Drum Roll Please.....
I am down to 255.4 lbs when I didn't have the loss I wanted last week I said to myself ok I just want to hit 255 by the end of January. I did it....I want to get my 50 lb charm from WW in the 1st 2 weeks in February so I have 7 more lbs to lose. The old Michelle would have said I want to lose 7 lbs this week....I have learned that is a unrealistic goal and not to set myself up for failure.
I have also learned something else from this blog....who knew it would teach me something about myself. I have learned that I am more dedicated to this journey than I thought I was. I am seeing the changes in me and some I don't like (more on that later) and some that I Love. So this post has a few things in it
1. if you saw my previous post I wrote down things I hated well after talking with my husband this morning I saw a look on his face and realized he is upset that I wrote things I hate about myself. My husband is a man of few words how on earth did her marry this chatty lady? LOL But the look said it all he looked sad that I sat down and thought of things that I hate.....and ya know what he is right. So today I am going to work on my list of things I LOVE About myself.
2. Ok the things I don't like about me. So I was laying in bed this morning and I looked at my stomach...well looked for it and it didn't stick up above my breasts anymore. I felt around for it....I found it hanging South of the Border. Seems my stomach has deflated and yes my friends I felt my ribcage who knew! So of course I got up and looked in the mirror. I was wearing a tee and panties I know the visual is killing you at the moment but wait it gets worse....if you are eating either 1 put it down or 2 close this blog and come back later. I saw cottage cheese in places I never saw before. I saw my inner thighs where beginning to cave in so the top of my leg the fat is being let out and the skin is going south. So basically at the end of this journey I will be as they say Tore Up from the Floor Up! I of course had to point this out to my husband as he was leaving for work....Wait honey look at this I have dimples, cottage cheese, cellulite whatever you want to call it on my legs where I never knew they were before. Did I have these last year when I was in a bathing suit (of course I wore a skirt LOL) and if so why did you let me go out in a swimsuit I asked him. He knew this conversation was going no where so he turned to go do something and I said no wait you have to see this....I proceeded to life the deflated skin from my inner thighs and said do you see this...I am going to be gross.
3. I am looking for plastic surgeons this week. It is a given and he is on board with it. I have nursed 4 kids the boobs are about to hit my belly button ewwwwwww. My thighs and stomach are going to need some serious lifting and I will be getting lipo on my arms if they don't get any better. My arms oh my arms my beautiful 4 year old daughter was kissing on the jiggles as she calls them....yea good times NOT!
4. When looking back at old posts and notes from my new "blogging buddies" I have learned I am a stronger woman than I thought I was. You have all inspired me to go for my goals and that I can do it. I want to say Thank You Thank You Thank You! You have no idea how your blogs and notes to me keep me going and inspire me.
So ladies and gents if any guys are reading this cause I don't want to leave you out of course I am learning to love the new body emerging from this plumped up obese woman. I am also scared of the prospect of plastic surgery but excited at the thought of a new me...the skinny under the fat me. Many people have said it won't look bad under clothes....honey I didn't bust my ass to keep this body covered up...I won't be a hoochie momma either but I would like to wear a nice bathing suit and feel comfortable and in all honesty it is for me to feel better about myself no one else has to see it besides my husband and me but I will feel better. Plus I consider it a huge motivating factor for keeping it off cause my husband would kill me if I gained it back after all the money spent on the surgeries!
Be on the lookout for my I Love Me post instead of things I hate about myself....may you all have I love me moments today and always.
I really am skinny under my fat....you wait and see!
I'm Not Sure I Can Do This
1 day ago