Thursday, March 20, 2014

1 year Later

So it has been one year and 2 days since I had gastric bypass. Have I followed every rule? No am I happy YES! I am not at goal. I am down to 198 and fit in a 12 I am very happy. I am going to start logging my working out here.
Today week 3 day 1 of couch to 5k. I am going to start working out more to get rid of these last 48 lbs. I think that is what I need to lose to get into a size 8 my goal size.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Endoscopy Day!!!

Well I went to work at 230 am so I could be done in time for my 6am appointment. Got home by 430am and took a shower. Got Erik up and he got ready and we were off. It felt kinda weird going to the hospital at this time it reminded me of when we left for the birth of Jalen. But this time we wouldn't be bringing home a baby we would just be coming home with some pics of my esophagus and stomach. What a pretty stomach it is might I add HAHA.

So I go and check in I am the first one of the day. The 1st nurse she got me in my little cubicle and told me lay down take everything from the waist up off. Asked did I have any piercings etc. I said no next a new nurse came in who I thought would be my nurse in all I had 4 nurses....so many nurses just for a tube down my throat! So she took my blood set up my IV....holy crap this chick was half way in my arm with the needle (did I ever tell you I had 4 kids naturally because I am scared of IV's and needles?) and says do you need a blood draw? I said ummm I don't know. She calls to another nurse who comes in looks at my chart and says I don't know she is so young I don't see anything on her chart....at this point blood is pooling down my arm and she keeps wiping it away. Finally I take charge and say ummm look take the vial and blood and lets get this done with I am in pain here. So she does does it and tapes it all down. They said after that my husband could come in. Well the next Anesthesia guy comes in he is not very friendly and when I joke about the proporal that they are going to give me and Michael Jackson he says we know how to use it! Ok buddy I hope so....he leaves another nicer one comes in asks me questions and I ask him please make sure I am asleep I have heard nightmare stories. He tells me look I am going to put something in your IV and you are going to sleep for about 5 minutes no breathing tubes needed you will be asleep almost like General but just shy of it. He said I won't remember a thing or feel a thing. I said ok I am trusting you. My surgeon comes in and asks how I am doing and gives me a high 5. I inform him since I am here lets do the bypass he said we are not set up in the room for that LOL. Everyone leaves still no hubby who was suppose to be let in after the IV. So I tell the nurse as she walks by I want my husband he comes in we have a few words and they are here to pick me up. I say bye to him and they wheel me to the room. I don't like being wheeled laying down I felt sick! I said I wouldn't throw up but man it was a weird feeling. I get into the room 2 new nurses are putting the back of the bed up and telling me lay on my side....really I do this almost sitting up? The sleep dr love him! He puts on my air tubes in my nose for back up air and says close your eyes this thing is huge on you I need to snip some. I close my eyes and he says ok Michelle we are going to get started I just put the medicine in your IV. I see the Dr coming close to my face with the tube and I think holy crap he is going to do this and I am not asleep. The sleep dr says take deep breaths. I tell myself keep your eyes open looking at that clock so he won't go into your mouth while your eyes are open. Well I didn't even get to 2 I was counting in my head I was out and woke up in what seemed like a few minutes later in another room and my husband and surgeon were next to me. Everything went well and surgery is a go!

I can't believe I was so scared. I have to say I don't think I could do this in the dr office if I need to be scoped I might just pass out. They did say my stomach is inflammed so they did take a biopsy but they said it was nothing to worry about. He said it was gastroentitis....I say it was make more moneyitis. LOL

I got my discharge papers and my pictures for my mantle....umm ok no just to show the kids how cool my stomach is. The kids asked if I took the meds and was going to be skinny all of a sudden. They seemed shocked when I explained no they are going to cut my stomach and make it really small this was not the surgery itself this a just a exam to make sure my stomach was ok.

Came home sucked up to the hubby how tired I was and watched tv in bed all day while taking naps on and off. I am having a hard time dealing with dinner while on my liquid diet. I had to walk away and let them cook and try to stay away from the smell. Downside not eating with my family for sometime....upside my daughter is learning to cook. He let her make the rice and sausage last night with his help. She was so proud. I was proud I made it and didn't shed a tear.

Bring on the bypass I am so ready for it!

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Before Pics and Stats

I started my liquid diet on the 1st.
4 Protein Shakes a day for 30 days.
1st 2 weeks I can do one small high protein meal and veggies. NO CARBS
SF Jello and Ice Pops and Broth are allowed.

I weigh 299.2 goal to lose 15 lbs in pre op on the liquid diet.




The pants are drawstring pants that the string came out of and to be honest they are more comfy that way. They are from Walmart Danskin 2XL. The top is from Kohls it is a XL in the Ladies Department. It used to fit me before I gained the weight back.

Goal to be a size 8 Medium

I AM BACK!!!

Well I have neglected this blog for long enough. I have been battling with my weight and not winning for the last year. Surgery has been approved I go for a endoscopy on Monday at 6am and Surgery will be March 25th. One day after my daughters 11th bday. I said mommy can light your candles but I can't eat your cake. I am on a liquid diet for a month yes you read that right A MONTH!!! Darn it I better lose some weight in this month. I want to lose 15 lbs that is my goal. So I went to Weight Watchers yesterday and weighed in at drum roll.....299.2 umm hello where did that motivated woman go from 2 years ago who believed she could so anything?

So after surgery life is going to be so different....well not much different from today since I will be on a liquid diet for at least 2 weeks after surgery followed by pureed and after that onto soft foods introducing solids slowy. I know your jealous right? But I am taking this opportunity to find myself to really find the SKINNY UNDER MY FAT. I know that a skinny mom is under here and she is a beast she is fierce and she can kick some butt. Craving yes I said craving lifting weights and I can't wait to get the clearance from the Dr to do it after surgery. I am going to start up back in the gym today....yes I quit.....and get some heart pumping workouts in before surgery. So I quit the gym in November to save money for the surgery and because I felt like ok the surgery is going to happen I won't be able to work out....well my friend called and said membership is going up so if you want your old rate come join. I went in 2 hours later!

Some people have come forward after I publicly finally stated on FB that I was doing surgery and tried to talk me out of it. I am so glad they did that it showed how much they cared about me and were worried for me. I am worried myself but I am more worried if I don't do this surgery where I will end up. Either way it isn't pretty.

I have begun cleaning out my closet and cleaning and organizing the house it is a lot like nesting. Only I am doing it in case heaven forbid I die my husband won't be left with a mess he has no idea what to do with. I told him this and he said yea I wouldn't want that so please clean and organize everything! LOL Thanks for the support honey I would have thought he might say don't worry you will be fine.

The surgeon I have selected is amazing. My friend pointed out he is not to bad to look at either so when I am going to sleep and after I wake up seeing him will be a nice sight HAHA. She calls him eye candy I say whatever you are have some skilled steady hands and help me on my way to skinny and healthy.

My CPAP machine has been out of commission I hate that thing it is sitting next to my bed collecting dust. I am going to bust it out tonight and start using it again. It can only help.

Later today I am going to post my before picture and goals. Hopefully I can come back to this post in a years time and not recognize the woman in the picture. Hopefully I can cross off some of the goals from the list too!

I will blog the rest of my journey here as a way to remember all that I had to do to get to the Loser's Bench!
Talk to you soon,
Slowly finding the skinny under my fat!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Surgery Prep I Hope!!!!!

So it is April 21, 2012 and I am on day 4 of my self impossed liquid diet. I am fearing that the GP won't approve me for the RNY this is my last appt I have and the insurance paper work can be submitted. April 27th they will submit the paperwork! You see month 1 I gained a lb on her diet. Month 2 I stayed the same but she saw changes in my body shape so she said do more cardio less weights. Month 3 I want to be down at least 10 lbs. Ugh I am trying. I am working out at the gym and following this liquid diet and I don't want to jinx it but my pants are feeling bigger and my tee shirt I am wearing at the moment doesn't require the good old pull it on and stretch it out around my belly today. LOL That is a plus and makes me hopeful I lost something. Hell with all the peeing I am doing I had to have lost something for the love of God!

My husband is off May 2-9 and my mom comes the 10-23 so we are hoping and praying my surgery will be in those dates. My patient rep said I could technically have surgery the last day of April if the paper work comes back. I have read the surgeon's paperwork and he doesn't seem to have a liquid diet before surgery just 1 day before clear liquids. But I am doing it anyway SHRINK LIVER SHRINK! I would be so mad if I had surgery and found out I had issues because of a swollen liver! My daughters have a dance recital on the 19-20 of the month so I really want to go to those. I am hoping I would have been out of the surgery by this point and at home and safely on the losers bench!

I have started a new cross addition but this one is fun. We don't have tons of excess money for a new wardrobe so I online shop well dream LOL. I have a closet full of 20-16 clothes so that should last me over the summer I would think and I will buy items at good will and on clearance for Fall and Winter. Plus I have some amazing weight loss friends who pass along clothes to me when they get to be to big so hopefully they will keep losing and I might get a few pieces from them or heck even be able to share while I shrink.  So what I do is I save the pics to my PC and I have my husband look at them and tell me if he likes them. I actually will be able to dress cute for my husband and hopefully get some compliments along the way. He doesn't say much so hopefully I will knock his socks off and he will tell me how damn good I look LMAO.....he better!

Working out scares me after surgery so I am trying to get as much working out in that I can to start off in a better negative. I thought I would be able to do the treadmill a lot but it seems that it is better to walk on a non moving surface. So pounding the pavement it will be but it gets so damn hot here in NC I am going to have to go at 6am when I get in from work before the sun comes all the way up. I really want to be able to do a marathon in January. I want to do the Disney 20th anniversary marathon. I ran a half at 250 I figure if I can get to the 180's I will be comfy enough to do it. I know I can do it.

Tomorrow I think that I am going to get some boxes and box up my clothes well throw out the winter ones into the goodwill pile we have going in our garage. It is a two car garage we are lucky we can fit my little car I do the papers in into the garage. No way would 2 cars ever fit in our garage. The garage needs a diet too! LOL

Slowly but surely I am finding the damn skinny goddess under my fat! She is coming out and the world better watch out. Click on this for your listening pleasure! LOL

I'm Coming Out all right....for your listening pleasure!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

RNY CHANGES OH MY!

I am trying to live by the lifestyle after RNY Weight Loss Surgery but little things keep creeping up and I am like HOLY CRAP I forgot about that.

I was very excited last night to tell my 2 x 1/2 marathon running friend Gina I will do the 1/2 at Virginia Beach it is the Rock and Roll Marathon Series. We so wanted to do one together but I posted on the WLS Support Board I am on and they were saying at 3 1/2 months out nutrition to live is key and that is going to be hard to get in enough at the beginning and train for a race. Plus the fluids as dehydration is common after surgery. So I am going to have to tell Gina I can't do this race with her but I can go and cheer her on and we can do the Princess Half in February at Disney together.

This support board has been critical in my decision to get the surgery. I have found out that I will wake up in all likelyhood and I shouldn't be so scared of dying. This surgery has no more risk vs. gall bladder removal and I lived to tell that tale.

The other change is Sugar/Carbs controlling those. Holy Cow to get those numbers right for the day is going to be a chore. The Nutritionist told me basically doing a modified Atkins diet that is what my life would be like after Gastric Bypass. I am excited to start that new life. I don't feel like a cheater or a quitter doing the surgery route. I know that I gave it my best in the exercise eating right area. I know that I could get the weight off too but I need that tool to curb my desires for the bad stuff. I am to scared to go against what my Dr tells me so this is what I needed.

So today I am going to start training for my half marathon which in all honesty I would love to by next February be able to say I am going to do the full Marathon (but the half gets a cuter medal LMAO and it is all about the medal ;-) I plan on doing a half, full, half iron man and doing a full ironman by the time I am 40. I have only 2 years and a few months left I gotta get moving. So today I am off to the gym when my daughter gets home. I am going to run a 5k and I am excited about that!

One day soon I will be peeling the fat and I will find the Skinny Under My Fat!
Dr. appt tomorrow to go over my Upper GI Test...who ever wants to have a scope down her throat ughhhh dreading it! But it is worth it for the end result!

Monday, March 19, 2012

A few things I am looking forward to...

It is funny I look at life in the future these days. My friend is getting a divorce and she said in January when it is final we are going to party!! I said oh good by January I will be skinny well not all the way skinny but small enough to wear a cute denim skirt high boots and a nice top LOL. She said you are crazy I said no that is what I do think of what phase I will hopefully be at when that time comes.

So a few of the things I can't wait to do or happen
-Dance Comps and Gymnastics Meets feel comfortable in my seat and not feel like I am taking up the person's next to me space
-Wearing a size Large and finally a Medium
-Being able to do a Zip Line
-Not having the seatbelt in our new car the base cuts into my thigh because my thigh goes over the small seat and rests on the seatbelt base it hurts like heck!
-Be able to see my toes just by looking down
-Able to sleep with my kids in the bunk beds we bought them and not fear they will come crashing down from my weight
-Sit with my legs crossed
-Sit at a table in a restaurant in a booth and not feel like I need to hold my breath to be able to fit
-Walking my girls into school the first day of school and see who notices how much weight I have lost
-Signing up for my first triathalon

I can't wait to start living my new life. I have started to follow my post bariatric surgery food guidelines like my Nutritionist said. I eat 1000 calories a day and have 100g of Protein and I have to say with all the water and protein I don't feel hungry. I have to keep my food planner near me at all times so I know what to eat and when. I am sure it will become a second habit soon enough. The only bad part is the constant having to pee from drinking so much. Ugh that is not fun but hey if I am peeing out fat that is great with me!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Control and why do I have none?

I am not scared of the surgery (well yet once it is booked I am sure I will be) but I am scared of food in my house after surgery. Look my kids aren't on this diet, my husband should be on a diet but it is his choice and he chooses not to be. But how can I control myself from eating the bad things in the house before surgery? I know after surgery I have a fear of my pouch like I fear God. I know if I eat the wrong thing I will get very sick and I could need surgery to fix what I messed up or worse yet die. I don't think I will have issues after surgery. I would never want to test my pouch with say a carbonated drink. What if mine is the one that explodes? Nope not worth it. I wouldn't want to eat a solid to soon because what if I tear a suture line? So not worth with it and I wouldn't know for awhile right I believe I could bleed out at least that is my fear and it is enough to make me not try it.

So this is why I am so upset. On Sunday we went to BJ's and we love that store for all the wrong reasons. Big Blueberry Bakery muffins, best appetizers in the frozen section, and hello the packages are so much larger making me eat more and still have some left over for the family I don't really realize how much I consumed!

I got on myfitnesspal.com yesterday and started logging away.
1 Blue Berry Muffin at 5am when I got home from work 540 calories
1 Blue Berry Muffin after the kids left for school 540 calories
1 Reese's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream treat to scared to look at the calories
1 cup of mini pretzels 180 calories

I entered this into my fitness pal tracker and I was already over by 19 points on the sugar. I hadn't even had lunch yet! My calories left me with 220 for the day. So I threw in the towel made the tortellini we bought at BJ's that night and said tomorrow is a new day. Only thing is I have had a muffin, I had some cashews, and I had the tortellini for lunch. I am sure I am not over today but I just worry about the food in the house.

My kids eat pretty healthy for the most part. Portion control, protein, veggie and a starch at dinner. We don't really do desserts if we do it is sugar free ice pops or jello. But yes we bought the Reese's Cup ice cream dessert because it had a coupon and who doesn't love a PB Cup?????

I am going to clean out the pantry and fridge today. My husband told me to put the bad stuff at the top of the pantry out of sight out of mind....ummm I put the stuff away I will know it is up on the top self. But I am going to do it.

I have my EAS Shakes, Greek Yogurt, Chicken Breast and fruit all ready to go but keep skipping over it for other bad food choices. Lord please help me to get on track. I don't want to go back to my Dr and have another visit where I don't lose some serious weight.

Control I need to find it!!! Just as badly as I need to find the skinny under my fat!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

What if I die?

I have to admit I am going into this surgery knowing all the risks....well I say all but I am sure somei haven't heard about. But in my perfect surgery "dream" I will drift off asleep dreaming of my beautiful babies and husband waiting for me in the waiting room. I will be praying as much as I miss my grandma that I don't see her waiting for me. I just know when my time comes I will see her beautiful face welcoming me to heaven but my surgery day is NOT THAT DAY! In like 70 years ok but not my surgery day! I will wake up no tubes in me scared of that damn feeding tube and the nice nurse saying wake up Michelle you did great! I will feel around for a drain in my pain free body and ask her no drain? She will tell me no drain and I will feel great at the start of my new life.....AHHH THIS IS ALL A DREAM.

In reality I could very well die in the operating room. I know that my spirit will fight to come back i know I am a fighter. But at he end of the day I can't decide when is my time. I haven't really told many people about my surgery but I will prepare notes that I leave in a box under my bed for the what if's. I have certain people that I would like to step up and help with my kids. I also have special things I would like my children to know about as they grow up so I think a letter and journal are fitting for them. I also want my husband to know how mucho love him and to have that letter as a reminder for the rest of his life. Hopefully his long long life!

I am doing this surgery to be healthy. I know it is only a matter of time before my body starts to give out. No one can be as healthy as I have been at this weight forever. So I must do something to to dieting isn't working!

So if you are reading this and believe in the power of prayer please pray for me and all the hospital staff who work with me that God watches over us. I know I am in good hands with my surgeon.

I asked y husband is he worried he said no they have. One so far with this surgery I know you will be ok. I know in my heart I will be ok and no,after what happens to keep in mind why I did this. Pain may not last forever and I will be starting the life I always dreamed of.

Michelle

Friday, February 24, 2012

Goal List and Stuff

So I have Sleep Apnea and that helps with getting the surgery approved. I snore....loud my kids say.....but hopefully I won't forever. I am at such peace with my decision to have this surgery.ni look forward to using this tool to help me keep my weight off and maintain it. Sure I know I can lose it but I can't maintain it I need some help!

I have found some great articles, blogs, and forums for weight loss surgery. They are so helpful in seeing the good, the bad, and truthfully the ugly. I have to clarify ugly being wound care, drains, things of that nature not really ugly but a fact of life with the surgery. I know I will have pain but I know it won't last forever I will feel better one day and I will be healthy. All worth the few days weeks if necessary to heal and get healthy! Someone remind me of that statement when I am whining about the pain. HAHA

My kids are hysterical I explained mommy is having surgery for weight loss....every time I go to a dr visit my youngest sees me and says mommy what happened your not skinny yet! I tell her it is a process.

I decided to make a Liston goals for after surgery....something I can check off and will surely check off each one.
Fit in a size 16 pants baggy
Fit Ina size 14 baggy
Fit Ina size 12 baggy
Fit in a size 10 baggy
Get into a size 8 and finally be a single digit!
Ride on a roller coaster with my daughter
Buys pair of tap shoes and dance with my daughter
Run a 5k with all of my kids
Run a sprint triathalon
Run a half marathon in under 3 hours
Run a marathon
Do a half ironman.....no desire to ever do a full but I want to do a half by the time I am 40
I want to own a little black dress
For my 15th anniversary I want to wear my dream wedding gown and renew my vows with my husband
Wear skinny jeans and a paid of high boots

I am sure I will think of more but I just have one final one....to be in the normal range for BMI!!!!!!

I am so excited for the future I can't wait to start living my life to its fullest potential.

Here's to finding the skinny under my fat!

Friday, February 3, 2012

My journey so far ;-)

Hey I consider every day of my life a journey so here is what has been going on. I went and my with the nutritionist she was great and I feel so informed on what I should and should not be eating. I will not buy 100 calories packs or frozen diet meals again. I found this great blog Bariatric Foodie LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I am going away this weekend and I am working on my recipe binder. I will eat the same things as my family and they will eat healthy with me. My kids won't have to worry about facing major surgery like I am.
I have started to incorporate some eating practices for after surgery.
No chewing gum....psych dr said chew Altoids yay
No liquids with dinner stopping a half hour before and not drinking until a half hour later.
Chewing my food to a purée....I have to say the food really does taste better....I was eating so fast I don't think I actually tasted the food before.
I am back in the gym and I have a new found respect for my body. I know what I am capable of...GREATNESS LOL...but it is trapped in this shell. I can't wait to be free of this excess fat and get moving but until that times will keep moving forward with my working out change in diet and excited feeling for when I am on the other side. I never thought I would sayi want to be on the loser bench haha!
So I did 1 weight check of 4 months last one is April 27!!!!
I went to the psychiatrist that was fun haha
I met with the nutritionist and learned a ton.
Tuesday I go for my sleep study. I work in the middle of the night delivering papers I am looking forward to a full nights sleep.
Everyone so far has said they will recommend me for gastric bypass!!!!!!
All I have left are confirming my PCP sent over my last 2 years weights. Plus 3 more months of weight checks by my dr.
I love the support I have found online. Many people are not happy with my choice but I am!!!!
Here's to finding the Skinny Under My Fat!!!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Gastric Bypass....Oh My!

Ok so I have had enough! I have thought about this surgery for the past 10 years. I finally took the first step and I called a Dr that my friend used. I went to his seminar in September but put it on the back burner but recently I have felt down in the dumps and decided I needed to do something about my weight. So I contacted him and I have the following!
I saw the Dr yesterday Jan 25
Jan 26th met with the General Practitioner I have to see her 4x every 30 days she checks my weight and she gave me a guide of 2100 calories a day and work out 4-5 times a week no more.
Mon I go to the hospital for EKG, Upper GI, Xrays, Blood Work
Tues I go back to the hospital to meet with a nutritionist
Wed I go for my Psy evaluation
Feb 7th I go for my Sleep Study.

I saw my old Primary Care Dr this am about my past 2 years weights they need copies of his charts.

Here are my thoughts I will do all the testing and I have 4 months with the Dr and Dietician to lose weight. I am 285 and I figure in 4 months I should following the guidelines be able to lose 40 lbs in 4 months. 10 lbs a month the Dr said is good. So if I do lose the 40 lbs I will not do the surgery. I need to see the scale moving in the right direction and with the Drs help I think I can do it.

Worst case as the Dr said to me yesterday this is just a tool you need to do work for it too. He did tell me he thinks I should be able to get down to a size 5 in a year give or take! LOL he probably says that to all the girls!

I have started a youtube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/SkinnyUnderMyFat I am going to blog my journey and daily activities on youtube as well!

Here's to finding the skinny under my fat!
Michelle

Monday, January 23, 2012

Just Zip My Mouth Shut!

Seriously I have some major issues. I don't feel like working out anymore. I am eating whatever I want. I got WW meals to eat for the week lunch and dinner.....guess what my 4 kids just ate 4 WW meals! I just dont know what is wrong with my mindset at the moment. I am going to the gym with my friend tomorrow she will hold me accountable. I need to do this with people I can't do this alone I know I can't.
I have a 115 appt on Wednesday with a gastric bypass dr. I can't believe I even made the appt. but I am going to see what options they have and maybe meet with a nutritionist to figure this weight loss out! Well not in my case weight loss but weight gain or weight staying the same.
I used to be so excited about this what is wrong with me??????

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Work out

I Did it I made it to the gym. I am going to admit I hate going to the gym alone. I like going w my workout buddy and she has been feeling under the weather. I thought ok just wait to go another day but my head was saying gogogogogogo so I went! It is insane how out of shape I am from where I was......not that I was a top notch athlete but burning 600 calories was a chore for me. So today she can't go again and I am fighting with myself again!!!!!! When will I learn get the balls to just go alone? It isn't like I don't know anyone else at the gym it is full of friends but she challenges me pushes me to work harder. She says I do the same for her but she lost 150 lbs and has kept it off I think she uses me as a chAllenge to not go back to wear she was more motivation!
So yesterday I did the elliptical for 20 minutes the bike for 6 miles and the arc trainer for 5 minutes I didn't feel comfortable on it. I felt like my arms and legs were not in sync.
I am going to go back today and try to start couch to 5 k. I am going to do this I know I can find the skinny under my fat!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

New Year New Me!

So my hubby got me a new ipad for the holidays. I plan on using this to update everyone with my meal plan and weightless.
Monday am I will post my weigh in
Daily updates on exercise and meals
I need to find the skinny under my fat! I hope you continue to share in my journey!

Friday, July 22, 2011

Down 3.2 Pounds!

Yay I finally had the scale go down I lost 3.2 lbs this past week. I am so pumped and ready to do it again and maybe hopefully reach 4 lbs lost this week. I really want to get to my 5% goal that is 13.8 lbs away I know that I can do that in 2-3 weeks. I want to repeat my 6.6 weight loss weight I had last year LOL.

Today I am planning out menus for the upcoming week and I wanted to share with you a meal replacement shake I have found and love.

Myoplex EAS Shakes 5.99 in Kroger for 4 or 4.89 for 4 in Walmart.
I get chocolate put 1 in the blender.
I add 1 cup of ice (add as much or little as you like)
I add 2 table spoons of Peanut Butter
Blend!

It is so good it tastes like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I have one of these a day and they are 10 points. I am so large I have 40 points so this is ok for the time being....I will have to go to 1 table spoon of PB to lose some points when I don't have as many points.

Another favorite thing of mine is cottage cheese Delish! I used to love this as a kid but started eating it again and I add some apples it is so good my kids want to eat it.

I will add some more recipes as I discover them. I hope that help you find some nutritious foods that might be new to you!

Slowly finding the skinny under my fat,
M

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Heading to Weight Watchers...

I have my meeting today at 10am please send me good luck vibes. I have been on point all week making wise food choices. I did spin class 4x this week and I also swam a mile. I could have worked out more but I have been focusing on my eating this start of the journey.

This is a short and sweet message....asking for good luck vibes. I really want to see the scale go down this week even if it is just 2 lbs I will take it!
Michelle

Sunday, July 17, 2011

So much to catch up on!

Gosh it has been awhile since I posted here I kinda got lost. Let me tell you about how it all happened. Training for a half marathon is grueling and in all honesty it BURNED ME OUT! I completed my half marathon on March 24, 2011 in 3 hours 56 minutes. I beat my 4 hour goal but my oh my I didn't step foot in the gym for the week after as my running friends had said take a break your body will need it. A week turned into 4 months and 35 pounds with me as I stepped into the gym again. I also decided that I needed to be held accountable and paying for it so I joined Weight Watchers again and pay my 40.00 monthly fee and 95 for the family to go to the gym LOL. If only I could be skinny and not need to pay these prices I could have a extra 135.00....hmmm that is a new outfit a month HEHE.

So when I was going up to NJ this past June I had to get a cute outfit for the New Kids on the Block/Backstreet Boys concert and I was up a size....so not cool. So I told myself girl you need to do something. I started to go back to the gym and promised myself I will come back again tomorrow. I spent the last month well 3 weeks of it going once a week. Well this past week I went back and stayed back. It was great to be back with friends and working out like I need to be. I have been the exact same the last 3 weeks at weight watchers. Seriously I haven't been doing much but following the points plan. I stocked up on 28 Lean Cuisine meals so I can use the meals. BUT I have been talking to a trainer in the gym and she eats clean I am going to try it. So today we bought 6 packages of chicken breast and I cooked them with seasoning and I am going to eat Chicken and a cup of brown rice at night. I bought EAS Chocolate Shake mixes to drink and make a PB Smoothie that I am told tastes like a Peanut Butter Cup YUMMMM

So I am doing my first Tri this Sept 11. I have started a new program in the gym where I swim and do a swim class. It is aqua Trea and Shed and it pushes me to the max. We swim laps at 50%, 70-80% and FULL OUT! It is nice because the trainer is great she really pushes me and I love swimming. The triathalon is not a big one 250 Meter Swim, 7 mile bike ride, 2 mile run. But hello it is a Tri! LOL Who would have thought I would do this? Not me and it seems as crazy as me running 13.1 miles but I did it so this too I will do.

I am going to keep myself accountable here, with Weight Watchers and in the gym. I hope you continue to follow me and hopefully maybe I can motivate you too! Join me as I continue to strive to find the skinny under my fat!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day

Ok so today is a day for love right? I have lots of love a wonderful husband, 4 amazing kids, and a great group of friends and family that I love and I feel the love back. But every Valentine's Day since I started my journey on July 12, 2008 I always wished I could wear a little black dress. Little meaning size 8 or 6 LOL. That is still not happening. I thought what am I doing wrong? What else can I do? I had a realization.....I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE! So I am going to the Dr. on the 24th and I'm going to talk her to about medication to curb my appetite, also about a nutritionist. I think I need someone who can look at my exercise routine and my eating and tell me what I need to do.

Working out well I ran 10 miles yes I ran 10 miles last weekend in 2 hrs 17 minutes. I have 11 miles to do tomorrow I can't even begin to imagine me running 11 miles. All in anticipation for my half marathon on the 27th of this month. So excited!!! But I told my husband yesterday for a 240+ woman running I think I do a decent job. I said imagine when I find the skinny under my fat I am going to be a machine LOL. He agreed what else could he say.....

But I feel confident in my ability to kick this dreaful state that I am in. I am going to find the skinny under my fat and trust me I know it is in here. I know that I have muscles that are growing and that my body will eventually be the best it has ever been. I won't lose any of my positive energy. It took me 35 years to get to where I was if it takes me half that time to get it off I will be ok with that as long as the scale keeps going down. Rome wasn't built in a day!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Run Run and more Running

Well I have a have a half marathon coming up in February and another in March and to give myself a break a 5K in April. I know who would have ever thought that I would be doing this stuff? Sometimes when I run I start to cry I admit it not from the pain but from the thought that I am actually doing this! I love running outside vs. the treadmill but will do the treadmill for 3 mile days. A friend posted a video of a guy who was really heavy and he started running. In a year he became skinny, he did a half marthon, a marathon, and he even did a ironman. Can I let you in on a secret. I am training for these 3 races but in the back of my head I am also working on training for a half Ironman. I am a pretty good swimmer and you swim a little over 2 miles, ride 56 miles and run 13.1 miles all in one day. I don't think I could ever do a full ironman 4 mile swim, 112 miles bike ride and 26.2 run but who knows. All I know is I want my kids to see my cross the finish line and be like wow mommy did something really hard and know they can do it too.

My 2nd oldest is a athlete she asked to run the half marathon with me. My February one is not a official 1/2 marathon. Finances got in the way and I can't afford the Princess Marathon this year so that day I am going to run 13.1 and I will have her join me for the last 3 miles. She is 9 and a gymnast and trains 5 days a week...I bet she could do all 13.1 miles with me LOL. I hope one day all of my kids will want to run with me and we can be a running family.

So this week I am running 25 miles. I have a long run on Sunday 9 miles. I am a bit scared of going that far. The longest I ever went was 7 miles but hey what is 2 more miles? LOL

I have gotten back on the bandwagon with Weight Watchers and I am doing slimfast shakes too! So the scale has been moving down I hope to see a 10 lb loss total soon. I am so ready to find the skinny under my fat. I know under all these layers a hot momma is waiting to bust out!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Facebook 2011 Weight Loss Challenge Group

Hi Everyone!
http://http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/pages/2011-Weight-Loss-Challenge/117861781618165
Join us at the Challenge we will do a monthly challenge on this facebook page. Kinda like the Biggest Loser Challenge. We will have a winner monthly with the highest % of weight loss.

Come on over but please don't mention my blog it is a secret I am not ready to share with the world my weight yet!
Thanks and I hope that you can come on over and join us. Also share with your friends. January's Challenge will have a cut off to join on Dec 31st at midnight.
Each month will be a new challenge.

Let's get healthy and skinny together!
Michelle

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I Lost 10% Body Fat!!!!

Well I have been working out doing my usual body pump, spin, intense, and sometimes body combat but I stopped with the bike. I decided today to run 3 miles and after that get on the bike. So I ran today 3 miles got on the bike for 15 miles. I did 18 miles today. I really noticed my legs were different last time I did a big push with the bike so I am hoping that will help me.

But in other news in June I went for a body fat test. It was 50% body fat well I went again this past Friday and I was down to 40% body fat. The trainer said that my body was doing what it needed and the scale was up 4 lbs she said that is normal because muscle weighs more so it is working!!!

I am so excited and can't wait to find the skinny girl under all these layers of fat.
This week will be lots of running, spin, body pump, and riding the stationary bike.
Loving Fall weather!!!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Amazing Running Video MUST SEE!

http://www.active.com/running/Articles/8-Tips-to-Start-Your-Weight-Loss-Journey.htm?cmp=18-1015&utm_source=sendible&utm_medium=feed

The above is a link to a guy named Ben's weight loss tips but at the end on page 2 is a video it is a must see and have your music up. Makes me cry everytime I see it.
I hope that you read it and are as inspired as I was.

I ran and I am gonna keep on running! Today 4 more miles!!!! Was suppose to be 5 but who do I think I am Super Woman? LOL

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I am getting into this jogging thing

I have a new name for it I am not a runner I am more of a jogger so I am going to say I jog. I dropped the kids in my childcare area at the gym and took off. Just me myself and I and I loved every 52 minutes of it. Yes my friends I ran (jogged) 4 miles in 52 minutes. I was so happy with myself. I really do jog quite a bit more then I thought I could. I challenged myself to jog up the hill not walk...really how much fast is my jog vs. walk I would think LOL

I was running to Kohls in town and back and I was thinking hmmm here I am running to Kohls to one day shop in a smaller size...one day I wanna run and shop hehe! I love listening to music I want to, thinking all by myself, and not having a care in the world.....except looking for critters.

I have been good eating wise today I ate a fiber 1 and for lunch I had a apple and peanut butter. I am going to actually eat a WW lunch after I finish this for a complete lunch. I am not very hungry but know I have to eat.

What activity did you get in today?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

6 Miles RAN...I did it I ran 6 miles

My sock casualty and my pedi needs to be done again!
After the run

Before the run


Ok my friends I did it I ran 6 miles I started around 815 and finished at 10 so a hour and 45 minutes not great but I DID IT.





I started out with my girlfriends who one lost 150 lbs weight loss and diet only in about 2 years, the other is on the verge of 100 she is at 96 lbs gone in 2 years. I am down 80 lbs hoping to catch up to them LOL. In weight loss and running. Because by the half mile mark they were off and I was still struggling. I had my Ipod a flat course and nature to inspire me and well cause a bit of fear to. You see I am petrified of reptiles snakes....lizards......worms....whatever creepy crawly things you can throw at me....a frog whatever! LOL Well this is the American Tobacco Trail and on each side they have swamps on each side. I ran to the half a mile and got to that mile marker and walked. The goal was run a half mile walk 2 mins and run again. Well I was on my own didn't want to meet slimy snake alone and figured the quicker I did this the quicker I could get home. Did I mention I got up on a Sunday morning at 6am for this?

In the book I mentioned earlier she said mile 2 was her hardest. I have to say that was my hardest too. I didn't want to give up, didn't want to walk, and I just wanted to run and enjoy myself. So I did I RAN PEOPLE I RAN for the last 4 miles. I stopped when I went under 1 tunnel, crossed 3 roads, and 3 short bridges over the swampy areas. I would say maybe total that would be a quarter of a mile if that that I walked after mile 2.

I have pictures here for you to see my before and after. It was so much fun. I found when I was like hmmm maybe I should take a break that my other part of my body was saying don't stop if you do you might not start again. I was fearful that it would hurt to much to stop. My body would just cramp up I thought. I was also scared of not finishing until 12 LOL so I had to keep going. My run is more like a fast persons walk and I swear I lost a inch for every mile as my face was so close to the ground from me hunched over running. I know I am suppose to be upright HEHE.

It is a sand trail so I had to stop once to get the sand out of my shoes. I felt like I was running with half of the trail in my left foot LOL. So I wanted to share with you 2 signs I saw on the trail today.






  1. This part of the trail is managed by the NC Parks and Reserve area. Be warned hunting occurs on these premises. (oh really could someone have told the fat chick before she was running about this? Is it dear hunting season? Someone could easily mistake me for a bear. Note to self wear bright pink or yellow next time not dark colors....oh and next time is next Sunday....I will do this trail weekly!)



  2. For the next 300 yards be aware of golf balls! WHAT seriously in this woodsy area and swamp land people golf? Ok great so pick up the pace so you don't get knocked out by a little white ball that so wouldn't be cool! It is only 300 yards run fast like a frozen margarita is waiting for you at yard 301.



I seriously have to thank the 2 signs above, the fellow smiling faces (probably thinking this girl is still running because people saw me 2 times in some cases), the fear of the snakes and reptile friends who made me run and just look down never anywhere else, the 2 creepy guys on the bikes that I swore were trying to jump me, my 2 running friends who inspired me every step on this trail to one day be like them, and most of all to my husbands Ipod.



Drop it like it's hot came on his Ipod of course I was feeling full of myself so I dropped it like I was hot! Imagine the visual people. I was feeling good. I heard my daughters Miley song I can't be tamed...no one is holding me back anymore I ran 6 miles! I had so much fun by myself this morning running for 6 miles. Hmmm next week maybe I will say I am doing 12 and get to run for 2 and spend 2 hours alone just hanging out in my car by the trail with the doors locked and windows up so no reptiles creep in. Come on people I am a mom of 4 I need a break sometimes.



Oh I have to mention one casualty. My comfy cotton Hanes socks which I have been my friend for so long are bye bye. While running I put a hole in the big toe of my left foot with its cute black pedicure and some of the polish came off grrrr. Runners don't have cute toes do they or tell me the secrets LOL. Whatever the case take this as a warning I hear they have running socks. Invest in them even if they are 35.00 for one pair it is so worth it!



THE PICS WILL NOT UPLOAD SO I WILL TRY TOMORROW TO DO THE PICS AGAIN!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Non Runners Guide to a Marathon for Women

All 200 and something pages read in about 2 hours. Quicker then doing a half marathon for me probably. Well I am happy to report I lost 2.2 lbs when I weighed in yesterday from the day before. Yesterday I had limited time but I ran 3 miles....well ran walked but I did run non stop a half a mile. Yahooooo for me! Haha

But last night we went to a buffet I hate the food its gross why do we go it costs to much for this crap I hate this place.....I can go on and on can you tell. But I love the rolls! So I gave in thinking one bad meal of pizza, nachos, rolls, mashed poatoes and gravy, cheesecake and ice cream something would be better vs my other option of Pizza Hut! So Golden Corral won! My calories who knows who cares one bad meal won't kill me and all day before that I had only 500 cal well 455 to be exact plus I ran 3 miles well ran walked so I had to have taken some of the 455 cal off right?
So I have a goal in the book I read Oprah ran a marathon in 4hrs and 30 min. I wanna do the Princess half in 2 hrs 14 min! LMFAO ;-) yes by 1 minute I wanna beat Oprahs time. Note she did a full I am only tackling a half but she had Bob Greene next to her and hell if you ask me she is Oprah I bet people carried her, drove her, lifted her toes for goodness sake just so she could have such a time. That is a good time right? I mean it sounded like a good time to me and my husband who neither were or ever will be really runners. I am doing this to find the skinny under my fat, a huge life lesson for my kids to show them that you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, and well heck most of all I want that 13.1 pink car magnet for the back of my car. The look on peoples faces when they see me driving will be priceless! Honey look that big lady ran a half marathon!!!! I can imagine the convo already! But damn it that magnet will be earned and hopefully the convo will be more like honey that hot chic with the 4 super cute kids behaving so perfectly driving that spotless car ran a half marathon I wanna do that too. Maybe our kids will behave better too!
Have a great day friends! Make it a good one. I am doing a new Body Pump launch this am followed by a Bday party at a pool. But it is rest day (minus Body Pump) cuz tomorrow we hit the trail and do 6 miles my first long distance run! Hey its long to me! Haha

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Doing the Disney Princess Half Marathon!!!!

I am by no means a runner. Well wait a minute let me back up a minute! I haven't posted in so long and I noticed my weight has stayed the same. I saw a segment on GMA that bloggers lose weight because people are holding them accountable! So hold me accountable people!!!!

So I am all about goals. I set a goal to do a 5K....ran it alone 3 days before the actual race Chickened OUT! Didn't do it but went and watched my friends do it.

Diva Dash all womens Triathalon 2 mile run 6 mile bike ride 300 meter swim. I could totally do this chickened out didn't do it!

Well ya know what nothing is standing in my way! I decided hell a Ironman let's try that. I am not crazy people so I said I will do it in 5 days.
112 miles bike ride
26.2 mile run
2.4 mile swim
I swam half a mile a day in 2 hours 7 minutes...I wouldn't have been thrown off the course you get 2 1/2 hours to do the swim! YEA ME!
The bike I did 22.2 miles a day 6 hours 12 min
The running well who the hell are we kidding the walking my ass would have been kicked off the course! 7 hours 33 min
16 Hours!!!! In America you are allowed 17 Hours after that you are pulled off in Japan only 15 I would be pulled of in Japan....but hell here in America too. I broke this up over 5 days doing this all in one day I would be dead but hey I had a great week of working out and I did it!

So onto my next challenge. The Half Marathon in Disney a Princess Half Marathon at that!
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fespnwwos.disney.go.com%2Fevents%2Frundisney%2Fprincess-half-marathon%2F&h=293be

I am doing this with friends from all over and plan on making it a weekend of fun. So the goal is to be down 75 lbs by February 25th when we take off for Disney!!!!
Today I am 258 lbs 9-30 and I ran 3.2 miles in 51 minutes.
Mile 1 15.33 min
Mile 2 15:13 min
Mile 3 did 1.2 miles took forever LOL I did it at 3.7 mph on the treadmill.

I am going to update daily and take a picture to document this for you all. Follow me on my journey to the Disney Princess Half Marathon and my journey to find the Skinny Under My Fat!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Happy 36th Bday to Me=Marathon Ride




Well I woke up on the 28th my 36th bday and my best friend called and said let's go ride a marathon 26.2 miles! I said sure why not its my bday I can ride if I want to LOL
I did it in 58min 34 seconds. I had so much fun I just wanted to do it in under a hour!

But that has inspired me to do something else too!

Ironman Triathalon in 5 days. So at the end of August me and my gym friends whoever is brave enough to take it on will do a Ironman Triathalon over 5 days.


5.2 miles a day running
.48 of a mile swimming a day
22.4 miles on a bike riding a day

I am confident that I will be able to do all of it but the running. So we are going to train all summer and find our happy place and do this! LOL
Here is a pic from me on my bday and the time on the bike!


Saturday, June 12, 2010

I am not getting on the scale

I did my workouts but AF arrived this week and I feel so bloated....I added Zumba to the mix.....WOW I am just not sure that the world is ready to see a 250 lb woman shaking her botty and chest in public yet LOL. I try but I am just so self concious still that I can't get into it all the way. My girlfriend I take it with jokes with me the entire time. She is the same size as me and she goes to town....she holds nothing back. She said next time we need to do a shot before class....I have class in 2 hours LOL I am not so sure I feel like having a shot of liquor before a class to relax me so I can shimmy shimmy some more :-)

This coming week is going to be planning week. I leave for Florida on Friday the 18th with the kids only. No husband he has to stay home and work....someone has to bring home the money right LOL. My mom is dieting too but she still has snacks in her house and I am sure with the kids coming she will load up on cookies and chips. So my game plan is to go to Aldi by her house and get my 2 pt snacks from Aldi. I love that place the prices are great the produce is out of this world and I get lots of fit and active items cheap and without a lot of weight watchers points HEHE.

I want to make a shopping list and make a food menu plan so I know what I am eating and when. Last time I went I gained but this time she bought a bike and I plan on riding every morning and I am going to run when I am at her house too. She lives in a retirement community Top of the World each building is based on a country too cute! But the little old people are out walking at 5am so hopefully I will meet some new "friends" and maybe find a buddy who wants to walk or run in the am to keep me motivated to get up and go.

I am going to find a gym close to her that I can get a trial membership at. That way during free time we can do the gym thing. I so need to stay in the gym. Every time we go I gained weight this time has to be different.

So the scale....I just refuse to get on it this week. I will weigh in on Thursday before I go to FL. I will weigh again on Thursday of the following week when I am leaving FL hopefully it will go down. Darn scale who invented those anyway? I wish I could be the type that just goes by the size of my clothes.....that isn't happening yet!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Back to the basics


I had to figure out what worked and what didn't. My weight is going up and down like a damn yo yo so I am doing what I know worked. My trainers all day not to eat like this but it helped me get my weight off in the beginning so I will do it again and hell it worked!

I bought my weight watcher, lean cuisine, and lean michelina's meals. I will do them for lunch and dinner, count my WW points and for snacks have fruit and breakfast cereal. I will add more veggies to the dinners.


I really need to get this weight off. I go to the gym a minimum of 2 hours a day for classes but I haven't really been doing my cardio on the elliptical and treadmill so I am going back to that. I take the following classes:


Monday

Intense just like the class says it is running the track, doing the elliptical and treadmill at progressive intensity and at the end we do some hand weights and ab work.

Body Pump weight lifting class

Body Combat a kick boxing class that is new to the gym I am trying it for the first time tomorrow!

Aqua tread and shed where you swim and push to your own max intensity for intervals


Tuesday

Kickboxing

Body Pump

Water Zumba


Wednesday

Intense again

Spinning

Zumba or Step depending on what I feel like

Water Aerobics


Thursday

TTT this class is 20 min step 20 min weights 20 min ab work

Body Pump

Body Combat

Water Aerobics


Friday

Spinning

Water Aerobics


THANK GOD I have such great kids who love the play area....maybe that is the other way around THANK God for such a great play area and my kids love it! They go for 2 hours in the am and my husband keeps them at night so I can go. But I feel I might need to start going in the early morning like 6am again and do some more cardio like the treadmill or elliptical.


My muscles are starting to show. My legs are kinda scary how you can when I lift up my leg see the muscle and the fat skin hangs down....it is awful. My arms are not a pretty site and I hate it! But I know I can have surgery down the road to lose the bat wings and excess skin.


Here is a pic of me from 2 days ago with my daughter at her preschool graduation. I am in a size 16 dress and I was so happy to put it on!!

Friday, May 7, 2010

So Confused??????

Well I have been thinking long and hard about this. What do I need to do to get this weight off? How did I get these 17 lbs back and how can I get them off so I can pick up where I was at 240 and keep going down?
I realized I tried shakes, tried not eating, tried working out non stop and eating just a bit, but what really worked was Weight Watchers. So I decided today to get back to the basics and I am tracking my food and counting points. I did this and it worked before....IT WILL WORK AGAIN. I am eating counting points, and working out in the gym.

I am hoping to get down to a 16 comfortably by my birthday at the end of June. I really want to wear this cute dress I bought for my goal dress for 3.99 LOL at a size 16. My goal to be in a 16 not my ultimate goal of course LOL

My children need to get in on all the fun of my fitness so I am going to sign up my daughter who is 5 for swim lessons so she can get really good at it. She is more of a doggie paddle swimmer at this point. I want her to be comfortable swimming and be able to join the swim team next year. My 2nd oldest daughter is a gymnast practicing 12 hours a week and she goes 3x a week so she gets her activity in. My oldest is a dancer and she goes 2x a week but I think she needs something more so we are going to have her sign up for the Jr. Triathalon program at the gym so she can work on swimming, bike riding, and running and we can do it together. I really think that she would be great at running she has such long legs and she told me she would like to do track....but she has since changed her mind so I am going to tell her she has to do it just one season and if she doesn't like it after that she can stop.

I am finding the skinny under my fat and the rest of my family is finding that working out is not only rewarding it is fun!!!!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

I am going to TRY a Triathalon

Yep you read it right I am not going to do a full triathalon my gym is doing a modified one.
6 mile swim
15 mile bike ride
3.2 mile run (5K)

It is mid August. This lady at the gym told me about it today and asked me to do it. She said she knew I would be able to do it. I guess they see me in the gym daily they forget I am over 250lbs and they think I am able to do things like them?????? But I am game to try it I don't care if I come in last I want to try it. I am game to try whatever. That is the crazy thing about this gym I feel so motivated by the support around me that I just do it. Today I must have looked like a beached whale doing a reverse plank ( laying on back feet up on exercise ball and butt up high and lifting weights) and people were watching from the outside waiting for the next class. I did it and thought ok if they want to think or say something let them it is my fat ass in the class not them LOL. Before they say anything they should come into the class!

I am going to continue training for the 5K I want to try riding a bike in the gym for 15 miles and see how long it takes and continue on improving my time.

Swimming I do that already and I am pretty quick.....must be because I was swimming by the time I was 6 months I feel like a natural in the water!

Body Pump

Well I started at a new gym with new programs...AND I LOVE IT! I do Body Pump 4x a week I would do it daily but the trainers said that it is overkill and my body needs time to heel. They even think 4x is to much but I do it anyway!

My schedule is like this.
Monday I do a class called Intense it is like it says cardio and weight class.
Tuesday I do Body Pump and Kick Boxing
Wednesday I do spin
Thursday I do Body Pump and a TTT Class 3 20 min segments 1 is weights, 1 is cardio and 1 is abs
Friday I do Spin
Saturday I do Body Pump
Sunday I do Body Pump

I don't take a day off from the gym at this point I still feel the need to go in 7 days a week. I started swimming again and look forward to the outdoor pool opening at the end of the month where I will add in swimming at 5am. I really hate the indoor pool.

I have noticed changes in my body but the weight is in the same 10 lb range. The trainer said that is because I am buiding muscle. I love feeling my arms and legs muscles I never knew I had. I am really starting to feel better about my body and I have confidence that I will find the skinny under my fat!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I tried out for Biggest Loser!!!

I drove up to DC on Friday night with my friend Celia to try out for The Biggest Loser. It was a Open Casting Call. Well we arrived at 130am. Had to switch hotels cuz the one we booked wasn't the way it appeared online, room wasn't the one we requested, and the valet parking was full. So I called another Hotel they got us in and it was wonderful. DoubleTree on Rhode Island Ave it was the best I would highly recommend it to anyone looking to stay in DC. They had a cab ready for me at 6am, brought us towels at 2am, the beds were fabulous, and they let us keep the car in the valet parking area all day if we wanted to so we could sight see and not have to worry about parking even after check out!

Ok so I get up at 5am go down alone Celia and Candace are sleeping in a hour later and will join me. I get in the cab and go the line is already forming about 30 people in front of me. I go in and get a spot. They let us inside at 7am and the line is all out of sorts but I start to wonder do I want to be seen that early they might forget me after a day of interviews.

My friends arrive the staff look at Candace funny she lost 150 lbs last year and they almost don't let her in the room. I tell them give her a ticket (you got tickets to go into the room) I said she is trying out. They gave her a dirty look and gave her a ticket. So we are in and the room is filled with big people. I actually felt small. The seats were together and they were complaining that they had open seats to move next to each other. Well finally a guy yells I am big I take up 2 seats. The staff at the convention said finally get it the biggest loser has big people we need to take the seats apart. So they go row by row and tell us move the seats apart and we have room and are comfy. They turn up the a/c everyone is freezing it was awful. We get started at 10am I am done by 1130.

They call you back in groups of 10 to meet 1 of 2 casting directors. He asks for your photo your app and to tell him your name, age, how much you want to lose and what you do.
I said my name, 35, 140 lbs and I am a Domestic Goddess and raise my 4 amazing children.
He said we have 5 minutes for 10 people so I will ask 2 questions. You speak out and tell me your thoughts on the matter. Not to yell over people but get your points across if you can. If not send in a video if you felt your voice was not heard.

What type of discrimination have you felt from being overweight?
What is it like dealing with the public being fat?

I could barely get a word in edgewise! It was crazy but I did sit right next to the casting director and spoke directly to him. Our group at that point was the only one that they told had a call back in the group. He said I have one person from this group getting a call back and possibly a 2nd. Well they never look at your application or pic so how does he get to know what he wants in a 5 min interview with 10 people? He said I have been doing this a long time I know what we are looking for. So I haven't gotten a call yet but I am holding out hope. It was yesterday when I went so we shall see.

I was sitting by a guy who got a call back last year and wasn't picked. He said they get you to do a background investigation they interview you again and if you pass that you are flown to CA. They video you for the interviews too so they can see your tv presence.

If I don't get picked that is fine at least I went and experienced it.
If you have a casting call by you I suggest trying it out it was a lot of fun and the Casting Director was a cutie LOL.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I have been defeated.....

BUT I WILL RISE UP AND THE SCALE WILL GO DOWN AGAIN!
I haven't really posted much because who wants to admit defeat? Who wants to say yep I am a big old failure? But I am going to say it. I failed at this dieting thing for the last 3 months. No need to make up excuses. Mornings when I should have had my butt out of bed I decided it was to cold sleep in or do a work out at home. No where near the intensity I would do in the gym! Or eating things and saying day after day ok I will start tomorrow. I don't have time to say TOMORROW. I need to get going again before all this weight I got off finds it way back to me. I am at 260 back in my 18's and they are tight as can be but I got rid of the 20's and I refuse to buy more. So mushroom top it will be until I get some weight off!

I think back on why I did this and I try to place blame. My husband brings crap into the house, my mom was here and I ate all her comfort foods, I get a snack and think it is only one snack it won't kill me....well sadly it won't kill me the second I eat it but it is slowly killing me. Slowly taking minutes off my life. My family doesn't force the food in my mouth they don't hold a gun to my head I control what goes in my mouth....MYSELF it is me. I need to love myself enough to know it is ok to say no and that FOOD IS FUEL. I need to find new ways to treat myself. I don't need to eat a Chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cup to feel better about something I did.

As I try to find the skinny under my fat I am going to admit this will be a longer road than I expected. But slowly and most definetly SURELY I WILL FIND THE SKINNY UNDER MY FAT!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Joined WW Again!!!

I was so upset with my recent weight gain that I went back to WW on Jan 20th and I was up 17 lbs from when I last went! OMG in that amount of time almost 20 lbs.....HELLO time to get your butt back in gear. I was at 258 and I got back in the gym daily and counting my points. I am down to 251 in 4 days. I am sure it is water weight and I am also drinking 120 oz of water a day.

I am on a journey to find the skinny under my fat. I had a set back. I tried to take a easier way out with diet pills...that didn't get me anywhere. I see that it will be buring more calories and eating less that is how it will come off and stay off. I got back into my 18's sadly but lat night I was able to get my 16's back on too! TIGHT but hey I got them zippered. I am praying I get back to the 241 on the scale quickly so I can say hello 230's but don't stay to long!

Thanks for sharing in my journey of finding the skinny under my fat!
Michelle

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I am back....with a few changes

Well it has been a long time since I posted and I decided to come back and start blogging and sharing with everyone a bit more. We have hit some financial road blocks and I decided to not go to WW anymore. The 40.00 a month can go to a bill while I do this on my own with the help of some amazing friends. I am in the low 240's I almost got to 230's but I let my workouts go when I was on the phentermine because my heart rate was going so high. I got to 240 lbs AMAZED but I only lost 4.4 lbs on phentermine in over 2 months....that was not a big enough difference for me so I stopped taking it.

I have rededicated myself to this journey I have not come this far to only go back up the scales. Some big news for me is I am in a Large/XL top and I am in size 16 jeans....AMAZING from a 28 to 16 I am so happy and excited.

My children still remain a constant source of inspiration for this journey and I actually ran around a lake non stop with my two oldest daughters. It is about a quarter of a mile but still I ran the entire way. My daughters were cheering me on come on mommy you can do this...mommy don't stop you are going to win the race....and when I finished to get high 5's from my 7 and 9 year old daughters it meant more to me than they will ever know. I turned to my husband who was walking with our 4 year old and baby in the stoller I DID IT I ran around this lake non stop....who knew I could do it....I got tired walking around this lake before and I just ran it. I can't wait for the day that my daughters can teach me tap moves and I can take the adult tap class and perform on stage for the recital and see my girls smiling back at me. Or taking a adult gymnastics class and my little gymnast proud of me doing cart wheels across the floor.....or the day that they look at me and tell me I am skinny and I really believe them cuz they have started to tell me mommy you are skinny.

My husband and I are having some issues and I know part of it is with the weight loss. I feel like he should offer compliments but he doesn't. He is fearful I am going to leave him when I lose the weight....we are in counseling for all of this and I only hope it helps our marriage.

So I went to the gym and I worked out here is my new routine.
I go from 5am until 7am M-F and I got 3 nights a week from 9-10 I aim to burn 1250 calories a day. In the AM I do the 1000 and at night I just walk run on the treadmill for the other 250. I have incorporated weights into my routine as well working on my arms and legs so they can get skinny LOL and defined. On the weekend I go for 2 hours on Saturday to work out and Sunday I go until I burn the 1250 however long it takes.

I have also started to use Slimfast for a diet tool and I will report back how that is working. Today is my 1st day I am going to stick to it and not deviate from it.

My goal is to be down in the 220's as we celebrate New Years. My ultimate goal is to be a size 14 by Jan 1st and to be 220 lbs. I know that I can do it....I need to be dedicated and honest with my food choices and exercise.

It is great to be back again posting....I have missed it.
Michelle
on a journey one step at a time to find the skinny under my fat....hello where are you skinny?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Down 3.8 lbs!!!!

I went to WW today and cried way to many times. Today was a crazy day of celebrations and hearing everyone talk about how far they came....I had waterfalls. LOL

I got to WW early and weighed in 2nd and so excited to see 241....I am so close to the 230's I have been trying to reach the 230's for awhile....let's hope the 230's don't hang around to long either!

So after WW I went to Kohl's to look for cute clothes. I found a denim skirt in a 16 that fit and I loved it but I find myself being careful what I buy because I don't think I will stay this size for long....wishful thinking.

I have been journaling and that is keeping me on track. I have been drinking so much water I think I might float away. I have no more hunger pangs and this makes me very happy! I showed my oldest daughter the old pic of me and the new one she said ewwww when she saw my old picture. They know how hard I am working on losing this weight and they too will know if you put your best effort that is all that matters and anything can be done!

So glad to see the number on the scale today...I can't wait until next week.....I am finding the skinny under my fat!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

September 2, 2009

Taken today 9-2-09
Take at the start of the journey 313 lbs

Today I started Phentermine. I am hoping that it will work. As far as side effects I have a bad taste in my mouth and I got a headache when I didn't eat. It really makes me not eat....I have no desire for food..........AMAZING!!!!




So today I am going to eat 1200 calories.


So far I have had 1 fiber 1 bar 140 calories


Cheese Sandwich on English Muffin 300 calories


I am going to take a body shot later when someone gets home and I will track my weight loss in photos weekly or maybe monthly will be better and hopefully I will find the skinny under my fat.




I realize that this drug is not for everyone and some might not think I should take it but I am going to give it a try. If I don't lose major amounts of weight I won't take it any longer. I mean I know how to do this on WW and I was doing it fine but I need a boost lately my numbers have been stalling. So I hope you all wish me luck and that you enjoy reading about my journey as I try to find the skinny under my fat.




The pictures are face shots from the beginning to a current shot of my face I took today....the difference is amazing. I can't even imagine what I will look like when I reach goal!


Monday, August 31, 2009

Had my physical!!!!

Well I went for a physical on Saturday and I got the bloodwork results back this morning...they are quick! Everything is fine THANK GOD! So the Dr. is going to get me the phentermine he will call in the prescription today. I am so excited I took Phen Fen in 97 and lost weight so this is going to just be a added boost....I hope. My Dr. said that he wants me to get to 140 so I am going to have him do a note for Weight Watchers because the WW scale is higher.

I am excited to say I have a NSV (non scale victory) to report back LOL I went shopping yesterday and I was in size 16 pants and a XL top I didn't try on Large but I bet Large would have fit too! I am so excited. I am down to 244 and my body is really changing shape.

The kids have started school I go to the gym at 5am every morning to work out before they wake up and on the weekends they come with me on Saturday and Sunday they stay home. Sunday I do crazy work out day and burn at least 1250 calories. It takes me almost 3 hours but I do it. I also have added weights to my daily routine. I do arms 1 day bottom the next. I think that is helping change the shape of my body even if the scale isn't coming down the inches are coming off!

Hope everyone is doing great!
Michelle....slowly but surely finding the skinny under my fat!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Whoa where have I been?

I have been around just not blogging much. I find myself in a rut at the moment I am maintaining not going up or down. I can't be sad I mean I am not going up right? But I am not at a point where I can maintain I need to keep going down....so you know me I DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

I went to the dr. asked for Phentermine....not sure if I spelled it right. She said no way I have done so good on my own I don't need a thing and to keep up the good work and yes it is normal to slow like this after all this time doing it and losing this much weight.

So that wasn't the answer I wanted so...... I joined a gym with 2 of my friends. A new gym with more classes and a pool....the girl who hated gyms has currently 2 gym memberships (my mom would get a kick out of that LOL)

I get up at 5 am to get to the gym by 530 and I am working my butt off to get to 1000 calories in 2 hours. I also still walk at night 5 miles but less lately usually about 3-4 times a week because of conflicts with friends schedules....I should just walk alone....hubby is having knee surgery so he can't walk with me.

I got a job as a home daycare provider so working out during the day consists of videos and doing things on my own I try to do it while the kids nap. I am going to find a way to make this all work. I am going to find the skinny under my fat.
Michelle

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I don't think I will see a loss this week....

I got my period I think....it is very light and not like this normally but heck if this is the new period I will get after losing this weight I will take it LOL.
But I have been walking, getting in my water, and at the gym. Yet the scale isn't really moving. Why is it that men can lose so much fast, they don't get periods, don't give birth, seriously something is wrong with that!
Maybe next week I will have a big loss. I really want to get comfortably into a size 16 pants. I have so many cute 16 jeans and capri's my mom bought me to wear in the fall....I BETTER BE IN THEM!
I have realized that this weight is going to get slower and slower coming off. I honestly wanted to lose 25 lbs this month....reality probably 7 lbs will come off this month. I could put 7 lbs on in a week so I can't complain. I still have my moments like this morning in the shower looking at my huge belly thinking heck maybe I should just go get the Gastric Bypass and get some help with this weightloss. But I will feel like a quitter that I have come this far. I only have 109 lbs left. That sounds a lot better coming from the 178....it will feel really good to say 99 lbs not in the hundreds anymore.
I honestly can't wait to say I am in onederland.....only 44 more lbs to go to that milestone.

Oh and I have a sad announcement....my 10% keychain broke. I was running in the rain and had the baby in the carrier and the keys in my hand and I got inside the top was gone but I had the circle part that had my weights....THANK GOD! I am going to ask for another tomorrow when I go to the meeting.

You know how much those charms mean to me so I was so happy that I still had the weights!

I have been on point all week and have a new favorite thing to eat.

I take a flat out it is 1 point
1 cup brown rice 3 points
chicken breast smothered in cajun seasoning 3 points worth
1 cup veggie that we are having that night
7 point meal in a wrap it is SO GOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDD!
I cook the chicken on the stove with a tiny bit of oil so I get a oil LOL

I love hot foods so the cajun seasoning is so good on this. I made a small one yesterday with 1 point of chicken for dinner and it was enough and 1/2 cup of rice not a cup and still full. So I can make it smaller too which is great to know when I am running low on points at night.

I might make another one tonight....oh and I also started slimfast shakes this week....3 points for a caramel coffee one. It isn't that bad. But I can do a cheese sandwich for 3 points, a wheat english muffin and toping for 3 points...not so sure I will stick with the slimfast shakes we shall see. I had a coupon figured I would try it out.

I will post tomorrow and tell ya'll how I did. Wish me luck! Looking for my usual 1.2 again HAHA

Saturday, July 11, 2009

1 Year Ago.....

My son has gained 14 lbs in a year
I have lost 68 lbs in a year

Me at 313 the day after I gave birth to my son...well 6.6 lbs less since that is what he weighed LOL


1 year ago today I was 34w5d pregnant with my son. I weighed 313 lbs and I was planning on taking my kids to a movie at the park to see Alvin and the Chipmunks. It was hot and muggy and I really didn't want to go but went because it seemed like a fun outing with my girlfriends and all our kids. My husband was suppose to come but he got a call around 6pm. I ran to the dollar store to pick up some munchies for the movie and opened the garage door to find my husband in tears saying to me...."My grandmother died." My heart sank for him because my grandmother had passed just 10 months before. Both of us had grandmothers who helped raise us and we lived with them because our moms were divorced when we were young. I didn't want to go to the movies I wanted to stay with him but he didn't want the kids to see him upset and he said to go. We went and left him alone for a bit. While at the movies I felt fine but a little wet down below. I never had my water break before on its own. My water had to be broken while in labor with my girls. At the end of the movie the kids wanted to go to the bathroom and I said ok I will go too. I had blood on my panties and they were very wet. OMG what is going on I am to early I was thinking. I had lost a twin in this pregnancy what is happening? I got home called the Dr and said look my husbands Grandmother passed she is a 8 hour ride away should I go? She said if I am not leaking in the am it is ok. But if I am to not go and come in to be checked....no contractions nothing was going on. We told the girls what happened and went to bed. At 430am my neighbors car alarm went off and I jumped out of bed thinking it was our car alarm and whoosh my water broke as I stood up water came down my legs and I thought ON NO THIS IS IT! We called my girlfriend packed my bag cause it still was not packed and dropped the kids off. How is it that my son who while my grandmother was dieing I whispered in her ear "When you get to heaven can you ask God to send us a son?" and I got pregnant the next month. We had to use fertility treatments with our 1st 2 kids. The day my husbands grandmother dies is the day I start labor for our much awaited miracle son. I gave birth in such a cloud of emotion. My son was born and I looked to my husband and said as your Grandmother's sun set our Sons sun rose. The entire room of nurses and my Dr both were in tears knowing about how our son came to us and that my husband lost his grandmother the day before. I was happy yet sad my husband was leaving the next day to go to his grandmothers funeral and that my mom was coming in and she would take me home from the hospital and our son would come home to a house without his daddy. My husband tells me today that that weekend was a blurr to him and that he didn't know what way to feel happy sad each emotion brought him back to the other and he was confused. While alone with my baby boy at night I whispered in his ear "Thank God for you and Thank God that you will NEVER know me fat." I was on WW when I got pregnant with him and I started that first meal with the plan. I ate the hospital food doing the best I could at counting points. I had lost weight very fast in the beginning of this journey and I am sure it had to do with breastfeeding and following the plan. 1 year later and I am down 68 lbs. My son will never know me fat. I still have 114 lbs to lose to get to my goal of 130 lbs but I know that I can do it. I am well on my way to the Skinny Under My Fat.



Happy Birthday Baby Boy! You were a gift sent from heaven welcomed into our arms.

If you can handle 1 more miracle.....

When they came to do the photographer pictures at the hospital I asked for a album to look at the work. The 1st picture a baby girl was in the exact same outfit that my last daughter got to come home from the hospital in from my Grandmother. It was like my grandmother sent me yet again another sign she was with me.

I like to think our son was kissed in heaven on his way to our loving arms by both his grandmothers.
I know my grandmother would be so proud of me tackling this weight issue head on. She always battled with weight her entire life and she always said do it while you are young it gets harder as you get older.





Friday, July 10, 2009

Down 1.2 again 3 weeks in a row

Really is that my number? Ok so I have had issues with going to the gym, I have been at party after party. Have another one this weekend for my sons 1st bday. I need to get my head back in the game!!!!

I need to lose 1.2 more next week LOL that number AGAIN! I will get another 5 lb star for my bookmark. Little rewards mean so much to me on this journey how about you?

Someone asked me what my reward to myself will be when I get to 100 lbs. My friend is buying a coach bag, I read about ladies taking a spa day, or one lady got a diamond ring from her husband. Me I think I just want to celebrate staring at my certificate from WW maybe put it on the machine I am working on to keep me motivated. I think they get a certificate we have a member a guy who is down 90.4 lbs in our meeting we are anxious to see what our leader does for 100 lbs only 10 more lbs to go he will be down in 2 weeks I am sure. He loses so fast but men always do....big losers LOL

I was sitting by the pool yesterday and thinking about how big my swimsuit was on me. I am wearing on my size 16/18 frame a size 28 tankini, 30 skirt, and 28 bikini bottom. When I dive into the pool my bottoms come off and my top is a big fly away mess. I am not getting another bathing suit because I am tight with money and I refuse to waste money on a 16-18 suit when next year I WILL BE a size 8. I asked my girlfriend who is on this journey too if she kept her size 16 pants and jeans from last winter she said yea I can have them to wear before she gives them away she said sure. I am getting to slim pickings in my clothes and you gotta see my shirts. I am currently sitting in my work out pants and a 4x tee shirt to go walking....not a pretty sight. I laugh at the thought of me going into the gym in clothes that actually fit and the people thinking wow she really lost weight!

I am going to run literally. I am going to the gym to work off the drinks and food I had last night at MNO. Way to much fun with my girls making smores, drinking in the hot tub and me jumping in the pool to swim laps after a few drinks....not a good idea.

Have a great day everyone!
Michelle who is slowly but surely finding the skinny under my fat even if it is 1.2 lbs a week ;-)

Friday, July 3, 2009

Down 1.2 lbs this week...bday cake week AMAZING

So I was down this week. I thought for sure I would be up. But only 1.2 but hey it is down. I was sitting in my meeting thinking ok if I did 1.2 for the next 50 weeks I would be down 60 lbs in basically a year. Seriously??????????? I want more than 60 lbs. But this year I lost so far 68 lbs. I had a baby so 30 lbs of that was pregnancy weight. So realistically 60 lbs isn't anything to be ashamed with. Is it as fast as I would have wanted? ummmmmmmm NO I mean really I thought ok the weight is falling off and in my mind I thought I would be in the 130's at this point. I didn't take into account my months at plateau.

I am working at this it is a daily struggle. I walk and go to the gym. I am going to swim whenever I can and get as active as possible. I need this weight gone. A friend who was at 300 1 year ago and yes is down to 160's not quite sure how she did it LOL she works out and eats right and never cheats. But she told me the other day that just losing the weight didn't make her happy like she thought she would be. She said I still have the same problems and I still see myself fat. It got me thinking well I assume that my life will be perfect when I am a size 8. It won't be just because I am a size 8. I also know that life is short so I am starting to take the attitude you only live once and it isn't forever so seize the day. I have started telling people things that I normally wouldn't. Like when I think they are making a mistake I tell them. When they say something stupid or rude I tell them. When my kids ask me to have a sleepover on the hard floor I say yes. Doing a cannonball into a friends pool...I do it. Not worrying that people will be like that fat chick is doing what? The pool will be empty when she jumps in from all the water coming out.....instead I do it to see my children's faces and to laugh with them.

My kids come to WW with me. They play in the playroom next door and my oldest will sneak in and say mommy how many points did you lose? She doesn't understand pounds or points. She goes in and tells her 2 little sisters and they each come in 1 by 1 to congratulate me. It is so cute. They worked out with me the other day and walked the track about 2 miles they had fun. It was fun to them not working out!

I am glad that a pound and some change came off my body today....hoping for more next week.
Michelle

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

OMG Found this old photo Comparison shot

Me in 2006 OMG Me in 2009


Ok so I am uploading pics to snapfish in case my computer crashes and I saw this old photo. I remember taking this in 2006 thinking I look cute. This top is kinda sexy cut low and I really loved my lipstick. I thought I looked cute....I look inflated. ughhhhhhhhhhhh


My Birthday...DREADED CAKE


So it was my Bday on Sunday I turned the big 35. This is a big number for me because I started my weight loss journey so that when I got to 35-36 the age when most of my family and friends went downhill health wise (diabetes, cholesterol issues) and I didn't want that to happen to me.

I have a addiction that I have not conquered yet. I am addicted to food. I love it. I crave it. I need to eat it and it makes me feel better. I have not gotten to the point where I can turn away from food when I am upset, happy, whatever feeling. It is a illness I admit it and I am trying to change it.

Knowing this my when my husband asked me what kind of cake I wanted I said let's go for ice cream it will cost the same as a cake and it won't be sitting in the house and I won't have to worry about eating it. He said no a cake is a tradition. Well we see where that tradition has gotten us. Diabetes for him, severly obese for me, and 4 kids who can easily be both of what we have.

He left in the middle of the afternoon got my car detailed and brought home cake, flowers, and cards. I was upset inside telling myself you can do this just have your one piece and be done. Oh and he brought home ice cream 1/3 of the fat breyers cookies and cream and vanilla. After dinner (I was willing to eat a birthday dinner of my choice not dessert that would be in the house) of nachos with lean meat, tortilla chips and light sour cream and cheddar cheese the cake comes out! It was a huge double layer fudge cake with big pieces of chocolate cake on top. I have a picture in this post of one that is similar but mine was huge!

It was me, my husband, and 3 little girls eating this monstrous cake. We had a little over a 1/2 on Sunday. Monday I ate cake and ice cream for breakfast lunch and dinner. 3x cake and ice cream. I actually went and walked 5 miles last night came home watched the bachelorette and I told my husband when I was leaving please make the cake disappear. Please throw it out or you eat it so I don't see it when I get home. I went to get a drink the cake was in the fridge it was midnight I ate the last piece which was really the size of 2 pieces. No ice cream though! I am mad at myself but also feel like I NEED HELP! No he didn't put the cake in my mouth, no he didn't tell me eat this or I will leave you. He just did what most people do for birthdays and had cake for me. But why can't he see that things I shouldn't eat are like a alcoholic going to a bar for the peanuts. They know they shouldn't have a drink but they do and they just let it go and have as many as they want.

I am battling a addiction. I can't say no. I am fine when it isn't in the house. I don't go out to get ice cream or cake at a drive thru and not have it in the house I just don't eat it. I can't have it in my home. I really need to talk to him about this or even doing cupcakes so that way we each have a little piece and that is it they are gone.

I feel bad....the scale is up....I need to work out even harder to get this cake off my body and I need to move on. I need to talk to my husband and make sure that he is on the same page as me and know that I am serious about it. I might have him look at this post so he knows how I feel ughhhh why me???? Why can't I be the skinny girl who can eat whatever she wants but not gain weight!
Michelle