Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Control and why do I have none?

I am not scared of the surgery (well yet once it is booked I am sure I will be) but I am scared of food in my house after surgery. Look my kids aren't on this diet, my husband should be on a diet but it is his choice and he chooses not to be. But how can I control myself from eating the bad things in the house before surgery? I know after surgery I have a fear of my pouch like I fear God. I know if I eat the wrong thing I will get very sick and I could need surgery to fix what I messed up or worse yet die. I don't think I will have issues after surgery. I would never want to test my pouch with say a carbonated drink. What if mine is the one that explodes? Nope not worth it. I wouldn't want to eat a solid to soon because what if I tear a suture line? So not worth with it and I wouldn't know for awhile right I believe I could bleed out at least that is my fear and it is enough to make me not try it.

So this is why I am so upset. On Sunday we went to BJ's and we love that store for all the wrong reasons. Big Blueberry Bakery muffins, best appetizers in the frozen section, and hello the packages are so much larger making me eat more and still have some left over for the family I don't really realize how much I consumed!

I got on myfitnesspal.com yesterday and started logging away.
1 Blue Berry Muffin at 5am when I got home from work 540 calories
1 Blue Berry Muffin after the kids left for school 540 calories
1 Reese's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream treat to scared to look at the calories
1 cup of mini pretzels 180 calories

I entered this into my fitness pal tracker and I was already over by 19 points on the sugar. I hadn't even had lunch yet! My calories left me with 220 for the day. So I threw in the towel made the tortellini we bought at BJ's that night and said tomorrow is a new day. Only thing is I have had a muffin, I had some cashews, and I had the tortellini for lunch. I am sure I am not over today but I just worry about the food in the house.

My kids eat pretty healthy for the most part. Portion control, protein, veggie and a starch at dinner. We don't really do desserts if we do it is sugar free ice pops or jello. But yes we bought the Reese's Cup ice cream dessert because it had a coupon and who doesn't love a PB Cup?????

I am going to clean out the pantry and fridge today. My husband told me to put the bad stuff at the top of the pantry out of sight out of mind....ummm I put the stuff away I will know it is up on the top self. But I am going to do it.

I have my EAS Shakes, Greek Yogurt, Chicken Breast and fruit all ready to go but keep skipping over it for other bad food choices. Lord please help me to get on track. I don't want to go back to my Dr and have another visit where I don't lose some serious weight.

Control I need to find it!!! Just as badly as I need to find the skinny under my fat!


MS. Bad Mama Jama said...

I wish you all the best with your weight loss decision.

Have you considered working with a dietitian for a month or two or three before you do surgery? A dietitian will help you figure what's best for you to eat - when - and how - keeping in mind your lifestyle. They won't give you a diet per say but a way of eating that you can use now and in the future. I can say enough about my experience working with one.

I also wonder if you would be open to some counseling before surgery. Again, I can't say enough about my experience about working with a therapist through some of my issues...

Michelle said...

Yes I do see a nutritionist and a dr. for weight loss it is required in my insurance plan. I have to go for 4 months. I also am looking for a therapist I met with one for my bariatric work up but he just didn't seem to be a good fit for me. Seemed like he was signing off on anything to get paid from the surgeon KWIM? But thank you for your kind words and yes I will find one that I feel right with. The NUT. and Dr. all both great love them both!