Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I have been defeated.....

I haven't really posted much because who wants to admit defeat? Who wants to say yep I am a big old failure? But I am going to say it. I failed at this dieting thing for the last 3 months. No need to make up excuses. Mornings when I should have had my butt out of bed I decided it was to cold sleep in or do a work out at home. No where near the intensity I would do in the gym! Or eating things and saying day after day ok I will start tomorrow. I don't have time to say TOMORROW. I need to get going again before all this weight I got off finds it way back to me. I am at 260 back in my 18's and they are tight as can be but I got rid of the 20's and I refuse to buy more. So mushroom top it will be until I get some weight off!

I think back on why I did this and I try to place blame. My husband brings crap into the house, my mom was here and I ate all her comfort foods, I get a snack and think it is only one snack it won't kill me....well sadly it won't kill me the second I eat it but it is slowly killing me. Slowly taking minutes off my life. My family doesn't force the food in my mouth they don't hold a gun to my head I control what goes in my mouth....MYSELF it is me. I need to love myself enough to know it is ok to say no and that FOOD IS FUEL. I need to find new ways to treat myself. I don't need to eat a Chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cup to feel better about something I did.

As I try to find the skinny under my fat I am going to admit this will be a longer road than I expected. But slowly and most definetly SURELY I WILL FIND THE SKINNY UNDER MY FAT!

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