Saturday, January 31, 2009

My kids never saw me like this before

I was at the gym today just thinking back to how far I have come. My daughter said mommy why are you putting those big pants on as I got ready for the gym. I said well honey I don't have that many work out pants so I wear what I can keep up. She said oh well you need some new pants!

But in the gym I realized....MY KIDS HAVE NEVER SEEN ME THIS "SKINNY"

I weighed in the 250's when I had my first child 9 years ago. Can you believe it I have not been this size since 2000.

I have also made a decision I am going to get rid of my clothes this week all my 28's, 26's, 24's, 22's, 20's GOOD BYE I am so glad to get rid of them NO GOING BACK. I am keeping my largest size pants 28's for my final progression pic of me and how far I have come.

My kids tell me I am skinny. My one daughter said Mommy you are skinny I said no I am not she said well your not fat your not skinny you are in between and I love you!

That is all a mom needs to hear!

Peace & Love my friends


Thursday, January 29, 2009


As opposed to finding the things I hate about myself here is a list of the things I love about myself.

I love that my breasts have worked to feed my four for 2 1/2 years alone.
I love that I was able to bear my children without any meds because I listened to the pain and didn't fight it I just rode it out.
I love that my hair is naturally curly and people often comment they wish they had hair like me.
I love my brown eyes when I have makeup on....and even when it is not.
I love that even when I am skinny I will have a body that is like bam bam bam LOL (I just imagine when I was younger and boys would do that to girls as they walked by talking about boobs, waist and her ass LOL)
I love that I am a trusted friend to many.
I love that I am a spur of the moment type of person who if you asked me today to fly off to another country I would go as long as my kids were cared for or I could bring them. Life is a journey why stay in one destination.....we have a whole planet to explore.
I love when how I sing and dance with my kids like no one in the world can hear or see us.
I love and will honor my body....I get a oil change for my car every 3000 miles, I get a physical every year but I don't really take care of my body I love that these last 6 months I have given my body the credit it deserves and the care it demands.
I love that all the women in the world my husband picked me...even when I was a plus size.
I love the fearless woman I am becoming knowing that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.
I love the way sweating has become ok to me rather than disgusting.
I love the pain I get in my legs after a good workout....but it is even better when doing the same workout and the pain doesn't come back anymore cause I am in better shape.

I am in love with me I love me enough to want to take care of myself. I love myself and my children to much to live this life just passing me by. I owe it to them I brought them into this world and I never want to leave my family before my time.
Peace & Love my friends,

My WI Results and more stuff

Drum Roll Please.....
I am down to 255.4 lbs when I didn't have the loss I wanted last week I said to myself ok I just want to hit 255 by the end of January. I did it....I want to get my 50 lb charm from WW in the 1st 2 weeks in February so I have 7 more lbs to lose. The old Michelle would have said I want to lose 7 lbs this week....I have learned that is a unrealistic goal and not to set myself up for failure.

I have also learned something else from this blog....who knew it would teach me something about myself. I have learned that I am more dedicated to this journey than I thought I was. I am seeing the changes in me and some I don't like (more on that later) and some that I Love. So this post has a few things in it

1. if you saw my previous post I wrote down things I hated well after talking with my husband this morning I saw a look on his face and realized he is upset that I wrote things I hate about myself. My husband is a man of few words how on earth did her marry this chatty lady? LOL But the look said it all he looked sad that I sat down and thought of things that I hate.....and ya know what he is right. So today I am going to work on my list of things I LOVE About myself.

2. Ok the things I don't like about me. So I was laying in bed this morning and I looked at my stomach...well looked for it and it didn't stick up above my breasts anymore. I felt around for it....I found it hanging South of the Border. Seems my stomach has deflated and yes my friends I felt my ribcage who knew! So of course I got up and looked in the mirror. I was wearing a tee and panties I know the visual is killing you at the moment but wait it gets worse....if you are eating either 1 put it down or 2 close this blog and come back later. I saw cottage cheese in places I never saw before. I saw my inner thighs where beginning to cave in so the top of my leg the fat is being let out and the skin is going south. So basically at the end of this journey I will be as they say Tore Up from the Floor Up! I of course had to point this out to my husband as he was leaving for work....Wait honey look at this I have dimples, cottage cheese, cellulite whatever you want to call it on my legs where I never knew they were before. Did I have these last year when I was in a bathing suit (of course I wore a skirt LOL) and if so why did you let me go out in a swimsuit I asked him. He knew this conversation was going no where so he turned to go do something and I said no wait you have to see this....I proceeded to life the deflated skin from my inner thighs and said do you see this...I am going to be gross.

3. I am looking for plastic surgeons this week. It is a given and he is on board with it. I have nursed 4 kids the boobs are about to hit my belly button ewwwwwww. My thighs and stomach are going to need some serious lifting and I will be getting lipo on my arms if they don't get any better. My arms oh my arms my beautiful 4 year old daughter was kissing on the jiggles as she calls them....yea good times NOT!

4. When looking back at old posts and notes from my new "blogging buddies" I have learned I am a stronger woman than I thought I was. You have all inspired me to go for my goals and that I can do it. I want to say Thank You Thank You Thank You! You have no idea how your blogs and notes to me keep me going and inspire me.

So ladies and gents if any guys are reading this cause I don't want to leave you out of course I am learning to love the new body emerging from this plumped up obese woman. I am also scared of the prospect of plastic surgery but excited at the thought of a new me...the skinny under the fat me. Many people have said it won't look bad under clothes....honey I didn't bust my ass to keep this body covered up...I won't be a hoochie momma either but I would like to wear a nice bathing suit and feel comfortable and in all honesty it is for me to feel better about myself no one else has to see it besides my husband and me but I will feel better. Plus I consider it a huge motivating factor for keeping it off cause my husband would kill me if I gained it back after all the money spent on the surgeries!

Be on the lookout for my I Love Me post instead of things I hate about myself....may you all have I love me moments today and always.

I really am skinny under my wait and see!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Oprah Show on kids and obesity

Ok Oprah has changed her style of her show so much over the years but maybe it is that I am older but I watch some of her shows and they are deep and touch me.
But I watched a show on Obesity and our future generation the other day that had me in tears after about 10 minutes.

I was a big teenager, kid, and adult for sometime....I am getting to the Skinny Under My Fat. But she had a exercise where the kids stood before mom or dad and told them I hate...and they screamed off things they hated.
One beautiful girl who I wanted to just email Oprah and say give me her name number I want to call her and meet her and give her a huge hug and tell her it will be ok.
She screamed to her mom I hate that you are my best friend, my only friend. I hate that I don't have a father, I hate that you think you did this (as she waved her hands up and down her body) to me.
A boy screamed I hate that you and dad got a divorce, I hate that he remarried someone, I hate that I put a knife to my neck to kill myself.

It got me to thinking about my life until this point. It seemed theraputic so here goes my I hate...
I hate
  • That I weighed 130 lbs in the 3rd grade
  • That my thighs and ass are so big that my thighs rub together
  • When looking in the mirror I can see the skinny person in me but no one else can
  • my prom dress that was made because I couldn't find one in my size that was cute and not grandma looking
  • Settling for boys that were no good
  • Staying in volatile relationships because I thought I couldn't do better
  • That I ever passed 300 lbs
  • That I feel that my children have picked up my bad habits of eating the wrong foods
  • When my little girl watches what I eat and refuses to eat something saying it will make her fat too so she doesn't want to eat it
  • Not feeling comfortable in my own skin
  • Not being able to run around the block with my kids
  • Giving up on activities I used to love skiing, swimming and really enjoying it not worrying people were watching the beached whale get back in the water
  • Not feeling sexy anymore no matter how much my husband tells me how much he loves me
  • That my arms and thighs can literally clap as if they were my hands ughh

Tomorrow is my weigh in wish me luck!

Monday, January 26, 2009

I LOVE my Drs. Scale

So this is the scale that had me at 313 when I gave birth July 12 of 2008 and today I weighed 253 on that scale. That is down 60 lbs! My husband said you need to go by that scale not WW for your weight to see the real amount and I was just over the moon! DOWN 60 LBS!!!! in 6 months 2 weeks 1 day....OMG

I was in the gym today and I was watching my legs as I was pedaling on the bike in the mirror and they are really getting smaller....they are still huge but smaller than they were. My poor husband I came home and kept asking him are they smaller? Where do you notice me smaller? What has changed on me? Do you think I can get to 120 lbs. Poor guy was dodging questions all night.

I stayed on point today. I worked out for a hour and some and I feel proud!
I am skinny under my fat!

Sunday, January 25, 2009


No not me silly my pantry. So I have this insane need to plan and schedule everything. I am a planner....tracking should be so easy for me. Well I was watching the news and saw a woman who feeds her family of 4 on 60.00 a week so I said let's try her coupon hints. I have tons of WW coupons from the meetings and I went to Harris Teeter it is buy 1 get one free.
I spent 19.72 on the following
2 boxes of blueberry muffins from WW
1 twinkie like thing from WW
1 chocolate cake WW
1 iced latte ice pop from WW
10 WW yogurts
The cakes, muffins were buy 1 get one free I had a 1.00 off coupon. The yogurt I had 2 buy 1 get one free and it was on sale for 10 for 7.00 and I also had a 3rd coupon of 55 cents off and they double coupons so I got 1.10 off plus buy 1 get one free 2x.
I got at Kroger 14 WW/Lean Cuisine meals and sugar free caramel pudding and cool whip for 1 point I have a treat it is so good I had one when I got home. 2 1/2 hours of shopping I earned it.
I also got a new fiber 1 bar mocha chocolate I hope it tastes good. I heard good things about it.
So I have this week planned out of course. I hope be lose 4-5 lbs this week with the new gym and all my foods set.
I really want to get down to 248 so I can get my 50 lb charm from WW and be down 65 personally since July 12.
I am skinny under my fat!

Saturday, January 24, 2009


Ok Starbucks I drove thru and said to my self I love the caramel frappachinno so let me get a small one. I was thrilled to see they offer light I say ok Michelle you are on a diet get a light not thinking what that meant. I failed to mention my favorite part is the whipped cream with the caramel drizzled all over it. Not the coffee itself heck I don't really like coffee all that much Hot never iced ok frozen you got me! The nice young man hands me my drink after taking my money and I see a small cup with frozen coffee no whipped cream, no caramel....STOP THE INSANITY MAN STOP IT give me my whipped cream make it swirl out of the little hole on the top so I can lick it off....give me my caramel dripping down off the cup so I just have to lick my fingers. I mumble under my breath no whipped cream damn it and my 8 year old says what mom? I said nothing....mommy is just on a diet and I can't have whipped cream or messy caramel on my drinks anymore. I was feeling sad, proud that I didn't say to that nice young man screw it throw some whipped cream on this and caramel and why you are at it make it a Venti (large) and tell me the total. I drove home drinking it slowly (it took me 6 minutes to inhale it) yes I did actually time it and I went to and thinking I was drinking a 8 point drink found out it was a 3 point drink and I smiled.
Smiled for the loaded ones I drank before....smiled that after inhaling it I didn't really miss the whipped cream that much....and smiled most of all that my daughter heard my disappointment in no whipped cream or caramel but still saw me enjoy that drink and know that sometimes you don't need the whole shabang.
Oh and will I be gong back for a $3.72 drink that is 3 points anytime soon...ummm NO! I could have had a whole wheat english muffin and my smart ease spread and still had a point.....a whole hell of a lot filling than that drink!

Goodbye Starbucks I really don't think I will be missing you! Light or not you just are not worth it!
I am skinny under my fat and your products are not keeping my wallet fat, but my waist only so good bye....

Joining a Real Gym YIPPEE

OK so I was coming out of my weekly Chick Fil A playdate where I ate a 6 point grilled chicken and 6 point french fries and on my door of my car when I walked out was a Gym membership offer.
199 for 1 year
289 for 2 years....I am taking this option it is less than 13.00 a month. I currently pay 10.00 a month for a rec center gym and it is only open 8-9 no daycare, no Sundays open and Saturday 8-5 so I can't go on Sat or Sun cause my hubby works on Sat until around 530.
With this I can have my nights back with my family and go during the day while the kids are in friends might join so the kids can have a playdate in the playarea and play while the moms work out.
I think this next step is needed. My current gym has 4 treadmills, 2 ellipticals, 2 bikes, 1 stairstepper and 1 weight machine thing that does tons of things.
This new gym is a statewide gym it has everything and is big and open all days of the week and hours that will work great for me and childcare if FREE!

Be scared Team Lynn be very scared LOL My weight will be coming off even quicker!
They are only doing the sign ups on Mon/Tues at the gym so I will be going in and signing up bright and early on Monday!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Down.....if you call it that

I lost .2 for the entire week OMG are you serious?
But hey it is down right....down .2 from where I was the week before.
I even ate dinner before going to WW tonight which I normally go in the am and don't eat and I just couldn't resist last nights meal.
I got this tortellini roasted red peppers and chicken dish at Trader Joes my daughter wanted it so bad so I gave in. Well me and her ate it everyone else ate plain chicken, rice, and green beans. I knew I had lots of points left so I ate them.
I have decided I am affected by the scale but the scale is part of the journey. I fit into clothes that would have never gotten up my fat legs before. I feel better walking up the stairs. I can stay on the elliptical for freaking 35 minutes or longer....I am so doing this....might be longer than I expected but I am SKINNY UNDER MY FAT!

I have decided to start going at night to weight watchers. I go with 3 other friends we each have kids with us and it is so hectic in the meeting we are chasing kids, cleaning up after spills, dealing with my crying baby so we are going at night. We all have been having not so great weeks lately and we feel we need the meetings. So we are going no kids at night!

Tomorrow night we are going out to the Outback....ummmm what the heck was I thinking! Cheesecake with caramel and Alice Springs Chicken smothered in bacon and cheeeeeeeeeese. If you asked me about heaven on earth I would tell you the above mentioned food. No lie seriously I live for Outback days. I haven't had one in about 6 months. I had it after Jalen was born but not again. I need to get about 15 extra activity points for tomorrow is that even possible? I will be using my weekly 35 points tomorrow in 1 day I am sure. I might live on 1 cup of ceral and 1 fiber 1 bar so I have 25 daily points, 35 weekly points, and than at least 5 activity points so 65 points for dinner OMG that just sounds disgusting! I need to re-evaluate this food plan!

I am going to take a picture of what I eat tomorrow like a fellow blogger does so you can see what I ate.....I gotta live right! It is a celebration not a celebrate week long it is one day I will track the points! I will also lose this week more than I have lately I am going to bust my butt working out and tracking all week and eating the right foods!

Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend everyone!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Snow days-Friends/Blogs

The kids have been off since Saturday. First we had MLK day than the last 2 days snow days. My kids are my weakness they eat I want to eat. I have been eating bad the last 5 days. ughhh
I even ate 14 points of pasta last night! But I stayed within my points range for the day but after I ate it I was so tired I went to sleep on the couch for a bit....that is what my life was like eating to much for dinner going to bed early....that is NOT the new me.

I have been on point today but eating the right foods. I am trying right.
My kids want to go play in the snow but I don't want to let them because the clean up sucks! I hate the snow all over the floor when they come in, I hate how they are saying they are not really cold but they are shivering. I hate that I don't let them love the snow I did growing up in NJ when we got snow all the time. But here I go in a few minutes putting those snow suits back on again and letting them run around in the snow.

Do you let your family/Friends see your blog? I come here post my weight, personal issues and I know people in my inner circle are aware of my blog but I never told them the site. I guess I just need a part of me to be private just me and my thoughts....and you all of course reading it my blogging buddies LOL. I guess I have always said to myself when I get to 199 I will let people read my blog that I know so they can see the struggle that I overcame. They can see everything I went thru.

I am off to let my little ones run around in the snow! Wish me luck that the house doesn't get to wrecked!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Will I ever be a new me?

So I am changing. My body is slowly shrinking to the person I hope it was meant to be. Do you ever wonder what it is really suppose to be like? Sometimes when you see a big person bu they look good...or when you see someone who has lost a lot of weight and they look awful. I look in the mirrow at my face and marvel at how it has changed from that image of me the day I took my before picture. Yesterday I was staring at my neck and how it no longer has a double chin blocking it. Do you see some before and after pictures and the person doesn't look the same? Will I recognize the Michelle looking back at me?

I honestly hope that I am skinny under my fat but I have been fat all my life. Maybe I am suppose to be this way. All I know is I want to know what it feels like to be skinny for once in my life...hopefully it is the way I was meant to be and I will keep it all off!

I joined the BLBE Challenge, I also joined a summer weight loss challenge group....I enjoy a challenge. I just hope that with all this work I will be able to get it off and be happy with the new me.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Rambling post

Congrats to Losing Shari for being the biggest loser on Team Angie!
Team Angie Rocks though cause we are the biggest losers vs. Team Lynn LOL

This has me even more motivated to get my ass in gear and drop 5 lbs this week...if I can do it I will be so happy. I am so stressed, sad, feeling quite blah about something. When I started WW in July when I gave birth to Jalen I said I wanted to be 199 by the time Disney came. I would have to lose 114 lbs in 8 months. Well I am not going to make it. I know I am not. We go in April on the 5th and I think I will be in the 220's. Still that is way better than 313 but I really wanted to be 199 and be in a size 14. I might make the size 14 cause my sizing is so off from where I thought it would be. I am a good 60 lbs heavier than I was in high school but I am in the same size. I was told it is vanity sizing and they made the sizes bigger so you wouldn't feel so large....well it is totally screwing me up! I wanted to be at 180 and be in a size 18 me at the 250's in a size 18 is messing with my head. I am thinking ok if I get to a size 14 and I am above 200 that might be ok cause I will be in a regular size not a plus size....but I need to get to the 130's where god only knows what size I will be wearing LOL

I went to a new store today I have never been to....Trader Joes and man was it expensive. I couldn't believe how much a loaf of bread was when I could go to Kroger and get a loaf for 1.00 but this place charged 2.99 to 3.69 for a loaf of bread. I suppose the food is healthier but I am not paying that much for sandwich bread for the kids sorry...they make me cut off most of it when I take off the crust anyway.

This week I have found myself very scared of the idea of getting skinny. Does that make sense? How the hell will I be able to maintain...eating dinner my daughter said to my other daughter who were eating pizza and cheese was stringing from her mouth to the pizza your pizza looks even cheesier than mommy's lasagna. I thought wow I won't be able to have my lasagna matter how I make it lighter it won't taste the same....I guess I am mourning the loss of my favorite foods...I know I should make new favorite food friends but really these foods have been my friend for 34 can I turn my back on them.

It is funny how WW says you can still eat what you want but if I did that I would have the 160 points in a day a guy told us he ate on Christmas.
When I get to goal I think I will be at the 20 points range what am I going to do with 20 points LOL.

So on a sad note I gave birth on July 12 to my only son Jalen. He is the best little boy and I breastfeed him. Ok no slapping me here ok but I have not been eating all my 10 points actually I have not eaten any of them. I felt I was so large that I could do without them. He eats every 4 hours still gets up at night even though he is 6 months to eat and I feed him no problem. I thought he was getting bigger but seems he hasn't from 4 months to 6 months at the appt this week he has not gained a ounce. The Dr said maybe my milk has dried up since I lost so much weight. So he said do you pump? I said no I only breastfeed no need to pump since he refused the bottle. Well he has been forced to take a bottle of formula at that because when I pumped I got 3 oz. He needed more than that. So I wait until my breasts are really full and feed him what I have and we give him 6 oz of formula at feedings and 3 jars of food a day for breakfast, lunch, dinner and hopefully when we go back in a month for a weight check he will be getting bigger. He was in the 3rd percentile when before he was in the 25th. He was born 4 weeks early and a small baby to begin with but this is just insane. So my son is being weaned from me way to early but I know that I have to do what is best for him. My mom and friend both told me that I am doing to good to stop and I need to keep doing what I am doing and let him have the formula it won't hurt him. I know that too but the bottle thing is killing me how he refuses it one feeding the next he takes to it fine. I guess he has to learn how to take the bottle.
I breastfed my 1st 6 weeks gave up cause it hurt learned with my 2nd if it hurts you aren't doing it right.
My 2nd we breastfed until her 1st bday that day we stopped and had her last feeding. I still remember taking her to her nursery and having one last feeding with her.
My 3rd oh god this was way overdue but we nursed for 2 1/2 years yes you read that right and it was not my choice she would freak if she didn't have my boob. I have to say I look at kids who are even 18 months and think wow I breastfed a baby that old and I am shocked. Not that I am against it but I am just surprised my milk lasted that long and that we made it that long.
Jalen well looks like he is going to be lucky to get 7 months of breastfeeding.

Lordy this post was all over....I just have lots on my mind as you can see.
I have been on point today didn't work out took a day of rest if running to 4 different stores food shopping is a day of rest LOL oh but I did pick up the 2 gallons of milk and thought wow I used to carry around this weight on my I will never let that happen again!
Good night!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Mya WON!!!!

We are thrilled to announce the following:
Mya won
1st Place for the balance beam
4th Place for the Uneven Bars
5th Place for the Vault
4th Place OVERALL out of 36 girls in her age group!

Her floor routine had some steps in it if she would have had her deducted 1.2 pts she would have won the overall in 1st place her coach told us. It seems that the routine they were taught they had them stepping between jumps and they are not allowed so the judges took off for that....but that is ok with us it is a great learning lesson for her. She got 3 ribbons and 1 gold medal. She is so excited and we are so proud of her. She wasn't nervous and she did it all great. I have included the video of her 1st place balance beam routine!

I am staying on point today and when we got home I went to the gym. I worked out on the eliptical for 25 minutes burned 250 calories, did the bike for 4 miles burned 125 calories and walked a mile and that burned 200 more calories so 575 calories total I burned today. Oh and last night I was laying in bed and my husband who is so unsure what to say to me about my weight loss turned and said to me as he got up to get a drink OMG you are so small....I said what? and he said no really I see a huge change all of a sudden in your stomach it is getting small. I said thanks....and after he left I of course stared at my stomach HAHA. While working out in the gym I used to look in disgust at my legs reflection back at me today I noticed my ankles are small and that my legs while still big are getting smaller and they aren't so bad to look at.

I must say that this summer I look forward to being able to wear shorts and a tee shirt and them not being Avenue or Lane Bryants drawstring cotton or elastic waist shorts!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Mya's 1st Gymnastics Competition

Tomorrow is my 6 year old daughter Mya's 1st Gymnastics Competition. I am a nervous wreck. I can be totally honest here...yea it is my dream that she wins every gold medal in the house and that she wins the all around. I want her to come home with medal after medal after medal. Will that happen....I don't know. But in the end all I can do is wish that she does HER best. I am a nervous wreck she is so calm. I woke her this morning and said do you know what tomorrow is? She said yea Saturday....I said no silly she said what do we have to clean our rooms? I said no it is your competition she said oh yea my competition. I was doing her hair this evening before she went to bed and said are you nervous? She said no why should I be?

So if you could and if you pray please send a prayer that all the little ones stay safe and healthy....and that my Mya does HER best and that she most of all HAS FUN!

I have stayed on point today and actually was full and didn't want to eat anymore at lunch that was a first LOL.

Can't wait to see the WI results this week I am sure Team Angie is kicking butt!



Thursday, January 15, 2009

Down but not where I want to be...

OK I went to WI today and I was down to 257.4....didn't lose much 6 oz. but I am so mad because this week I worked out like a mad woman. Let me tell you I had 1 bad day but I stayed within my 35 weekly points other than that I did my usual and added even more workout time. I have to admit working out with a friend isn't so bad LOL She is great at talking when I can talk or she can talk if we are warming up or cooling down. We have made friends in the gym and last night I did something I thought I wouldn't be able to do for a long time. I stayed on the elliptical for 35 minutes I left only because I had to get my daughter at gymnastics. But I went back and walked 2 miles on the treadmill. My legs are killing me. I have been working out in the gym every night tonight I didn't go because I went to a 2nd WW meeting tonight with my friend. I go during the day she goes at night and I wanted to support her for her 1st WI.

But seriously for all the work I did this week I expected another 4 lb weight loss. It is going to catch up with me next week everyone is telling me. I really wanted to get to my 50 lb weight charm in WW this month but I don't think that is going to happen. I need to lose another 10 lbs this month. I started at 313 on my own and joined WW at 298 so I am down 56 pounds so far on my own 41 with WW.

I really want to be at the end of the BLBE Challenge down at least 40 lbs. It was a wish of mine when we go to Disney in April to be 199 but that isn't going to happen at this rate so I just look forward to seeing the pics of me this year so much smaller than last year and hopeful for 2010 when I go and I am at my goal weight :-)

I hope everyone had a great week and that Angie's Team Kicks Butt!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Not feeling so great today

Ok so yesterday Erik went to a friends to help him hook up his Wii and I stayed home he asked me to finish cleaning....I didn't and I came online of other addiction is the net LOL. So anyway about 3 hours later his friend calls and says we are on our way! I said NO my house is a wreck I have not showered give me a hour. Me and the kids ran around cleaning it must have been commical. Well they brought Chinese food I don't eat Chinese so I was good. But Erik he brought home 3 pizzas, a cake, cupcakes, 2 gallons of ice cream, 4 bottles of soda, 3 bags of chips and 1 of pretzels. OMG are you kidding me....mind you all of us are doing WW but one other couple. In all we had 3 families here 12 of us total. I ate 2 slices of pizza had a cupcake and a little bit of ice cream and a sliver of cake...oh and chips and pretzels but stuck to my crystal light and had 1 cup of diet dr. pepper.

I just felt like crap eating that but seriously the points were less than 35 so I ate my 35 points for the week but I got worried. What do I do when I get to my goal can I not eat a slice of cake or have a cupcake and not feel bad. Do you ever see skinny people pigging out on food and say why can't I do that and not get fat? I asked a friend in my DD's dance class how she stays so skinny she is always talking about pastries bakeries pizza places food in general. I said honestly what do you do take a bite and move on? She said no. I asked how do you stay skinny you said you hate to work out she said well actually I have a throid condition I can't gain weight....I so want that condition I told her. She said no not actually I go for a yearly check to see if it is cancer it isn't fun. I guess this is a life long battle that will not be won when I get to goal....I am just sad because I am losing a great never lets me down....I am lucky that we are blessed enough to have more than I need of it....and even when my day feels like crap something sweet will make me feel better for a moment. Food is no longer my is a distant long lost love that I will only use to keep me going for fuel not what my life revolves around.

Go Team Angie....we are going to kick ass!

Saturday, January 10, 2009


My friend called and told me she was going by the local gym and she saw a guy with that arm thing they wear on the show. She knew they weren't widely used so she stopped and slowed down he had his back to her. She said he was on the phone he turned around and she recognized him right away. So she went to talk to him. She called me after she got in the car...I was out in the area so I ran over...we live in the same town all of us and it is a small town very small. So I asked him about how fast they start out on the treadmill he said that they only let him go 1.8MPH at first and each person is different. He asked what I was doing since I told him I was so proud of him and I was struggling with weight issues too. He was so nice he said well you know what you are doing when I told him my workout routine and how much I lost. He was very very sweet. It makes me want to just have him over cook him only healthy food and get him well. I cried so hard for him when I saw him on tv and his friend because they are so young. He couldn't tell me anything about results LOL but he did say Jillian and Bob are really rough! People at the gym were walking in saying hi and he is working out all day at the gym I think and this was his break. Here is a pic I didn't ask how much he lost so far I wish I would have.
I did tell him about us here doing the challenge maybe he will find us! Of course I told him I would win HEHE!

Team Angie! Biggest Loser

So I have been assigned to Team Angie! GO TEAM ANGIE!!! We are going to be the bunch of biggest losers anyone has ever met ;-)

I sent out a picture to some friends today and they were shocked at how much I have lost. It felt good for them to see me and notice the change. People don't really notice yet it is just my close friends who see me all the time and know what I am doing that say something. I have had a few people say things that don't know me well but I want the teachers in my kids school to say something or a neighbor LOL.

Yet again another day on point. I have really gotten it down where I know what my points are and plan the day and I check off what I eat...I had to admit I even had a hershey special dark chocolate bar yesterday with my kids. The 3 of us split it and it was so good and only 3 points!
I am very excited about this weight loss. I feel that this time it is really going to work. I want to be the biggest loser. I hope at the end of this that I will be comfortable enough in my skin to say to my friends I am xxx amount of weight. My friend waited until she was 199 to tell us not that it has to be known but I agree with the diet tribe it is freeing to say it. I tell my mom and I love saying it 313 to 258 not to shabby right. She just laughs at me and says it is wonderful!

I am shopping and NewYork and Co LOL never thought I would do that but it is the 5.99 sale and I am purchasing things for this summer that I can wear. I figure if I am a XL top at the moment if I buy large I will be good to go for summer. Worst case it will be big best case it will be just right....IT WON'T BE TO SMALL cause I am finding the skinny under my fat!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Pictures at 258lbs

Me in a XL sweater from the ladies side and size 18 jeans. Taken 7-8-09 at 258 lbs!


Ok here are my measurements for today.... I have no idea where I was measuring at before so I made notes of locations LOL so I can be more accurate.

Jan 8, 2008

Calf 18 inches taken 2 inches down from knee
Arm 14 inches 1 inch above elbow
Waist 49 inches taken at belly button
Bust 39.25 inches taken at bottom of bra line idea where I was measuring that so I am not doing that is just big LOL

Measurements: Sept 22, 2008
Calf 20 inches
Arm 14 inches
Thigh 30 inches
Waist 59 inches
Bust 48 inches

Measurements: October 25, 2008
Calf 18.5 inches -1.5
Arm 12.5 inches -1.5
Thigh 26 inches -4
Waist 55 inches -4
Bust 43 inches -5

Measurements: November 24, 2008
Calf: 18.5 inches stayed the same but looks different I am building some muscle!
Arm: 12 inches -.5 total down 2 inches
Thigh: 22 inches -4 inches down 8 inches total
Waist: 52 inches -2 grand total down 6 inches
Bust: 39.5 inches -3.5 inches total down 7.5 inches
DOWN 25 INCHES TOTAL since September 22

4 lbs GONE!!! HELLO 250's!!!!

I did it I lost 4 lbs this past week. I was asked how I did it at my meeting and I did it by tracking everything that went into my mouth, I worked my butt off in the gym, and I ate my points. I don't use my work out points though and the leader said that is fine. My workout I gain 13 points I am in no way going to eat those!

Dani left me a message...THANK YOU to everyone who has left me said here's to writing a new ending....that is perfect I am writing a new my journey with my weight. I am saying goodbye to this weight and hello to the skinny Michelle under my fat. I was on the treadmill last night and I try to make my strides really long and move my arms (learned that from Jillian LOL the more you move the more you are working out) so my feet kept coming close to hitting the front platform thing on the treadmill. So I upped the speed to 3.9 and it was hard I wanted to walk for a bit at a fast pace and all the while I was stomping away saying in my head I will look hot in a bathing suit! I will look hot in a bathing suit!

It might not be this year but maybe the following summer I will be comfortable in a swimsuit. My husband is so proud of me....he did say to me see I told you that you can lose 20 lbs this month just do what you have been doing...he is my biggest fan along with my mom of course.

So hello 250's I weighed in at 258 I love saying I was 313 lbs and I weight 258 in just 6 months. Mind you I only say it to my husband and mother I don't dare let anyone know I weigh 258 lbs except my "blogging buddies" here. I hope the 250's don't stay around much long they have 2 weeks and than I want them GONE! My goal is to make my 50 lb mark in WW this month that is only 10 more pounds I know I can do it. I will over once I achieve that be down 65 lbs. Hopefully down another size into 16's too!

I am going to take some pics this afternoon and also update my measurements!
Not only am I skinny under my fat.....I will be the biggest loser! HAHA
Game On friends Game On!!!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Diet Shows=Tears for me

As I anticipated this weeks season premier of Biggest Loser and Diet Tribe I watch them and just the first few minutes I am in tears. I want to be skinny so bad. I am so sad I didn't do this years ago. I imagine the years that I lost the fun times I missed out on. Shopping for a amazing prom dress, my wedding gown should have been the most beautiful dress I ever wore, I should have had more boyfriends that I was happier with rather than settling for the bad ones I selected. I can sit here and feel sorry for myself as I type this with tears in my eyes BUT I have the control no one else does it is all ME! If I fail at this it is me. I never want to fail at anything I have to do this. How did I get to over 300 lbs how did I ever let that happen? What person wants to live that way? Why why why
I am going to make this change. All my life I joked I was skinny under all this fat....honestly I know that I am skinny I know that a skinny person is in me trying to get out....I need to get my mind right about this. I worked out last night and will again every day this week that is what I have to do daily.
I am feeling a bit sad but hopeful did I ever let this happen to myself?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Gym Update and I think I lost 2 lbs so far

Ok so I went to the gym we took seperate cars cause she had to run to walmart afterwards. I did the elliptical part of my workout before she arrived that is the hardest thing for me so I was glad I got that done.
We were not really able to talk cause she was 3 machines away from me on the treadmill and we had a lady between us who we all ended up talking with she was really nice. So I told them flat out I am going to start running and won't be able to talk much. They said ok and were cheering me on when I was running. So I did the treadmill for 2 miles I would walk for .5 at 3.8MPH and than I would run at 5.5 MPH for .5 so I did a mile running and a mile walking if you add it all up. Than I went to the bike and did 4 miles on the bike and decided it was time to daughter was at home waiting for me to get home for her birthday cake.
I got on the scale and I was down 2 lbs from the last time I checked at the gym. So I am hoping I can get down 3-4 lbs total. I need at least 1 more pound so I can get out of the 260's and get into the 250's!!!
Wish me luck!!

Working out with a friend in the gym

Ok so my friend joined my gym last night and it was nice to have someone to talk to but I got home and was talking to Erik and I said yea nice conversation I was sweating but I didn't get a full work out. I can't chat and go at a lesiurely pace so tonight I will get back to my running, riding for more than 2 miles and getting on the elliptical for my 3 times during the night. I never really wanted to tell my friends this isn't a good time to chat or I don't have a few minutes to do this or that for you I was a people pleaser.
I am very excited to have her with me because honestly sometimes when I go and I am alone in the gym I worried if I passed out heaven forbid had a heart attack...she is a nurse LOL she can help and call for help. So tonight I will be kicking it up a LOT!
I want to be down 5 lbs this week....Erik told me I should be able to lose 20 lbs this month the way I planned on working out and following WW plan.
This is just me Michelle trying to find the skinny under my fat!

Monday, January 5, 2009


So I have a journal that I keep saying I am going to use to make a back in the day journal not a blog so my kids can have it to keep and see my handwriting when I am long gone. But anyway I took out that journal and use it to do my points for WW...LOL those trackers they give are a joke for me. So for the last 3 days I have been OP! Yep 3 days in a row. I am so excited because I haven't been OP for more than a day in a row honestly I either ate to little or to much. Usually to little but I think that was making my body shut down these last 2 months. So I have decided to eat my points. I write out my meals for the day and leave 5 extra points to use in case I need a snack attack. I put a check next to it when I eat it. I have 32 points so I get quite a bit but tonight is Zoe's birthday party she is 4....I need to figure out how many points a cupcake and little bit of ice cream are because that will be my extra 35 pts that I will use for that.

I am so excited to be on this journey and the Biggest Loser Competition has really got me motivated all over again!

I really am skinny under my fat....slowly inch by inch the same Michelle just skinnier is coming out!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Biggest Loser

Erik and me at midnight on New Years Eve me in my XL sweater from the regular sizes side of the store!!!

I was looking at blogs today and found a biggest loser Blog Competition...I am one who loves a good competition so I joined! I want to be the Biggest Loser!!!! I love reading other people on this same journey with me and see how great they have done. Makes me realize that I too can do it and that it may not take me 5+ years but it might and if it does that is ok.

So I was standing in the kitchen while the kids ate I was finishing loading the dishwasher my daughter said stop sucking in your stomach I want to see what you look like....I said I AM NOT STICKING IT IN. My husband turned and looked and he said really? I said no I am just standing up straight. He said wow you look really good and the kids were screaming to me you look beautiful mommy! I actually was a hot mess! I had tried on a corduroy skirt that I bought last year in avenue size 22 and found it today in my closet. It was to small than and it is to big today. But I kept it on and had a colorful top that didn't match but I was so happy that skirt was so big. Here is a picture of my kids from this Christmas....I am skinny under my fat....may my children slowly forget the fat mom they had for way to long and come to know and love the new fun mom who found the skinny under her fat!

This Month I want

I really want to get my 50 lb charm at WW that would put me down 65 total. I think that I can do it. I am going to the gym M-F and doing the dvd at home and walking the walking trail during the weekends....the gym hours don't work for me during the weekend with my kids. They don't have daycare and they close at 5 on Sat and Erik is working and Sunday they are closed...but hey what can you expect for 10.00 a month.

These charms are huge motivators for me....even though my charms seem to fall off all the time but thankfully I have found them all but my 16 week clapping hands charm I lost.

Plus if I get down 65 pounds people really better be able to notice!
So if I lose 14 more lbs I will get my 50 lb charm
If I lose 19 more lbs this month I will reach my 2nd 10% goal this month!

October-November were such let downs for me. I can't let it happen. I deserve this I deserve more for my life than this fat on my bones cause I really am Skinny Under My Fat.

Friday, January 2, 2009

8+ miles

Ok so today I did really good I stayed on point for the day....actually didn't eat all my points I was short 5 but I can deal with it....I wasn't hungry so I was not going to eat.

I went to the gym and did the following
5 min on the elliptical
3 miles on the bike
5 min on the elliptical again
3 miles on the bike
1.8 miles on the treadmill

I liked alternating what I did so I wouldn't get bored but also the elliptical kicks my butt so I had to break it up.
I weighed myself on the gym scale which is always higher than WW it said 264 and some ounces so I am going to go by that to tell if I lost weight all week.
I worked out for almost 2 hours so I plan on keeping this up for the week and seeing how I do.
Erik thinks I should lose 20 lbs a month over the next 2-3 months with this work out routine and watching what I eat so hopefully he is right!

I will measure myself tomorrow and update my stats! I hope that went down.
I lost .6 at WW this week hey it is going down at least right!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Jan 1, 2009-Yes one of "those" posts

Ok so the New Year has come and I thought yesterday in our meeting for WW where I lost .6 oz LOL...hey it is going down not up right...that is was Erik told me. Anyway I made a decision for myself. I am not going to eat the wrong foods I deserve more than that. I deserve to be here with my kids healthy not obese! I deserve to fit into the skinny clothes and not have to shop in fat shops. I deserve to have people look at me and think I am beautiful. I deserve to feel comfortable in a swimsuit and not covered up in a tee shirt. I deserve to have my legs crossed and not feel uncomfortable or look awful doing it.

I started thinking about this past week alone I would walk thru the kitchen and I would stop to get something to eat....why did I have to do that? I was bored, it was the holidays and I just wanted to eat. I don't need to I just wanted to. But my wants have to be knocked down a peg and I need to put my Needs FIRST! I need to be healthy, I need to make wise food choices, I need to put my health FIRST!

My husband and I got out a cookbook this morning and decided we will try new things this year and we will try new meals. I will lose the weight this year. I will make it to goal this year. I WILL FIND THE SKINNY UNDER MY FAT!