I have been fat all my life. I was never the pretty skinny one in the crowd, never had the boys all trying to get to talk to me, never had the best outfit everyone wanted. I think that feeling like I was the fat one took a toll on me....well I don't think I KNOW it did. My mom told me once when she had those moments of telling me "Michelle I don't think you know how fat you really are." Yea nice right? Well she told me she thought I had the opposite of anorexia and that I see myself skinny. Ok so sometimes I would catch a glimse of myself and say WOW I am big. But I never realized it until I saw that damn scale go to 313 lbs. OMG I WAS HUGE I didn't want to gain another ounce. I was 9 months pregnant and I was miserable.
I gave birth and went on this weight loss journey with 3 other friends. I have always been a tell ya like it is kinda person....guess I got that from my mom (see above LOL). I am finding that I am no longer settling. If someone does something or gets on my nerves for something I am finding it easier to tell them about it. I did have some issues recently where my spirit was tested and I fell off track. I know I am a emotional eater but I had been doing so good with WW. I was losing and than this person I allowed to control my emotions and I got off track. I put on weight and I lost focus. I got so upset about it this week I called the person up and talked about it. Things will never be the same but we talked and I let it go....along with it I let go of 5.2 lbs this past week.
I know that this is a journey to find the skinny under my fat but at the same time I am finding the Michelle that has been buried inside of me. My mother also told me the world better watch out cause I was pretty bold already and with the weight coming off me I will only get bolder....her exact words after that were man you are really going to be a bitch. Well I won't get like that. I made my one really good girlfriend promise me she will tell me if I am changing in a bad way.
I am finding myself. I love who I am becoming on the outside and continue to love the inside of me and know that if I want to that I CAN DO THIS! It is in my power to either fail or succeed. I will not let failure be a option this time!
I'm Not Sure I Can Do This
3 days ago