps again.
Happy Memorial Day!
Michelle

I have a choice daily

I can go to the gym or stay home
I can stay on point or go over...or sometimes go under

This is all me. I was up .6 this week and I stayed under at 20 points this week.....my hard head had to see it on the scale to believe what everyone was telling me.

So today I went to the gym 2x already and it is only 1:13pm. I dropped the kids off at school at 9 and headed to the gym until 1020. The baby was crying and I was at 750 calories burned. I wanted to burn 1000 and do weights for 20 minutes. So I got the baby went home fed him and had breakfast myself. Some whole wheat waffles and sugar free syrup 3 points total. In addition to my fiber 1 bar this am which was 2 points I had 5 points so far. I got my little girl at preschool at noon and headed back to the gym with her. Hopefully her baby brother will be happier having his sister with him. It worked. I went back to the gym and got on the stairstepper did 35 flights of stairs and burned 200 calories and went to the elliptical where I did 1.5 miles and burned 202 calories so I met my 1000 calories today and actually did 1100!!!!

I got home and got out my flat out bread italian style and put some marinara in and 6 slices of pepperoni and not even 1/2 a cup of fat free cheese and made my own hot pocket for 7 points. I am at 12 points for the day.....1100 calories down and weight training down.

I had a choice to go to the gym or stay home. I had a choice in that meeting when I was told Good Job Michelle you went down 3.2 and I freaked out excited to hear another big loss.....only to have her say oh wait you went to a different center last week please get back on the scale and she says oh I am sorry honey you are up .6.....heart sinks rush out to the bathroom and want to scream and saying to myself all the while..........WHY AM I DOING THIS? Why don't I just get the damn gastric bypass surgery my dr. talked about? Why don't I just give up and live at 250ish pounds? Why don't I just quit and let whatever happens happens?

BECAUSE I MADE A CHOICE!
I made good choices so far today and let's hope that it keeps up. My game plan for the rest of today is this:
Dinner some chicken breast that I have been marinating in Italian Seasoning since yesterday a 1/2 cup of brown rice and a veggie mixture that I am going to try. Have I told you I hate Veggies? That would be a understatement but I have to try them. I need to eat more filling foods so I am going to try it.

I have popcorn for 1 point as a snack and while on carpool today I will have 7 wheat pretzels for 2 points. I will figure out the rest of my points for the day after I weigh my chicken tonight to see how many points I have. I am going to a carnival with the kids so hopefully I will have enough points left over for the day to have a treat but if not....I have a choice to make and I hopefully will make the right one.

Tomorrow I will get up and head to the gym after dropping my little girl off at gymnastics for 2 hours so hopefully I will be able to get those 1000 calories burned again and the 3 other kids will hang out in childcare and let mommy do her thing!

This week up .6 next week who knows. I got my period this week too so hopefully I will see a loss cause this momma needs it. I am sad....discouraged.....but trying to make the choice to stay the course. I know I can do this......I want this so bad!
Michelle

How much have you lost in a year?

Just curious what everyone has lost in a year. I am so trying to lose 100 lbs total by my year anniversary of WW which is August 12. My friend has lost over 125 lbs exercising and eating right in 10 months. She said I can do it the 100 lbs total I have 41 more to go if I am consistent in the exercise dept. AND eating right. But seriously I wonder what the heck she is eating. I am working out more than she was and still my weight is all over the place up down up down.

My husband told me today to not get on the scale at home anymore so I think it might end up in the garage sale. I have been thinking back on what happened in November when I stopped losing weight so fast.
A few things
1. mom came to visit and I felt like crap about myself so self sabotage
2. breastfeeding started to slow down eventually ending
3. got the scale
4. joined the town gym
5. started working out with a new friend

So my mom I need to stop letting her negativity control my weight loss or my self esteem. Breastfeeding well that isn't happening again LOL but I have to admit I did try to get my supply back and up he was not a willing participant so I stopped. He wasn't gaining weight with the weight I was losing he was not gaining and the dr. told me I had to do formula. I got that scale which I weigh myself at least every 2 hours....I am bad. I joined a small town gym with a neighbor. She is 160 and needs to lose about 30 lbs. She is a great walking partner if I want to walk and talk but she doesn't have the large amount I have to lose and she doesn't need to work out as hard as me. I need to push myself to not being able to speak where she doesn't. So when I was working out with her I didn't push myself.

So anyway back to the original topic....I tend to go off at times and skip topics. Can you share what you have lost in a year with your dieting and exercise plans?
Thanks
Michelle

I lost 4 lbs!!!!

So this week was a bad week emotionally for me and I still lost...perhaps my mind won this battle and I turned more for the large jug of water I carry with me vs. the food. I did have on our 1st night in VA way to many slices of pizza and I said I don't care at that point and ate it. I felt sick afterwards. On our way home from VA I ate at Five Guys burger place and got the big burger......not a smart idea but still down 4 lbs. I weighed in and the lady said good job down 4 lbs and I was in shock! She said sometimes your body needs that it needs a jump start. So not bad down 6 lbs in 2 weeks...perhaps the plateau has been broken!

I am excited again about this journey hopeful that I will be able to get to my goal.

My mother in law was laid to rest on Thursday and it was so heartbreaking but I know that she is in heaven looking down on all of us. She is no longer in pain and that brings us all comfort. I regret she will never get to see me here on earth skinny. My husbands family who have not seen me in sometime were all wowed and said what have you been doing? I laughed because some of them the last time they saw me was at our wedding and I was the same weight. I guess my shape has changed since they last saw me but the numbers are still the same.

My 50 lb charm at WW is only 5.6 lbs away. Hopefully I can get it this May!!! I will officially be down 65 lbs when I get the charm.

Here's to another good week for us all!
Michelle

My MIL Died 5-8-09

My mother in law passed away on Friday. My husband and his family were all with her. He made the drive from NC to VA (4 hours but took 6 with a major accident) and she died within the hour of him getting to her hospital bed. He said her eyes were moving when he started to talk to her. I believe she was waiting for him. She couldn't speak to him or see him but she could hear him.

My heart is breaking for him and his family. So close to Mother's Day and he forgot today when he called me and I told him the kids wanted to call his mom today....they don't know yet we will tell them together when he comes home tomorrow. The funeral and services will be later in the week so he is coming to get me and we will go together back to VA.

Please keep them in your prayers.
Michelle

Prayers Please-My MIL is sick

Ok so this isn't about weight but it is about my life. My MIL and I aren't really that close I always felt like I took her only son away. We lived in VA and moved to NC....we lived blocks away from her so it hurt I am sure. But we had to do what was best for our family. Anyway she was never in that great of health. Lupus, diabetes, and severe foot issues requiring surgery.

Well Saturday my husband gets a call that she was brought to the hospital. She was in severe pain. Seems she has been in pain for 2 weeks the Drs. were telling her to go to the hospital she said no. She went for a MRI the machine was broken they rescheduled for this week but by Saturday the pain got to be to bad and she told her husband let's go to the hospital. Well they found spots on her liver and kidneys. She had biopsies done on Tuesday and we are awaiting the results. She had a full body scan on Wednesday and we haven't heard the results yet.

I lost my grandmother 20 months ago. My mom was a single mother my grandmother helped raise me we lived with her and my gpa after my parents divorced when I was 6. It was as if I lost my mom and I am telling you I have no idea how to help my husband. I want to be with him, help hold him up while awaiting these test results. I remember laying on the floor crying awaiting the news she made it out of surgery alive. I will never forget sitting with her for 7 days in hospice and as she took her last breath. I don't want that to happen to my husband or anyone for that matter. His mom is only in her late 50's she is a wonderful woman and I am asking you to please pray for her. Pray for my husband. I am hoping that this is just some fluke thing and maybe a infection but they are telling us be prepared for the worse case.

We are heading up to VA this weekend. Please keep us in your prayers on our journey. Somehow todays WI doesn't seem so important afterall.
Hugs,
Michelle

I got hurt

I was walking out the door to the gym and I didn't land right when I took the stop down from the door...I heard a pop and I couldn't put weight on my left ankle. That was 2 nights ago and I have gone to the gym and I have been working out on it but it is hurting really bad today. I even ran for 7 MINUTES STRAIGHT!!!! I think I have a bad sprain or something. I feel like it is rubbing or something when it hurts. It is at random times. If I am sitting for awhile and I go to get up it hurts. Or even walking if my foot turns a certain wait it hurts.

My husband said not to run anymore until I feel 100% and if not better by Friday to make a appt. for Friday with the Dr. I will see....speaking of my husband it is 9 years ago today that we got married. Who knew we would end up so far from where we lived when we met and in a new state with 4 amazing little ones. I am at the weight I was when we got married so that is pretty cool....but I was also 7 months pregnant LOL

My pants that I wore and they were so tight I have noticed are not so tight they are getting loose. I love that feeling. I really hope that my plateau is over tomorrow! I am going to WW in a pair of light cotton shorts and light cotton tee so that I will be light....I have to go to my daughters dress rehersal afterwards so I am bringing clothes I would let people see me in LOL to change into afterwards. We are going into the meeting before the actual center opens so we can get weighed in and say goodbye to our receptionist who is leaving....we love her!

I am so thrilled with the progress I have made with the treadmill. I really need to just keep going. While on it I said to myself over and over if you are not throwing up or dieing or passing out don't stop! I just kept making myself go. I was walking for 5 minutes at first to warm up and started to run. It felt great to know I could do it that long.

I am going to start weights this next week. I think my body is used to doing the same things and I need to add more weights into it. Also the gym has a large basketball court that some ladies go out and work out in privacy...I might do that too. I really want to try that balance thing it is like a ball on one side and flat on the other. I want to do that I hear it is to build your core strength. I also so a sit up machine I want to try.

Be on the lookout for tomorrows update....hopefully I am down at least 3-4 lbs!!! I hope so!
Michelle

Inspiration

Reading everyones blogs really puts into perspective how hard of a battle this is for everyone not just me. I find I beat myself up and do the wrong things like say ok well I am up 2 lbs let me just go and get a small fries to ease the pain....yea that small fry turns into a large fry, burger, and shake cause I am so upset. I need to be more like my blogging buddies and go to the gym when I get upset.

I love seeing everyones before and after pictures. Or reading about dropping sizes....who doesn't love that? Also reading about jiggle LOL as a future jiggler I will welcome the jiggle as long as the fat that was filling it out is all gone.

I am down again today and so excited. I have been making wise food choices and drinking lots and lots of water. My daughter weighed herself today she is 84 lbs. At her age I was 130 lbs at 8. She told me she wants to be 72 lbs. I told her whatever she wants she has to work for it. She said she would. Not that I would let her get to 72 lbs and I am not even sure where she pulled that number out of her head. I would like her to lose and get to 78 6 lbs gone on her won't be bad. She has a belly and I want to help her lose that. But she doesn't have to. Again wise food choices and bit more activity is all it will take with her.

Perhaps my dedication and weight loss will inspire those around me to do something about it. You have a choice stay fat or do something about it. I choose to do something about it.

Scale is moving down

Ok so the scale is moving in the right direction.
My home scale I weigh myself in the am I get up go and pee and get on the scale in only underwear LOL maybe a bit TMI.

So since last Sat
Sat 262.2
Sun 261.4
Mon 262.6
Tues 263.2
Wed 262.8
Thur 261.2
Fri 258.6
Sat 258.2

So that is down 4 lbs in a week on my home scale! YEA!!!! I am so excited. I really want to get this weight off. I realized with our anniversary coming up 9 years on Wednesday that I wanted to renew our vows in my dream gown. I hated my wedding gown and I want a do over. So my motivation is to be able to wear my dream gown next May. I have been sticking to my points and I have been at the gym. I realized also the water I have not been keeping up with the water. So I am drinking water so much I feel I am going to float away. The bathroom has become my best friend.

Let's hope that I can keep this loss going until Thur and hopefully be down 5-6 lbs at WW.
Michelle

A brand new day

OK so I am not suppose to weigh myself daily my friends tell me but I am down 1.4 today from yesterday. I went out last night but before going out I went to the gym.

My workout was:
1 mile on the treadmill running walking
15 min on the elliptical
15 min on the stairstepper I went up 39 floors LOL
15 min on the bike
I burned over 600 calories.

I am feeling really good today and will go back to the gym tonight and do weights and I am only going to the treadmill and stairstepper tonight. I plan on doing 1/2 hour on treadmill and 1/2 hour on the stepper and 15 minutes working on the weight machines with my arms and legs.

Maybe I am in a funk or something as everyone around me gets smaller and smaller and I am still here struggling to get into the 240's. Seriously though I am struggling to get to the 240's from 313 10 months ago....I am amazed I can even say that. Some people don't lose what I have in these last 10 months in a year so I should be thankful that it has worked maybe not where I want to be but it has worked somewhat.

Ohhhhhh and I realized maybe I am not drinking enough cause yesterday I was drinking and drinking and I think that really does help. So today I got out my big 54 oz water jug and filled it up and drank it and in between running to the bathroom I got it filled again and I am 1/2 way done with it.....I will be in the bathroom all day and night LOL peeing away the pounds!

XOXO
M

The Damn Scale Hates Me

That or food LOVES me. Either way something has to give. I talked in my meeting today about my plateau and how the Wendie Plan just didn't work for me. My leader Carolyn told me you need the CP Plan the Carolyn Plan and that is Follow MOMENTUM nothing else.
She said that she wants me to email her what I am eating and working out and she will help me get back on track. I haven't really reached out to her the way I should have been. I am stuck.

I am up .4 this week. Heck it isn't even 1/2 a pound but COME ON MAN for the love of all good foods why can't I catch a break. Ok so the last 6 weeks
-.2
-1.2
+.6
-.6
+2.6
+.4
That is just freaking insane!!!! My butt is being worked out to the max in the gym. I am eating my points. What is going on....only thing I can figure is I am pregnant. This is what happened with my baby. I was going my weight was staying the same and I realized I was pregnant. I have gotten a period though just this past 17th so I am so confused. My mom said she got her period for 6 months while pregnant with me. I never got my period while pregnant with my 4 kids....I can't be pregnant but I think something else might be wrong so I am going for a physical. I am scheduling a appointment for me and my husband.

Yet again I will be doing better.
I am going to log what I eat here too.
Breakfast @ WW fiber 1 bar 2pts
Brownie bar at WW sample 1 pt
Pasta with marinara sauce 12 pts worth
I am going to Applebee's for dinner and will use up my 16 other points on dinner

I know I didn't have fruit or veggies added in so tomorrow I will do that....maybe not so much the veggies as I HATE Veggies.

The lady at our meeting who died we believe it was cancer. I heard that and my heart sank. So many cancers are caused my excess weight. How can I do this to me how can I do this to my family I need to get this weight off. I need to be healthy. I have 4 little kids looking up to me to be a good role model I NEED TO DO THIS FOR ME AND FOR THEM.

This is the start of a new week for me. A week that hopefully I will be down and not up or not even. I am heading to the gym this evening before going out so hopefully that will help me make good food choices. I am sure I will be using some of my 35 weekly points tonight!

Hugs and thanks for reading my blog.
M

Note to self....

As I watch the scale go back and forth back and forth it goes from 259.2 up to 267.4 yesterday I can't help but wonder. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON inside of me! Ok maybe I was never meant to be skinny but I surely to God was not meant to be this big. I have been at this point for the last 6 months. I am trying and it seems nothing is working. The Wendie plan I am holding out hope on Thursday at WW I will see a loss.

But at the same time I can't beat myself up. My hubby just came home for lunch and I said look I am doing the working out part of it maybe I need to mix up my food part as well. I eat WW frozen meals for lunch and dinner most days and do cereal or yogurt for breakfast. Snacks normally are pretzels, ww bars, ww muffins, popcorn, and sometimes fruit.

My daughter told me today I am getting fat again. Again didn't know I ever was skinny....this from a 4 year old. I don't want her to remember me fat. I want her to remember the fun mom who could do anything with her and not get tired. Which by the way can I mention today I ran on the treadmill at 4.6 mph for 5 minutes Yes Ladies and Gents 5 whole minutes. I wanted to quit after 1 min 30 seconds but said this isn't hurting I should just keep going and I went on and on and on. I loved it and it made a mile go so much faster. I was doing walk run intervals while on the treadmill.

I am going to try not to beat myself up to much over all of this I know one way or another I am going to get this weight off and be healthy for me and my family.
M

The Wendie Plan info

Ok Thanks so much for telling me about this. I was just looking it up online and it makes sense for me. I have been for the last 6 months at the 31 pts range....my body is used to that I need to mix it up. So below is some info on the plan from Stephanie B I copied her post. Thanks Steph and it has the weights points range as well if anyone else wants to try it with me this week!

Here is a link
http://www.traineo.com/topics/541?pg=1

I am going to work this points system for the week.
Monday 28 pts
Tuesday 33 pts
Wednesday 29 pts
Thursday 43 pts (WI day so I will cheat afterwards and eat more)
Friday 28 pts
Saturday 32 pts
Sunday 30 pts

So that totals up to 31 and some change a day on average and my average is 31 pts. So this doesn't have me using my activity points but that is ok I will try it hopefully it will break my plateau....oh and a lady lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks...hey a girl can dream right!

Anyone else want to try this with me?

Oh the pain of running

OK so my thighs are killing me today. My friend told me it is because of the stepped up running. Ouch!

As far as eating no I don't really track...I do it in my head....I know I need to use my 3 month tracker I purchased and not let it be a dust collector. I am going to check out the website that was mentioned in my comments below and break this plateau.

I am hitting the gym in the am and again at night if my friend wants to go. I am her work out partner but I am not waiting to go at night because I would rather go at 6am when my kids are asleep and at night well I can do that if my friend wants to go but I prefer the morning. My other friend told me she would show me some other equipment in the gym as the trainer told me I need to mix it up. OK mix it up I shall do.

Also the 5K I am doing me and my girlfriends that are doing it together are going to walk run it to test it out and see how we do. We are going to time ourselves and again in June when it happens and again next year and see our times increase everytime we should hope.

On another note I lost a WW friend today. Her name is Darla. If you go to WW meetings do you have someone that stands out? This girl did she had lost I think 24 lbs in 6 weeks and her mom and her went to the meetings. I looked for her this Thur and she wasn't at the meeting. I got the paper today and the obituary section was open and I looked (I always try to avoid it I hate seeing young people in the obits) and I saw her picture. I was shocked and emailed our leader. She said Darla's mom actually called her and told her. So if you pray can you say a prayer for Darla she was only in her 40's I don't know how she died all that I know is she leaves behind a family and friends who will miss her terribly. She was always so bubbly with her mom and they looked like they had a wonderful relationship.

I am off to bed 6am is going to get her soon. Good Night and please stay safe.
Michelle

Just some stuff

Ok seriously what the hell is wrong with my body? How do I not lose weight? What can I do at the gym to mix it up? The only machine left that I don't do is the stairmaster which I will try to do tonight when I go back. I went this morning and did
Treadmill 30 minutes alternating running 2 min walking 2 min
Elliptical for 10 minutes
Bike for 20 minutes
I burned 500 calories according to the machines so tonight I am going to go back and do it all over again so I can burn 1000 calories a day that is my goal.

But ok add the stairmaster in. What will that do to mix it up? I do the weights during the week Mon, Wed, Fri and I do a leg machine well 2 leg machines, one for the butt, and 1 for the arms/upper body. I haven't started walking yet with weights in my hands maybe I should do that.

I am mixing up my food this week too. I really am getting fed up being in the same range for the last 6 months. I have been in the 250's to low 260's ENOUGH ALREADY!

Any ideas what else I can do? We are going to get the pool up and running hopefully this month so I will also do my water aerobics during the day and also swim some laps so maybe that will help. I just need something not sure what it is but this 250 weight range is for the birds!

HELP ME ANYONE LOL I am welcome to all suggestion.
M

So "IT" happened today

A mom in gymnastics said to me today....Michelle what are you doing are you walking these days? I said yea walking but hitting the gym too tons. She said well Girl I meant to tell you the other day when I saw you that you look great. I told her how I am down almost 65 lbs and she said that is amazing and to keep up the good job.

This is a mom who doesn't know about my journey she just noticed it. I am so excited. I have had people who know and I had it happen once before with someone that I know but this was a mom who just sees me at the gymnastics school.

It felt really good. I went home and asked my hubby is this a slimming outfit cause a mom said something to me and he said yea it is slimming but you are getting slimmer too LOL. It was a new top and a pair of pants that were so tight on me a few months ago and they were loose.

I am off to the gym again. I went yesterday at 6am to get my work out done because last night we had things to do. I am going to try to go 2x a day once at 6am and once again at night if I can get away from the kids for a hour. Not sure if hubby will like that but oh well.

Ok onto another topic excess skin. So it is really hot here I had on a pair of shorts pj's yesterday and I was on the couch with my daughter and she was telling me to do exercises with her and I raised my leg it looked like a upside down mushroom. It was smaller at the toe area and the excess went down to my thigh it looked so weird. The weight is readjusting itself. I just dread the excess skin. I really think I am going to start a savings account for surgery to get it removed. I told my family I would have surgery for a tummy tuck, excess skin on my arms and thighs if it is really bad only after 2 years of meeting and staying at goal. I have a friend who did gastric bypass had a full body lift and is back up 60+ lbs and regrets doing all those surgeries. So I want to be sure I can maintain my body before I do surgery.....oh and a boob lift LOL Can't forget that. But heck I needed that after breastfeeding 4 kids so that might come even if I can't maintain the weight loss.....but that isn't going to happen I will be able to maintain!

Alright I am off to the gym...off to sweat.....off to lose a few pounds!
Michelle

Starting over

Ok so I told myself today going into my meeting I know I will be up and I was up 2 lbs but I pigged out last night as I was throwing out the junk from the parties this weekend (cakes, cookies, chips) I kept having one or two or ok three. But I told myself you will pay for this.

I walked into WW head held high, yep I ate that junk, yep I went overboard in Disney but is it the end of the world? Nope So the couch to 5 k thing is the same thing that they send me on the teamweightwatcher.com site. So I am going to do it. I am doing a 5K here in June and look forward to doing it with my friends.

11 lbs in 3 weeks that is what I am striving for. I had only water today I am cutting out the diet soda. Summer is almost here and I love water so that is what I am doing. I also decided to change up my diet I have been eating the same things for so long. Maybe my body needs a good old shake up. Be ready body because the shaking up has begun!!!!

I heard a little girl a friend of my daughters who here mom has dropped over 125 lbs in 10 months she started when I did a few weeks before and she is a working out machine anyway my daughter said your mom lost a lot of weight. She answered yea isn't it great? I thought I want a kid saying that to my girls.

I still love looking in the mirror at myself or when I catch my reflection because I see how far I have come but I need more. When people see me that haven't seen me in awhile I want them to say WOW. I want to wear my size 14 goal dress that I bought.

Thinking back on my starts and stops with WW I realized I was always a quitter. When I saw that the weight wasn't coming off right away I would stop. This time the weight flew off in the beginning and it has stalled. I will not be a quitter this time. It is science at this point that I am fighting with. I know if I eat less, work out more I WILL LOSE WEIGHT.

Got a Stomach Bug lost 12 lbs!!!!! YIPPEE

But 3 came back in 1 day LOL. OK so tomorrow is my 1st day back at WW since we got back from Disney. I am hoping to be down but ok with whatever the scale says. So this past week I had my family in from NJ for my kids baptisms and 1st Communion for my oldest DD.

It was a crazy week and I put on weight after the stomach bug went away. But I told myself today ok Michelle get back in the saddle realize how close you are to being at 65 lbs gone forever! So I have a goal for May of being at 247 so I can get my 50 lb weight charm at WW and before I joined I lost 15 lbs so I will be down 65 lbs. It has taken so much longer than I expected. I really thought I would be near my goal at this point. So 34 years it took to get this fat....if I can cut it down to say 3 years to get to my goal I will be sad but know in my mind that realistically losing 150+ lbs in 1 year 2 years is hard 3 years probably a more realistic goal. In my heart I am saying how did I ever get this way and why won't it come off as easy as it comes on?????

I am doing a 5K in June and I am starting to train for it doing the couch to 5K. It should be fun I am doing it with some girlfriends and we plan to walk run walk run and than run into my friends pool LOL.

Here is a pic of me and my family from this weekend. That is a size XL jacket from the regular side as well as 18 paints and XL top from the regular size as well.

I am back....computer crashed!

I am so sorry it has been so long. My computer crashed a few weeks ago and it has been in the shop. I went away to Disney this past week on vacation and I got a call while on the Pooh ride in Disney the computer was ready! I was so happy. I missed the biggest loser blog edition 3x so I am kicked out of the challenge but maybe next time. I need it anyway cause I gained 7 lbs at Disney in a week. 1 lb a week ughhh but that is ok I lived it up had a good time and I am over it.
I felt like crap all week long eating that junk food but I had fun. I went with two other WW buddies and we all knew we gained. I have to say I had fun, I knew what I was eating was not the right choices but I loved the food and I knew that the stomach rumbles I was having were from the bad choices. I made the decision to eat that stuff I paid for it.
I am off to the gym again tonight and again this week I will go 2x a day to get it down to where I was before I went! I MUST!
Glad to be back and I will be catching up with everyone over the next week!
Michelle

I got my MOJO BACK!!!!

I am not down much only .2 LOL but heck it is down.
My mom finally left on Tuesday and after hearing her tell me I am still fat and feeling sorry for myself I really realize it after months of saying it I finally think I GET IT. This is up to me. I can't worry what others think of me. I need to love myself for the hard work I put to get this far. I need to car about my body to make it last me as long as humanly possible.
I went to the gym today and worked out for 10 miles combined on the bike, treadmill, elliptical and burned 550 calories. I am going again tomorrow morning and again tomorrow afternoon. My plan is to burn 1000 calories a day. I am going to do all I can to get this weight off and look somewhat cute this summer LOL.

I also wanted to update you on something else wonderful in my life. My daughter the gymnast had her 3rd meet this past weekend. I am having a proud momma moment here. She came in 1st place on the bars and floor routine. She came in 2nd on the beam and 3rd on the vault. She was 2nd overall out of 62 kids and we are thrilled. The last 2 meets she has come in 2nd place and she made it to states. That is the 21st and she will be at her home gym so we hope it makes her more confident and she can break that 2nd place hurdle and come in 1st place....either way I am so proud of her for just getting up on that floor and doing her routines. All my kids make me so proud in various ways and I need to find the Skinny Under my Fat for them and me.

You will be seeing less of me in pictures I can promise you that! Oh and my mom and me have a bet. I made her sign up for WW and she and I said if we both don't lose 10 lbs by Disney on April 5 we will have to eat liver and onions....I HATE BOTH so does she so we are going to do this together...my husband knows the bet so he will be enforcing it LOL.

Peace & Love my friends!
M

Up is all I can say.

I had a bad week I thought I would be able to get off the pasta I "Had" to have one day it was a huge bowl I made it for the family and didn't want it to go to waste. That junk turns to fat on my body and I ate it weighed myself the next day and I was up 4 lbs. The rest of the week I got up an additional 6 lbs. I worked my butt off and got down 3 lbs of the 6 by the time I got to WI at WW. So I am going to keep up with my exercise schedule. I haven't gone since my mom came but we are doing activity together.

On Thursday I went to WI and my mom came. She had gained 50 lbs in the last 2 years and it is really noticable and she isn't comfortable in her skin. So I said you are fat and old you need to lose weight....might sound harsh but she had been harsh with me. She said you may have lost all that weight but I just don't see it. I said WHAT????? She said I don't see it yet. Yea fun that is the way this vacation with her would be I thought? So I got her to sign up to WW. We have been tracking and I am hoping she loses weight. She needs to lose about 120 lbs and I want her to do it. I am 8 lbs more than my mom....I am going to pass her this month.

I had a talk with her and said I went from October up and down since she came. I said I was 268 and got to 253 since that point. I felt like her visit sabotaged me. She said ok this visit is a kick in the ass for you and that I need to lose weight again the way I was. I am going to try. I need to lose some more weight before Disney and get a spanx for my goal dress for Disney. It fits but it needs a little help hiding my belly LOL.

I am excited for this weeks WI and today we are cleaning all the cars as a family. That I have been told is a great workout. So I will do that and go to the gym once today vs two times.

I hope everyone had a great WI. I will not let this setback be a permanent situation. I can control this and I will lose the weight.
I am also realizing this is not a 1 year deal I will take longer to lose all the weight but that should help me be able to keep it off and maintain as I work on learning the proper way to eat.

Michelle

NY & Co Clothing Store

Well I have always liked to LOOK at the clothes and thought man wouldn't it be nice to fit into them? I went to the mall last night with my girlfriends and I tried on a pair of pants a cute bow tank top that had a bow over the chest a bit and a sweater....THEY FIT! The pants were on clearnance for 7.99 they had tons of clearance if you want to shop at the store RUN TO YOUR NEAREST STORE and check out clearance. But they didn't have the pants in a 10-12-14 and that is all that I am willing to buy for next winter. These were a 18 and they fit but they hopefully won't fit next winter!

I am tired from the gym getting up at 530 am is not easy and working during the day, raising the kids, it is tiring and than going back at night OMG! I am burning 1000 calories a day and surely to God I better see some results that are big negatives in my WW book!

My mom is coming to visit she arrives tonight. When she came in October that is where my mojo went away and I had started my up and downs. I haven't been able to get out of this range of 260-250's since she came. Am I blaming her NO! But I am thinking that I might have issues that need to be resolved with my mom me and food. She is overweight and wants me to lose the weight so bad that she pays for WW for me to go. I pray that I don't have a gain for the week that she is here. I am planning on taking her to the track with me to walk the 3 miles a day in the morning and at night when I go to the gym she can relax with hubby and the kids.

Slowly but surely I am finding the skinny under my fat.
Peace & Love
M

Went to the gym today and had to share

OK so I went today at 11 am with the 4 kids in childcare at the gym. I used the bike, treadmill, and elliptical right outside the glass windows so I could watch them.

Holy Cow I can't believe what I did.
I rode the bike for 20 miles.
I did the elliptical for 1.5 miles and did that in 15 minutes.
I rode the bike again for another 5 miles.
I got on the treadmill for 5 minutes and left cause the kids took the baby out of his carseat and I saw them hand him to another little girl...guess my time was up.
But I burned close to 600 calories and I feel really good.

I never rode for 25 miles on anything before just a car. I am so excited. I also saw a class going on that I am going to sign up for with the treadmill. They get your heartrate to a certain level and kick your butt with hand weights and going on the treadmill. I figure what is the worst that can happen I fall off the thing? So I am going to do it.

I am kicking it up a notch or two LOL. I called my nighttime workout partner and told her I am going in the am too if she wants to join me. I am so going to do this I am going to get down hopefully to the 230's even if it is 239 by April 5 for Disney. I gotta do it! Wish me luck!
Michelle

Stayed the Same but ok with it

So I stayed the exact same as last week I am ok with that. I lost 5.2 lbs last week I can't expect to have a large loss after a loss like that. Did I want a loss yea....I was in the gym daily eating on point but adding weights back in so I am ok. But I have decided to kick it up a notch.

My trainer asked if I was paying attention to calories? I said no I do points never really looked at calories. So they have me burning 500 calories a session. So yesterday I ate 1460 in calories and I burned 500 so I ate 960. I talked to my husband and I am going to kick it up a notch for this month and see what happens.

I am going to the gym from 6-7am M-F I will walk/run on the treadmill for 1/2 hour. I will do the bike for 15 min and the elliptical for 15 minutes. I should burn about 300 calories.
I will go back at night for a hour and a half and I will do a circuit of
15 elliptical
15 treadmill
15 bike and repeat it all 1 more time. I am not going to use the weights for the next month and just work on getting the fat off.

My goal was to be 199 by Disney....that is out the window but I am going to work on getting into the low 130's by Disney (April 5-11).

So this way I will be burning about 800 calories a day and I will be eating around 1400. I will see how it goes. I figure if I am doing 2 1/2 hours total in the gym a day I should be seeing better results. I am going to try it and see what happens.

In the Rec Center before I joined the "real gym" I was fine running on the treadmill. In the real gym it has a row of treadmills and behind them is the ellipticals and I hate that people can see my butt jiggle while I run LOL so I have yet to run in the gym but I have decided I am going to do it. Hell I am trying to lose weight just like they did or are trying to do.

I am tracking with my tracker and I also purchased a clicker that WW started selling to put on my keyring so I can track my points when I am out and about if I eat and remember to put it in the journal. Today after the gym I am going to the food store to stock up for the week. I also am stopping with all the WW meals. I will use them for dinner only not lunch too. I will make a healthy lunch on my own.

Wish me luck ladies! I really need to kick this up and get more weight off this is taking me sometime and I really thought I would be further along at this point.
Michelle

Pictures the way I was and today

With my 2 favorite guys

In the 250's

Me at 313 Jalen would be born 5 days later

Yea me blowing up my face like a beached whale....look at those thunder thighs that belly looks like it was quads not a 6 lb 6 oz baby in it....gosh these make me sick!

Going out for Valentine's this year....250's

The way I was and never will go back to!

I am finding ME...

I have been fat all my life. I was never the pretty skinny one in the crowd, never had the boys all trying to get to talk to me, never had the best outfit everyone wanted. I think that feeling like I was the fat one took a toll on me....well I don't think I KNOW it did. My mom told me once when she had those moments of telling me "Michelle I don't think you know how fat you really are." Yea nice right? Well she told me she thought I had the opposite of anorexia and that I see myself skinny. Ok so sometimes I would catch a glimse of myself and say WOW I am big. But I never realized it until I saw that damn scale go to 313 lbs. OMG I WAS HUGE I didn't want to gain another ounce. I was 9 months pregnant and I was miserable.

I gave birth and went on this weight loss journey with 3 other friends. I have always been a tell ya like it is kinda person....guess I got that from my mom (see above LOL). I am finding that I am no longer settling. If someone does something or gets on my nerves for something I am finding it easier to tell them about it. I did have some issues recently where my spirit was tested and I fell off track. I know I am a emotional eater but I had been doing so good with WW. I was losing and than this person I allowed to control my emotions and I got off track. I put on weight and I lost focus. I got so upset about it this week I called the person up and talked about it. Things will never be the same but we talked and I let it go....along with it I let go of 5.2 lbs this past week.

I know that this is a journey to find the skinny under my fat but at the same time I am finding the Michelle that has been buried inside of me. My mother also told me the world better watch out cause I was pretty bold already and with the weight coming off me I will only get bolder....her exact words after that were man you are really going to be a bitch. Well I won't get like that. I made my one really good girlfriend promise me she will tell me if I am changing in a bad way.

I am finding myself. I love who I am becoming on the outside and continue to love the inside of me and know that if I want to that I CAN DO THIS! It is in my power to either fail or succeed. I will not let failure be a option this time!

I came in 3rd this week!!!!

YEA I am so happy...but I want the top spot LOL. I want to be the Biggest Loser of the Blog Edition! I lost 2% of my body this past week how friggin awesome is that?

Well I had to share something a tad bit crazy. So my mom went shopping a long time ago and bought me jeans at a sale. She bought me 18-16-14-12 and junior 19/20 capri pants that are to cute and nothing fit when she came here in October. Well I am wearing the 18's which I have been wearing 18's in Avenue and Lane Bryant and Apt 8 clothes from Kohl's but not Route 66 from Walmart/Kmart but I wore them today to a party and they were even a bit big. I also put on the junior 19/20 thinking they were going to be to tight and they were perfect. It is going to start getting warmer here and I have a few Capri pants well about 5 pairs in 18 so that should get me thru the summer I am thinking. They will get bigger and bigger but I can wear a belt. I don't want to buy tons of sizes because I won't last long in the size god willing.

I have been back in the gym on a daily basis again and today I did 12 miles on the bike, 2 miles on the elliptical and 1 mile on the treadmill. I loved working out before but these days watching the other people in the gym motivates me.

I am tired tonight but I will type more tomorrow....I have some stuff to get off my chest.
M

I am feeling good!

Well the last few weeks I have been up up and away but finally I found the momentum again and I had a huge loss this week 5.2 lbs down...gone that you will never see back on me again. God Willing!

So I am less than I was 9 years ago....I find that hard to even imagine. I started back up at the gym daily and kicking it up a notch. I am still not going back to the trainer she is to good for my fat butt at this point. LOL She hurt me BAD! I do work on the at home stuff she showed me to my level of comfort and I have to say I believe it is working.

I am not sure how many of you are WW's but I wanted to chat a bit about meetings and if you are not a member and need a little extra support you might want to consider going to a meeting or two or three or four...until you find the right leader and right group to motivate you. Today we had a grandma in our meeting reach 50 lbs gone and she got her weight charm. She talked about her leg almost being taken before she lost the weight. It is crazy what weight can do to your body. It made me think why I started this journey. I am not doing this for me I am doing this for my children. In case you are new to my blog or in case I didn't tell you this before I can't remember at this point but my grandma and I are the same bodies same issues same surgeries etc. I watched her in 2007 die in hospice for a week I sat with her 24/7 only going home to shower maybe 4 times yea I must have been smelling really ripe LOL. But I watched her and thought I don't want to end up like this. I never want to do this to my children or my husband. She had 8 children and her husband and me by her when she passed. I know that one day I will die I know that but I know that by eating right and exercising I can prolong my life....well at least I can control that. I can't control getting hit by a drunk driver or getting killed by someone but I would hate for my kids and my husband to have to sit and watch me dieing from a illness brought on by my weight something I could control.

I look at the little baby boy jumping in his jumperoo next to me that I asked my grandmother to ask God when she got to heaven to send us a son and I know for him, Mikayla, Mya, Zoe and Erik and my mother too that I have to do this.

I weigh 254.6 lbs today. I have to get to delete 6.2 lbs from my body this week to get my 50 lb weight charm from WW. I am down total 58.8 lbs from the start of this journey. I have hit a few road bumps along the way but I am finding my way. I am finding the skinny under my fat....and when get to my ultimate destination I WILL NEVER GET LOST AGAIN!
Peace & Love my friends!
M

UP UP UP and Away!

I haven't posted in awhile I have been to busy EATING!!!! As I get on the new scale I bought last week I just keep seeing those numbers go up. I have gained another 3 lbs so I am up 6 lbs in 2 weeks. What the hell is wrong with me...ok this is the kick in the ass time the BLBE leaders were talking about.

Seriously I wanted to get to 199 by April 5 for Disney not happening. I changed that to my bday late June 199....that is going to be pushing it too.

I start out the day great journaling, good food choices, as the day goes on and wham I am eating crap again...not that bad of crap cause we are all on diets in the house so it is pretty healthy but my portions. ughhh

Oh and drive thrus....today Starbucks forget the diet version I got the whole shabang. Yesterday Chick Fil A for a grilled chicken sandwich and french fries all within my points range but I could have easily made a lower point food choice at home so I could have eaten within my points range for the day later that night.

I am still here still working at this but not working out. I have been in pain from that damn trainer and I haven't gone back to the gym. I am going tomorrow. It has been a week or almost a week. I am going to cancel our session for tomorrow night and tell her my way has been working I was losing the weight and I am going to stick with it until I am stronger her stuff was just to much for my big body it hurt for to long. I was not ready for that. I shouldn't have been in that kind of pain for 4-5 days KWIM?

I wanted to update you all here didn't want you to think I left you.

Here is a pic of me from this weekend. I still feel that my clothes are fitting better so that makes me happy.

I am UP, Mad, Confused, and Discouraged

Look at my right leg LOL it looks so small!

I am up 3 on the dot 3 FULL POUNDS. How the hell did that happen? I was almost in tears at the meeting but held them back. My leader came over and asked what was wrong? I said look I have been great all week food wise, I joined a real gym not the Rec Center and got a trainer. I have been with her and working out on my own daily and I am up 3 lbs. She said my muscles are tearing they are retaining the fluids and it is a good thing. I need to work my way through it and I will see the results I want. I went and talked to my trainer at our 2nd session and she said put the scale away for 6 weeks. I told her I have to weigh in weekly with WW and she said ok don't pay attention to the number and I thought yea like that is going to happen. I am still in shock about it and honestly if we are being 100% honest with each other here last night I went to a pizza place with my husband and I ate 2 large slices of pizza, and I have a calzone all to myself. Yep ate it and it felt good I wasn't even upset. I am in so much pain still 2 days later from my trainers 2nd workout (I will give you the exercises she had me do down below you can do them at home) and wondering if it is really worth it. I mean I am losing weight on my own with the bike, elliptical, and treadmill. Why do I need to have a trainer beating me up even if she is really nice LOL. I can barely walk seriously I need help getting up walking I have to walk with my legs straight no knees bending and OMG the pain is just awful.

I went out and got a scale on top of things and I am obsessive about weighing myself. I also purchased the WW food scale and LOVE THAT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT and if you don't have one get one!

I was discouraged when I started writing this about a hour ago and got interrupted with a phone call but ya know what....I can be upset about these 3 lbs or I can let it go and move on. I have done so good these past few months and this monor setback is not going to take away from my joy. I have to say I am not sure when I will get back in the gym but I will go back. I am going to eat right starting this moment again and get back into the saddle.

Hugs from Michelle up 3 more pounds but they will be gone right away!

M

My night with my trainer

Ok let me just say that this new gym does inspire me to do more and I have and I better see the results on the scale but OMG this trainer she was nice to me last night she said but on Thursday night she is going to KILL me.
So I go in and we walk around the machines floor and I tell her I know nada about any of these. So she said ok we are going to work on a few tonight so you remember them and Thursday we will do a full workout.
Ummm yea last night wasn't a full workout? I could barely walk up the stairs last night going to bed. I found muscles I never knew existed....and my legs OMG I could see the muscle bulging.
I did 3 leg machines and 3 arm machines. The last arm machine my arms wanted to drop and she said keep going you have 2 more and I want you to touch my hand. I was raising them with these weights and pulleys and she wanted the handles to hit her hand. I was raising myself in the seat to reach LOL I couldn't get my arms straight. It really made me think again if I wanted to apply to be on the biggest loser....I don't think so!
But I am also getting a fat test done to tell me how much fat is on my body A LOT! I am going to be told how doing the work out they planned for me and nutritional info how long it should take to get it off and what my idea body weigh is based upon my muscles mass and bones etc. So that is going to be intersting. I am really excited about that.
I do have to admit doing the treadmill, bike, eliptical I feel ok in the gym but using those machines I felt like a whale out of water. She had me lay on my belly on a machine and lift my legs all I kept thinking was ok you skinny people in here yea look at me cause I won't be this fat for long!

Oh and out of the mouths of babes....my 4 year old was not eating and I said honey you have to eat she replied with why mommy so I can get fat like you?
Than later in the day she was watching Cheetah Girls and Raven Symone was on tv and she said mommy Raven is fat like you. OMG are you kidding me from a 4 year old and for the record Raven is NOT FAT! I told her that and I am sure she has no clue what I meant.

I will have buns of steel....I will have plastic surgery on my deflated belly and arms someday....and I will be a size Medium one day!
Love,
M

My kids never saw me like this before

I was at the gym today just thinking back to how far I have come. My daughter said mommy why are you putting those big pants on as I got ready for the gym. I said well honey I don't have that many work out pants so I wear what I can keep up. She said oh well you need some new pants!

But in the gym I realized....MY KIDS HAVE NEVER SEEN ME THIS "SKINNY"

I weighed in the 250's when I had my first child 9 years ago. Can you believe it I have not been this size since 2000.

I have also made a decision I am going to get rid of my clothes this week all my 28's, 26's, 24's, 22's, 20's GOOD BYE I am so glad to get rid of them NO GOING BACK. I am keeping my largest size pants 28's for my final progression pic of me and how far I have come.

My kids tell me I am skinny. My one daughter said Mommy you are skinny I said no I am not she said well your not fat your not skinny you are in between and I love you!

That is all a mom needs to hear!

Peace & Love my friends

M

I LOVE

As opposed to finding the things I hate about myself here is a list of the things I love about myself.

I love that my breasts have worked to feed my four children....one for 2 1/2 years alone.
I love that I was able to bear my children without any meds because I listened to the pain and didn't fight it I just rode it out.
I love that my hair is naturally curly and people often comment they wish they had hair like me.
I love my brown eyes when I have makeup on....and even when it is not.
I love that even when I am skinny I will have a body that is like bam bam bam LOL (I just imagine when I was younger and boys would do that to girls as they walked by talking about boobs, waist and her ass LOL)
I love that I am a trusted friend to many.
I love that I am a spur of the moment type of person who if you asked me today to fly off to another country I would go as long as my kids were cared for or I could bring them. Life is a journey why stay in one destination.....we have a whole planet to explore.
I love when how I sing and dance with my kids like no one in the world can hear or see us.
I love and will honor my body....I get a oil change for my car every 3000 miles, I get a physical every year but I don't really take care of my body I love that these last 6 months I have given my body the credit it deserves and the care it demands.
I love that all the women in the world my husband picked me...even when I was a plus size.
I love the fearless woman I am becoming knowing that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.
I love the way sweating has become ok to me rather than disgusting.
I love the pain I get in my legs after a good workout....but it is even better when doing the same workout and the pain doesn't come back anymore cause I am in better shape.

I am in love with me I love me enough to want to take care of myself. I love myself and my children to much to live this life just passing me by. I owe it to them I brought them into this world and I never want to leave my family before my time.
Peace & Love my friends,
XOXOX
M

My WI Results and more stuff

Drum Roll Please.....
I am down to 255.4 lbs when I didn't have the loss I wanted last week I said to myself ok I just want to hit 255 by the end of January. I did it....I want to get my 50 lb charm from WW in the 1st 2 weeks in February so I have 7 more lbs to lose. The old Michelle would have said I want to lose 7 lbs this week....I have learned that is a unrealistic goal and not to set myself up for failure.

I have also learned something else from this blog....who knew it would teach me something about myself. I have learned that I am more dedicated to this journey than I thought I was. I am seeing the changes in me and some I don't like (more on that later) and some that I Love. So this post has a few things in it

1. if you saw my previous post I wrote down things I hated well after talking with my husband this morning I saw a look on his face and realized he is upset that I wrote things I hate about myself. My husband is a man of few words how on earth did her marry this chatty lady? LOL But the look said it all he looked sad that I sat down and thought of things that I hate.....and ya know what he is right. So today I am going to work on my list of things I LOVE About myself.

2. Ok the things I don't like about me. So I was laying in bed this morning and I looked at my stomach...well looked for it and it didn't stick up above my breasts anymore. I felt around for it....I found it hanging South of the Border. Seems my stomach has deflated and yes my friends I felt my ribcage who knew! So of course I got up and looked in the mirror. I was wearing a tee and panties I know the visual is killing you at the moment but wait it gets worse....if you are eating either 1 put it down or 2 close this blog and come back later. I saw cottage cheese in places I never saw before. I saw my inner thighs where beginning to cave in so the top of my leg the fat is being let out and the skin is going south. So basically at the end of this journey I will be as they say Tore Up from the Floor Up! I of course had to point this out to my husband as he was leaving for work....Wait honey look at this I have dimples, cottage cheese, cellulite whatever you want to call it on my legs where I never knew they were before. Did I have these last year when I was in a bathing suit (of course I wore a skirt LOL) and if so why did you let me go out in a swimsuit I asked him. He knew this conversation was going no where so he turned to go do something and I said no wait you have to see this....I proceeded to life the deflated skin from my inner thighs and said do you see this...I am going to be gross.

3. I am looking for plastic surgeons this week. It is a given and he is on board with it. I have nursed 4 kids the boobs are about to hit my belly button ewwwwwww. My thighs and stomach are going to need some serious lifting and I will be getting lipo on my arms if they don't get any better. My arms oh my arms my beautiful 4 year old daughter was kissing on the jiggles as she calls them....yea good times NOT!

4. When looking back at old posts and notes from my new "blogging buddies" I have learned I am a stronger woman than I thought I was. You have all inspired me to go for my goals and that I can do it. I want to say Thank You Thank You Thank You! You have no idea how your blogs and notes to me keep me going and inspire me.

So ladies and gents if any guys are reading this cause I don't want to leave you out of course I am learning to love the new body emerging from this plumped up obese woman. I am also scared of the prospect of plastic surgery but excited at the thought of a new me...the skinny under the fat me. Many people have said it won't look bad under clothes....honey I didn't bust my ass to keep this body covered up...I won't be a hoochie momma either but I would like to wear a nice bathing suit and feel comfortable and in all honesty it is for me to feel better about myself no one else has to see it besides my husband and me but I will feel better. Plus I consider it a huge motivating factor for keeping it off cause my husband would kill me if I gained it back after all the money spent on the surgeries!

Be on the lookout for my I Love Me post instead of things I hate about myself....may you all have I love me moments today and always.

I really am skinny under my fat....you wait and see!
XOXOX
M

Oprah Show on kids and obesity

Ok Oprah has changed her style of her show so much over the years but maybe it is that I am older but I watch some of her shows and they are deep and touch me.
But I watched a show on Obesity and our future generation the other day that had me in tears after about 10 minutes.

I was a big teenager, kid, and adult for sometime....I am getting to the Skinny Under My Fat. But she had a exercise where the kids stood before mom or dad and told them I hate...and they screamed off things they hated.
One beautiful girl who I wanted to just email Oprah and say give me her name number I want to call her and meet her and give her a huge hug and tell her it will be ok.
She screamed to her mom I hate that you are my best friend, my only friend. I hate that I don't have a father, I hate that you think you did this (as she waved her hands up and down her body) to me.
A boy screamed I hate that you and dad got a divorce, I hate that he remarried someone, I hate that I put a knife to my neck to kill myself.

It got me to thinking about my life until this point. It seemed theraputic so here goes my I hate...
I hate

• That I weighed 130 lbs in the 3rd grade
• That my thighs and ass are so big that my thighs rub together
• When looking in the mirror I can see the skinny person in me but no one else can
• my prom dress that was made because I couldn't find one in my size that was cute and not grandma looking
• Settling for boys that were no good
• Staying in volatile relationships because I thought I couldn't do better
• That I ever passed 300 lbs
• That I feel that my children have picked up my bad habits of eating the wrong foods
• When my little girl watches what I eat and refuses to eat something saying it will make her fat too so she doesn't want to eat it
• Not feeling comfortable in my own skin
• Not being able to run around the block with my kids
• Giving up on activities I used to love skiing, swimming and really enjoying it not worrying people were watching the beached whale get back in the water
• Not feeling sexy anymore no matter how much my husband tells me how much he loves me
• That my arms and thighs can literally clap as if they were my hands ughh

Tomorrow is my weigh in wish me luck!

I LOVE my Drs. Scale

So this is the scale that had me at 313 when I gave birth July 12 of 2008 and today I weighed 253 on that scale. That is down 60 lbs! My husband said you need to go by that scale not WW for your weight to see the real amount and I was just over the moon! DOWN 60 LBS!!!! in 6 months 2 weeks 1 day....OMG

I was in the gym today and I was watching my legs as I was pedaling on the bike in the mirror and they are really getting smaller....they are still huge but smaller than they were. My poor husband I came home and kept asking him are they smaller? Where do you notice me smaller? What has changed on me? Do you think I can get to 120 lbs. Poor guy was dodging questions all night.

I stayed on point today. I worked out for a hour and some and I feel proud!
I am skinny under my fat!
XOXOX
M

Stuffed!

No not me silly my pantry. So I have this insane need to plan and schedule everything. I am a planner....tracking should be so easy for me. Well I was watching the news and saw a woman who feeds her family of 4 on 60.00 a week so I said let's try her coupon hints. I have tons of WW coupons from the meetings and I went to Harris Teeter it is buy 1 get one free.
I spent 19.72 on the following
2 boxes of blueberry muffins from WW
1 twinkie like thing from WW
1 chocolate cake WW
1 iced latte ice pop from WW
10 WW yogurts
The cakes, muffins were buy 1 get one free I had a 1.00 off coupon. The yogurt I had 2 buy 1 get one free and it was on sale for 10 for 7.00 and I also had a 3rd coupon of 55 cents off and they double coupons so I got 1.10 off plus buy 1 get one free 2x.
I got at Kroger 14 WW/Lean Cuisine meals and sugar free caramel pudding and cool whip for 1 point I have a treat it is so good I had one when I got home. 2 1/2 hours of shopping I earned it.
I also got a new fiber 1 bar mocha chocolate I hope it tastes good. I heard good things about it.
So I have this week planned out of course. I hope be lose 4-5 lbs this week with the new gym and all my foods set.
I really want to get down to 248 so I can get my 50 lb charm from WW and be down 65 personally since July 12.
I am skinny under my fat!
Michelle

Starbucks

Ok Starbucks I drove thru and said to my self I love the caramel frappachinno so let me get a small one. I was thrilled to see they offer light I say ok Michelle you are on a diet get a light not thinking what that meant. I failed to mention my favorite part is the whipped cream with the caramel drizzled all over it. Not the coffee itself heck I don't really like coffee all that much Hot never iced ok frozen you got me! The nice young man hands me my drink after taking my money and I see a small cup with frozen coffee no whipped cream, no caramel....STOP THE INSANITY MAN STOP IT give me my whipped cream make it swirl out of the little hole on the top so I can lick it off....give me my caramel dripping down off the cup so I just have to lick my fingers. I mumble under my breath no whipped cream damn it and my 8 year old says what mom? I said nothing....mommy is just on a diet and I can't have whipped cream or messy caramel on my drinks anymore. I was feeling sad, proud that I didn't say to that nice young man screw it throw some whipped cream on this and caramel and why you are at it make it a Venti (large) and tell me the total. I drove home drinking it slowly (it took me 6 minutes to inhale it) yes I did actually time it and I went to dwlz.com and thinking I was drinking a 8 point drink found out it was a 3 point drink and I smiled.
Smiled for the loaded ones I drank before....smiled that after inhaling it I didn't really miss the whipped cream that much....and smiled most of all that my daughter heard my disappointment in no whipped cream or caramel but still saw me enjoy that drink and know that sometimes you don't need the whole shabang.
Oh and will I be gong back for a $3.72 drink that is 3 points anytime soon...ummm NO! I could have had a whole wheat english muffin and my smart ease spread and still had a point.....a whole hell of a lot filling than that drink!

Goodbye Starbucks I really don't think I will be missing you! Light or not you just are not worth it!
I am skinny under my fat and your products are not keeping my wallet fat, but my waist only so good bye....
XOXO
M

Joining a Real Gym YIPPEE

OK so I was coming out of my weekly Chick Fil A playdate where I ate a 6 point grilled chicken and 6 point french fries and on my door of my car when I walked out was a Gym membership offer.
199 for 1 year
289 for 2 years....I am taking this option it is less than 13.00 a month. I currently pay 10.00 a month for a rec center gym and it is only open 8-9 no daycare, no Sundays open and Saturday 8-5 so I can't go on Sat or Sun cause my hubby works on Sat until around 530.
With this I can have my nights back with my family and go during the day while the kids are in school....my friends might join so the kids can have a playdate in the playarea and play while the moms work out.
I think this next step is needed. My current gym has 4 treadmills, 2 ellipticals, 2 bikes, 1 stairstepper and 1 weight machine thing that does tons of things.
This new gym is a statewide gym it has everything and is big and open all days of the week and hours that will work great for me and childcare if FREE!

Be scared Team Lynn be very scared LOL My weight will be coming off even quicker!
They are only doing the sign ups on Mon/Tues at the gym so I will be going in and signing up bright and early on Monday!

Down.....if you call it that

I lost .2 for the entire week OMG are you serious?
But hey it is down right....down .2 from where I was the week before.
I even ate dinner before going to WW tonight which I normally go in the am and don't eat and I just couldn't resist last nights meal.
I got this tortellini roasted red peppers and chicken dish at Trader Joes my daughter wanted it so bad so I gave in. Well me and her ate it everyone else ate plain chicken, rice, and green beans. I knew I had lots of points left so I ate them.
I have decided I am affected by the scale but the scale is part of the journey. I fit into clothes that would have never gotten up my fat legs before. I feel better walking up the stairs. I can stay on the elliptical for freaking 35 minutes or longer....I am so doing this....might be longer than I expected but I am SKINNY UNDER MY FAT!

I have decided to start going at night to weight watchers. I go with 3 other friends we each have kids with us and it is so hectic in the meeting we are chasing kids, cleaning up after spills, dealing with my crying baby so we are going at night. We all have been having not so great weeks lately and we feel we need the meetings. So we are going no kids at night!

Tomorrow night we are going out to the Outback....ummmm what the heck was I thinking! Cheesecake with caramel and Alice Springs Chicken smothered in bacon and cheeeeeeeeeese. If you asked me about heaven on earth I would tell you the above mentioned food. No lie seriously I live for Outback days. I haven't had one in about 6 months. I had it after Jalen was born but not again. I need to get about 15 extra activity points for tomorrow is that even possible? I will be using my weekly 35 points tomorrow in 1 day I am sure. I might live on 1 cup of ceral and 1 fiber 1 bar so I have 25 daily points, 35 weekly points, and than at least 5 activity points so 65 points for dinner OMG that just sounds disgusting! I need to re-evaluate this food plan!

I am going to take a picture of what I eat tomorrow like a fellow blogger does so you can see what I ate.....I gotta live right! It is a celebration not a celebrate week long it is one day I will track the points! I will also lose this week more than I have lately I am going to bust my butt working out and tracking all week and eating the right foods!

Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend everyone!
XOXOX
M

Snow days-Friends/Blogs

The kids have been off since Saturday. First we had MLK day than the last 2 days snow days. My kids are my weakness they eat I want to eat. I have been eating bad the last 5 days. ughhh
I even ate 14 points of pasta last night! But I stayed within my points range for the day but after I ate it I was so tired I went to sleep on the couch for a bit....that is what my life was like eating to much for dinner going to bed early....that is NOT the new me.

I have been on point today but eating the right foods. I am trying right.
My kids want to go play in the snow but I don't want to let them because the clean up sucks! I hate the snow all over the floor when they come in, I hate how they are saying they are not really cold but they are shivering. I hate that I don't let them love the snow I did growing up in NJ when we got snow all the time. But here I go in a few minutes putting those snow suits back on again and letting them run around in the snow.

Do you let your family/Friends see your blog? I come here post my weight, personal issues and I know people in my inner circle are aware of my blog but I never told them the site. I guess I just need a part of me to be private just me and my thoughts....and you all of course reading it my blogging buddies LOL. I guess I have always said to myself when I get to 199 I will let people read my blog that I know so they can see the struggle that I overcame. They can see everything I went thru.

I am off to let my little ones run around in the snow! Wish me luck that the house doesn't get to wrecked!
XOXOX
M

Will I ever be a new me?

So I am changing. My body is slowly shrinking to the person I hope it was meant to be. Do you ever wonder what it is really suppose to be like? Sometimes when you see a big person bu they look good...or when you see someone who has lost a lot of weight and they look awful. I look in the mirrow at my face and marvel at how it has changed from that image of me the day I took my before picture. Yesterday I was staring at my neck and how it no longer has a double chin blocking it. Do you see some before and after pictures and the person doesn't look the same? Will I recognize the Michelle looking back at me?

I honestly hope that I am skinny under my fat but I have been fat all my life. Maybe I am suppose to be this way. All I know is I want to know what it feels like to be skinny for once in my life...hopefully it is the way I was meant to be and I will keep it all off!

I joined the BLBE Challenge, I also joined a summer weight loss challenge group....I enjoy a challenge. I just hope that with all this work I will be able to get it off and be happy with the new me.
XOXOXO
M

Rambling post

Congrats to Losing Shari for being the biggest loser on Team Angie!
Team Angie Rocks though cause we are the biggest losers vs. Team Lynn LOL

This has me even more motivated to get my ass in gear and drop 5 lbs this week...if I can do it I will be so happy. I am so stressed, sad, feeling quite blah about something. When I started WW in July when I gave birth to Jalen I said I wanted to be 199 by the time Disney came. I would have to lose 114 lbs in 8 months. Well I am not going to make it. I know I am not. We go in April on the 5th and I think I will be in the 220's. Still that is way better than 313 but I really wanted to be 199 and be in a size 14. I might make the size 14 cause my sizing is so off from where I thought it would be. I am a good 60 lbs heavier than I was in high school but I am in the same size. I was told it is vanity sizing and they made the sizes bigger so you wouldn't feel so large....well it is totally screwing me up! I wanted to be at 180 and be in a size 18 me at the 250's in a size 18 is messing with my head. I am thinking ok if I get to a size 14 and I am above 200 that might be ok cause I will be in a regular size not a plus size....but I need to get to the 130's where god only knows what size I will be wearing LOL

I went to a new store today I have never been to....Trader Joes and man was it expensive. I couldn't believe how much a loaf of bread was when I could go to Kroger and get a loaf for 1.00 but this place charged 2.99 to 3.69 for a loaf of bread. I suppose the food is healthier but I am not paying that much for sandwich bread for the kids sorry...they make me cut off most of it when I take off the crust anyway.

This week I have found myself very scared of the idea of getting skinny. Does that make sense? How the hell will I be able to maintain...eating dinner my daughter said to my other daughter who were eating pizza and cheese was stringing from her mouth to the pizza your pizza looks even cheesier than mommy's lasagna. I thought wow I won't be able to have my lasagna again...no matter how I make it lighter it won't taste the same....I guess I am mourning the loss of my favorite foods...I know I should make new favorite food friends but really these foods have been my friend for 34 years.....how can I turn my back on them.

It is funny how WW says you can still eat what you want but if I did that I would have the 160 points in a day a guy told us he ate on Christmas.
When I get to goal I think I will be at the 20 points range what am I going to do with 20 points LOL.

So on a sad note I gave birth on July 12 to my only son Jalen. He is the best little boy and I breastfeed him. Ok no slapping me here ok but I have not been eating all my 10 points actually I have not eaten any of them. I felt I was so large that I could do without them. He eats every 4 hours still gets up at night even though he is 6 months to eat and I feed him no problem. I thought he was getting bigger but seems he hasn't from 4 months to 6 months at the appt this week he has not gained a ounce. The Dr said maybe my milk has dried up since I lost so much weight. So he said do you pump? I said no I only breastfeed no need to pump since he refused the bottle. Well he has been forced to take a bottle of formula at that because when I pumped I got 3 oz. He needed more than that. So I wait until my breasts are really full and feed him what I have and we give him 6 oz of formula at feedings and 3 jars of food a day for breakfast, lunch, dinner and hopefully when we go back in a month for a weight check he will be getting bigger. He was in the 3rd percentile when before he was in the 25th. He was born 4 weeks early and a small baby to begin with but this is just insane. So my son is being weaned from me way to early but I know that I have to do what is best for him. My mom and friend both told me that I am doing to good to stop and I need to keep doing what I am doing and let him have the formula it won't hurt him. I know that too but the bottle thing is killing me how he refuses it one feeding the next he takes to it fine. I guess he has to learn how to take the bottle.
I breastfed my 1st 6 weeks gave up cause it hurt learned with my 2nd if it hurts you aren't doing it right.
My 2nd we breastfed until her 1st bday that day we stopped and had her last feeding. I still remember taking her to her nursery and having one last feeding with her.
My 3rd oh god this was way overdue but we nursed for 2 1/2 years yes you read that right and it was not my choice she would freak if she didn't have my boob. I have to say I look at kids who are even 18 months and think wow I breastfed a baby that old and I am shocked. Not that I am against it but I am just surprised my milk lasted that long and that we made it that long.
Jalen well looks like he is going to be lucky to get 7 months of breastfeeding.

Lordy this post was all over....I just have lots on my mind as you can see.
I have been on point today didn't work out took a day of rest if running to 4 different stores food shopping is a day of rest LOL oh but I did pick up the 2 gallons of milk and thought wow I used to carry around this weight on my body....how I will never let that happen again!
Good night!
XOXOX
M

Mya WON!!!!

We are thrilled to announce the following:
Mya won
1st Place for the balance beam
4th Place for the Uneven Bars
5th Place for the Vault
4th Place OVERALL out of 36 girls in her age group!

Her floor routine had some steps in it if she would have had her deducted 1.2 pts she would have won the overall in 1st place her coach told us. It seems that the routine they were taught they had them stepping between jumps and they are not allowed so the judges took off for that....but that is ok with us it is a great learning lesson for her. She got 3 ribbons and 1 gold medal. She is so excited and we are so proud of her. She wasn't nervous and she did it all great. I have included the video of her 1st place balance beam routine!

I am staying on point today and when we got home I went to the gym. I worked out on the eliptical for 25 minutes burned 250 calories, did the bike for 4 miles burned 125 calories and walked a mile and that burned 200 more calories so 575 calories total I burned today. Oh and last night I was laying in bed and my husband who is so unsure what to say to me about my weight loss turned and said to me as he got up to get a drink OMG you are so small....I said what? and he said no really I see a huge change all of a sudden in your stomach it is getting small. I said thanks....and after he left I of course stared at my stomach HAHA. While working out in the gym I used to look in disgust at my legs reflection back at me today I noticed my ankles are small and that my legs while still big are getting smaller and they aren't so bad to look at.

I must say that this summer I look forward to being able to wear shorts and a tee shirt and them not being Avenue or Lane Bryants drawstring cotton or elastic waist shorts!

Mya's 1st Gymnastics Competition

Tomorrow is my 6 year old daughter Mya's 1st Gymnastics Competition. I am a nervous wreck. I can be totally honest here...yea it is my dream that she wins every gold medal in the house and that she wins the all around. I want her to come home with medal after medal after medal. Will that happen....I don't know. But in the end all I can do is wish that she does HER best. I am a nervous wreck she is so calm. I woke her this morning and said do you know what tomorrow is? She said yea Saturday....I said no silly she said what do we have to clean our rooms? I said no it is your competition she said oh yea my competition. I was doing her hair this evening before she went to bed and said are you nervous? She said no why should I be?

So if you could and if you pray please send a prayer that all the little ones stay safe and healthy....and that my Mya does HER best and that she most of all HAS FUN!

I have stayed on point today and actually was full and didn't want to eat anymore at lunch that was a first LOL.

Can't wait to see the WI results this week I am sure Team Angie is kicking butt!

XOXO

M

Down but not where I want to be...

OK I went to WI today and I was down to 257.4....didn't lose much 6 oz. but I am so mad because this week I worked out like a mad woman. Let me tell you I had 1 bad day but I stayed within my 35 weekly points other than that I did my usual and added even more workout time. I have to admit working out with a friend isn't so bad LOL She is great at talking when I can talk or she can talk if we are warming up or cooling down. We have made friends in the gym and last night I did something I thought I wouldn't be able to do for a long time. I stayed on the elliptical for 35 minutes I left only because I had to get my daughter at gymnastics. But I went back and walked 2 miles on the treadmill. My legs are killing me. I have been working out in the gym every night tonight I didn't go because I went to a 2nd WW meeting tonight with my friend. I go during the day she goes at night and I wanted to support her for her 1st WI.

But seriously for all the work I did this week I expected another 4 lb weight loss. It is going to catch up with me next week everyone is telling me. I really wanted to get to my 50 lb weight charm in WW this month but I don't think that is going to happen. I need to lose another 10 lbs this month. I started at 313 on my own and joined WW at 298 so I am down 56 pounds so far on my own 41 with WW.

I really want to be at the end of the BLBE Challenge down at least 40 lbs. It was a wish of mine when we go to Disney in April to be 199 but that isn't going to happen at this rate so I just look forward to seeing the pics of me this year so much smaller than last year and hopeful for 2010 when I go and I am at my goal weight :-)

I hope everyone had a great week and that Angie's Team Kicks Butt!
XOXO
M

Not feeling so great today

Ok so yesterday Erik went to a friends to help him hook up his Wii and I stayed home he asked me to finish cleaning....I didn't and I came online of course....my other addiction is the net LOL. So anyway about 3 hours later his friend calls and says we are on our way! I said NO my house is a wreck I have not showered give me a hour. Me and the kids ran around cleaning it must have been commical. Well they brought Chinese food I don't eat Chinese so I was good. But Erik he brought home 3 pizzas, a cake, cupcakes, 2 gallons of ice cream, 4 bottles of soda, 3 bags of chips and 1 of pretzels. OMG are you kidding me....mind you all of us are doing WW but one other couple. In all we had 3 families here 12 of us total. I ate 2 slices of pizza had a cupcake and a little bit of ice cream and a sliver of cake...oh and chips and pretzels but stuck to my crystal light and had 1 cup of diet dr. pepper.

I just felt like crap eating that but seriously the points were less than 35 so I ate my 35 points for the week but I got worried. What do I do when I get to my goal can I not eat a slice of cake or have a cupcake and not feel bad. Do you ever see skinny people pigging out on food and say why can't I do that and not get fat? I asked a friend in my DD's dance class how she stays so skinny she is always talking about pastries bakeries pizza places food in general. I said honestly what do you do take a bite and move on? She said no. I asked how do you stay skinny you said you hate to work out she said well actually I have a throid condition I can't gain weight....I so want that condition I told her. She said no not actually I go for a yearly check to see if it is cancer it isn't fun. I guess this is a life long battle that will not be won when I get to goal....I am just sad because I am losing a great friend...it never lets me down....I am lucky that we are blessed enough to have more than I need of it....and even when my day feels like crap something sweet will make me feel better for a moment. Food is no longer my friend....it is a distant long lost love that I will only use to keep me going for fuel not what my life revolves around.

Go Team Angie....we are going to kick ass!
Michelle
XOXO

I MET DANIEL FROM BL TODAY!!!

My friend called and told me she was going by the local gym and she saw a guy with that arm thing they wear on the show. She knew they weren't widely used so she stopped and slowed down he had his back to her. She said he was on the phone he turned around and she recognized him right away. So she went to talk to him. She called me after she got in the car...I was out in the area so I ran over...we live in the same town all of us and it is a small town very small. So I asked him about how fast they start out on the treadmill he said that they only let him go 1.8MPH at first and each person is different. He asked what I was doing since I told him I was so proud of him and I was struggling with weight issues too. He was so nice he said well you know what you are doing when I told him my workout routine and how much I lost. He was very very sweet. It makes me want to just have him over cook him only healthy food and get him well. I cried so hard for him when I saw him on tv and his friend because they are so young. He couldn't tell me anything about results LOL but he did say Jillian and Bob are really rough! People at the gym were walking in saying hi and he is working out all day at the gym I think and this was his break. Here is a pic I didn't ask how much he lost so far I wish I would have.

I did tell him about us here doing the challenge maybe he will find us! Of course I told him I would win HEHE!

XOXO

M

Team Angie! Biggest Loser

So I have been assigned to Team Angie! GO TEAM ANGIE!!! We are going to be the bunch of biggest losers anyone has ever met ;-)

I sent out a picture to some friends today and they were shocked at how much I have lost. It felt good for them to see me and notice the change. People don't really notice yet it is just my close friends who see me all the time and know what I am doing that say something. I have had a few people say things that don't know me well but I want the teachers in my kids school to say something or a neighbor LOL.

Yet again another day on point. I have really gotten it down where I know what my points are and plan the day and I check off what I eat...I had to admit I even had a hershey special dark chocolate bar yesterday with my kids. The 3 of us split it and it was so good and only 3 points!
I am very excited about this weight loss. I feel that this time it is really going to work. I want to be the biggest loser. I hope at the end of this that I will be comfortable enough in my skin to say to my friends I am xxx amount of weight. My friend waited until she was 199 to tell us not that it has to be known but I agree with the diet tribe it is freeing to say it. I tell my mom and I love saying it 313 to 258 not to shabby right. She just laughs at me and says it is wonderful!

I am shopping and NewYork and Co LOL never thought I would do that but it is the 5.99 sale and I am purchasing things for this summer that I can wear. I figure if I am a XL top at the moment if I buy large I will be good to go for summer. Worst case it will be big best case it will be just right....IT WON'T BE TO SMALL cause I am finding the skinny under my fat!
XOXO
M

Pictures at 258lbs

Me in a XL sweater from the ladies side and size 18 jeans. Taken 7-8-09 at 258 lbs!

Measurements

Ok here are my measurements for today.... I have no idea where I was measuring at before so I made notes of locations LOL so I can be more accurate.

Jan 8, 2008

Calf 18 inches taken 2 inches down from knee
Arm 14 inches 1 inch above elbow
Waist 49 inches taken at belly button
Bust 39.25 inches taken at bottom of bra line
Thigh...no idea where I was measuring that so I am not doing that anymore....it is just big LOL

Measurements: Sept 22, 2008
Calf 20 inches
Arm 14 inches
Thigh 30 inches
Waist 59 inches
Bust 48 inches

Measurements: October 25, 2008
Calf 18.5 inches -1.5
Arm 12.5 inches -1.5
Thigh 26 inches -4
Waist 55 inches -4
Bust 43 inches -5

Measurements: November 24, 2008
Calf: 18.5 inches stayed the same but looks different I am building some muscle!
Arm: 12 inches -.5 total down 2 inches
Thigh: 22 inches -4 inches down 8 inches total
Waist: 52 inches -2 grand total down 6 inches
Bust: 39.5 inches -3.5 inches total down 7.5 inches
DOWN 25 INCHES TOTAL since September 22

4 lbs GONE!!! HELLO 250's!!!!

I did it I lost 4 lbs this past week. I was asked how I did it at my meeting and I did it by tracking everything that went into my mouth, I worked my butt off in the gym, and I ate my points. I don't use my work out points though and the leader said that is fine. My workout I gain 13 points I am in no way going to eat those!

Dani left me a message...THANK YOU to everyone who has left me messages.....it said here's to writing a new ending....that is perfect I am writing a new ending.....to my journey with my weight. I am saying goodbye to this weight and hello to the skinny Michelle under my fat. I was on the treadmill last night and I try to make my strides really long and move my arms (learned that from Jillian LOL the more you move the more you are working out) so my feet kept coming close to hitting the front platform thing on the treadmill. So I upped the speed to 3.9 and it was hard I wanted to walk for a bit at a fast pace and all the while I was stomping away saying in my head I will look hot in a bathing suit! I will look hot in a bathing suit!

It might not be this year but maybe the following summer I will be comfortable in a swimsuit. My husband is so proud of me....he did say to me see I told you that you can lose 20 lbs this month just do what you have been doing...he is my biggest fan along with my mom of course.

So hello 250's I weighed in at 258 I love saying I was 313 lbs and I weight 258 in just 6 months. Mind you I only say it to my husband and mother I don't dare let anyone know I weigh 258 lbs except my "blogging buddies" here. I hope the 250's don't stay around much long they have 2 weeks and than I want them GONE! My goal is to make my 50 lb mark in WW this month that is only 10 more pounds I know I can do it. I will over once I achieve that be down 65 lbs. Hopefully down another size into 16's too!

I am going to take some pics this afternoon and also update my measurements!
Not only am I skinny under my fat.....I will be the biggest loser! HAHA
Game On friends Game On!!!
XOXO
Michelle

Diet Shows=Tears for me

As I anticipated this weeks season premier of Biggest Loser and Diet Tribe I watch them and just the first few minutes I am in tears. I want to be skinny so bad. I am so sad I didn't do this years ago. I imagine the years that I lost the fun times I missed out on. Shopping for a amazing prom dress, my wedding gown should have been the most beautiful dress I ever wore, I should have had more boyfriends that I was happier with rather than settling for the bad ones I selected. I can sit here and feel sorry for myself as I type this with tears in my eyes BUT I have the control no one else does it is all ME! If I fail at this it is me. I never want to fail at anything I have to do this. How did I get to over 300 lbs how did I ever let that happen? What person wants to live that way? Why why why
I am going to make this change. All my life I joked I was skinny under all this fat....honestly I know that I am skinny I know that a skinny person is in me trying to get out....I need to get my mind right about this. I worked out last night and will again every day this week that is what I have to do daily.
I am feeling a bit sad but hopeful too.....how did I ever let this happen to myself?
Michelle

Gym Update and I think I lost 2 lbs so far

Ok so I went to the gym we took seperate cars cause she had to run to walmart afterwards. I did the elliptical part of my workout before she arrived that is the hardest thing for me so I was glad I got that done.
We were not really able to talk cause she was 3 machines away from me on the treadmill and we had a lady between us who we all ended up talking with she was really nice. So I told them flat out I am going to start running and won't be able to talk much. They said ok and were cheering me on when I was running. So I did the treadmill for 2 miles I would walk for .5 at 3.8MPH and than I would run at 5.5 MPH for .5 so I did a mile running and a mile walking if you add it all up. Than I went to the bike and did 4 miles on the bike and decided it was time to go....my daughter was at home waiting for me to get home for her birthday cake.
I got on the scale and I was down 2 lbs from the last time I checked at the gym. So I am hoping I can get down 3-4 lbs total. I need at least 1 more pound so I can get out of the 260's and get into the 250's!!!
Wish me luck!!

Working out with a friend in the gym

Ok so my friend joined my gym last night and it was nice to have someone to talk to but I got home and was talking to Erik and I said yea nice conversation I was sweating but I didn't get a full work out. I can't chat and go at a lesiurely pace so tonight I will get back to my running, riding for more than 2 miles and getting on the elliptical for my 3 times during the night. I never really wanted to tell my friends this isn't a good time to chat or I don't have a few minutes to do this or that for you I was a people pleaser.
I am very excited to have her with me because honestly sometimes when I go and I am alone in the gym I worried if I passed out heaven forbid had a heart attack...she is a nurse LOL she can help and call for help. So tonight I will be kicking it up a LOT!
I want to be down 5 lbs this week....Erik told me I should be able to lose 20 lbs this month the way I planned on working out and following WW plan.
This is just me Michelle trying to find the skinny under my fat!
XOXO

I am PROUD NSV

So I have a journal that I keep saying I am going to use to make a back in the day journal not a blog so my kids can have it to keep and see my handwriting when I am long gone. But anyway I took out that journal and use it to do my points for WW...LOL those trackers they give are a joke for me. So for the last 3 days I have been OP! Yep 3 days in a row. I am so excited because I haven't been OP for more than a day in a row honestly I either ate to little or to much. Usually to little but I think that was making my body shut down these last 2 months. So I have decided to eat my points. I write out my meals for the day and leave 5 extra points to use in case I need a snack attack. I put a check next to it when I eat it. I have 32 points so I get quite a bit but tonight is Zoe's birthday party she is 4....I need to figure out how many points a cupcake and little bit of ice cream are because that will be my extra 35 pts that I will use for that.

I am so excited to be on this journey and the Biggest Loser Competition has really got me motivated all over again!

I really am skinny under my fat....slowly inch by inch the same Michelle just skinnier is coming out!

Biggest Loser

Erik and me at midnight on New Years Eve me in my XL sweater from the regular sizes side of the store!!!

I was looking at blogs today and found a biggest loser Blog Competition...I am one who loves a good competition so I joined! I want to be the Biggest Loser!!!! I love reading other people on this same journey with me and see how great they have done. Makes me realize that I too can do it and that it may not take me 5+ years but it might and if it does that is ok.

So I was standing in the kitchen while the kids ate I was finishing loading the dishwasher my daughter said stop sucking in your stomach I want to see what you look like....I said I AM NOT STICKING IT IN. My husband turned and looked and he said really? I said no I am just standing up straight. He said wow you look really good and the kids were screaming to me you look beautiful mommy! I actually was a hot mess! I had tried on a corduroy skirt that I bought last year in avenue size 22 and found it today in my closet. It was to small than and it is to big today. But I kept it on and had a colorful top that didn't match but I was so happy that skirt was so big. Here is a picture of my kids from this Christmas....I am skinny under my fat....may my children slowly forget the fat mom they had for way to long and come to know and love the new fun mom who found the skinny under her fat!

This Month I want

I really want to get my 50 lb charm at WW that would put me down 65 total. I think that I can do it. I am going to the gym M-F and doing the dvd at home and walking the walking trail during the weekends....the gym hours don't work for me during the weekend with my kids. They don't have daycare and they close at 5 on Sat and Erik is working and Sunday they are closed...but hey what can you expect for 10.00 a month.

These charms are huge motivators for me....even though my charms seem to fall off all the time but thankfully I have found them all but my 16 week clapping hands charm I lost.

Plus if I get down 65 pounds people really better be able to notice!
So if I lose 14 more lbs I will get my 50 lb charm
If I lose 19 more lbs this month I will reach my 2nd 10% goal this month!

October-November were such let downs for me. I can't let it happen. I deserve this I deserve more for my life than this fat on my bones cause I really am Skinny Under My Fat.

8+ miles

Ok so today I did really good I stayed on point for the day....actually didn't eat all my points I was short 5 but I can deal with it....I wasn't hungry so I was not going to eat.

I went to the gym and did the following
5 min on the elliptical
3 miles on the bike
5 min on the elliptical again
3 miles on the bike
1.8 miles on the treadmill

I liked alternating what I did so I wouldn't get bored but also the elliptical kicks my butt so I had to break it up.
I weighed myself on the gym scale which is always higher than WW it said 264 and some ounces so I am going to go by that to tell if I lost weight all week.
I worked out for almost 2 hours so I plan on keeping this up for the week and seeing how I do.
Erik thinks I should lose 20 lbs a month over the next 2-3 months with this work out routine and watching what I eat so hopefully he is right!

I will measure myself tomorrow and update my stats! I hope that went down.
I lost .6 at WW this week hey it is going down at least right!

Jan 1, 2009-Yes one of "those" posts

Ok so the New Year has come and I thought yesterday in our meeting for WW where I lost .6 oz LOL...hey it is going down not up right...that is was Erik told me. Anyway I made a decision for myself. I am not going to eat the wrong foods I deserve more than that. I deserve to be here with my kids healthy not obese! I deserve to fit into the skinny clothes and not have to shop in fat shops. I deserve to have people look at me and think I am beautiful. I deserve to feel comfortable in a swimsuit and not covered up in a tee shirt. I deserve to have my legs crossed and not feel uncomfortable or look awful doing it.

I started thinking about this past week alone I would walk thru the kitchen and I would stop to get something to eat....why did I have to do that? I was bored, it was the holidays and I just wanted to eat. I don't need to I just wanted to. But my wants have to be knocked down a peg and I need to put my Needs FIRST! I need to be healthy, I need to make wise food choices, I need to put my health FIRST!

My husband and I got out a cookbook this morning and decided we will try new things this year and we will try new meals. I will lose the weight this year. I will make it to goal this year. I WILL FIND THE SKINNY UNDER MY FAT!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I HOPE THAT THIS YEAR FINDS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HEALTHY AND HAPPY ALL YEAR LONG!

It is very simple...so what is it so hard?

Ok so I follow the WW plan and they lay it out and make it very simple...you get to eat x amount of points, write down what you eat and journal it. They even added a box to list how hungry you feel during the day and to mark off how many waters you drank....easy right?

Well why is it so hard I am not starving, my blood sugar isn't to low, and I surely don't need it WHY CAN'T I STAY ON POINT AT ALL THIS WEEK? It shouldn't be hard. So here is what I have been doing
I make myself drink water or crystal light before I put that item in my mouth
I look up the points for it so I know and I list it....even though I see it will put me over my points
I know I eat cause I am bored I need to stay away from the kitchen.

I really wanted to make it to 259 this week but I doubt that will happen. ughh this sucks!

I have really hit a plateau here I have been in the 260 since Oct/Nov can't remember the exact date but it has been over a month and that is just driving me insane!

Ok Jalen is waking...goodnight!

Kinda Fun

Saw on another blog and wanted to do my own version LOL
I LIVE: right where I am suppose to be
I WORK: for 4 of the hardest bosses in the world!
I THINK: way to much and need to just do it
I SMELL: and it takes me back to various places and stages in my life
I LISTEN: and love the stolen silent moments of life
I HIDE: because sometimes it is easier to be the fun Michelle rather than myself
I WALK: to lose weight NOT for the fun of it
I WRITE: because one day I will write a book
I SING: when anyone is listening
I CAN: LOSE THIS FREAKING WEIGHT
I WATCH: and wonder what they will grow up like
I DAYDREAM: about my children's weddings
I WANT: to live a long healthy life
I CRIED:over money 4 days ago
I READ: the news on the computer
I LOVE: my family
I SOMETIMES: wish we could buy my grandma's house
I FEAR: that I will not succeed at this weight loss on my own without surgery
I HOPE:that my children know how much I love them
I EAT: sometimes for the wrong reasons but I am trying to change that to I eat to live!
I DRINK: a lot less than I used too ;)
I PLAY: with my kids....no longer sitting on the couch
I MISS: my friends in NJ
I FORGIVE: but never forget
I DREAM: a lot of little dreams
I KISS: way to little
I HUG: my husband at least 5 times a day
I HAVE: 132 extra lbs on me as of today that will one day be gone!
I REMEMBER: the day we left and life changed for me a 6 year old kid....Dec 18, 1980
I DONT: like when people are mean
I BELIEVE: in my husband and our vows
I OWE: my family for so much more than I ever tell them
I KNOW: one day they will know
I HATE: some of the things people do

WI in earlier than expected

Let me just say this has been a trying week. But it just got worse. Jalen my 5 month old little man may have MRSA yes the flesh eating disease. I am freaking out. We had his little finger lanced and they sent samples to the lab. I was going to WI on Wed with my WW buddies at a different location as our location is closed for the holiday but we have a follow up appt to check his finger on Wed at the same meeting time. So I was at the gym today for my daughters practice and was going to leave to go to WI but she was crying she was sick BUT WOULD NOT LEAVE UGHHHH so I stayed the 3 hours. I quick ran to a WI as they were closing and I AM DOWN 3.4 lbs! Ok so I didn't lose the entire amount from last week's 3.8 gain with the jeans and sweater on but heck almost and that is good enough for me I am maintaining I figure and that is wonderful considering the chocolate chips I have been eating....I am not making the darn cookies I just eat a few chocolate chips during the day LOL

So Mikayla is on her 2nd dose or meds for pink eye.
Zoe is getting pink eye we think and we will ask the dr. tomorrow about her.
Mya is battling a stomach bug that hurts her tummy no throwing up thank God and a fever with bad headaches...day 3 will be in the dr with us in the am to be checked too.
Jalen either has a staph, strep or MRSA on his middle finger....of course I am worried I gave it to him coming home from the gym touching his little finger....ughh
I don't have it and no one else in the family does so we are going to see what they say about that in the dr. too.

Wishing everyone reading this a wonderful Christmas and if you are on this weight loss journey like me I hope your scales stay the same over this week or they only go down...NO UPS!

Someone NOTICED!!!!

Ok so today I went out in my old jeans they were huge and almost coming off me but I was just feeling blah today and it was a rough night. 3 of 4 kids were up with belly aches, fevers etc. So I was tired when it was time to get up for gymnastics at 9am today and a holiday party afterwards...ugh
Well a mom at Gymnastics and me were talking she said I just have to ask what have you been doing lately cause you are really losing a lot of weight. I said THANK YOU for noticing cause no one has really said anything. She said oh no it is really noticeable. I wanted to kiss her LOL. So I told her about WW and she said really I joined WW at my job and I just started it. We talked for the next 20 minutes about what works for us and what doesn't planning for Christmas etc. I was just so happy!

It is really working this time!

People Changing

Ok so since I have lost this 50+ pounds I have noticed people changing. Is it because I am changing? Maybe I walk a little more confident, maybe it is the way I no longer look away when they talk to me how I hold eye contact with them? But I have been taken aback lately by the guys when I get to a stop sign how they stop and look, or the guys who beep as they drive by and wave, or even people that I have known for awhile how they look differently at me. It is complimentary but at the same time for someone who has been a look away type of person all her life it is a bit odd.

.....a true friend will lift you up along the way not find ways to knock you down. I am thankful for my true friends and even for the ones that have taught me life lessons.

I am up 3.8 lbs this week in weigh in but this is the 1st time I weighed in wearing jeans and a sweater....I had a function before weigh in and I couldn't get home to change. I anticipate this weigh in to be huge because I will be back in my tee and light pants. They said my jeans easily weigh 1-2 lbs.

Throw out the freakin pizza

So here I sit it is 10:06 pm EST and we had pizza for dinner 4 hours ago. I went to work out....got on the scale and I am up 2 lbs....still have 3 more days until I get weighed in I will get that weight off........UGH but anyway I came home mad and ate another slice of pizza....got on the phone talking to a friend ate another piece of pizza....hung up with my friend and the pizza is next to where the phone is on the counter and ate one more slice of pizza. In total I have had 5 slices of pizza tonight...........oh and did I mention I ate 5 Christmas cookies today that were 3 points each? What is wrong with me????????????????????????

I just read a post from a woman who comments on my blog and her grandpa would always say Walk it off....well as she calls him Booka.....I will do what he says he must be a wise man! I am going to go walking tomorrow since I will only have 1 child while the other 3 are in school and it is going to be in the high 50's I will bundle up the baby and go walking at the track. I will walk off these damn 5 pieces of pizza and 5 cookies, plus the chick fil a sandwich I had today....but I didn't order fries! Doesn't that count for anything? I am going to walk it off and I am coming to realize if I don't make it to my goal to be in the 240's by the end of the week that is ok. As long as I am out of the 260's I can deal with it.....but I badly want to be 248....can't say I so want to be because if I was serious about it I would not have eaten 5 cookies and 5 slices of pizza....go ahead smack my hand thru the computer I know you want to!

For the rest of the week cereal and a ww meal for dinner that is all that I am eating!

Down 2.2 YEA!!!!

Well I lost another 2.2 lbs. I am thinking the days I go to the gym I am losing a pound a day. I went 2x this week and lost 2 lbs. The week before went 3 times lost 3 lbs. Hmmmm maybe I need to go 3x a day 7 days a week and drop 21 lbs!

I am just glad I am down. I am looking forward to being in the 250's. My goal is to be out of the 240's by the end of January. So I have 22 lbs to lose in about 7-8 weeks. I know I can do it I need to focus and plan, journal, and EXERCISE!

Nothing can stop me oh and did I mention...........
I AM DOWN 51.2 POUNDS SINCE JULY 12!

Something on my mind

Mikayla lost a cheerleader friend yesterday. Madison was only 8 years old and got a cold. She woke up coughing on Thursday night Dec 4th and started to choke while coughing. Her parents said she could just never catch her breath the coughing was so bad. She couldn't get any air in. They called 911 she was taken via ambulance to the hospital where they decided to airlift her to a huge hospital about a hour away. By 6 pm on Dec 5th the Dr. told her parents to decide to keep her on life support forever or pull the plug. They decided to pull the plug. Today is Saturday one day since they lost dear sweet Maddie and they were at the girls float today for the parade the girls were going to be marching in where MADDIE SHOULD HAVE BEEN. I saw them and tears filled my eyes but I couldn't go to them. I couldn't say anything....anything I had to say would have been useless. I just looked at them....looked at my girls and baby boy and prayed that somehow God would find a way to help them in this every parents nightmare. The coach told me she saw them along the parade route waving to the girls. I bet today they left and went to the funeral home, probably made arrangements for Maddie. My heart aches for them and I pray for them as I will for sometime. So if you are reading this and can spare a prayer please pray for Maddie and her family and friends.

My girls asked where baby's came from I said they were always in my heart. They asked if I had any other baby's in my heart after I had Jalen I said no I don't think so but you never can tell with God's great plan. So Mya said when I told her and Mikayla about Maddie-"what happens to the babies in her heart mommy?" I told her Maddie was a blessed little girl who didn't have to wait until she got older to meet her babies she got to meet them in heaven when she met God.

Rest in God's arms Maddie until your mommy and daddy are finally home with you in heaven.

NEW GOAL

Ok so I have been saying I wanted to be 113 lbs. It was in my goal range for my weight but never really saw it before in person. Well today I met a mom in my WW meeting who is my height and 133. OMG She is so skinny she is a lifetime member I never would want to be a 113 that is just very skinny for my height and for me and I don't see how I would ever get to that point. So my goal is 130....yes 130 the weight I was in the 3rd grade the same grade as my daughter but thankfully she isn't anywhere near 130 lbs.

Join me on my journey as I find the skinny under my fat and get to 130 lbs.
Michelle

3.2 lbs GONE!

Well I went to get weighed and thought I would be down 3 lbs I had been weighing myself at the gym. I am so glad to see the scale finally going down again rather than up like it has for November. I saw how much my body needs the gym. I have also realized how much I missed the quiet time at the gym away from the family. Erik is gone from the house all day working I am home with the 4 kids running around all over the place trying to maintain a home. But at night I take that hour and sometimes longer for myself and I enjoy that time. At first I hated sweating. I grew to like sweating feeling like my weight was coming off with each bead of sweat. Than I started to run.....I like to run....I don't love it yet but I think I could. Not sure really yet but I feel so powerful running all 264 lbs of me running praying I won't break the treadmill....praying it doesn't have a 250 lbs weight limit on it.

I know that with my hard work I will be down in the low 250's this month. I KNOW I CAN DO IT! So I will strive for that this month and share in this journey as I get below my 1st child's pregnancy weight and my wedding day weight. I was in the very low 200's when I met Erik and I thought I was cute. I can't even begin to imagine what I will be like at goal.
Michelle

Good Bye November.....Moving on!

I am so glad November is over I can pick myself up and keep moving. I went to WI and gain 1 lb. ughhh But I am not going to let it take me down. I will keep going, keep losing and sometimes have a set back for a month at a time even as this month has shown me. But it concerns me.
1. my mom came to visit and I had 2 weeks of trying to get back on point to get down 4.4 lbs.
2. why couldn't I control my urge to eat those damn pies?
3. why didn't I get my fat butt up to work out at the gym not just the dvd at home?

I will get down at least 10 lbs this month. I can assure you. I am going to get to the 250's before the new year!

Hope for the new year
End of Month
Dec 255
Jan 242
Feb 230
March 218
April 205
May 193
June 180
July 167
Aug 154
Sept 142
Oct 130
Nov 118
Dec 113 Goal

Measurement Day!

Measurements: Sept 22, 2008
Calf 20 inches
Arm 14 inches
Thigh 30 inches
Waist 59 inches
Bust 48 inches

Measurements: October 25, 2008
Calf 18.5 inches -1.5
Arm 12.5 inches -1.5
Thigh 26 inches -4
Waist 55 inches -4
Bust 43 inches -5

Measurements: November 24, 2008
Calf: 18.5 inches stayed the same but looks different I am building some muscle!
Arm: 12 inches -.5 total down 2 inches
Thigh: 22 inches -4 inches down 8 inches total
Waist: 52 inches -2 grand total down 6 inches
Bust: 39.5 inches -3.5 inches total down 7.5 inches

DOWN 25 INCHES TOTAL since September 22

Almost did it

Well I wanted to lose 5 lbs this week....but I came close 4.4 lbs! I am very happy. I decided that this week I am going to do it I am going to lose 6.6 this coming week. I have to be down 10 lbs this month. I lost 6.6 a few weeks ago I can do it again.
I have been on point all day and will stick to the plan no splurges...good thing I hate Thanksgiving food HAHA and I am weighing in a day earlier on Wednesday since Thur is Turkey day.
I am working out every change I can get. I walked 3 miles tonight and tomorrow I will walk while my daughter has her class at the Rec center. After that I might drop her off and go to the gym or go tomorrow night and let hubby watch the kids.
The weekend I will have to do some major walking because the gym will be closed. I only have Mon and Tues to work out at the gym since Wed I weigh in at 10am. ughhh
I could do it Friday but I might have a slice or two of pie since that is pretty much all I like from Thanksgiving food.
So next week be on the lookout for 6.6 lbs of me gone!

Recent Photo

Before

After

I go to weigh in tomorrow....I hope I did good!

Up Up Up.....

I gained 2.2 lbs this past week. My mom came to town for Halloween and I haven't really gotten into the groove of working out again. I am so upset with myself I can't stop working out cause I have visitors....she should have been working out with me....I only say this because she complains she wants to lose weight too. But she left I am up for 2 weeks. I have recommitted and decided this week I am going to lose 5 lbs. I went back to the gym and I RAN YES I RAN! I decided to follow the distance on the machine and for .5 I would walk at 3.5 mph than for .5 I would run at 4.5 mph so I walked 1/2 mile and ran 1/2 a mile. I than did the elliptical for 15 minutes and rode 4 miles on the bike. I didn't work out last night because Mya has a gymnastics meeting and the gym was closing when I could have gone. I did go to Walmart to get walk away the pounds and I walked the 4 miles on the dvd. Mikayla even did the entire 4 miles too!

It is Saturday morning and I had my fiber 1 bar and a 2 pt muffin I made. So I had 5 points so far today. I am going to focus this week on working out

I did the 4 mile walk already this morning with Mya and Mikayla.

My schedule will be

Mon walk dvd in am, gym for a hour at night

Tues walk dvd in am, plus walk at the track for a hour, gym a hour at night

Wed walk in am at the track, walk dvd at home mid day and gym at night

Thur walk dvd in mid day and gym at night

Fri walk in am at the track, dvd mid day and gym at night

Sat walk dvd in am

Sun walk dvd in am and if warm enough walk at the track

I also will be working on staying on point this entire week. I have been doing it I THINK. I have not written in my food journal in ages but I am making a committment to do it and stick to it.

The weird thing is I can tell I gained 2 lbs who knew I could feel that? It doesn't feel good and it sucks that I was in the 260's and have gained those 2 lbs have gone back into the 270's....I NEVER WANTED TO GO BACK! But in this time I take to lose this weight I plan on having some ups and downs so I am not letting this knock me down.

Here I am Michelle at 271 lbs and not loving it but dealing with it and realizing I CAN DO THIS but it is HARD WORK!

Feeling so good

Ok so I have to tell ya I went up 8 oz this week in Weight Watchers. Ok so I will survive. But I am feeling so good. I lost 45 lbs so far, I am wearing new clothes from the Regular Size stores, and I am beginning to realize my true friends.

I am feeling good....letting go of weight, people I thought were friends, and releasing my feelings that I should just settle because I am to damn good to settle I deserve the best and will shoot for and get the best!

Halloween Sucks!

Well Halloween came and I had a party here....way to much junk food. I actually returned 60.00 worth of junk food today to Walmart cause I didn't want it in the house and I bought it for the party. I went walking/running today cause I was eating way to bad this entire weekend.
Here are some samples

• chocolate cake with cool whipped topping about 3-4 slices
• lots of chocolate peanut butter candy from the kids bags
• sugar cookies I made
• regular soda not diet

What was I thinking? So today me and Mikayla walked to the park and I started running. I decided to run to make myself work harder to get that extra food off of me. But I know that this is not going to destroy me so I am going to work on getting back on point today so I can continue to lose weight.

Next year I need to think of a better plan for Halloween!

45 Lbs less of me!

Today I went to my weigh in and I lost 3.4 lbs...I made my 10% at Weight Watchers and I also reached 45 lbs....5 lbs short of my goal of 50 lbs by Halloween....ok so it is 5 lbs not a double digit so I am ok with that....close but no cigar.

I am very excited to see this weight going bye bye. I have my mom coming into visit this weekend from Florida and I keep thinking I want her to take me shopping but I think I want to wait to get clothes until I am even less. Although I do need a few pieces so we might do some shopping.

So where do I stand? I am 268 lbs it sounds so good compared to 313 but still 268 is big. I keep telling myself that it didn't come on over night so I am working with that in mind. I know it will come off....I need to keep some things up....
Following my points which went down with this weight loss
Exercise
Make wise food choices

Speaking of exercise I am doing this program couch to 5k. I have started running in the gym on the treadmill. I tell ya it is that first step being scared to take it. I did it and I have lived to tell it. I have been running on it for about 2-3 weeks. I don't run long not a mile or anything I time it in minutes. I have also run down the road by my house....I was scared of critters coming out and I decided to run...it was great motivation!!! I am not sure that I will ever be a runner it is not something I have ever wanted to be actually but I could see myself getting into weight training. I do enjoy working on my muscles and feeling the burn ;)

I will tell you what my mom said when she sees me. She last saw me at my highest weight when I had my son. The son who will never remember having a fat mother.

I promise I am Skinny Under My Fat!

The shrinking woman....

Here I am 16 inches smaller!

43 pounds lighter!

Top picture is from 3 days ago....bottom one is at my highest weight 313 lbs.

OK I decided since I was feeling like crap to measure myself maybe that will pick me up here is where I stand

Measurements: Sept 22, 2008

Calf 20 inches

Arm 14 inches

Thigh 30 inches

Waist 59 inches

Bust 48 inches

Measurements: October 25, 2008

Calf 18.5 inches -1.5

Arm 12.5 inches -1.5

Thigh 26 inches -4

Waist 55 inches -4

Bust 43 inches -5

16 inches lost!!!

What am I doing?

I have no idea why but I can't stop eating. I just want to eat and eat. I want to work out still but I am so hungry. I am trying to stay on point but it is so hard. I feel like I need to eat everything in the house to get rid of it and than start with a bare house. I wish that my family would all be on board and all be trying to diet and eat healthy. Erik really needs to and my oldest DD could stand to lose 5 lbs or so.

I am still fitting in smaller clothes which is good but at this rate I will be back up!
ughhh

WHY OH WHY couldn't I be one of those people that are born skinny and stays skinny?

Weigh In Today not so great

This is me above in a size 14-16 top and it is not skin tight!

This is me in a MEDIUM yes you read that right MEDIUM Tank top from Kmart they had a .99 sale and I went and bought clothes for the next summer and it fit it is a bit shorter than what I would wear so when I lose the weight I am sure it will be perfect!

I thought I would be up it has been a rough week. I have been fighting with Erik, Zoe has been driving me insane, and I just didn't really stick to the points this week....oh and I only worked out 5 times this week. So I need to get my ass in gear and work out more.

I need to stick to the points plan.

I lost 4 oz........but I DIDN'T GAIN!

So I am happy I didn't gain and happy to get the kick in the rear and get myself smaller. I want to have a huge week next week I just have to!

I spent the day shopping

I went shopping today from 1030am until 6pm at night. I was all over and loved every minute of it. First I went to Avenue they have a 18.00 sale on pants so I wanted to see what fit. I fit into a 16 I LOVED THAT! It was great to be able to get into them. I tried on a 14-16 top it was adorable but it was 39.99 and I am not paying full price for clothes while I lose weight. Than I went and got another top on clearance and my boobs are so big from breastfeeding still that it looked awkward. I want big boobs but they need to be my normal size so I can wear cute shirts.

Next went to Old Navy I think it was the sweetheart jean not sure they have so many I fit into a 18 tight but they were on and............IT WAS MY FIRST TIME IN OLD NAVY IN THE LADIES DEPT SHOPPING FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I always went right back to kids it was nice shopping in a regular store for me! I was having so much fun I bought a L and XL tank top dressy style for Disney. I got the XL on at home and it fit the L is snug I will have them taken in cause I only paid 99 cent for each shirt...........I love clearance in Old Navy!!!

After that I went to Kohls and got a cute XL top from the misses dept on clearance for 7.80 loved that! It was cute and I figure when I lose weight I can wear it for a swimwear coverup. The kids were running around like maniacs so we didn't last long in Kohls.

Finally we went to Cato and I got 3 new tops. Long sleeves for the winter and I went in and went to the plus size found cute tops 11.99 ok get a few of those see XL no 14-16 so I grab that and go for another color and get 18-20 cause I don't see XL. Well I got a pile that should have been in the Misses section yep yet again fit in the Misses section and went to the "other side" and got the XL in those shirts.

I had so much fun shopping spent less than 50.00 today on clothes! But got I think 8 tops!
Catch ya later!

Down 42 lbs in 3 months!!!!

I wasn't sure what to expect at this weigh in today and I was shocked! I lost 4.4 lbs! I am so excited. I got my 25 lb charm. Next week I hope to get my 10% keyring. I told everyone in the meeting of something that I did and I wanted to share it here.

Mya is a gymnast and Mikayla is a cheerleader they asked me could I do a kartwheel. I said back in the day yea...than I thought why not try it. Man it seems high from 5 foot 2 compared to 3 foot 2 when I was a kid throwing myself around in my grandmother's front yard. I looked at my husband and said do you think I will break a arm? He said no I said what than both arms? He said NO. I did it the kids laughed but my legs were not straight I wanted to get it right! I did it one more time and got scared and I stubbed my toe but I completed the rotation. I shared with everyone in the meeting I am doing this for my kids. When it all comes down to it my kids are my life. I am doing this so I can be healthy and be with them for a long long time. I want to be the fun mom with my kids who can keep right up with them.

I came home and Mikayla knew what today was and said how much mom? I said 4.4 lbs she has no idea what that is but she still was cheering mommy lost 4.4 lbs! Mya told me good job mom! I know that this time it is going to work I am going to be a skinny mom and Jalen will never know his mom as fat....obese.....chubby.....skinny challenged

My goal is to have 3.4 weeks for the next 2 week so I can be down 50 lbs since July 12 OMG I can't even believe I am saying that. Can you imagine from 313 to 260 something in this short amount of time?

I continue to exercise 2x a day. I also stay on point with WW as I am doing the flex program. After I get into the 100's I will do the core so I can retrain myself completely off of frozen meals and eat normally for the 1st time in my life with regular food just the right portion. Portion control is where it is at for me I have to learn that!

Over 4 Miles

I did it I walked over 4 miles today in 70 minutes!!! I am so excited. I wasn't even tired I would have done more but I had to get home. Walking away the pounds. I plan on walking some more this week and than going to the gym at night. I need to get to my 10% this month I MUST! I also have with WW 4 more lbs to lose to get to my 25 lbs lost. I have started before joining WW on this diet and it is working! I can't wait to post a new picture of myself as I am getting smaller!

Goodbye LB, Avenue, Plus size departments

The time has come to say goodbye. I have been your loyal customer for way to many years. This past week I took a turn and it was to the right side of the store....the misses department and NOT THE PLUS SIDE on the left. I WILL NEVER GO BACK! I have waited for this day for many years....probably about 20 years oh heck even more sadly I am sure. I have some new friends in new places, Old Navy, Cato, Fashion Bug, Limited, Target and my favorite Kohl's to name a few. I won't go back. I have been told that skinny tastes good....I am sure it does but at the moment I can say size 18 tastes good and I want to get smaller and smaller.

I have never had a style of my own it was always what the store had that fit me. I will be able to have my own style! Some days I think I want to be business casual in nice pants, a button down top and nice shoes. Other days I think nice jeans, cute tops, and boots. Than I think about summer I picture lots of sun dresses and cute sandals. I want to get a whole new haircut when I get to my goal size of a 6 or maybe a 8 depending on how I look.

I wonder if because I am going to have less fabric in the clothes if I can fit more in the closet? I am going to have a new addiction SHOPPING!

I love how size 18 tastes I can smell the 16 coming on over. I bet it tastes even better!

Why doesn't anyone notice?

Today we were at a festival in town and we saw some people we knew and no one said anything to me about losing weight. I am down 37 pounds and no one says anything. My friends who are also dieting with me one is down 62 lbs the other is in the same range as me we think (she hasn't stepped on the scale at all in the process) and people were telling them how good they look and how they came down in weight. What about me? Can they not tell because I am so big?

I went to work out last night I rode the bike for 25 minutes and did 4 miles and some change. I walked a mile on the treadmill in 25 minutes and did 10 minutes on the eliptical machine. I love working out in the gym. I feel so much better afterwards and I love sweating. I can't believe I am even saying that. But I love getting into smaller clothes. I love seeing my old clothes get bigger and bigger on me.

No one might notice at this point but I can assure you give me 2 more months and they will notice. I plan on being down 50 pounds total by than.

My goals

End of October 268 and fit in a size 16

End of November 258

End of December 248

End of January 238

End of February 228-I was around this weight in the picture above. But I was wearing a 16-18 at this point. My body has changed shape it is so bizarre. How I can weight as much as I do currently and I am in the same size. That or clothes just got bigger in size ranges.

This time next year I plan to be at my goal weight of 130 lbs.

Size 18....oh what a feeling

Ok so I had my weigh in on Thursday I was only down 1 pound but I must be up in muscle. I am not upset because I went to Cato a store here in town and tried on clothes after WW. I fit in a size 18 pants and 14-16 top. Here are some pics of me in the size 18 pants and I had the size 14-16 top on in pink and the blue top in the bottom pick is a 1x.

My WORST Pictures

My two kids together are smaller than me...... OMG is that my stomach????????
Right here give me a kiss baby.....Thank God he sees my sense of humor and loves me beyond my fat.....he knows I am skinny under my fat.
Maybe this dress makes me look fat so many of my dreaded pics are in this dress. I guess this is my moomoo dress. I will burn this dress one day....I just wore it yesterday and it is so big on me already.....

My worst pictures....I can't wait to start posting new pictures where I look HOT!

Down 6.6 in 1 Week!!!!

May my son never remember his mother was fat.......

I lost 6.6 lbs this week. That is the exact size my son Jalen was when he was born 2 months 2 weeks 6 days ago! Total down 36 lbs in 2 1/2 months! I am so excited and I am so motivated. I realize that 6 lbs is not going to happen weekly but I am on my way to a size 8-10-12 whatever I end up as long as it isn't plus size. I went thru my closet today i took out size 22 clothes they were tight 22 fit good. 28 makes me look fatter than I am cause they are so big. 26 is loose on me and 24 is a good fit.

We are busy planning our Disney vacation and I can't tell you how excited I am to go to Disney in my dress I bought in size 16! I can't wait to wear it and have it fit!

My before picture 280 lbs

I look pregnant.....I had the baby 2 months ago....ughhhh

Do you know what it is like to be a fat girl? Maybe you have always been skinny....maybe you have been fat and know what I am talking about....in case you don't here goes......

I have a great smile, a pretty face so I have been told over and over. Never those are great legs, or your arms look great. It is as if people felt they had to say something about me was pretty so they said oh you have a great smile. Great Wonderful ughhhhh NOT.

Sometimes I meet people only for a short while but I have a great memory (I should say I had a great memory cause after kids I am lucky I can remember all 4 of my kids names LOL) But I remember in college a guy named Fred he was roomies with a friend of mine. Fred was not really a friend of mine more like a aquaintance but I would think he would remember me. I saw Fred about 3 years after college walked right up to him and he could not remember me. That is the story of my life....I am the forgettable fat girl. Going out with friends meeting new people they always remember my friends but not me. I am invisible or perhaps they can't see thru the fat and to the fun person I am well hell more than fun AMAZING person I am and they just see fat so they don't think I am worth their time. Wrong people I can tell you that I am a great friend, wonderful mom, thoughtful human being, and you lost out. Fred you LOST buddy and to all the Freds before and after him YOU ALL LOST OUT!

Growing large isn't easy in your teenage years. My friends would all go shopping at the fun stores TOGETHER and I would run into Lane Bryant alone so hopefully no one would see me and I could get out quick. Going out to clubs they would hope to pick up guys I would hope I could get thru the night without anyone making fun of me. Walking across a street in NYC one night I fell and a guy screamed out Earthquake....I wasn't even that big I was maybe a size 14!

Being pregnant fat isn't a walk in the park. The dr. tells you not to gain weight....mine was convinced I would get gestational diabetes NEVER DID! I never got that cute basketball look to my belly, and shopping for plus size maternity clothes is damn expensive. If I were a regular size I could buy bigger clothes but no not me I had to get maternity clothes for a plus size woman. Labor was not enjoyable. I could only imagine the people's thoughts as I labored. I am sure it was awful sight. Maybe I had my kids so fast because I wanted to get it over with so these people didn't have to see me.

I used to not be so scared of things. Lately I am scared of lots of things. But I do miss one thing in particular. I used to ride a roller coaster in Seaside Heights. It was lots of fun I was scared the first time but after that first time I was hooked I went on it all the time. I don't go on roller coasters or many rides these days because I am scared I won't fit. Who wants to get up to the end of the line, try to get in and realize you don't fit. That is not my idea of fun. I hope by the time Disney comes I will feel comfortable enough to get on a ride and enjoy myself again.

I promise that I will not be the forgettable girl once this weight is off and the skinny me comes out from behind the fat.

Trust me I am really skinny under my fat!
Michelle

Measurements: Sept 22, 2008
Calf 20 inches
Arm 14 inches
Thigh 30 inches
Waist 59 inches
Bust 48 inches

I will measure each month and hopefully watch these numbers go down.

I am down another 4 lbs this week in weight watchers!!!! I am so excited. We are going to Disney this year for our yearly trek and I decided today while walking my 3-4 miles a day that I would find out how many miles it is to Disney from our house and I would walk that many miles before Disney. We live 12 hours away and are going in 7 months so let's see what happens. I will update on the miles later and tell everyone how it goes.



So my kids. I have my oldest who is in the 95th percentile for weight. The Dr. said we need to watch her. I don't want her to be fat. I don't want her to go thru what I went thru as a fat kid. I work with her on choosing the right foods and portions but she still doesn't get it. She still wants to eat more. We fight over this all the time it is a daily battle. She is a dancer and cheerleader and to continue these she will have to lose some weight. I want her to lose 10lbs so she can lose her belly and some of her excess fat. Max 10 lbs more like 7 lbs so she can lose 10% of her body weight she is 70 lbs. My next child is the complete opposite. She is the athlete doing gymnastics and training 6 hours a week. She wants for Christmas a pull up bar that we can hang over the door so she can train at home. She has 0 body fat it seems and is so muscular. This is the kid who asks me to get her salad and celery for snack not a pop tart like my older child. Than our 3rd child she is solid solid as a rock LOL. She is almost 40 lbs and she is chubby but I think that I can help her with this by feeding her better foods. She needs to learn the right way to eat and she is still young enough to learn this. Plus I am surprised at her weight because she barely seems to eat a full meal. Our baby well he is only 2 months old can't tell with him yet but hopefully he will never remember his fat mom!



I am down to 284 as of last Thursday. I went out and bought all my WW meals for the coming week and I am set. I hope to be able to take off 4 lbs a week for the next few months before it starts to get tougher as I am sure it will.



I am doing this to show my kids that any obstacle can be overcome with hard work and determination. Also to show them how to be healthy and grow into healthy adults. I also am doing this to gain the confidence I need to get a great job that I am qualified for, to get the confidence to make a decision of should I stay or should I go.



Next up: The forgettable girl....

September 16, 2008

Well no one will see this post unless I find the "Skinny under my fat". Why am I doing this? To hold myself accountable for my actions, the food I choose to eat, the time I choose to exercise, and the goals I set and attain for myself....or fail.

So today is the Biggest Loser season opener. Today I walked 2 miles in 40 minutes. Today I stuck to my weight watchers points. Today is the start of my tomorrow and everyday after. But I got to this point and I want to write about it here in case you have always been skinny, had a fast metabolism, exercised and always ate the right things. This is for the people who looked at fat people and made fun of them. This is for the fat people who want to know they are not alone. This is for me to remember how I got here so I NEVER go back!

I wish I could say I was born 20 lbs so I was off to a bad start but I was an average 6 poundish child and grew up a average weight from what I remember until I moved to NJ when my parents divorced....oh I can hear the backlash already oh because her parents divorced she is fat. NO that is not what I am saying. I remember being big in the 2nd grade bigger than the other girls shopping for 1st communion dresses. I still had a cute dress but I don't forget the problems finding one that fit. The worst weigh in ever was in the 3rd grade....I weighed 130 lbs how is that possible and why would I remember that? My teacher looked at the scale looked at me and said Michelle you need to lose weight you weigh the same as me. I was humiliated I really liked my teacher and she was so upset with me. In 8th grade my aunt gave birth to my grandparents 2nd grand daughter they had other boy grandchildren but I was the 1st and only grand daughter for 13 years. I was sad and decided to walk to Buxtons the ice cream shop up the road and get a sundae. Food was my friend. I have decided to end this friendship and use food only when it is needed. Only when it is right for me not when I feel like I need something to eat.

Growing up in a single parent household with a mom who was a waitress money was tight. I can tell you as a mom it is expensive to eat right. We didn't have many meats lots of pasta. PASTA PASTA PASTA

• mac and cheese with parm cheese
• noodles and white sauce with lots of parm cheese
• fettuchini alfredo with parm cheese
• stuffed shells and marinara sauce with parm cheese

As you can see Parm Cheese was considered a vegetable in my household. I still have a pot that I made mac and cheese in when I was a teenager and to this day I can't use it because I think ughhh this helped me get this way. Food became my friend and it never let me down. I could eat at any time, food was available but not good food choices. Soda was also another big downfall for me. I grew up drinking Food Town brand 3 liter sodas grape, orange, lemon lime never any juice. Water what was that?

I remember one day walking home from the bus and seeing some kids walking at me. I hated where I lived we had some bad kids in the area and they started to make fun of me and I was embarrassed. I tried to diet as a child, teen but never really stuck to anything. I never lost only gained. I used to wear sweats all the time they were comfortable and they fit. Jeans were to tight, regular teen clothes I couldn't wear you just couldn't find cool clothes in plus sizes. My aunt took me to Macy's for my 14th birthday and said your mom can't let you walk around in sweats forever and she took me to the junior department and got me a cool outfit in the biggest size that the junior department had. She was getting bad at having to take me to the largest size I remember praying trying on the pants that they would fit. Thankfully they did. School sports in high school I would have loved to played. We had gymnastics and I thought how cool that would be to do that. Volleyball was huge in my school I was great at it in gym and wished I would be picked for the team but it didn't happen....I was to big. School plays all my friends went in them I tried out made the play but dropped out fearful of what I would wear how would they find a costume for me?

Boys......oh lord many many mistakes because I felt that was what I deserved. I am fat that is why he cheated on me, I am fat this is why he is lieing to me, I am fat that is why he doesn't tell people I am his girl friend, I am fat I am lucky he is my boyfriend so I better buy him that outfit, ring, give him that money I worked for. Thankfully I met a man who loved me for me....although he met me while I was on phen-fen lost some weight not tons I was a size 16, had a long weave in with brown hair and blond highlights and blue contacts in.....Beyonce looking....so not me. But still he loved me no weave, contacts and a extra 10 lbs for every year we have been together.

So the numbers

weight highest 313 when I gave birth to my son and final child on July 12, 2008

September 16, 2008 289 down 24 lbs in 8 weeks!!!!!!

Goal to be a size 12/14 not sure how much that would be in weight but I just want to be able to walk into a regular size store and BUY SOMETHING ANYTHING THAT I LIKE!

I will update this site weekly after I go to my weigh in on Thursdays at weight watchers and any time in between that I feel like I need to vent.

As I say to my kids....I am skinny under my clothes.

NEXT:My children