Saturday, February 28, 2009

Went to the gym today and had to share

OK so I went today at 11 am with the 4 kids in childcare at the gym. I used the bike, treadmill, and elliptical right outside the glass windows so I could watch them.

Holy Cow I can't believe what I did.
I rode the bike for 20 miles.
I did the elliptical for 1.5 miles and did that in 15 minutes.
I rode the bike again for another 5 miles.
I got on the treadmill for 5 minutes and left cause the kids took the baby out of his carseat and I saw them hand him to another little girl...guess my time was up.
But I burned close to 600 calories and I feel really good.

I never rode for 25 miles on anything before just a car. I am so excited. I also saw a class going on that I am going to sign up for with the treadmill. They get your heartrate to a certain level and kick your butt with hand weights and going on the treadmill. I figure what is the worst that can happen I fall off the thing? So I am going to do it.

I am kicking it up a notch or two LOL. I called my nighttime workout partner and told her I am going in the am too if she wants to join me. I am so going to do this I am going to get down hopefully to the 230's even if it is 239 by April 5 for Disney. I gotta do it! Wish me luck!

Stayed the Same but ok with it

So I stayed the exact same as last week I am ok with that. I lost 5.2 lbs last week I can't expect to have a large loss after a loss like that. Did I want a loss yea....I was in the gym daily eating on point but adding weights back in so I am ok. But I have decided to kick it up a notch.

My trainer asked if I was paying attention to calories? I said no I do points never really looked at calories. So they have me burning 500 calories a session. So yesterday I ate 1460 in calories and I burned 500 so I ate 960. I talked to my husband and I am going to kick it up a notch for this month and see what happens.

I am going to the gym from 6-7am M-F I will walk/run on the treadmill for 1/2 hour. I will do the bike for 15 min and the elliptical for 15 minutes. I should burn about 300 calories.
I will go back at night for a hour and a half and I will do a circuit of
15 elliptical
15 treadmill
15 bike and repeat it all 1 more time. I am not going to use the weights for the next month and just work on getting the fat off.

My goal was to be 199 by Disney....that is out the window but I am going to work on getting into the low 130's by Disney (April 5-11).

So this way I will be burning about 800 calories a day and I will be eating around 1400. I will see how it goes. I figure if I am doing 2 1/2 hours total in the gym a day I should be seeing better results. I am going to try it and see what happens.

In the Rec Center before I joined the "real gym" I was fine running on the treadmill. In the real gym it has a row of treadmills and behind them is the ellipticals and I hate that people can see my butt jiggle while I run LOL so I have yet to run in the gym but I have decided I am going to do it. Hell I am trying to lose weight just like they did or are trying to do.

I am tracking with my tracker and I also purchased a clicker that WW started selling to put on my keyring so I can track my points when I am out and about if I eat and remember to put it in the journal. Today after the gym I am going to the food store to stock up for the week. I also am stopping with all the WW meals. I will use them for dinner only not lunch too. I will make a healthy lunch on my own.

Wish me luck ladies! I really need to kick this up and get more weight off this is taking me sometime and I really thought I would be further along at this point.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Pictures the way I was and today

With my 2 favorite guys
In the 250's

Me at 313 Jalen would be born 5 days later

Yea me blowing up my face like a beached whale....look at those thunder thighs that belly looks like it was quads not a 6 lb 6 oz baby in it....gosh these make me sick!

Going out for Valentine's this year....250's

The way I was and never will go back to!

I am finding ME...

I have been fat all my life. I was never the pretty skinny one in the crowd, never had the boys all trying to get to talk to me, never had the best outfit everyone wanted. I think that feeling like I was the fat one took a toll on me....well I don't think I KNOW it did. My mom told me once when she had those moments of telling me "Michelle I don't think you know how fat you really are." Yea nice right? Well she told me she thought I had the opposite of anorexia and that I see myself skinny. Ok so sometimes I would catch a glimse of myself and say WOW I am big. But I never realized it until I saw that damn scale go to 313 lbs. OMG I WAS HUGE I didn't want to gain another ounce. I was 9 months pregnant and I was miserable.

I gave birth and went on this weight loss journey with 3 other friends. I have always been a tell ya like it is kinda person....guess I got that from my mom (see above LOL). I am finding that I am no longer settling. If someone does something or gets on my nerves for something I am finding it easier to tell them about it. I did have some issues recently where my spirit was tested and I fell off track. I know I am a emotional eater but I had been doing so good with WW. I was losing and than this person I allowed to control my emotions and I got off track. I put on weight and I lost focus. I got so upset about it this week I called the person up and talked about it. Things will never be the same but we talked and I let it go....along with it I let go of 5.2 lbs this past week.

I know that this is a journey to find the skinny under my fat but at the same time I am finding the Michelle that has been buried inside of me. My mother also told me the world better watch out cause I was pretty bold already and with the weight coming off me I will only get bolder....her exact words after that were man you are really going to be a bitch. Well I won't get like that. I made my one really good girlfriend promise me she will tell me if I am changing in a bad way.

I am finding myself. I love who I am becoming on the outside and continue to love the inside of me and know that if I want to that I CAN DO THIS! It is in my power to either fail or succeed. I will not let failure be a option this time!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I came in 3rd this week!!!!

YEA I am so happy...but I want the top spot LOL. I want to be the Biggest Loser of the Blog Edition! I lost 2% of my body this past week how friggin awesome is that?

Well I had to share something a tad bit crazy. So my mom went shopping a long time ago and bought me jeans at a sale. She bought me 18-16-14-12 and junior 19/20 capri pants that are to cute and nothing fit when she came here in October. Well I am wearing the 18's which I have been wearing 18's in Avenue and Lane Bryant and Apt 8 clothes from Kohl's but not Route 66 from Walmart/Kmart but I wore them today to a party and they were even a bit big. I also put on the junior 19/20 thinking they were going to be to tight and they were perfect. It is going to start getting warmer here and I have a few Capri pants well about 5 pairs in 18 so that should get me thru the summer I am thinking. They will get bigger and bigger but I can wear a belt. I don't want to buy tons of sizes because I won't last long in the size god willing.

I have been back in the gym on a daily basis again and today I did 12 miles on the bike, 2 miles on the elliptical and 1 mile on the treadmill. I loved working out before but these days watching the other people in the gym motivates me.

I am tired tonight but I will type more tomorrow....I have some stuff to get off my chest.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I am feeling good!

Well the last few weeks I have been up up and away but finally I found the momentum again and I had a huge loss this week 5.2 lbs down...gone that you will never see back on me again. God Willing!

So I am less than I was 9 years ago....I find that hard to even imagine. I started back up at the gym daily and kicking it up a notch. I am still not going back to the trainer she is to good for my fat butt at this point. LOL She hurt me BAD! I do work on the at home stuff she showed me to my level of comfort and I have to say I believe it is working.

I am not sure how many of you are WW's but I wanted to chat a bit about meetings and if you are not a member and need a little extra support you might want to consider going to a meeting or two or three or four...until you find the right leader and right group to motivate you. Today we had a grandma in our meeting reach 50 lbs gone and she got her weight charm. She talked about her leg almost being taken before she lost the weight. It is crazy what weight can do to your body. It made me think why I started this journey. I am not doing this for me I am doing this for my children. In case you are new to my blog or in case I didn't tell you this before I can't remember at this point but my grandma and I are the same bodies same issues same surgeries etc. I watched her in 2007 die in hospice for a week I sat with her 24/7 only going home to shower maybe 4 times yea I must have been smelling really ripe LOL. But I watched her and thought I don't want to end up like this. I never want to do this to my children or my husband. She had 8 children and her husband and me by her when she passed. I know that one day I will die I know that but I know that by eating right and exercising I can prolong my life....well at least I can control that. I can't control getting hit by a drunk driver or getting killed by someone but I would hate for my kids and my husband to have to sit and watch me dieing from a illness brought on by my weight something I could control.

I look at the little baby boy jumping in his jumperoo next to me that I asked my grandmother to ask God when she got to heaven to send us a son and I know for him, Mikayla, Mya, Zoe and Erik and my mother too that I have to do this.

I weigh 254.6 lbs today. I have to get to delete 6.2 lbs from my body this week to get my 50 lb weight charm from WW. I am down total 58.8 lbs from the start of this journey. I have hit a few road bumps along the way but I am finding my way. I am finding the skinny under my fat....and when get to my ultimate destination I WILL NEVER GET LOST AGAIN!
Peace & Love my friends!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

UP UP UP and Away!

I haven't posted in awhile I have been to busy EATING!!!! As I get on the new scale I bought last week I just keep seeing those numbers go up. I have gained another 3 lbs so I am up 6 lbs in 2 weeks. What the hell is wrong with me...ok this is the kick in the ass time the BLBE leaders were talking about.
Seriously I wanted to get to 199 by April 5 for Disney not happening. I changed that to my bday late June 199....that is going to be pushing it too.
I start out the day great journaling, good food choices, as the day goes on and wham I am eating crap again...not that bad of crap cause we are all on diets in the house so it is pretty healthy but my portions. ughhh

Oh and drive Starbucks forget the diet version I got the whole shabang. Yesterday Chick Fil A for a grilled chicken sandwich and french fries all within my points range but I could have easily made a lower point food choice at home so I could have eaten within my points range for the day later that night.
I am still here still working at this but not working out. I have been in pain from that damn trainer and I haven't gone back to the gym. I am going tomorrow. It has been a week or almost a week. I am going to cancel our session for tomorrow night and tell her my way has been working I was losing the weight and I am going to stick with it until I am stronger her stuff was just to much for my big body it hurt for to long. I was not ready for that. I shouldn't have been in that kind of pain for 4-5 days KWIM?

I wanted to update you all here didn't want you to think I left you.

Here is a pic of me from this weekend. I still feel that my clothes are fitting better so that makes me happy.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

I am UP, Mad, Confused, and Discouraged

Look at my right leg LOL it looks so small!

I am up 3 on the dot 3 FULL POUNDS. How the hell did that happen? I was almost in tears at the meeting but held them back. My leader came over and asked what was wrong? I said look I have been great all week food wise, I joined a real gym not the Rec Center and got a trainer. I have been with her and working out on my own daily and I am up 3 lbs. She said my muscles are tearing they are retaining the fluids and it is a good thing. I need to work my way through it and I will see the results I want. I went and talked to my trainer at our 2nd session and she said put the scale away for 6 weeks. I told her I have to weigh in weekly with WW and she said ok don't pay attention to the number and I thought yea like that is going to happen. I am still in shock about it and honestly if we are being 100% honest with each other here last night I went to a pizza place with my husband and I ate 2 large slices of pizza, and I have a calzone all to myself. Yep ate it and it felt good I wasn't even upset. I am in so much pain still 2 days later from my trainers 2nd workout (I will give you the exercises she had me do down below you can do them at home) and wondering if it is really worth it. I mean I am losing weight on my own with the bike, elliptical, and treadmill. Why do I need to have a trainer beating me up even if she is really nice LOL. I can barely walk seriously I need help getting up walking I have to walk with my legs straight no knees bending and OMG the pain is just awful.

I went out and got a scale on top of things and I am obsessive about weighing myself. I also purchased the WW food scale and LOVE THAT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT and if you don't have one get one!

I was discouraged when I started writing this about a hour ago and got interrupted with a phone call but ya know what....I can be upset about these 3 lbs or I can let it go and move on. I have done so good these past few months and this monor setback is not going to take away from my joy. I have to say I am not sure when I will get back in the gym but I will go back. I am going to eat right starting this moment again and get back into the saddle.

Hugs from Michelle up 3 more pounds but they will be gone right away!


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

My night with my trainer

Ok let me just say that this new gym does inspire me to do more and I have and I better see the results on the scale but OMG this trainer she was nice to me last night she said but on Thursday night she is going to KILL me.
So I go in and we walk around the machines floor and I tell her I know nada about any of these. So she said ok we are going to work on a few tonight so you remember them and Thursday we will do a full workout.
Ummm yea last night wasn't a full workout? I could barely walk up the stairs last night going to bed. I found muscles I never knew existed....and my legs OMG I could see the muscle bulging.
I did 3 leg machines and 3 arm machines. The last arm machine my arms wanted to drop and she said keep going you have 2 more and I want you to touch my hand. I was raising them with these weights and pulleys and she wanted the handles to hit her hand. I was raising myself in the seat to reach LOL I couldn't get my arms straight. It really made me think again if I wanted to apply to be on the biggest loser....I don't think so!
But I am also getting a fat test done to tell me how much fat is on my body A LOT! I am going to be told how doing the work out they planned for me and nutritional info how long it should take to get it off and what my idea body weigh is based upon my muscles mass and bones etc. So that is going to be intersting. I am really excited about that.
I do have to admit doing the treadmill, bike, eliptical I feel ok in the gym but using those machines I felt like a whale out of water. She had me lay on my belly on a machine and lift my legs all I kept thinking was ok you skinny people in here yea look at me cause I won't be this fat for long!

Oh and out of the mouths of 4 year old was not eating and I said honey you have to eat she replied with why mommy so I can get fat like you?
Than later in the day she was watching Cheetah Girls and Raven Symone was on tv and she said mommy Raven is fat like you. OMG are you kidding me from a 4 year old and for the record Raven is NOT FAT! I told her that and I am sure she has no clue what I meant.

I will have buns of steel....I will have plastic surgery on my deflated belly and arms someday....and I will be a size Medium one day!