Monday, September 22, 2008

Do you know what it is like to be a fat girl? Maybe you have always been skinny....maybe you have been fat and know what I am talking case you don't here goes......

I have a great smile, a pretty face so I have been told over and over. Never those are great legs, or your arms look great. It is as if people felt they had to say something about me was pretty so they said oh you have a great smile. Great Wonderful ughhhhh NOT.

Sometimes I meet people only for a short while but I have a great memory (I should say I had a great memory cause after kids I am lucky I can remember all 4 of my kids names LOL) But I remember in college a guy named Fred he was roomies with a friend of mine. Fred was not really a friend of mine more like a aquaintance but I would think he would remember me. I saw Fred about 3 years after college walked right up to him and he could not remember me. That is the story of my life....I am the forgettable fat girl. Going out with friends meeting new people they always remember my friends but not me. I am invisible or perhaps they can't see thru the fat and to the fun person I am well hell more than fun AMAZING person I am and they just see fat so they don't think I am worth their time. Wrong people I can tell you that I am a great friend, wonderful mom, thoughtful human being, and you lost out. Fred you LOST buddy and to all the Freds before and after him YOU ALL LOST OUT!

Growing large isn't easy in your teenage years. My friends would all go shopping at the fun stores TOGETHER and I would run into Lane Bryant alone so hopefully no one would see me and I could get out quick. Going out to clubs they would hope to pick up guys I would hope I could get thru the night without anyone making fun of me. Walking across a street in NYC one night I fell and a guy screamed out Earthquake....I wasn't even that big I was maybe a size 14!

Being pregnant fat isn't a walk in the park. The dr. tells you not to gain weight....mine was convinced I would get gestational diabetes NEVER DID! I never got that cute basketball look to my belly, and shopping for plus size maternity clothes is damn expensive. If I were a regular size I could buy bigger clothes but no not me I had to get maternity clothes for a plus size woman. Labor was not enjoyable. I could only imagine the people's thoughts as I labored. I am sure it was awful sight. Maybe I had my kids so fast because I wanted to get it over with so these people didn't have to see me.

I used to not be so scared of things. Lately I am scared of lots of things. But I do miss one thing in particular. I used to ride a roller coaster in Seaside Heights. It was lots of fun I was scared the first time but after that first time I was hooked I went on it all the time. I don't go on roller coasters or many rides these days because I am scared I won't fit. Who wants to get up to the end of the line, try to get in and realize you don't fit. That is not my idea of fun. I hope by the time Disney comes I will feel comfortable enough to get on a ride and enjoy myself again.

I promise that I will not be the forgettable girl once this weight is off and the skinny me comes out from behind the fat.

Trust me I am really skinny under my fat!

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