Sunday, December 28, 2008
Well why is it so hard I am not starving, my blood sugar isn't to low, and I surely don't need it WHY CAN'T I STAY ON POINT AT ALL THIS WEEK? It shouldn't be hard. So here is what I have been doing
I make myself drink water or crystal light before I put that item in my mouth
I look up the points for it so I know and I list it....even though I see it will put me over my points
I know I eat cause I am bored I need to stay away from the kitchen.
I really wanted to make it to 259 this week but I doubt that will happen. ughh this sucks!
I have really hit a plateau here I have been in the 260 since Oct/Nov can't remember the exact date but it has been over a month and that is just driving me insane!
Ok Jalen is waking...goodnight!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I LIVE: right where I am suppose to be
I WORK: for 4 of the hardest bosses in the world!
I THINK: way to much and need to just do it
I SMELL: and it takes me back to various places and stages in my life
I LISTEN: and love the stolen silent moments of life
I HIDE: because sometimes it is easier to be the fun Michelle rather than myself
I WALK: to lose weight NOT for the fun of it
I WRITE: because one day I will write a book
I SING: when anyone is listening
I CAN: LOSE THIS FREAKING WEIGHT
I WATCH: and wonder what they will grow up like
I DAYDREAM: about my children's weddings
I WANT: to live a long healthy life
I CRIED:over money 4 days ago
I READ: the news on the computer
I LOVE: my family
I SOMETIMES: wish we could buy my grandma's house
I FEAR: that I will not succeed at this weight loss on my own without surgery
I HOPE:that my children know how much I love them
I EAT: sometimes for the wrong reasons but I am trying to change that to I eat to live!
I DRINK: a lot less than I used too ;)
I PLAY: with my kids....no longer sitting on the couch
I MISS: my friends in NJ
I FORGIVE: but never forget
I DREAM: a lot of little dreams
I KISS: way to little
I HUG: my husband at least 5 times a day
I HAVE: 132 extra lbs on me as of today that will one day be gone!
I REMEMBER: the day we left and life changed for me a 6 year old kid....Dec 18, 1980
I DONT: like when people are mean
I BELIEVE: in my husband and our vows
I OWE: my family for so much more than I ever tell them
I KNOW: one day they will know
I HATE: some of the things people do
So Mikayla is on her 2nd dose or meds for pink eye.
Zoe is getting pink eye we think and we will ask the dr. tomorrow about her.
Mya is battling a stomach bug that hurts her tummy no throwing up thank God and a fever with bad headaches...day 3 will be in the dr with us in the am to be checked too.
Jalen either has a staph, strep or MRSA on his middle finger....of course I am worried I gave it to him coming home from the gym touching his little finger....ughh
I don't have it and no one else in the family does so we are going to see what they say about that in the dr. too.
Wishing everyone reading this a wonderful Christmas and if you are on this weight loss journey like me I hope your scales stay the same over this week or they only go down...NO UPS!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Well a mom at Gymnastics and me were talking she said I just have to ask what have you been doing lately cause you are really losing a lot of weight. I said THANK YOU for noticing cause no one has really said anything. She said oh no it is really noticeable. I wanted to kiss her LOL. So I told her about WW and she said really I joined WW at my job and I just started it. We talked for the next 20 minutes about what works for us and what doesn't planning for Christmas etc. I was just so happy!
It is really working this time!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
.....a true friend will lift you up along the way not find ways to knock you down. I am thankful for my true friends and even for the ones that have taught me life lessons.
I am up 3.8 lbs this week in weigh in but this is the 1st time I weighed in wearing jeans and a sweater....I had a function before weigh in and I couldn't get home to change. I anticipate this weigh in to be huge because I will be back in my tee and light pants. They said my jeans easily weigh 1-2 lbs.
Monday, December 15, 2008
I just read a post from a woman who comments on my blog and her grandpa would always say Walk it off....well as she calls him Booka.....I will do what he says he must be a wise man! I am going to go walking tomorrow since I will only have 1 child while the other 3 are in school and it is going to be in the high 50's I will bundle up the baby and go walking at the track. I will walk off these damn 5 pieces of pizza and 5 cookies, plus the chick fil a sandwich I had today....but I didn't order fries! Doesn't that count for anything? I am going to walk it off and I am coming to realize if I don't make it to my goal to be in the 240's by the end of the week that is ok. As long as I am out of the 260's I can deal with it.....but I badly want to be 248....can't say I so want to be because if I was serious about it I would not have eaten 5 cookies and 5 slices of pizza....go ahead smack my hand thru the computer I know you want to!
For the rest of the week cereal and a ww meal for dinner that is all that I am eating!
Friday, December 12, 2008
I am just glad I am down. I am looking forward to being in the 250's. My goal is to be out of the 240's by the end of January. So I have 22 lbs to lose in about 7-8 weeks. I know I can do it I need to focus and plan, journal, and EXERCISE!
Nothing can stop me oh and did I mention...........
I AM DOWN 51.2 POUNDS SINCE JULY 12!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
My girls asked where baby's came from I said they were always in my heart. They asked if I had any other baby's in my heart after I had Jalen I said no I don't think so but you never can tell with God's great plan. So Mya said when I told her and Mikayla about Maddie-"what happens to the babies in her heart mommy?" I told her Maddie was a blessed little girl who didn't have to wait until she got older to meet her babies she got to meet them in heaven when she met God.
Rest in God's arms Maddie until your mommy and daddy are finally home with you in heaven.
Join me on my journey as I find the skinny under my fat and get to 130 lbs.
I know that with my hard work I will be down in the low 250's this month. I KNOW I CAN DO IT! So I will strive for that this month and share in this journey as I get below my 1st child's pregnancy weight and my wedding day weight. I was in the very low 200's when I met Erik and I thought I was cute. I can't even begin to imagine what I will be like at goal.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
1. my mom came to visit and I had 2 weeks of trying to get back on point to get down 4.4 lbs.
2. why couldn't I control my urge to eat those damn pies?
3. why didn't I get my fat butt up to work out at the gym not just the dvd at home?
I will get down at least 10 lbs this month. I can assure you. I am going to get to the 250's before the new year!
Hope for the new year
End of Month
Dec 113 Goal
Monday, November 24, 2008
Calf 20 inches
Arm 14 inches
Thigh 30 inches
Waist 59 inches
Bust 48 inches
Measurements: October 25, 2008
Calf 18.5 inches -1.5
Arm 12.5 inches -1.5
Thigh 26 inches -4
Waist 55 inches -4
Bust 43 inches -5
Measurements: November 24, 2008
Calf: 18.5 inches stayed the same but looks different I am building some muscle!
Arm: 12 inches -.5 total down 2 inches
Thigh: 22 inches -4 inches down 8 inches total
Waist: 52 inches -2 grand total down 6 inches
Bust: 39.5 inches -3.5 inches total down 7.5 inches
DOWN 25 INCHES TOTAL since September 22
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I have been on point all day and will stick to the plan no splurges...good thing I hate Thanksgiving food HAHA and I am weighing in a day earlier on Wednesday since Thur is Turkey day.
I am working out every change I can get. I walked 3 miles tonight and tomorrow I will walk while my daughter has her class at the Rec center. After that I might drop her off and go to the gym or go tomorrow night and let hubby watch the kids.
The weekend I will have to do some major walking because the gym will be closed. I only have Mon and Tues to work out at the gym since Wed I weigh in at 10am. ughhh
I could do it Friday but I might have a slice or two of pie since that is pretty much all I like from Thanksgiving food.
So next week be on the lookout for 6.6 lbs of me gone!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Here are some samples
- chocolate cake with cool whipped topping about 3-4 slices
- lots of chocolate peanut butter candy from the kids bags
- sugar cookies I made
- regular soda not diet
What was I thinking? So today me and Mikayla walked to the park and I started running. I decided to run to make myself work harder to get that extra food off of me. But I know that this is not going to destroy me so I am going to work on getting back on point today so I can continue to lose weight.
Next year I need to think of a better plan for Halloween!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
I am very excited to see this weight going bye bye. I have my mom coming into visit this weekend from Florida and I keep thinking I want her to take me shopping but I think I want to wait to get clothes until I am even less. Although I do need a few pieces so we might do some shopping.
So where do I stand? I am 268 lbs it sounds so good compared to 313 but still 268 is big. I keep telling myself that it didn't come on over night so I am working with that in mind. I know it will come off....I need to keep some things up....
Following my points which went down with this weight loss
Make wise food choices
Speaking of exercise I am doing this program couch to 5k. I have started running in the gym on the treadmill. I tell ya it is that first step being scared to take it. I did it and I have lived to tell it. I have been running on it for about 2-3 weeks. I don't run long not a mile or anything I time it in minutes. I have also run down the road by my house....I was scared of critters coming out and I decided to run...it was great motivation!!! I am not sure that I will ever be a runner it is not something I have ever wanted to be actually but I could see myself getting into weight training. I do enjoy working on my muscles and feeling the burn ;)
I will tell you what my mom said when she sees me. She last saw me at my highest weight when I had my son. The son who will never remember having a fat mother.
I promise I am Skinny Under My Fat!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Measurements: October 25, 2008
16 inches lost!!!
I am still fitting in smaller clothes which is good but at this rate I will be back up!
WHY OH WHY couldn't I be one of those people that are born skinny and stays skinny?
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Next went to Old Navy I think it was the sweetheart jean not sure they have so many I fit into a 18 tight but they were on and............IT WAS MY FIRST TIME IN OLD NAVY IN THE LADIES DEPT SHOPPING FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I always went right back to kids it was nice shopping in a regular store for me! I was having so much fun I bought a L and XL tank top dressy style for Disney. I got the XL on at home and it fit the L is snug I will have them taken in cause I only paid 99 cent for each shirt...........I love clearance in Old Navy!!!
After that I went to Kohls and got a cute XL top from the misses dept on clearance for 7.80 loved that! It was cute and I figure when I lose weight I can wear it for a swimwear coverup. The kids were running around like maniacs so we didn't last long in Kohls.
Finally we went to Cato and I got 3 new tops. Long sleeves for the winter and I went in and went to the plus size found cute tops 11.99 ok get a few of those see XL no 14-16 so I grab that and go for another color and get 18-20 cause I don't see XL. Well I got a pile that should have been in the Misses section yep yet again fit in the Misses section and went to the "other side" and got the XL in those shirts.
I had so much fun shopping spent less than 50.00 today on clothes! But got I think 8 tops!
Catch ya later!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
I have never had a style of my own it was always what the store had that fit me. I will be able to have my own style! Some days I think I want to be business casual in nice pants, a button down top and nice shoes. Other days I think nice jeans, cute tops, and boots. Than I think about summer I picture lots of sun dresses and cute sandals. I want to get a whole new haircut when I get to my goal size of a 6 or maybe a 8 depending on how I look.
I wonder if because I am going to have less fabric in the clothes if I can fit more in the closet? I am going to have a new addiction SHOPPING!
I love how size 18 tastes I can smell the 16 coming on over. I bet it tastes even better!
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Right here give me a kiss baby.....Thank God he sees my sense of humor and loves me beyond my fat.....he knows I am skinny under my fat.
Maybe this dress makes me look fat so many of my dreaded pics are in this dress. I guess this is my moomoo dress. I will burn this dress one day....I just wore it yesterday and it is so big on me already.....
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
I have a great smile, a pretty face so I have been told over and over. Never those are great legs, or your arms look great. It is as if people felt they had to say something about me was pretty so they said oh you have a great smile. Great Wonderful ughhhhh NOT.
Sometimes I meet people only for a short while but I have a great memory (I should say I had a great memory cause after kids I am lucky I can remember all 4 of my kids names LOL) But I remember in college a guy named Fred he was roomies with a friend of mine. Fred was not really a friend of mine more like a aquaintance but I would think he would remember me. I saw Fred about 3 years after college walked right up to him and he could not remember me. That is the story of my life....I am the forgettable fat girl. Going out with friends meeting new people they always remember my friends but not me. I am invisible or perhaps they can't see thru the fat and to the fun person I am well hell more than fun AMAZING person I am and they just see fat so they don't think I am worth their time. Wrong people I can tell you that I am a great friend, wonderful mom, thoughtful human being, and you lost out. Fred you LOST buddy and to all the Freds before and after him YOU ALL LOST OUT!
Growing large isn't easy in your teenage years. My friends would all go shopping at the fun stores TOGETHER and I would run into Lane Bryant alone so hopefully no one would see me and I could get out quick. Going out to clubs they would hope to pick up guys I would hope I could get thru the night without anyone making fun of me. Walking across a street in NYC one night I fell and a guy screamed out Earthquake....I wasn't even that big I was maybe a size 14!
Being pregnant fat isn't a walk in the park. The dr. tells you not to gain weight....mine was convinced I would get gestational diabetes NEVER DID! I never got that cute basketball look to my belly, and shopping for plus size maternity clothes is damn expensive. If I were a regular size I could buy bigger clothes but no not me I had to get maternity clothes for a plus size woman. Labor was not enjoyable. I could only imagine the people's thoughts as I labored. I am sure it was awful sight. Maybe I had my kids so fast because I wanted to get it over with so these people didn't have to see me.
I used to not be so scared of things. Lately I am scared of lots of things. But I do miss one thing in particular. I used to ride a roller coaster in Seaside Heights. It was lots of fun I was scared the first time but after that first time I was hooked I went on it all the time. I don't go on roller coasters or many rides these days because I am scared I won't fit. Who wants to get up to the end of the line, try to get in and realize you don't fit. That is not my idea of fun. I hope by the time Disney comes I will feel comfortable enough to get on a ride and enjoy myself again.
I promise that I will not be the forgettable girl once this weight is off and the skinny me comes out from behind the fat.
Trust me I am really skinny under my fat!
Calf 20 inches
Arm 14 inches
Thigh 30 inches
Waist 59 inches
Bust 48 inches
I will measure each month and hopefully watch these numbers go down.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
So my kids. I have my oldest who is in the 95th percentile for weight. The Dr. said we need to watch her. I don't want her to be fat. I don't want her to go thru what I went thru as a fat kid. I work with her on choosing the right foods and portions but she still doesn't get it. She still wants to eat more. We fight over this all the time it is a daily battle. She is a dancer and cheerleader and to continue these she will have to lose some weight. I want her to lose 10lbs so she can lose her belly and some of her excess fat. Max 10 lbs more like 7 lbs so she can lose 10% of her body weight she is 70 lbs. My next child is the complete opposite. She is the athlete doing gymnastics and training 6 hours a week. She wants for Christmas a pull up bar that we can hang over the door so she can train at home. She has 0 body fat it seems and is so muscular. This is the kid who asks me to get her salad and celery for snack not a pop tart like my older child. Than our 3rd child she is solid solid as a rock LOL. She is almost 40 lbs and she is chubby but I think that I can help her with this by feeding her better foods. She needs to learn the right way to eat and she is still young enough to learn this. Plus I am surprised at her weight because she barely seems to eat a full meal. Our baby well he is only 2 months old can't tell with him yet but hopefully he will never remember his fat mom!
I am down to 284 as of last Thursday. I went out and bought all my WW meals for the coming week and I am set. I hope to be able to take off 4 lbs a week for the next few months before it starts to get tougher as I am sure it will.
I am doing this to show my kids that any obstacle can be overcome with hard work and determination. Also to show them how to be healthy and grow into healthy adults. I also am doing this to gain the confidence I need to get a great job that I am qualified for, to get the confidence to make a decision of should I stay or should I go.
Next up: The forgettable girl....
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
So today is the Biggest Loser season opener. Today I walked 2 miles in 40 minutes. Today I stuck to my weight watchers points. Today is the start of my tomorrow and everyday after. But I got to this point and I want to write about it here in case you have always been skinny, had a fast metabolism, exercised and always ate the right things. This is for the people who looked at fat people and made fun of them. This is for the fat people who want to know they are not alone. This is for me to remember how I got here so I NEVER go back!
I wish I could say I was born 20 lbs so I was off to a bad start but I was an average 6 poundish child and grew up a average weight from what I remember until I moved to NJ when my parents divorced....oh I can hear the backlash already oh because her parents divorced she is fat. NO that is not what I am saying. I remember being big in the 2nd grade bigger than the other girls shopping for 1st communion dresses. I still had a cute dress but I don't forget the problems finding one that fit. The worst weigh in ever was in the 3rd grade....I weighed 130 lbs how is that possible and why would I remember that? My teacher looked at the scale looked at me and said Michelle you need to lose weight you weigh the same as me. I was humiliated I really liked my teacher and she was so upset with me. In 8th grade my aunt gave birth to my grandparents 2nd grand daughter they had other boy grandchildren but I was the 1st and only grand daughter for 13 years. I was sad and decided to walk to Buxtons the ice cream shop up the road and get a sundae. Food was my friend. I have decided to end this friendship and use food only when it is needed. Only when it is right for me not when I feel like I need something to eat.
Growing up in a single parent household with a mom who was a waitress money was tight. I can tell you as a mom it is expensive to eat right. We didn't have many meats lots of pasta. PASTA PASTA PASTA
- mac and cheese with parm cheese
- noodles and white sauce with lots of parm cheese
- fettuchini alfredo with parm cheese
- stuffed shells and marinara sauce with parm cheese
As you can see Parm Cheese was considered a vegetable in my household. I still have a pot that I made mac and cheese in when I was a teenager and to this day I can't use it because I think ughhh this helped me get this way. Food became my friend and it never let me down. I could eat at any time, food was available but not good food choices. Soda was also another big downfall for me. I grew up drinking Food Town brand 3 liter sodas grape, orange, lemon lime never any juice. Water what was that?
I remember one day walking home from the bus and seeing some kids walking at me. I hated where I lived we had some bad kids in the area and they started to make fun of me and I was embarrassed. I tried to diet as a child, teen but never really stuck to anything. I never lost only gained. I used to wear sweats all the time they were comfortable and they fit. Jeans were to tight, regular teen clothes I couldn't wear you just couldn't find cool clothes in plus sizes. My aunt took me to Macy's for my 14th birthday and said your mom can't let you walk around in sweats forever and she took me to the junior department and got me a cool outfit in the biggest size that the junior department had. She was getting bad at having to take me to the largest size I remember praying trying on the pants that they would fit. Thankfully they did. School sports in high school I would have loved to played. We had gymnastics and I thought how cool that would be to do that. Volleyball was huge in my school I was great at it in gym and wished I would be picked for the team but it didn't happen....I was to big. School plays all my friends went in them I tried out made the play but dropped out fearful of what I would wear how would they find a costume for me?
Boys......oh lord many many mistakes because I felt that was what I deserved. I am fat that is why he cheated on me, I am fat this is why he is lieing to me, I am fat that is why he doesn't tell people I am his girl friend, I am fat I am lucky he is my boyfriend so I better buy him that outfit, ring, give him that money I worked for. Thankfully I met a man who loved me for me....although he met me while I was on phen-fen lost some weight not tons I was a size 16, had a long weave in with brown hair and blond highlights and blue contacts in.....Beyonce looking....so not me. But still he loved me no weave, contacts and a extra 10 lbs for every year we have been together.
So the numbers
weight highest 313 when I gave birth to my son and final child on July 12, 2008
September 16, 2008 289 down 24 lbs in 8 weeks!!!!!!
Goal to be a size 12/14 not sure how much that would be in weight but I just want to be able to walk into a regular size store and BUY SOMETHING ANYTHING THAT I LIKE!
I will update this site weekly after I go to my weigh in on Thursdays at weight watchers and any time in between that I feel like I need to vent.
As I say to my kids....I am skinny under my clothes.