Rambling post

Congrats to Losing Shari for being the biggest loser on Team Angie!
Team Angie Rocks though cause we are the biggest losers vs. Team Lynn LOL

This has me even more motivated to get my ass in gear and drop 5 lbs this week...if I can do it I will be so happy. I am so stressed, sad, feeling quite blah about something. When I started WW in July when I gave birth to Jalen I said I wanted to be 199 by the time Disney came. I would have to lose 114 lbs in 8 months. Well I am not going to make it. I know I am not. We go in April on the 5th and I think I will be in the 220's. Still that is way better than 313 but I really wanted to be 199 and be in a size 14. I might make the size 14 cause my sizing is so off from where I thought it would be. I am a good 60 lbs heavier than I was in high school but I am in the same size. I was told it is vanity sizing and they made the sizes bigger so you wouldn't feel so large....well it is totally screwing me up! I wanted to be at 180 and be in a size 18 me at the 250's in a size 18 is messing with my head. I am thinking ok if I get to a size 14 and I am above 200 that might be ok cause I will be in a regular size not a plus size....but I need to get to the 130's where god only knows what size I will be wearing LOL

I went to a new store today I have never been to....Trader Joes and man was it expensive. I couldn't believe how much a loaf of bread was when I could go to Kroger and get a loaf for 1.00 but this place charged 2.99 to 3.69 for a loaf of bread. I suppose the food is healthier but I am not paying that much for sandwich bread for the kids sorry...they make me cut off most of it when I take off the crust anyway.

This week I have found myself very scared of the idea of getting skinny. Does that make sense? How the hell will I be able to maintain...eating dinner my daughter said to my other daughter who were eating pizza and cheese was stringing from her mouth to the pizza your pizza looks even cheesier than mommy's lasagna. I thought wow I won't be able to have my lasagna again...no matter how I make it lighter it won't taste the same....I guess I am mourning the loss of my favorite foods...I know I should make new favorite food friends but really these foods have been my friend for 34 years.....how can I turn my back on them.

It is funny how WW says you can still eat what you want but if I did that I would have the 160 points in a day a guy told us he ate on Christmas.
When I get to goal I think I will be at the 20 points range what am I going to do with 20 points LOL.

So on a sad note I gave birth on July 12 to my only son Jalen. He is the best little boy and I breastfeed him. Ok no slapping me here ok but I have not been eating all my 10 points actually I have not eaten any of them. I felt I was so large that I could do without them. He eats every 4 hours still gets up at night even though he is 6 months to eat and I feed him no problem. I thought he was getting bigger but seems he hasn't from 4 months to 6 months at the appt this week he has not gained a ounce. The Dr said maybe my milk has dried up since I lost so much weight. So he said do you pump? I said no I only breastfeed no need to pump since he refused the bottle. Well he has been forced to take a bottle of formula at that because when I pumped I got 3 oz. He needed more than that. So I wait until my breasts are really full and feed him what I have and we give him 6 oz of formula at feedings and 3 jars of food a day for breakfast, lunch, dinner and hopefully when we go back in a month for a weight check he will be getting bigger. He was in the 3rd percentile when before he was in the 25th. He was born 4 weeks early and a small baby to begin with but this is just insane. So my son is being weaned from me way to early but I know that I have to do what is best for him. My mom and friend both told me that I am doing to good to stop and I need to keep doing what I am doing and let him have the formula it won't hurt him. I know that too but the bottle thing is killing me how he refuses it one feeding the next he takes to it fine. I guess he has to learn how to take the bottle.
I breastfed my 1st 6 weeks gave up cause it hurt learned with my 2nd if it hurts you aren't doing it right.
My 2nd we breastfed until her 1st bday that day we stopped and had her last feeding. I still remember taking her to her nursery and having one last feeding with her.
My 3rd oh god this was way overdue but we nursed for 2 1/2 years yes you read that right and it was not my choice she would freak if she didn't have my boob. I have to say I look at kids who are even 18 months and think wow I breastfed a baby that old and I am shocked. Not that I am against it but I am just surprised my milk lasted that long and that we made it that long.
Jalen well looks like he is going to be lucky to get 7 months of breastfeeding.

Lordy this post was all over....I just have lots on my mind as you can see.
I have been on point today didn't work out took a day of rest if running to 4 different stores food shopping is a day of rest LOL oh but I did pick up the 2 gallons of milk and thought wow I used to carry around this weight on my body....how I will never let that happen again!
Good night!
XOXOX
M